


The Soldier's Boy

by denna5



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Brainwashing, Dark, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, Kidnapping, M/M, Manipulation, Rape/Non-con Elements, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2018-03-20 00:41:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 105,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3630255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denna5/pseuds/denna5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hydra always has use for weapons and when they secure Clint Barton, they also secure the loyalty of their soldier.<br/>An au where Hydra takes Clint as a child and the soldier grows attached.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is an idea I have had for a while, even prompted at the kink meme but no one seemed interested but it wouldn't leave me alone so here it is. There will be tags added as needed and it is not completely mapped out yet and updates may be slow since I have a lot of other fics. Comments would be awesome and I think the world always needs more winterhawk so I hope people enjoy.

The night is a bit warm, the tent he currently sits in even more so due to the sheer amount of people in it, but the soldier makes no move to remove his jacket. He also keeps his left hand in his pocket and though he gets a few stares, for the most part he is ignored, everyone else so focused on their own lives, on their own entertainment that they pay no mind to the danger that is in their midst. It is just as well, this is retrieval mission and there are to be no casualties if it can be managed.

There is something almost familiar about this place, about the noise and the smells, the excitement in the air but the soldier has no idea why. He wonders if perhaps he has had a mission at a place like this before, one that wasn’t deemed important enough to keep but had not been erased completely. It does not matter, all that matters is that he completes his objective and so he sits on the hard bench and waits for the show to start, for his target to appear.

The show starts but his target is not in the first act. He waits, watches the performance with a detachment. There isn’t anything worth noticing in the early acts, nothing that affects the soldier’s mission. When the Amazing Hawkeye starts his performance, he sits up a little more, watches it with a close eye. This is the reason he is here and he drinks in every detail, makes notes in his head.

The soldier watches Hawkeye shoots his arrows and he can see the potential. It is all trick shots, things meant to wow an audience but there is skill here. Each shot taken makes its’ target, each shot is done with precision , precision that not many military snipers have. He moves in his act as well, a few flips and other things, he has good command of his movements, of his body. He is young still, from what the soldier has read he is fifth-teen, will turn sixteen in a few months , and whatever lack of technique he has now could easily be taught. There are a few minor slipups in his show, a few stumbles that he easily manages to play off to the crowd, but overall the performance is smooth and the crowd is impressed by how many targets he has made and how he shot them and he takes a bow before leaving, a smile on his face.

The soldier does not watch the rest of the show, instead he leaves the tent, makes his way around the circus grounds. He finds the smaller tents easily enough, the ones that house the performers and he keeps himself hidden near there, waits. If all goes well, he will complete the first part of the mission tonight.

He watches the tents and he sees Hawkeye, Clint Barton is the name in the file, approach one, bow still in his hands but there is a bit of stiffness in his movements now that the show is over. He almost looks like he is nursing some sort of hurt but there had been no sign of it during the show. The smile is no longer on his face and he looks tired, afraid almost. He pauses at the entrance to the tent, a bit of hesitance to him before he squares up his shoulders and goes in. The soldier moves closer, hears the murmur of voices coming from the tent and he pauses, keeps himself hidden for now. Barton isn’t alone and he is to take him with as little problems as possible, needs to wait till he is alone before going into the tent.

The voices increase in volume just a bit and the solider recognizes it for an argument. Barton’s voice sounds young but it is insistent when it says something about not taking another job. There is a threat spoken, muffled words and then the sound of a scuffle, of flesh hitting flesh. The soldier takes a step towards the tent without even realizing it, has to make himself stop. There had been an instinct when he heard the hit, an instinct to protect but that is not what he is here for. He is here to secure his target and he cannot step into that tent till he is certain Barton is alone, till he is certain he can take him without being seen.

A few minutes pass and the voices are quiet once again and there are no more sounds of a physical fight. Soon enough, someone is walking out of the tent and he can hear the man say he will speak to him later. He lets around twenty minutes pass, make certain no one else is coming and then he makes his way to the tent, the flap still open from earlier. He enters quietly and Barton does not notice him yet.

The boy has his back turned to the entrance, is sitting on the ground. He has changed from his costume, no longer in the bright purple from earlier, instead he is in a short sleeve shirt and jeans. Both look old, the fabric thin and there are fresh red marks on his bare arms, ones that look like fingers wrapped around them. He watches him for a few moments, his presence still not noticed yet, and he inches just a little closer so he can see what the boy is doing.

He has his bow in his lap, is cleaning it with a rag. He is gentle with it and now that the soldier is a little closer, Barton seems so young. There is little of the performer he saw just a few hours ago, nothing of the expert marksman that played to the crowd, now there is just a thin teenager with bruised arms who is cleaning his bow like it is one of the only things he has. According to his file, it may be. All he has is this circus, no parents, bother has recently left him, and from what the soldier has heard, there is little kindness for him here. He sits so quietly, Just the sound of his breathing, like something in him is broken just a bit, like he is used to pain. The soldier could kill him so easily right now but that is not his mission and there is something almost like relief in him that he will not have to kill this boy.

The soldier decides to make his move now, will do this quickly so he will not have to cause much harm. He bends down next to him, has his flesh hand covering Barton’s mouth quickly as his metal hand brings a needle to his neck. Barton is startled but he cannot move quickly enough and the drug is injected quickly and the needle moved away as Barton starts to struggle. The soldier wraps his metal arm around Barton, pining his arms to his side and making his fingers drop the bow.

“Do not move, you will harm yourself.”

He says the words softly and they seem not to do much to calm the boy down. The soldier can see his eyes now and they are wide with fear and he can see the green blue color clearly now. He holds him still as the struggles start to decrease, as the drug start to work. The soldier speaks again, feels the need to soothe though he is uncertain why.

“You are just going to sleep for a little while, you will be all right.”

There is a look of confusion on the boy’s face now and his movements are more sluggish. His eyes start to flutter close now and it is only a few moments more and Barton is asleep. The soldier removes his hand from his mouth now, gently places him down on the ground. He looks even younger in sleep and the soldier takes just a moment to look him over, to see how much damage may have been done to him earlier.   He touches Barton’s right shoulder briefly, puts just a hint of pressure on it and even asleep like he is, his body shifts just a bit, the pressure causing a bit of pain. He lifts his shirt up and just as the soldier had thought, there are bruises on him, a couple scraps and cuts, bruising over his ribs that looks like perhaps one had been broken recently, may still be healing. No major damage, nothing that cannot be worked through, but the soldier makes note of each mark, will have to speak about them in his debriefing once the mission is complete. He moves Barton carefully, looks at his back as well. Once that is done, he pushes his shirt back down and carefully removes his pants, does not remove his undergarments, checks his legs as well. There are a few bruises there as well and he puts Barton’s pants back on him quickly. He is not wearing shoes and so the soldier gets up now, finds a pair as well as some socks and puts them on him.

He gathers up the empty needle, puts it back in his pocket, and gathers up a few items. It is not much, another set of clothes, some of the money that is in the tent, a photograph he sees that has a younger Barton with an older boy, and he puts it all in a sack. It will be best if it looks like Barton has run away and he grabs the bow as well. Once everything is gathered, he picks up Barton as well, is gentle with him as he adjusts him in his arms. He is light and the soldier makes note to mention in his report that it is possible Barton has perhaps not been given enough nutrition. He makes his way out of the tent quickly after that, makes his way to the vehicle he has waiting.

He settles Barton into the passenger seat, secures his hands with some cuffs. It is only a precaution in case the sedative wears off sooner than it should. He drives quickly, finds the rundown motel that he had already secured a room at earlier and takes Barton to it. He makes certain that no cameras see them and he opens the room with the key card he had taken earlier. Barton is still asleep and the soldier places him on the bed, secures him there. He leaves Barton sleeping on the bed while he goes to a phone booth a bit away and places a call, lets Hydra know that he has secured the target and they will be at base within the week. The first part of the mission is complete and the soldier just has to keep Barton secure during travel now, make sure he arrives in fair condition.

========


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a little bit more. Updates probably won't be this quick usually but I got on a bit of a roll today and thought it would be nice to go ahead and update. Comments are great and thank you for reading.

========

The soldier makes a stop before he goes back to the room. He stops at a convince store, grabs a few items, pays for them quickly before leaving. It is a strange experience to be doing this, usually anything he needs is provided for him and he keeps out of the public eye as much as possible. For this mission, he is on his own, expected to check in with a handler but it is only him out in the field and he is responsible for Barton till he gets him back to the base. He has a few supplies but he isn’t sure if what he has will be enough for the two of them so he secured a few more.There is a bit of freedom in this mission, more than the soldier has had for a while, and it is a bit strange, makes him a bit uncertain but he knows the parameters of his mission and he will complete it. There will be consequences if he does not and the soldier has long ago learned to avoid them if he can.

It does not take long to get back to the room and soon enough he is opening the door, securing it behind him. He puts the items away quickly and then goes to the bed where Barton still lays. He is still secured, looks like he hasn’t moved very much at all since the soldier has been gone. He is laying there, so very still, and there is a flicker of worry in the soldier for a moment. There could have been a reaction to the sedative, too much may have been given and the soldier sits down next to Barton on the bed, checks his pulse. He can feel it under his fingers after just a few seconds, can see Barton’s chest rising in breath now. He still is not moving very much but he is alive, pulse steady, just sleeping very deeply. The soldier feels a bit of relief wash over him and it is a strange feeling. He is not used to needing to keep a target alive, it much more used to the kill, to check a pulse to make sure it isn’t there anymore. This is different and the soldier is little unsure about it.

He sits there on the bed with Barton for a few minutes, moves his fingers away. Barton sleeps and the soldier is struck by how much smaller he is, how easy it would be for the soldier to hurt him, to break him. Barton has already been hurt, already been broken, the marks on his body are enough to prove it but he has survived it all somehow. He may be stronger than he looks and the soldier wonders if he will be strong enough for whatever Hydra has in store for him.

Barton shifts just a bit in his sleep now, a tiny bit of a shiver running through his body. He is still in just the thin shirt and pants, shoes removed when the soldier secured him to the bed. The room is cooler than the tent had been and it is clear that the chill of the room is getting to his body just a bit. The soldier moves from the bed now, gets up and gently moves Barton, careful as he adjusts him on the bed, pulls the blankets back. He puts Barton under the blankets, pulls them up so they are secure around him. He doesn’t remove the cuffs yet, wants him secured when he wakes up, but he does make sure the cuffs are not too tight around his wrists. When Barton is settled again, he moves away from the bed, goes to a chair and places it near the bed so that he can keep an eye on him and takes off his jacket and sits. He had only been pulled from the chamber a few days ago, feels little need for sleep so he doesn’t right now, simply sits and waits for Barton to wake so he can get more of an idea of what condition he is in.

========

Clint is sore as he starts to wake up and his head feels a bit groggy. His rib still hurt from the beating he got a few weeks ago and he can feel fresh pain along his arms. Those must be bruised now as well and they feel very stiff. He tries to move them as he starts to open his eyes and panic rises in him as he can’t move his arms very much and he doesn’t recognize where he is at. There is something around his wrists, cuffs and he is attached to a bed, a blanket pulled up around him, and Clint has no idea where he is or how he got here and he starts to thrash around just a bit, needs to see how strong the cuffs are and if he can get out of them.

“You will harm yourself doing that. Stop.”

The sound of those words make Clint still and he turns towards the direction that the voice came from. A guy sits in a chair just a few feet away, he sits up straight, eyes gazing directly at Clint. He doesn’t look that old, shaggy brown hair near his face, dressed in fairly plain cloths but there is one thing that catches Clint’s attention right away and that is his left arm. It is metal, all metal and Clint can remember now a hand going over his mouth and another one pinning his arms to his sides. Clint had tried to fight but the arm had been heavy, strong, and now Clint knows exactly why he hadn’t been able to move it.   Clint finds himself staring at that arm and he has no idea what the hell is going on, why this guy has taken him, or what is going to happen.

Clint can feel himself start to shake just a bit, can feel his heart beating very quickly. He has been in bad situations before, has had the crap kicked out of him, has had to deal with a lot these last few years but being kidnapped is not something he had thought would happen to him. The man is still staring at him but he is rising now, is moving closer to Clint and Clint wants to be anywhere but here

“Are you going to kill me?”

The question come out of his mouth now as the man stands right next to him and he is a little proud that his voice isn’t shaking that much. Maybe he can get some answers or at least buy time till he can get out of theses cuffs, till he can run. He doesn’t think fighting would do much good but he will fight if he has to, if the answer ends up being a yes. He won’t go down with out a fight. The man sits down next to Clint on the bed but he doesn’t touch him, doesn’t make any move to do anything towards him, he just sits and looks at Clint, blue eyes staring at him intently.

“Termination is not the mission objective. You are to be delivered in fair condition.”

The words are spoken calmly and they do nothing to soothe Clint’s worries, to make this situation any less strange. Clint speaks again, voice still not shaking though his nerves feel very frayed right now.

“Delivered where?”

The man says nothing, simply stands up now, moves away from the bed, goes to a table near by and picks up something. He comes back to Clint now, has a bottle of water and a package of crackers in his hand and he sits back down next to Clint.

“You need to eat now. I will uncuff one hand and you will eat the whole package, drink all the water.”

Clint wants to argue, wants to tell this guy he isn’t going to drink or eat anything he gives him but he doesn’t, simply gives a nod. If he can get one hand free he would be in a better position than he is now. A moment passes and then the man reaches forward, has a small key in his hands and he opens up one of the cuffs. He opens the package of crackers, hands a few to Clint and Clint starts to eat them. He is a bit hungry, hasn’t ate a few hours before the show and he has no idea how long he had been asleep, and he finishes the first few quickly enough and then the man is handing him the water and he takes a few drinks before holding out his hand for the rest of the crackers. He is pretty sure nothing has been done to either of them and so he finishes both with no problems. The man does not cuff his hand back yet and there is an idea that occurs to Clint, something he is willing to try.

“Can you uncuff my other hand, show me the bathroom? I need to pee.”

The man hesitates for just a moment but then he is uncuffing Clint’s other wrist and now both of his hands are free. He moves his wrists a little, small circles to help bring back a little more circulation but the cuffs had not been too tight. The man stands up now, gestures for Clint to do the same. This may be his only shot so Clint decides to take it and he leaps off the bed, makes a dash to the door but he does not make it there.

The man is fast, faster than anyone Clint has dealt with before and he puts himself in Clint’s path right away grabs one of his wrists and pulls his arm behind his back. It hurts and Clint thinks he is going to break his arm. It is something that Buck has never threatened, a line that hasn’t been crossed yet, but only because Buck and Jacque need him to be able to shoot but who knows what this guy needs him for and Clint can feel himself panicking . The man holds his arm still and he speaks into Clint’s ear, voice strangely calm and almost soothing.

“It will be better if you do not try to run again. Do you still need to relieve yourself?”

The question is asked and Clint nods, really does need to pee. The man loosens his hold just a bit, untwists Clint’s arm and there is relief that it isn’t going to be broken today. He keeps a hold of Clint’s wrist and leads him to the bathroom now, allows Clint to go in by himself. There is no window in this bathroom, no way to leave it with out going through the door the man stands right outside of and so Clint doesn’t even try, simply takes care of his business. When he is done washing his hands, the door is opened and the man grabs his wrist again, leads him to the bed and makes him sit. The cuffs go back on, but only on one wrist for now and Clint still has no idea what is going on, what this guy is going to do with him, and he has never been more afraid in his life.

========


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more, promise that soon there will be other stuff happening soon, I just take a while to set up things. Comments would be awesome.

========

Barton has been quiet since his escape attempt, not really speaking much and keeping eyes on the soldier at all times. There is fear in that gaze but something else as well, something that looks a bit like determination. He may try to run again if given the chance and the soldier just has to make sure that any attempt is not successful, that he delivers Barton soon. For now, he sits near Barton, is deciding what should be done in the next few hours before they have to leave this room.

It has been a little while since the crackers and the water and Barton has kept them down, doesn’t seem nauseous at all and so the soldier gets him another bottle of water and some more of the food he brought, hands it to him. Barton still looks weary but he takes it and starts to eat again. The crackers probably hadn’t been enough to make him full earlier but the soldier wanted to start him with something small in case his stomach hadn’t reacted well to the sedative. There is usually nausea when he comes out of cryo sleep, can’t eat solid food for the first few hours after he wakes, and the soldier knows that the sedative he used on Barton is different from the one used to put him on ice but he hadn’t wanted to risk the boy throwing up the small amount of food he was given. He seems to have no problems eating right now.

“Are you going to tell me why the hell you have kidnapped me?”

Barton says this in between some bites, voice curious and it does not shake. He is looking at the soldier straight on now, has met his gaze fully and he is trying so hard not to show his fear. There are still glimmers of it but most would not be able to see them, and he is looking at the soldier with a bit of an impatient glare as he waits for his question to be answered.

It would be simple to not answer the question, the soldier is used to not speaking, it is not required of the asset to speak often and most of the agents he works with don’t really try to engage him in conversations. There has been one recently, one a bit younger than the others, a little less experience than most of the others but quickly rising through the ranks and he does speak to the soldier, treats him a bit more like a fellow agent and not an object. Rumlow does a lot of things the soldier does not quite understand but he is kinder than the others and the soldier does not mind their conversations sometimes. The soldier does not mind talking sometimes and Barton is still staring at him.

“You are my mission. “

It is the truth and he says it simply enough but Barton is looking at him in confusion.

“Mission? What are you a soldier or something?”

There is curiosity in the question and Barton is still staring at him like he is trying to figure something out. The soldier is used to stares, to being looked at like he isn’t quite right but there is something just a little different about Barton’s stare. He is young but there is already a weariness to him, a bit of hardness and the soldier briefly wonders how much more he will harden once he is in Hydra’s care. It should not be a thought that he should be having, Barton is a mission, nothing more, and he pushes it aside, focuses instead on Barton’s question.

“I am the winter soldier, the asset, a weapon.”

It is another simple answer, another truthful one. The soldier can lie, has been taught how to, but it is not necessary now. Barton is still staring at him but he doesn’t say anything right now, simply takes a few more bites of a protein bar and drinks a bit more water. The soldier doesn’t speak either, simply sits and watches Barton finish his food and water, takes the trash away from him. Barton is shifting a bit on the bed, tugging at the cuff just a bit but he stills when the soldier sits down close to him again. They will leave soon, the soldier just wanting to wait a little longer to ensure that enough hours have passed that it is dark again.   He thinks about telling Barton this but decides that it is not needed at this time, instead he sits close to the boy and keeps his eyes on him as Barton does the same.

========

The man sits by Clint, is still staring at him, and Clint wishes he would look away from him. There is something just a bit off about him, more than just the metal arm. It is in the way he speaks, voice holding very little inflection, and his words are very plain, few details given. It is in the way he moves, quietly, almost like a ghost, the way he keeps staring at Clint, eyes barely blinking. He doesn’t quite seem like a person and Clint has no idea why the guy took him but he just needs to figure out how to get out of here.

The way Clint figures, they must still be in town or close to it. If he can get away from this guy in the next few hours, he might be able to find the circus again. He doesn’t want to do what Buck wants him to but he doesn’t think the circus will kick him out, his show sells too well. If that fails, maybe he can find Barney, he thinks he knows what base he has gone to for training. If neither of those work, he could maybe go to the police but he wants to avoid that if he can, thinks about the job Buck made him take a month ago and how his ribs are still healing from not taking everything. He wonders briefly if this kidnapping has something to do with that but he dismisses the idea. This guy doesn’t seem like a hired thug.

Clint thinks about him for just a few moments as they sit in silence, no words being spoken since the man answered Clint’s question about whether he was a soldier. That was minutes ago and Clint feels antsy, doesn’t like not having much noise around and so he fills the silence himself since he doesn’t thing the guy is going to do it.

“There will be people looking for me. I have a brother, an older one, he is going to try to find me. ”

Clint says this, wants to see if maybe he can get the guy worried enough about being caught that he will just let Clint go. It is not quite the truth and he hopes the guy doesn’t hear the lie in his voice. Clint has gotten ok at lying, at preforming and he uses it now to keep his voice steady, to not look away from blue eyes that don’t quite look right.

“Your brother joined the army three months ago, you have not had contact with him since. It was made to look like you ran away last night, there is little chance that anyone is looking for you.”

The words are said calmly, are not spoken with any cruelty and that makes them sound worse. He doesn’t know how this man knows about Barney but he is pretty sure now he won’t be able to convince him that he is being looked for. Clint doesn’t say anything more about it, simply looks down at his cuffed hand, thinks about if he could maybe get his wrist out of it. The man is quiet once again now but Clint can still feel his eyes on him. He wants to yell at him to stop staring but he thinks about that metal arm, about how easily he had grabbed Clint’s wrist, how easy it would be for him to hurt Clint and so he says nothing.

Some minutes pass before the man gets up again, moves to the window and looks out of it for just a few seconds. He moves away from it and back to the little table, he comes back to Clint, has something in his hands when he sits down. He holds them out and Clint can see a needle and syringe in his flesh hand and a couple sleeping pills in the metal one and when he speaks, his voice is still calm.

“We will leave soon, it will be better if you are resting when we do so. You can take the pills or I can inject you again. This is your choice, one or the other.”

Clint really doesn’t want either, doesn’t want to go anywhere with this guy but maybe if he takes the pills, they will be different than what was given to him before and maybe he could just pretend to take them, pretend to sleep and figure out a way out of this. He reaches forward and grabs the pills from the man’s left palm, his fingers brushing against the metal as he does so. It feels cold and Clint wonders if the man can feel when something touches it.

“Take them now.”

The man says this and Clint isn’t happy but he pops the pills in his mouth, makes sure they go under his tongue. Maybe he can keep them there awhile get rid of them somehow but the man is holding out a bottle of water now, tells Clint to take a drink. It is harder to keep the pills under his tongue with water filling his mouth and having to swallow but he tries his best. The pills seems to be crumbling a bit in his mouth now and they taste disgusting but Clint does his best to try not to swallow them completely.

A few minutes pass and the man gets up again, starts packing away the few things that were out on the table. The crumbles of pills are still in Clint’s mouth and he wants to spit them out but the man doesn’t really ever look away from him for long. He comes back to the bed after everything on the table has been packed and he unlocks the cuff from around Clint’s wrist, takes a hold of it. His fingers rub along the red mark that was left behind before he pulls just slightly, makes Clint stand. He walks him to the bathroom, tells him to relive himself again and lets him go in. Clint uses the restroom, spits out what he can of the pills but most of it has already dissolved in his mouth and he isn’t sure if it is going to do much good.

When he is finished, the man walks him back to the bed, has him sit down again, takes his wrists and cuffs them both, only not to the bed this time. He has Clint lay down and Clint starts to feel a little groggy, a bit tired. The pills are kicking in, are stronger than Clint thought they would be and he can feel himself start to fade a bit. He lets his eyes close, lets his body relax. He starts to drift off and as he does, he can feel himself being moved but he is much too tired to try to fight and soon darkness claims him.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, hopefully I will be able to write more soon and the story should be moving a bit more soon. Thank you for reading.

========

Barton is light in his arms as the soldier carries him to the vehicle again. It is dark now and the soldier gets him loaded up quickly, tucks him into the passenger seat. He makes sure that he is secure but also that he is seated in a way that is comfortable. No reason to cause any unneeded harm or discomfort and the soldier starts to bring everything else to the vehicle and right before he gets ready to leave, he decides to grab one more thing form the hotel room. He tucks the blanket around Barton, it should be enough to ward off any chill he might get and then the soldier gets in himself, starts the journey.

It is a quiet drive to the next location, to a safe house. There is very little noise, just the steady breathing of Barton and a bit of noise from the roads. The soldier keeps his eyes on the road expect for small glances at the boy in the seat next to him, glances at his mission. He cannot keep himself from wondering just what will be done with him once he has been delivered. He has never given much thought to what happens after his mission is completed before, but this time is different. Perhaps it is simply because it is a different type of mission, Barton will live after all and that is not true for the other targets the soldier remembers. After this mission is over, he may not remember Barton either and he wonders if Barton will remember him, remember his life before Hydra makes use of him.

The soldier does not remember a time before Hydra, has no real memory of being something other than their weapon. He is certain at some points that he was once something else, someone else, but that was long ago. Anything he may have had before is long gone, nothing more than dust and ghosts now. All he has is his orders, his missions, and right now his mission is Barton and he will keep the boy safe until it is time to give him over.

They are near the safe house now and the soldier stops, parks. They are still a bit away from it but it is better if the vehicle is not left too close to it and it will not be a burden to carry Barton the rest of the way. The soldier gets out and moves to the other door. Barton is still asleep as he opens the door. The soldier is gentle with him as he unbuckles the seat belt, as he gets him ready to move. There is a moment when he thinks about removing the cuffs but decides against it. He does make sure that they are not digging into his wrists too much. Barton is taken out of the seat, the blanket wrapped around him still to keep him warm, and the soldier starts to walk him to the house, holds him close to his chest. He can feel Barton’s warmth against him and it is a nice feeling and he keeps him arms secure around him as he moves him.

========

Clint starts to wake as he is being carried somewhere, can feel a blanket wrapped around him, can feel himself being moved. He is a bit sluggish but he is awake enough to know that he is pressed up against the man’s chest, that they are outside. His hands are still cuffed, his head a bit groggy, legs feel stiff, it is dark, but this could be his only chance to run and so he takes it.

Clint jerks his head quickly, slams into the man’s face hard. It is enough to stagger him just a bit, to make his arms loosen just enough that Clint is able to drop to the ground. The blanket is tangled around him a bit but Clint doesn’t care, kicks it away as he starts to run as quickly as he can. It is so dark, he feels clumsy, slow, and he had no idea where he is going. He knows the man is coming after him, knows how fast he was back in the room, and it makes him try to run faster thought it is not easy.

He makes it a little bit away but he doesn’t make it very far before he steps on a stick on the ground. It rolls under his foot, makes it hard to keep steady. His ankle twists just a bit and he can feel himself falling. He tries to catch himself, tries to move his hands to stop his fall but it doesn’t work, the cuffs making it too difficult. He falls and he lands hard against the ground, feels his hands jerk in the cuffs, can feel his face hit the ground, some small rocks there scrapping it. It hurts and there is bit of blood on his face now and he is sure that he has more injury than just some scratches across his face. He is stunned for just a moment but then he can feel the man near him, knows that he is bending down to grab Clint again and that is something he doesn’t want.

Clint fights, kicks out his legs, tries to move away from him. He is still coming off of the pills and he hurts from falling but he really doesn’t want to be picked up again.   He kicks, hits, screams, yells for help but the area they are in seems abandoned and all of it is doing little good. The solider does not back down, takes each hit that Clint manages to land, does not move away from Clint’s struggling. He grabs Clint, picks him up. This time the soldier places him over his shoulder, holds him tightly.

“It does little good to fight. You will harm yourself.”

He says this to Clint as he carries him, Clint still trying to get out of his hold.

“I don’t care. Just let me go. I want to be let go.”

He screams this, beats his cuffed hands against the man’s back.

“That cannot happen. You are my mission, I cannot let you go.”

He says this so simply and he is still gripping Clint too tightly for him to be able to do anything about it. He struggles for just a bit more but then they are at a door and the soldier opens it quickly moves them inside. Clint isn’t going to escape this time and he feels disappointment and fear settle into his gut as he is carried to a room.

========

The soldier has been busy for the last minutes. He had secured Barton in one of the rooms before going back to the vehicle and getting the rest of the supplies, and then he had come back, made sure everything was secure and now he makes his way back to Barton. He will need to contact someone soon, give an update on Barton’s condition but first he needs to assess him, clean him up and see how much damage was done by his attempt to run earlier.

Barton is in a chair, hands still cuffed, and he is tied to it. His right leg is propped up in front of him, foot resting on another chair. There is blood on his face, there are scratches there as well, bruises cover his arms , and his left wrist look slightly swollen around the cuff. He looks at the soldier as he moves closer to him, eyes angry but also worried, fearful and the soldier sets down his supplies and sits down next to Barton, speaks calmly.

“I need to check your injuries. I am going to untie you, take off the cuffs. Do not try to fight or run. I will have to subdue you again if you do. Do you understand?”

Barton looks at him for a moment before telling him yes and the soldier moves closer to him, unties the rope. He puts aside and then releases the handcuffs. He is gentle as he removes them from Barton’s wrist. His right wrist has a bit of redness from the cuffs, may bruise later but Barton moves it just fine, doesn’t wince or flinch when the soldier touches it. The left wrist is a different story. There is already bruising there, it is a little swollen and when the soldier touches it, Barton lets out a little hiss of pain before he silences himself and looks away from the soldier.

“Does it hurt?”

He asks now and Barton shakes his head no but the soldier can tell it is a lie. He keeps a hold of Barton’s wrist and there is a flash of fear in Barton’s eyes as the soldier moves his thumb along the bruising.

“You must tell the truth. Does it hurt?”

Barton’s eyes look to his wrist, to the soldier’s fingers still gripping it. The soldier does not apply any more pressure, simply waits and Barton gives him an answer after a few more minutes.

“Yes.”

The soldier gives him a nod, gently moves Barton’s wrist in little circles.

“It may be sprained. I will brace it in a few moments.”

Barton will not be able to shoot for a little while, at least a week, maybe two to be safe, and he will need to mention that in his report. He looks over Barton’s other hurts, his ankle is swollen as well, but both of those should heal within a few weeks, no major damage done. He braces Barton’s wrist, wraps his ankle, and then he starts to clean the scratches on his face. There is something so very familiar about this, about taking care of someone else’s wounds and he isn’t sure why. The soldier pushes the thought aside and finishes taking care of Barton, helps him move to the bed and settles him there. He ties him instead of cuffing him this time, tells him that he will be back soon with something for his pain and leaves to contact his handlers.

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	5. Chapter 5

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Clint has been left alone for a little while now but he really can’t take advantage of it. He is tied to the bed, not too tightly, he can even move his hands a bit, and he could get out of the ropes maybe if he tried hard enough , but his ankle is swollen, he can’t walk on it very well right now. His wrist hurts as well and Clint feel absolutely hopeless right now, can’t run, can’t really fight back, and he can feel tears in his eyes. He hates crying, tries not to do it if he can help it, but he gives in for just a few moments, lets them fall. It is only a few moments and then he is wiping his face, forcing himself to stop because he has no idea what the man will do if he sees Clint crying.

Clint still is not sure what to make of the man, still has no idea even what his name is. He has kidnapped Clint, drugged him, dragged him around, there are bruises from him on Clint’s arms but he hasn’t really been cruel. Even when Clint has tried to run, the soldier has only used enough force needed to stop Clint, did not hurt him after Clint stopped struggling. When he had bandaged Clint up early, cleaned the scratches on his face, he had been gentle in a way , kind of nice and Clint has to tell himself to stop thinking about the man who has kidnapped him and driven him who knows where as nice. Just because he hasn’t beaten him as badly as Buck has doesn’t mean he is nice. His thoughts are drawn away when the soldier comes back into the room, a few things with him that he sets on the table near by before coming back to where Clint is, a bottle of pills and a bottle of water in his hands.

“These will help with the pain.”

He says this as he shakes out a couple of pills, holds them out to Clint who doesn’t take them yet. He is feeling a bit stubborn, doesn’t want to take anything from him right now, and he asks a question.

“What happens if I don’t take them?”

The soldier simply looks at him, doesn’t move the pills away yet, and speaks.

“You will stay in pain.”

He says this like it is obvious, like it is strange that Clint would even ask the question. Clint rolls his eyes just a bit, can’t help it, and then he asks what he really means.

“What will you do to me if I don’t take them?”

The soldier tilts his head slightly at the question, thinks about it for a few seconds before he answers.

“Nothing. It is not needed that you take them, they are being offered to make you more comfortable. There is no reason for you to stay in pain.”

His voice sounds honest and Clint is pretty sure the guy could lie if he wanted to but there doesn’t seem to be much reason to lie about the pills, about what will happen to Clint if he takes them. Clint goes ahead and takes them out of his hand, doesn’t take them yet, just holds them and thinks about it. He looks at them a little more closely, it is just some ibuprofen, and he is in pain. He can deal with it, has before many times, but he is tired and everything is a mess and even though the soldier has said nothing will happen if the pills aren’t taken, Clint still isn’t quite sure he can believe him. He takes the pills, swallows them down with the water that is handed to him.

“Thanks.”

He says it simply and the soldier looks slightly surprised by it, gives a nod after just a moment before moving away from Clint again. He doesn’t leave the room again, instead goes over to the table and starts taking things off the tray, speaks again after a few moments.

“Do you think you can eat right now?”

The question comes and Clint gives a nod. The guy obviously needs to keep Clint alive and the food he gave him earlier was fine. He brings over some food to Clint, crackers again but also some soup that he must have had here. He hands it to Clint and Clint eats, the soldier doing so as well after a few moments. It is quiet right now and Clint just watches the other man as he finishes his food and the soldier takes the bowl from him. The soldier takes the dirty dishes away, is gone from the room for just a few minutes and when he comes back, he asks Clint if he would like to use the restroom. Clint gives a nod and then the soldier unties him, helps him move to the bathroom nearby. It goes just like it did at the motel, the soldier letting Clint go in by himself and take care of things and then he walks him back to the bed, helps support Clint since it is still difficult to walk right now.

Clint finds himself back in the bed, ropes tied around him again. They are tied securely but not too tight and he had been careful with how he tied them, had made sure none of the rope would rub against Clint’s bruising. The soldier brings a chair closer to the bed and sits in it, faces Clint, and after a few moments he speaks, asks Clint a question.

“ I told you that it would be better to try not to run again. Why did you? “

Clint doesn’t answer right away just stares at the soldier right now and thinks about what to say. A few moments pass and the soldier is still staring at him, waiting for Clint to give an answer and so he shrugs a bit, gives one.

“You have kidnapped me, are dragging me somewhere. I ran because I am nervous as fuck about what the hell is going to happen to me in the next few days. Are you going to tell me what is going to happen to me?”

He says this and the soldier gives a tilt of his head, is considering something before he speaks.

“You will be safe, they will have little use for you if you are too damaged. As long as you are good, you will be safe.”

It doesn’t really answer Clint’s question, doesn’t tell him much but at least it is an answer. It does nothing to stop the feeling of fear that Clint still has inside of him but there is little he can do about it right now so instead he says something else.

“You’re not supposed to tell me much, are you?”

The soldier gives him a simple yes. Clint just keeps looking at him right now, is trying to figure him out. He is so odd, so off, but he has not been mean, has not harmed Clint much at all, and everything he has done so far it seems he has done because of orders, nothing more.   He still doesn’t know much about him and Clint wants to see if he can find out a little more, see if it will help him get out of this situation. He asks one more question, hopes that he will be given an answer.

“Can you at least tell me your name?”

========

Barton asks for his name and it startles the soldier just a bit. He has been asked who he is before, who he works for, but his name has never really been asked of him. He thinks about it for just a moment before answering, staring Barton straight in the eyes.

“I do not have one.”

Barton is still staring at him and there is a hint of confusion in his eyes.

“You mean you can’t tell me. Everyone has a name. What do people call you?”

“I am called the asset, the winter soldier.”

Barton shakes his head just a bit and there is something that crosses over his face, some sort of emotion that the soldier is unsure about.

“That is your job, not your name. Someone has to call you something other than soldier, you have to had a name at some point.”

Barton says this, curiosity and something like concern in his voice. The soldier thinks about it for a few moments more. He may have had a name once, he knows he wasn’t always the soldier, but he cannot remember those times, cannot remember that name.  It is not needed to have a name, most do not refer to him by anything other than asset but Rumlow has called him something before, something other than soldier or asset and perhaps that is what Barton means and so he gives him that now.

“I have been called Winter before.”

Barton is still staring at him but he doesn’t ask about the name anymore or about who calls him that. Instead, he asks something else.

“Are you getting paid a lot of money for kidnapping me?”

The soldier shakes his head. The soldier does not get paid, not in the way Barton thinks. There are consequences if a mission is failed and sometimes there are rewards when they go correctly. He does not say any of this to Barton, he will learn it on his own soon enough.

“If you aren’t getting a lot of money for this, than why are you doing it?”

There is once again a look of curiosity on Barton’s face and something else, almost like he was trying to figure something out.

“It is my mission. You should rest.”

He says this simply, gets up out of his chair now. Barton shakes his head just a bit, mutters something about having a drugged nap earlier but the soldier pays little attention to it. He leaves the room, decides to check the perimeter if for no other reason than to stop Barton’s questions. He does not mind Barton’s company but he cannot always give him answers to the things he may want to know and so it is simply easier to not have to come up with answers. The soldier is gone for just a little while but when he comes back, Barton is asleep again.

The soldier pulls a blanket over him, is careful not to wake him. It may be a good time for the soldier to have rest as well. He debates for a moment sleeping in a the chair next to the bed but the bed is big enough for both of them and he will be able to sense if Barton wakes before him this way. He settles in the bed, does not touch Barton. He closes his eyes, lets himself drift off for a bit of sleep.

He has no idea how long he has been sleeping when he is woken by a noise. There is the sound of whimpering, of distress and it takes him only a moment to find out it is coming from Barton. The boy is struggling a bit in his sleep, whimpers and pleading words coming out of his mouth, and the soldier knows that he is having a nightmare, about what he does not know. He needs to stop Barton’s movements, does not want him to damage himself further in his sleep and so he does what he thinks is best, moves a bit closer and puts his flesh and blood hand on Barton’s shoulder, rubs it gently as he speaks.

“It is alright, you are safe.”

The touch seems to calm Barton just a bit or maybe it is the words, but his whimpers die down. The soldier decides that perhaps Barton will sleep better if he is closer and so he settles next to him, readjusts him so that his head is lying against the soldier chest. He wraps an arm around him, careful not to touch any of his bruises, and Barton settles against him well. This almost feels familiar, having a warm body next to him, and the soldier simply lets Barton rest, gets a little more rest himself.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a bit more and comments are awesome.

========

“So what do you do when you aren’t kidnapping people?”

Clint asks this after breakfast, after they have been sitting around for a while. The soldier hasn’t moved them yet, hasn’t made Clint take any more sleeping pills, and Clint has grown tired of the quiet. He is still in the bed but not tied to it right now and the soldier is a few feet away in a chair, has been checking on his various weapons. Clint is still trying to figure the soldier out, figures that the worst thing that could happen when he asks questions is that they don’t get answered. He has answered some of Clint’s questions, though a lot of the answers just left him a bit confused and he is really starting to wonder what has been done to the guy to make him how he is.  The soldier looks up from the knife that he is currently sharpening at Clint’s question and speaks.

“This has been the only retrial mission I remember. Most of my missions are terminations. “

Termination is just a fancy word for kill and Clint is again a bit scared by how causally he says that, how he just goes right back to sharpening his knife. There is so much about the man that is dangerous, Clint has no doubt that he could kill Clint very easily and it is almost more worrisome that he isn’t supposed to, that whoever he is working for wants Clint alive for some reason. Whatever it is, it can’t be good and so Clint wants to know as much as he can before he is dragged to wherever. The soldier doesn’t answer questions about what is going to happen to Clint but he has answered questions about himself so Clint presses upon that, tries to find out what his life is like and maybe that will tell him more about what may be in store for him.

“What do you do when you aren’t on missions? I mean you can’t be working all the time.”

“I sleep.”

The soldier says this with a shrug and Clint shakes his head at it.

“You have to do more than just sleep between missions, it is not like sleeping can take up all your spare time.”

Clint says this, is pretty sure it is true. He has slept a lot of the time he has been with the soldier, most of that due to being drugged, and even then he has been awake for a large portion of it. The soldier just keeps sharpening his knife as he responds to what Clint has just said.

“There is training sometimes but most of the time is sleep, is the cold. There is not much reason for me to be active if there isn’t a mission. A weapon is put away when it isn’t in use or being maintained.”

The soldier puts away the knife with these words and Clint can’t help but be just a bit freaked out by them. He said weapon and Clint was pretty sure he was referring to himself, that he sees himself that way, as an object with purpose, not a person with choices. Now that Clint thinks about it, when he had asked him who he was, he had called himself a weapon then.

“Is that what you think you are ? A weapon?”

Clint says this now, is staring at the soldier. He gives a simple nod.

“It is what I am. I do not remember being anything else.”

There is no lie in his words that Clint can hear, it seems he honestly believes what he is saying. Clint wonders what the hell has been done to him to make him think of himself that way, to not think of himself as a person. He wants to ask but he is terrified of the answer if he even gets one. The soldier says something now instead, draws Clint’s thought away from whatever has made him how he is.

“Are you in pain right now?”

The question seems to have just a bit of concern in it. Clint gives a bit of a shrug as he answers.

“A little bit but I have had worse.”

He has had worse. His wrist and ankle are swollen, his ribs still ache a bit, there are various bruises covering him, and the scratches on his face have started to scab a bit, itch but Clint has had worse. The soldier hands him more ibuprofen now and Clint takes them without saying anything.

“You were beaten before, at the circus. They hurt you there.”

Clint doesn’t say anything and the soldier seems to take it as a confirmation. He is staring at Clint straight on right now, a bit of curiosity in his eyes.

“Last night, you cried out in your sleep. Were you dreaming about that, what they did to you?”

The soldier asks this and Clint thinks about it for just a moment, trying to decide if he should tell him or not. He remembers the nightmare a bit, it is one he has often, but something had calmed him down and it had not lasted long. He gives an answer, figures it can’t hurt anything to tell him a tiny bit.

“No, it wasn’t about the circus. It was about before that. The beatings didn’t start at the circus. “

He doesn’t say it was about his dad, doesn’t want to tell the soldier too much. The soldier is still looking at him, something in his eyes that almost looks like pity and Clint hates people feeling sorry for him.

“It doesn’t matter now, it was just a dream, a bad memory. Don’t you ever have nightmares?”

The soldier doesn’t say anything, gets up out of his chair right now, grabs the rope again. Clint doesn’t say anything as the soldier ties him up again, tells him he needs to check on something. He leaves the room again, leaves Clint alone with his thoughts about the soldier, about what is going on, about what is going to happen to him once they get wherever it is the soldier is taking him.

The soldier returns after about an hour, brings a small meal that they eat together and then he helps Clint to the bathroom again. He has Clint lay down in the bed again, careful of his ankle and then he starts cleaning up things just a bit and Clint knows what is going to happen, says something when the soldier puts something on the table, is getting something ready that Clint can’t see because of how his body is turned but that still has a good idea of what it is.

“You are getting ready to move me again. Are you going to drug me again?”

========

Barton’s words are simple, the question straight forward, and the soldier turns towards him and gives a nod ,then decide to tell Barton a little bit more.

“This will be the last time. The mission will be over soon.”

They are close enough now that the soldier can drive for a little while and then they will be at the base. It is best if they get there soon, he does not want to risk Barton attempting to run again and hurting himself further. He has the syringe in his hand, cannot give Barton the choice this time. The pills wore off too quickly and he need to make certain he sleeps the whole way through, is still sleeping when they get there. Barton is staring at him, just a bit of fear in his eyes, but when he speaks he keeps his voice clam.

“What happens if you don’t bring me there? What happens if you let me go?”

There is almost a note of desperation in his voice despite how calm it is and the soldier thinks about it for just a moment before giving an answer, before starting to walk towards the bed.

“There would be consequences, for both of us. They have plans for you, they will not simply let go of them if I do not bring you back. You would be taken again. “

It is the truth, they would not simply let Barton go if the soldier does not deliver him. They would either retrieve him again or they would consider him a loose end and then have him terminated. The soldier does not like the thought of Barton being terminated, does not like the idea of Barton going back to the circus where he has been hurt. He wants Barton safe for some reason he is unsure, wants him as safe as he can be, and completing the mission is the best chance for that. They have plans for him and as long as Barton does not fight those plans too much, he should be alright.

Barton shakes his head, eyes still a bit fearful as the soldier sits down next to him, has the syringe ready but does not inject him yet.

“There is nowhere else for you to go, nowhere you will be safe.”

He says this to him and Barton just looks at him for a moment before he speaks again.

“And I’m supposed to believe that I’m going to be safe wherever it is you’re taking me? ”

There is disbelief in his voice, a bit of anger, and the soldier wants to calm him down.

“They have use for you, as long as you do what you are told to, they will not hurt you. Damaged weapons do not work as well.”

There is a flicker of terror across Barton’s face at the soldier’s last words.

“So that is what is going to happen, I’m going to be a weapon? I don’t want to be anyone’s weapon.”

Barton has start to move now, trying to get out of the ropes and the soldier does not want him hurting himself. He grabs a hold of Barton now, still him, speaks soft words as he puts the needle in his arm.

“You will be alright, you will be safe. No harm that is not needed will come to you.”

“Why because you promise it won’t?”

Barton’s words are angry but his struggles are starting to decrease just a bit. The soldier holds him still, wants to tell him yes, that he soldier will keep him safe, will take care of him, but he knows that it is a promise he may not be able to keep. He makes a different one instead.

“I promise I will keep you safe, care for you as long as I am able, as long as I remember to.”

Barton does not look reassured by his words but it is all the soldier can give him. His eyes start to flutter close again and the soldier holds him as the drug takes full effect, as he falls asleep. The soldier allows himself a few moments of holding Barton close and then he is untying him, getting every thing ready to leave. He carries Barton to the vehicle and starts the last part of his mission.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more and comments would be awesome.

========

They have reached their destination now and the soldier stops the vehicle, parks it where he is supposed to and gets ready to deliver Barton. He will probably not be able to return to the vehicle so he has already placed everything that he needs to take with him in a bag that will be easy to carry on his back. He has also placed the items he took when he took Barton in it as well, the bow and picture placed more carefully than the other items. He does not know if Barton will be allowed to keep them but he thought they should at least be brought with him. He places the bag on his back now and gets ready to grab Barton.

Barton still feels light in his arms, is asleep still and the soldier carries him close to his chest, is gentle with how he holds him. He walks eyes forward though they glance down at Barton every few moments, checking to make sure he is not waking up yet. Each step that he takes right now is one step closer to the mission being over and the soldier walks slowly, keeps a hold of Barton. His promise is still in his mind and he wonders how long he will be able to keep it. The thought is pushed out of his mind as he makes it closer to the entrance, as a few agents come closer to him now, and it is Rumlow who speaks first.

“We can take him from here if you want to go straight to debriefing.”

He says this and comes closer to the soldier, looks like he is about to take Barton out of the soldier’s arms. The soldier shakes his head and pulls Barton just a little closer to him.

“It is my mission. I will carry him the rest of the way.”

Rumlow gives him a bit of a confused look and exchanges a look with one of the other men, a senior agent, and the man shakes his head at Rumlow, tells the soldier to follow them. There are a few glances given to him as they make their way into the base, a few looks at how he is holding Barton, but the soldier ignores them. It is his mission to bring Barton here and he is completing it, will not let him go till he has to.

They reach a room soon enough, one with a bed and various equipment and a doctor. He is told to put Barton on the bed and he does so, places him down softly, adjusts him so that he is laying a bit more comfortably. He doesn’t move away from the bed yet, stands there looking down at Barton as he gives a list of Barton’s various injuries without being prompted or asked. His mission was to bring Barton here in fair condition and they need to know what harm has come to him. The doctor has started to look over Clint as the soldier talks and the soldier watches him, makes certain that the man is not touching Barton harshly. The doctor is aware of the soldier’s attention, seems a bit nervous about it and the others here seem a bit curious about how the soldier is acting right now. He has finished explaining all of Barton’s injuries when he is told that he needs to go to his debriefing now. He gives one last glance at Barton before following some of them men out of the room and to another where Pierce is waiting. He does not always gives his debriefing directly to Pierce but it is a sign of how invested Hydra was in this mission. Pierce sees him and speaks as soon as he is in the room.

“Remove the bag, empty it, and tell me how it went.”

The soldier does as he is told. He tells of securing Barton, of the various injuries that the boy sustained, how he behaved. Each item is taken out of the bag as he speaks, the weapons will be checked back in soon enough and Pierce comes closer when he sees the bow, picks it up.

“You took this when you took him? This as well ?”

He gestures to the photo now and the soldier nods.

“Why?”

Pierce asks and there is a hint of curiosity in his voice. The soldier gives his reasons, tells about how he wanted to make it look like Barton had ran, how these are things the soldier thought he would take with him. Pierce simply gives a nod and sets the bow down, gestures for the soldier to continue with his debriefing. He does, gives every detail that would be consider important. He tells what Barton knows, what he told him, but he does not mention the promise, does not think it matters. Pierce is looking at him now, something almost calculating in the way he is looking at the soldier right now, and he does not look away from the soldier when he speaks.

“So what do you think about him?”

The soldier is not often asked about what he thinks and the question throws him off guard just a bit. He doesn’t answer, isn’t sure what to answer. He is quiet right now, trying to decide what to say, trying to figure out if this is a test of some sort. Pierce is still watching him and he speaks after just a few more moments of hesitation on the soldier’s part.

“Answer the question, soldier.”

It is an order and orders have to be obeyed and so the soldier gives an answer.

“He is skilled though there is room for improvement, he is strong, a little curious. He has been hurt before, was not kept safe.”

There is more that he could say but he still isn’t quite sure what Pierce wants him to say, why the question was asked.

“Do you think he should be kept safe?”

It is another question and there is something about the way Pierce is looking at the soldier right now, something guarded in his expression. This is a test of some sort, the soldier is sure of it now, but the question has to be answered and he knows not to lie.

“Yes. He deserves to be safe.”

The soldier says it simply, really believes it. Barton does deserves to be safe, to be taken care of, and he will do all that he can while he remembers to ensure that. Pierce just keeps looking at him for a long moment before speaking again.

“Interesting. We have use for him, if he behaves, then he will be safe. “

It is a reassurance and the soldier nods at it. Pierce asks him just a few more questions about the mission and the soldier answers each of them. It does not take long till Pierce seems satisfied and then he is calling some others in the room, tells the soldier that they will escort him. The mission is over and it is time for him to go back to sleep. They are about to leave the room when Pierce stops them, gives an order.

“Put him in the chamber but no chair, no wipe yet. There is something I am curious about.”

The others simply give Pierce a yes sir and the soldier says nothing but there is a bit of relief right now. He won’t forget Barton, not yet. He follows them to the room, Rumlow walking a bit closer to him than the others, arms brushing against the soldier’s own on occasion, but nothing is said about it. It does not take long to start prepping him for sleep and soon enough he is sitting with an iv in his nonmetal arm, the one that he is always given before he is placed in the chamber. It will take a while before the bag is empty, before he can be put to sleep and most of the others leave to do other tasks, leaving the soldier alone with Rumlow who is on watch. The man sits next to him, eyes never leaving the soldier’s face, and he speaks after a few minutes.

“Mission went well?”

It is a simple question and the soldier answers it. Rumlow likes to talk to him, why the soldier does not know, but it beats the silence of the room and so they talk for a bit, the soldier answering the questions that he asks. It is not long before the bag starts to get empty and the others are returning. The iv is taken out then, the soldier lead to his chamber and placed in it. It only takes a few minutes then for the cold to start, for the soldier to start to lose himself to the darkness. The last thought he has before he is asleep is how long he will be in the cold this time and if he will see Barton again when he wakes.

========

Clint wakes up in bed again, this time strapped up to some monitors and still chained to a bed. His eyes start to scan the room, it looks kind of like a hospital, and he isn’t alone. There are others here but he does not see any sign of the soldier and he isn’t quite sure what to think about that. He wants to leave the bed but there are three other people in the room and he has a feeling they aren’t going to let him get up anytime soon. One of them notices that Clint is awake now, comes over to him and looks at the monitors before speaking to Clint.

“How do you feel?”

Clint stares at the doctor for just a moment, debates refusing to answer the question. He decides to go ahead and answer it.

“Like I have been kidnapped, drugged, and dragged somewhere. Are you going to tell me exactly where we are?”

The doctor shakes his head a bit, doesn’t give Clint an answer. Instead, he fiddles with some of the monitors, some of the tubes attached to Clint.

“ His signs are reading steady. It will take about a week or so for him to heal up a bit more and then he can be tested, evaluated.”

Those words seem to be spoken to someone else and Clint can feel himself get a little angry being talked about like he isn’t here.

“Tested for what? What are you guys going to do?”

“You do not need to worry about it right now, rest.”

The doctor says this and Clint shakes his head.

“Where’s the soldier? The guy who brought me here, I want to speak to him.”

The soldier is still a bit strange but for the most part Clint is pretty sure he has been honest with him, has been kind enough, and Clint would feel just a bit better if he was around.

“There is no reason for you to be concerned about him, Mr. Barton. He completed his mission.”

This is said not by the doctor but by someone who has just entered the room, a redheaded man in a suit who comes walks closer to Clint now.

“Who the hell are you? Is anyone going to tell me what is going on?”

The man sits down in a chair now, gives Clint a look at his question. He seems clam, just stares at Clint for a few moments before speaking again.

“You may call me Pierce or sir. As for what is going on, you were brought to our attention and we think perhaps you could be a good investment for the future, a good asset. Of course, you will need to be evaluated, tested and trained, but as long as you behave, then you will have a safe place, be taken care of. You will have a place in this world, help shape it, as long as you are good. Does that help answer your questions?”

Clint is a little weirded out by everything still, a bit confused, but he is also angry and he can’t help but lash out just a little bit now.

“It really fucking doesn’t answer anything.”

Pierce shakes his head just a bit at Clint’s words now, gets up out of his chair.

“Such language, you will learn better manners soon enough. As for your answers, you will get them in time, when we decide you are ready for them. For now, you are safe enough and there will be food brought in a bit, I suggest you eat it.”

It almost sounds a bit like a threat and the man is already to the door. He leaves without another word to Clint and soon it is just Clint and the doctor and the two men who look like guards again. None of them say anything and Clint just sits and thinks, needs to figure out a way to get out of here before they do whatever it is they are planning on doing to him, before he gets broken down.

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	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So introducing a new pov this chapter, just needed to have an other perspective than just the soldier's and Clint's. Hope you enjoy.

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“When I took this job, I didn’t think part of it would require having to deal with a teenager, sir.”

Rumlow keeps his voice respectful when he speaks to Pierce but he doesn’t keep the hint of annoyance out of it completely. When he was called to speak to Pierce he had thought it would be for a mission, hopefully one with the soldier, but instead he was told that he would be seeing to Barton, that he would need to connivance him to go through the tests with out using too much force, that they are trying to see who may be a good fit to work with the kid for training, that they are going to hold off on any of the more extreme methods of forcing Barton’s willingness because of his age and the risk of damaging him too much. He was here when the kid was first brought in, carried by the soldier almost tenderly, but he hasn’t really had to do anything with him and he doesn’t particularly want to. He couldn’t stand teenagers even when he was one. Pierce simply looks at him for a moment before speaking, voice firm and no nonsense.

“Your job is whatever we require it to be. He has refused to shoot so far, refused to be tested. We need to see who can get him to listen, who he may be willing to work with, and you are less than a decade older than him, he may be willing to listen to you more. You have wanted more chances to prove that you should be higher up, think of this as such. ”

Rumlow has wanted to move up the ranks a bit, has been trying to prove himself but possibly wrangling a teen is not something he thought he would have to do.

“I just don’t think I would be a good fit for this, sir.”

He says this, hopes it is enough to get him out of this. Pierce looks at him for just a moment before speaking again and his words catch Rumlow’s attention.

“We are planning on having the asset handle the majority of his training and we need someone to work closely with them during this time and you work well with the soldier but we can have someone else try to get Barton assessed if it is something that you really believe you would not be fit for.”

Brock hasn’t really hid his admiration of the soldier and Pierce is almost using it as an incentive now. The soldier is not taken out of thaw for long usually but training Barton would mean he would be out of the chamber for days at a time, maybe weeks, it would be a bit of time to spend with him. Rumlow would like to spend time with the soldier, to watch him and learn more about him, and if possibly having to deal with the kid is the way to do it, then Rumlow will.

“I will see what I can do, sir, but no promises.”

Pierce gives him just a bit of a smile, tells him to see that he does and then dismisses him to go get Barton. How hard can it really be to get the kid to just aim at a target?

It turns out the kid is a stubborn little shit. He won’t leave the room today and he has to be carried to the range. Once there, he still won’t shoot and he doesn’t say anything to Rumlow. After about an hour of the teen just standing there doing nothing, Rumlow leads him back to the room. Rumlow tries again after a few hours, this time the kid leaving the room without being carried but still not shooting when he is asked to. The day passes without Barton shooting.

Rumlow isn’t sure if they are going to get the kid to shoot anytime soon when he walks by his room again, hears Barton’s voice.

“ I want to see the guy who brought me here, the soldier. I want to talk to him.”

Rumlow stops for just a moment, listens as the doctor tells Barton that lights are going off now before he leaves the room. There is a thought that is entering Brock’s head now, an idea. There may be a way to get the kid to shoot with out too much fuss and he will try it tomorrow, figures it can’t hurt anything.

========

It has been almost three weeks now and Clint hasn’t managed to find out much, hasn’t managed to get out of here. They have kept an eye on him the whole time, have kept him in the same room for most of the time, except for the last five days when he had been taken to a firing range, told to shoot. He has refused so far but Clint knows that they are only going to take no for an answer for so long, that eventually they are going to try to force him to shoot. Clint just needs to figure out how to get out of here before that but he isn’t sure if he will be able to do that. He is alone here, no one to help him, and Clint is still afraid of what will happen even with the soldier’s promises that he will be safe here.

He hasn’t seen the soldier since he woke up here, has no idea where he is, no idea how the man is supposed to keep Clint safe like he promised if he isn’t around. The promise had sounded sincere enough but it doesn’t do Clint any good now that the man apparently isn’t around. He has asked about the soldier, asked where he is, but he hasn’t been given any real answer. In fact, he doesn’t get a lot of answers about anything he asks. He just gets a lot of that he will be told when he is ready nonsense Pierce gave him the first day, and it frustrates him but there doesn’t seem to be much he can do about it beside trying figure out a way out of here, figure out any information that he can . Right now, Clint just sits on his bed, can see the guards just outside his door, and he waits. He has been given breakfast and if the day is anything like the ones before, someone will be by to take him to the range again.

“You need to follow me again.”

It is the one that came just the day before, Clint thinks he said something about his name being Rumlow, and Clint wants to tell him to fuck off but he knows from past experiance that they will carry him out of the room if they really want him at the range so he doesn’t, just moves off the bed and glares at Rumlow as he leads him out of the room. A few others walk with them like usually and Clint walks slowly, wants to drag this out just a bit. Rumlow after a few minutes grabs his shoulder, puts just enough pressure on it to let Clint know that he is supposed to speed up a bit. He does but not by much and Rumlow keeps his hand there as he leads Clint around the base. Rumlow makes him turn left instead of the usual right today.

“This isn’t the way to the range.”

He says it simply and Rumlow gives him a bit of the nod, still keeps his hand on his shoulder as he makes him move further down the hall.

“We aren’t going to the range yet, going to show you something else first.”

This makes Clint a little curious but also worried. Whatever he is going to be shown is probably something to try to get him to do what they want and he has no idea what it could be. Rumlow leads him to a room, drags Clint in as the others stay just outside. Rumlow drags him further into the room, to something in the corner that looks like a big metal box with a window in it and Rumlow finally lets go of his shoulder when they are in front of it, when Clint can look inside of it. He does and what he sees makes him draw a deep breath, makes him tense up just a bit.

Inside the box is the soldier. There is frost all around him and his eyes are closed. He looks a bit like a doll, like a toy that has been put in a box, looks so still and Clint wonders if he is even breathing in there, can’t really tell, and that upsets him just a bit. He has wanted to see the soldier, wanted answers, but this isn’t what he expected.

“What the hell was done to him? Why is he in this thing? Is he even ok in there?”

He can’t keep the questions from coming out of his mouth, the rush of words but he doesn’t look at Rumlow, can’t turn his eyes away from the soldier in that box.

“He is alright, just asleep, frozen in a way. He can be kept like this for a while, usually is.”

Rumlow says this and Clint still doesn’t look at him, just keeps staring at the soldier. He had said he would sleep between missions and now Clint knows what he meant by that and it makes him feel sad for him again. Rumlow keeps speaking and Clint listens as he just keeps staring at the soldier, as he brings a hand to rest on the door of the box.

“They have been doing this for years. Standard procedure after his missions is the chair then the chamber till he needs to be used again, sometimes he is kept in there for months, years even.”

“The chair?”

Clint says this, gives just a glance over at Rumlow for a moment and the man points to a spot a few feet away. There is a chair there, one hooked up to some sort of machine. There are restraints on it, ones that look heavy duty, and there is something strange about it, something not right.

“It can do all sorts of things, change memories, put in new ones, but they mostly use it for wipes, to take away memories. A lot of the details of missions are taken away from him most of the time, he isn’t always allowed to keep the memories that came before.”

Rumlow says all of this and Clint looks away from the chair, looks back to the soldier. His hand is starting to feel cold from touching the door but he doesn’t pull his hand away and he is starting to feel afraid, worried.

“He doesn’t remember me then.”

Clint says this and he feels defeated. He thought that if he could just see the soldier again, talk to him, he would maybe have an alley, or at least someone that seemed to care just a bit and now that sense of hope is gone. A quiet moment passes and then Rumlow is speaking again.

“The chair wasn’t used this time. You are not forgotten quite yet.”

Clint turns and looks at him, mutters a what and Rumlow comes just a bit closer to him, looks at the soldier as he starts to talk again.

“ They decided to have him remember you, are planning on having him do some of your training. He will be able to be awake for a while, won’t have to be in this damn box, won’t have to be in the cold. He will train you but first you have to prove you’re worth training, have to be elevated. You keep refusing to shoot and eventually, it will be decided that you aren’t going to be worth the trouble, that there isn’t any reason for him to be aware of you or for you to be kept. Think about it.”

There is a threat in Rumlow’s words and Clint hears it but he also hears that he will be able to see the soldier again, will be able to talk to him. If he can just get the soldier out of this box, maybe he will be able to get him to help him. Clint takes a moment to think and he moves his hand off the door finally, looks at Rumlow.

“I’ll shoot but I will need a bow, don’t know how to use a gun.”

Rumlow gives him a nod, tells him that he is making the right choice and places a hand on his shoulder again to lead him to the door. Clint takes one last look at the soldier before he leaves the room, before he goes to the range. He shoots for them, hits the targets easily, and Rumlow tells him that there are a few more tests that will need to be done but in a few days, if all goes well, his training will start. When Clint lays down that night he thinks about the soldier in that box and hopes that he can be out of it soon, that Clint won’t be so alone here soon, that maybe they can get out of here.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter but there will be Clint/Soldier bonding really soon. Thank you for reading.

========

Clint does as he is told for the next few days, goes through the tests they give him. The shooting is easy enough and he can’t help but show off a bit when they give him more difficult shots, have him shoot moving targets the day after he is shown the soldier. He is good with his bow and it is familiar to him. He can pretend it is like being back in the circus, that this is all a performance, after all he is being watched as he does it, being judged. There are no cheers when he is finished though, just stuff being written down and Rumlow says something about him not being half bad for a kid before taking him back to his room again. The shooting is easy but that is not all that they test him on and some of the other tests are more difficult.

They make him run, test his flexibility, see what kind of physical condition he is in. They look him over, take stock of all his scars and old injuries. There are some vision and hearing tests, like the ones Clint remembers from school before he stopped going. His vision is great and his hearing in his right ear is fine but his left is a bit weaker. It has been that way since he was young, since his father hit him too hard in the head once. He can still hear out of it, just not as well as he can from his right. He sees the doctor make a note about it but he doesn’t ask him why Clint has trouble with that ear and Clint doesn’t tell him. He tries not to tell them more than he has to, still plans on getting out of here when he can, but first he wants to see the soldier again and so he doesn’t cause too many problems.

They give him actual tests as well, like tests he would take in school. Ones about reading and writing and math and Clint hates those. He has had a bit of school, was taught even in the circus, but he has not had as much of a proper education as most people and he knows that it shows. He is glad when those are over, hopes that he did alright enough that they aren’t going to toss him out like has been threatened just a bit.

He is left alone for a morning after about five days of tests, told the tests are over for now, that they are going over his data. Clint isn’t allowed to leave the room, he is told that right away and there is always someone just outside the door to make sure he doesn’t, but he is given some books, a tv is in the room and he is given some movies he can watch. He only really sees anyone when his breakfast is brought in and again when lunch is brought, but other than that he is completely alone and bored out of his skull. He could always find something to do at the circus, training or other odd jobs, and he and Barney used to play outside all the time before the crash and the foster homes, and Clint hates just being stuck here, not knowing exactly what they are planning for him and he hopes he will be able to see the soldier soon, that maybe he can get out of here. When dinner shows up that night, Pierce shows up as well, takes a seat across from Clint and speaks.

“We have looked over all your results, went over everything. I am here to talk to you about them.”

“So did I pass?”

Clint says this, doesn’t look away from Pierce and his words are flat sounding. He doesn’t really trust this guy, doesn’t trust anyone here, but he wants to know what is going on. Pierce gives him just a hint of a smile before speaking again.

“For the most part you did, there are things that will need to be improved upon, but there usually are. You will start training tomorrow and you will be expected to behave.”

Clint says nothing as Pierce goes over a list of what he calls expectations, goes over the fact that Clint will have lessons in various things, and Clint just stares at him, makes no move to touch his food right now till Pierce makes a gesture at it.

“Your dinner is going to get cold, you should eat.”

The way he says those words makes them sound like an order instead of a suggestion and Clint grudgingly picks up his fork and starts to eat as Pierce watches him. A few moments pass of quiet before Pierce speaks again.

“The soldier will be woken up tomorrow, will assist in your training. He is one of our best assets and having him train you is a privilege, one that can be taken away. Behave and learn, live up to your possible potential, and you will be alright. “

Pierce starts to get up now and Clint knows he should probably just let the man walk away but he finds himself asking a question instead.

“So I don’t get any say in any of this do I?”

Pierce looks at him for just a moment before answering.

“We have plans for you and as long as you don’t fight them, everything will work out well for you. If you fight, well, we have ways to change that. Finnish your dinner and rest, you will need energy for tomorrow.”

There had been a bit of threat in Pierce’s words and Clint feels just a tiny hint of fear as the man leaves the room. He finishes his dinner, goes to bed just a few hours later. It takes a while to fall asleep and Clint just hopes that the soldier will be able to help him, will keep that promise he made to keep Clint safe.

========

The soldier is woken up, taken from his chamber. He is not sure how long he has been asleep, knows it could have been days or weeks or months or even years. They don’t always tell him how long it has been, he usually doesn’t need to know the date and nothing is said to him at first as they have him sit, as they look over his vitals. There is soon the sound of steps coming into the room and the soldier turns his eyes to them, sees Pierce and the man comes closer, sits down near the soldier.

“We have a mission for you, one that will take a little while. You remember your last mission, remember the boy we had you secure?”

Pierces is speaking of Barton and the soldier does remember him, remembers the promise he made and he gives a yes sir.

“He is still your mission now. You are going to see to his training, help shape him to be what Hydra needs. He will be safe here, taken care of as long as he is good, and you will help with that. Do you understand?”

The soldier nods, is glad for this mission. He wants Barton to be safe, wants him to be cared for, and it looks like he will be able to see to it personally now. Pierce speaks to him for just a bit, tells him more of what is expected before he leaves. Rumlow is here now and once everything has been looked over, once the soldier is fully awake and ready, he comes closer to the soldier, gestures for him to get up and follow him.

“The kid asked about you, was wanting to see you. He will be on the range. That is where we will start for the day. He is a good shot, doesn’t use a gun yet.”

Rumlow says this as they walk and the soldier listens, wants to know how Barton is doing.He wonders how long it has been, if Barton will be older, different now. He doesn’t think it has been too long, after all they would not wait that long to start his training and from what the soldier has been told, Barton starts today. It does not take long till they are at the door to the range and there is just a hint of anticipation as it is opened, as they enter the range. The soldier’s eyes sweep the range till they find what they are looking for, before they settle on a figure shooting arrows at some targets.

Barton is here and the soldier watches him as they move closer. He is still the same age he was when the soldier went to sleep, not much time has passed, and he has healed. His wrist is no longer wrapped and there are no more scratches on his face. The soldier is glad to see him and he waits till Barton has hit the target one more time, dead center, before he speaks.

“You are good but you will get better.”

Barton hears his words and turns towards the soldier now, looks at him and there is something that looks like relief on his face right now.

“You’re awake. I saw you there, asleep. You looked cold.”

Barton’s words are coming out in a rush and he is moving closer to the soldier. He is no longer limping and the soldier is glad of it.

“It was cold but it does not matter now. You have healed, nothing hurts right now, does it?”

He asks now and Barton shakes his head.

“ No pain.”

The words are simple and the soldier responds to them, moves just a bit closer to Barton, is still looking him over for any signs of hurt. He does not see any and he can feel Rumlow’s eyes on them, knows that he is watching them closely. The soldier speaks now, needs to start his mission.

“That is good. I am to see to your training now. Are you ready to start?”

Barton looks at him for a moment, takes a breath before he speaks.

“I guess so.”

There is a bit of nervousness in those words but the soldier gives them a nod. He will get him less nervous, will help him adjust to all of this, will make him better. For now, the soldier gestures to the targets.

“We will start by you showing me what you already know. Do your best.”

It is all he says and then he has Barton move back to where he was, has him start shooting again. There will be a lot to teach him, a lot to show him, and the soldier looks forward to it, is glad that he will be able to keep his promise for now.

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	10. Chapter 10

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It has been about eight days since Clint’s training began, about eight days since the soldier was woken up, and Clint still doesn’t know a lot about what is going on, what is planned for him. He has an idea, knows a little bit, but he isn’t really told much, isn’t spoken to that much outside of lessons or training by most people. The soldier talks to him, answers Clint’s questions the best that he can, but that still doesn’t help much but at least there is someone who seems to care a bit about him. He listens to the soldier even if he doesn’t really want to listen to anyone else here.

There is a routine to his days, training early in the morning, lessons after, more training in the afternoon, evening spent in his room. The soldier stays close to him when he can, takes most of his meals with him, looks him over for bruises or hurts after each training, and it is a little strange but sort of familiar to Clint because it is a lot like how he was when he was moving Clint here. He is looking after Clint in his own way and it makes Clint think of Barney, of when they were younger and he was still around. He pushes aside thoughts of Barney right now, focues on what he is doing right now, on the task at hand.

“Shift this way.”

The soldier says this now, adjusts Clint’s stance as he gets ready to shoot again. He has already shot a couple times today but it has been his first time with a hand gun and he is off. It is different than a bow and Clint doesn’t think he likes it as much. He isn’t used to the recoil and it is a louder than a bow, even with the ear plugs. He adjusts his stance the way the soldier told him to and shoots again now. It is almost a bulleyes this time and the soldier gives him a nod at it.

“Better. Keep yourself steady, try again.”

He says this from Clint’s right side, knows that he can’t hear as well from his left and that it will be a little muffled with the ear plugs. He is always clear with his instruction, always tells Clint when he is doing it correctly and tells him how to fix it when he doesn’t. All things considered, the soldier is not a bad teacher. Clint just gives a nod, takes another shot, goes through a few more rounds till the soldier is happy with his progress with the gun for the day. They move away from the range then, Rumlow following them and move on to the next part of the morning.

He is being taught to fight, to spar, and Clint has been taught to fight before, taught by Barney but most of that had been defensive, about keeping from getting hit, about getting away more than actually hurting the other person. Clint had found out a long time ago that sometimes it is easier to just take a few hits than it is to try to give one back. The soldier expects him to hit back, is training him how to, and even with this he is careful with Clint. There are hits given but the soldier never hits more than he has to, pulls his punches a bit more and Clint has noticed that he is especially careful with his metal hand, hardly ever hits Clint with that one. Today, Clint doesn’t have to worry about the soldier hitting him because they aren’t sparring, using the punching bag instead. The soldier checks his form, corrects when he needs to, but mostly he just lets Clint hit it, practice striking at it. They do this for a while till it is time for Clint to go to lessons.

The soldier doesn’t stay for lessons, usually goes off with Rumlow somewhere, and it is usually Clint and whoever is teaching him that day, a guard usually outside the door. It has been a long time since Clint has been to school and he almost misses it compared to this. At least with real school there were other kids, even if Clint didn’t always get along with all of them, but his lessons here he is the only one and it is bit overwhelming having all the attention focused on him. Every mistake made is caught and he gets frustrated sometimes when there are comments made about how much he needs to catch up, how his reading level is not where it needs to be, and his math is far behind that. He gets through the lessons the best he can but he hardly ever really enjoys them.

There is lunch after the lessons and then more training. By the time dinner comes around, Clint is tired and worn out but this is possibly his favorite part of the day because there are less expectations placed on him right now. After dinner, he is given free time, confined to his room, but he doesn’t have to worry about lessons or training, he can relax just a bit. Whenever he is out of the room, he is being watched closely and Clint hates it. Whenever he is out of the room, he can’t let his guard down, is paying close attention to things so that he can maybe get out of here. He hasn’t found anything that will help him yet but he knows he will eventually but for now he lets himself relax just a bit and he eats his dinner, the soldier eating as well and they sit in quiet for a bit till Clint asks a question.

“Do you train people often?”

He has been wondering about it, wondering if there are others that the soldier has trained and he asks now.

“I am uncertain. If I have, I do not remember right now.”

Clint gives a bit of a nod, isn’t really surprised by his answer. The soldier doesn’t remember much and Clint finds that both sad and terrifying. He has seen the chair, knows about the wipes, and there is a part of Clint that worries about it, worries that the same thing is going to happen to him. He asks another question now.

“When they put you to sleep, when you are in the chamber, do you dream?”

Clint has wondered about this since seeing him in it, has wanted to ask since the soldier was woken up but today is the first time he has felt comfortable enough to. The soldier looks at him for a few moments, looks like he is thinking about just what to say, and then he is answering.

“Sometimes but I do not remember them once I wake. They are not important, just flickers of things that do not matter. Dreams are not important, my orders are, my missions are.”

He sounds so certain and his words make Clint pause just a bit, uncertain of what to say. He doesn’t get anything out before someone else enters the room, comes to see if they are finished with their plates. The empty plates are taken away now and they are left alone again, a guard just outside the door. There is always a guard near them, always someone on watch and Clint thinks the soldier is just as trapped here as he is, maybe even more so. At least Clint knows who he is, remembers his life from before now, remembers his family and that is more than the soldier has. Clint feels a little sad right now, needs to distract himself from thoughts of just how broken the soldier is and so he points to the tv now.

“I’m going to put a movie in. Want to watch it with me?”

The soldier simply gives a nod and Clint puts something on, turns off the light so that it feels a bit more like the movies and not so much like they are stuck in a room somewhere and settles down on his bed. The soldier stays seated in his chair and it doesn’t look like it is in a good position to see the screen very well and Clint frowns just a bit before scouting to one side of the bed.

“You can sit on the bed with me, if you want. Might make it easier to watch it that way.”

The soldier gives a little nod and then he moves to the bed, settles himself next to Clint. He is close to him but Clint doesn’t mind too much, feels a bit reassured that the soldier is right here. They watch the movie in quiet and after a little while, Clint can feel himself relax a bit, lets his eyes close after a little bit, and just listens to the movie as the soldier sits next to him, warm and comforting.

========

There is a movie playing but the soldier pays little attention to it, focuses instead on the boy next to him. He had fallen asleep about an hour after it started and the soldier has let him rest, and now in his sleep he shifts a little closer to the soldier and his head falls to the soldier’s shoulder. He does not wake him up, instead he shifts himself, wraps an arm around Barton and shifts him so he is more comfortable. Once Barton is settled, the soldier simply goes back to looking at the movie, keeps his arm around Barton. This is comfortable and the boy is sleeping deeply, needs his rest and so the soldier makes no move to get up, even after the movie is over.

The soldier has appreciated these last eight days, has enjoyed this mission more than most. He likes training Barton, likes spending time with the boy, and this is nice, this moment of quiet, of just sitting here with Barton safe and asleep beside him. He just sits and watches Barton sleep, only looks away when he hears footsteps enter the room, only looks away when he hears a voice speak.

“I came in to say that it was lights out but it looks like I don’t really need to. How long has he been sleeping?”

Rumlow asks, is staring at them right now. Rumlow has been around a lot these last eight days, spends a lot of time with the soldier, watches him with Barton. If the soldier is not with Barton or alone in the room they are having him use next to this one than he is with Rumlow and that is alright as well. He still treats the soldier a bit differently than the others do and the soldier does not mind it so much and the soldier gives an answer to his question now,keeps his voice low as to now wake Barton.

“About an hour and a half. He needs rest.”

Rumlow just gives bit of a nod, eyes never looking away from the soldier and Barton.

“Guess he does. It is time for him to go to sleep now anyway. You can move if you want, the way he looks, he shouldn’t wake up if you do it just right.”

The soldier hesitates, makes no move to leave the bed yet. He is reluctant to leave Barton right now, likes having him asleep next to him. Rumlow notices his hesitation , comes a bit closer now, still watching them.

“Or I guess you could stay here for the night. I can let the guards know if you want to.”

Rumlow phases it like a choice and the soldier thinks about it for a moment, wonders if it is supposed to be some sort of test. He decides that it doesn’t matter, decides that if he is really being given the option to stay here than he will take it and if it is a test and he has failed it somehow, he will deal with the consequences.

“I will stay.”

Rumlow gives another nod, tells him that he will let the others know before he moves to turn off the tv, before he makes his way to the door way. He tells the soldier good night and the soldier returns it before he is once again alone with just Barton. The soldier moves just a bit, moves so that he can work the blanket out from under Barton. He covers him with it, doesn’t really need it himself but he doesn’t want the boy to get cold as he sleeps. He closes his eyes after a few moments, listens to Barton’s steady breathing, and holds him close as he finds his own rest.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ended up waking up for a bit so wrote this chapter. Hope you enjoy.

========

It has been around three weeks since the soldier was woken up and Brock has been here almost the whole time, following the orders Pierce gave him, and spending time with the soldier. He has been watching him this whole time, watching him with Barton and there is on occasion a small curl of jealousy in his gut at the way the soldier is with him. The soldier seems fond of Barton, seems to like him, and that only seems to grow the longer he is out here with him. He is allowed time with Clint, Pierce telling Rumlow to give him the option on occasion, to see if he takes it. So far, he has almost everytime, spends meals with the kid, sometimes even sleeps in Barton’s room and Rumlow isn’t sure exactly what the purpose of allowing him the option is. No doubt the kid has promise but to receive so much attention from the soldier when he hasn’t really earned it doesn’t sit quite right with Rumlow.

He ignores Barton for the most part even though he is around the kid almost as much as he is with the soldier. Barton does the same as well, really only interacts with the soldier when he can. The kid is still a stubborn shit but he does listen to the soldier for the most part, seems to be doing well with his training. As for how he is doing with his lessons, Rumlow really doesn’t care but that is his favorite part of the routine they have going on. When Barton goes to his lessons, the soldier doesn’t stay with him, instead he stays with Brock. It is nice to have the soldier focused on him as much as possible instead of focusing on the kid so damn much. He likes that time but today he doesn’t get it because he has to report to Pierce instead and the soldier is taken back to his room while Rumlow goes to speak to the man.

Pierce has been off base since a few days after the training started but he has come back today, no doubt wants an update that isn’t over the phone. He is waiting for him in one of the offices, gestures for him to take a seat and Rumlow does, sits across from him. There are papers spread out on the desk and Rumlow only really glances at them for a moment but he can see they are all various reports about the kid’s progress, his scores on various things. Pierce simply greets him before giving an order.

“So tell me what you have seen, how the soldier reacts to Barton.”

Rumlow does, tells Pierce everything he has seen, speaks about how the soldier is with Clint, how he only leaves the boy sometimes when a specific order is given to. He tells about the meals the soldier always takes with Barton, tells about how he has seen him put covers on Barton when he falls asleep, how he looks the kid over for bruises after each sparing session, the soft praise he gives the kid almost every single day. He keeps the envy out of his voice right now and after a bit, Pierce gives him a nod and asks another question.

“So he is growing fond of him then. And Barton responds positively to him?”

“As positively as the kid responds to anything here. He doesn’t like being here, almost everyone can see it, but he does listen to the soldier most of the time, about the only one he does so willingly. “  


Rumlow’s answer is the truth. Barton does seem to like the soldier a bit, hell showing the soldier asleep is how Brock got him to shoot in the first place. Pierce looks thoughtful for a moment before he speaks again.

“That will need to be worked on, we can’t have him only listening to the soldier but he hasn’t been here that long, he will learn.   There is no reason to change anything right now, just keep me informed of everything that is happening.”

It sounds like a dismissal but Brock is curious about something, doesn’t get up yet, instead asks a question.

“Why is the soldier being allowed to spend so much time with Barton, sir? He is growing attached, what benefit could that have in the long run?”

As far as Rumlow knows, the soldier really hasn’t been allowed attachments. Most of the people Brock has seen interact with him really do treat him like a weapon, don’t realize that there are still flickers of a person there or they simply ignore them. Brock is fascinated by the flickers of personality that he can see on occasion, knows who the soldier used to be, admired Bucky Barnes as a kid and admires the soldier now. Rumlow always treats him a little bit like a person and he has seen the response it has gotten him and he hasn’t been told to stop so he doesn’t. Now though he is wondering why exactly they are letting him grow fond of a kid that they are probably going to wipe from his memory once he is trained up enough. Pierce answers after just a moment of thinking it over.

“You have heard of the carrot and the stick, haven’t you, Agent?”

Rumlow gives a bit of a nod now.

“I have heard of it, like with horses.”

Pierce gives a small smile and continues speaking after Brock’s words.

“The soldier is well trained but there have been moments of rebellion, of disobedience and we have not always been able to use him to his full potential, have to keep him in freeze for long periods, wipe him down.   The stick has been used often and it has yielded responses but there could be a better way to get him to do what Hydra needs. I believe it is time that we used the carrot. “

“So Barton is going to be the carrot. How exactly is that going to work?”

Rumlow asks now, needs to know just exactly what they are planning to do in regards to Barton and the soldier.

“It is simple. He wants Barton safe, wants him taken care of. If he believes Hydra is the only way to ensure that, that this is the best place for him, than he will be willing to listen, may not rebel as much if he stays out of cryo longer. If there are problems, we simply take Barton away from him.”

When Pierce says all of this, Rumlow gets it. It could work, he can see that and so he simply gives a nod now, doesn’t ask another question. Pierce gives him a bit more information, dismisses him after and then Rumlow makes his way back to the soldier and then he goes through the rest of his day. His thoughts never stray far from the soldier, from the fact that he is going to have to make sure he gets even fonder of the kid these next few weeks. It is not something he looks forward to but at least the soldier is going to stay out of the chamber for a bit and it gives Rumlow more time with him, gives him time to know him more. The soldier is growing more used to him, has started accepting small touches from him, has started talking just a bit more, and Rumlow wants to keep it going, wants to see what he can have.

A few more days pass and a few others start working with them, start training with Barton. Everyone who does this is someone who already knows about him, after all the kid is being kept under wraps for the most part. There is a bit of disdain at the fact that they are supposed to work with a fifth-teen year old and Rumlow watches some of them closely, is in charge of seeing just who works with the kid alright. There may be some who might be a problem but he doesn’t have any removed from the sparring sessions yet, wants to see if anything will happen. When it does, it makes Rumlow realize something, changes a few of his plans a bit.

It really comes down to petty jealousy, to someone being an asshole because they got bested at something. The agent that ends up causing problems is Childers and Brock has never really liked him all that much in the first place. He prides himself on his shooting, won’t shut up about it most of the time and Rumlow can admit that is part of the reason he even suggested that he go up against the kid in the shooting lanes, wanted to see him taken down a peg. He just didn’t expect him to take it so far.

Childers had scoffed a bit at the idea of shooting against a kid but went ahead with it. The kid beats him by about three shots and everyone knows it. He didn’t exactly look pleased about it but Rumlow hadn’t really thought about just how badly people can act when their pride is hurt. If he had thought about it more, he wouldn’t have let him spar with the kid the same day he lost a shooting contest to him.

It started out simply enough, both he and the soldier watching them. Childers has a good five inches and about forty pounds on the kid but Barton is quick and needs to learn how to tackle bigger opponents. It takes a while for Childers to even get ahold of Barton but he does after a while, puts the kid in a hold, has one of Barton’s arms pulled back and has one of his arms around his neck . He puts pressure on it, waits for him to tap. The session won’t end till one of them tap. It takes a little while for Barton to tap but he does. Childers doesn’t release the hold, keeps it on, even pulls his arm just a bit more.

“He tapped, let him go.”

Rumlow says this now but the order is ignored and Barton is starting not to look that good, is having trouble breathing. Rumlow gives the order again but Childers still doesn’t release the hold. He doesn’t get a chance to give the order a third time because the soldier springs into action and he is on Childers in just a moment, forces him to let go of the hold and puts him in one himself. Rumlow watches out of the corner of his eye, makes sure that the soldier doesn’t cause any harm to Childers that can’t be fixed as he goes to the kid, helps him sit up as he takes deep breathes, a bright red mark around his throat that is going to bruise for sure. He can hear the soldier tell Childers that the hold should have been broken when he tapped, that he didn’t follow mission parameters. Rumlow thinks for just a moment before he speaks.

“You can let him go, he won’t be back here tomorrow. We need to get the kid looked over.”

The soldier drops him and he goes to Barton immediately, helps him up. Rumlow walks with them to the room, makes sure the doctor is on the way and guards near by before going and making a report, getting Childers reassigned. He makes certain that it is known that the soldier acted accordingly, that his actions weren’t out of line. He doesn’t want him put back into the ice because some asshole couldn’t let go of a silly grudge against a kid. When all that is taken care of, he makes his way back to Barton’s room.

The kid is sleeping, the soldier sits next to him, and the doctor tells Rumlow that no major harm was done but that he should have a lighter schedule the next few days and that the bruising on his throat will make it a little difficult for him to talk for a day or so. Rumlow just gives a nod and then the doctor is leaving to attend to other business and it is just the three of them left in the room.

“Childers won’t be around the kid anymore, that won’t happen again. I will make sure that everyone else knows to release the hold as soon as possible.”

He says this to the soldier and he looks up at Rumlow, tells him thank you. It sounds sincere and he goes back to looking at Barton. It is the first time Brock has ever heard him say thank you. Brock stays in the room with them and he thinks about everything for a little while, thinks about the soldier’s reaction to what has happened. It is obvious that he isn’t going to tolerate anyone getting out of line with the kid, that Barton is his main focus right now. Brock has been thinking about the kid as a hindrance to his time with the soldier but maybe he doesn’t have to be. If he can get in good with the kid, make him like him alright, then the soldier will see that, will respond to it. Rumlow decides that it may be worth a shot and so he starts making plans in his head as he sits with the soldier and waits for Barton to wake up.

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	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a bit more.

========

Rumlow keeps his word and the one who harmed Barton, who left unneeded marks on Clint, is not seen around the base after that, doesn’t come to training any more. The soldier is pleased by this, the other had been out of line and if he had crossed it again, hurt the boy once more, the soldier would have punished him. It would have led to consequences; the soldier knows that, but as long as none of those consequences fell on Barton then it would have been worth it. Clint is his mission now, keeping him safe, training him, and the soldier will see to it the best he can.

Nothing much has changed the last few weeks, the routine is still much the same but there has been a small shift in how Clint is being treated. The others that train with Clint are a bit more careful now, all holds are broken as soon as they are supposed to be, but they still don’t talk much to him, don’t try to spend time with him like the soldier does. The only exception seems to be Rumlow who has been starting to give Clint a little more attention lately. It is small things, like telling him that he did a good job at the range, occasionally eating lunch with them in Barton’s room, watching the others to make sure they don’t go out of bounds with him, and just generally interacting with Clint a bit more than he did before the incident with Childers. Clint seems unsure of it, watches him with a cautious eye but the soldier is glad of it, pleased that perhaps Rumlow will watch out for Clint when he can’t, if he is put back to sleep or forced to forget him. So far it hasn’t happened yet and the soldier spends every moment that he can with Clint, is on the range with the boy right now.

“ That was good, now switch hands.”

The soldier gives the order from where he stands a bit away with Rumlow and Clint follows it quickly. He switches the gun he is working with today to his right hand instead of his left and goes through a few rounds that way before the soldier tells him to switch hands again. He needs to shoot with both hands, needs to be as adaptable as possible, and this is a drill that they do often, with all the weapons that he is being trained with. Improvement is being made almost every time but he can still be better and the soldier is going to make sure he is.

“Switch again.”

Rumlow gives the order this time and Clint takes a little more time to obey than he does when the soldier gives the order. It is just a few seconds, just a moment of hesitation, but the soldier sees it. He is unsure why Barton follows his orders more quickly, why he listens to the soldier more, and though he does not mind it, sometimes he worries about it. The soldier is not meant to give orders, is not a handler, and there may be consequences if it is felt that the soldier is acting outside mission parameters, if Clint looks to the soldier for orders instead of who he is supposed to. Nothing has been said and Rumlow has started increasing the amount of orders he gives Clint, has become more involved with the training, and so it may not be a problem in the long term. Th He pushes aside the thought now, just continues watching Barton while Rumlow gives the order that he can put down the gun now, go back to his bow. He picks up the bow and goes to shooting the targets with it instead of the gun now and the soldier simply watches him for a little while.

Clint is better with the bow still, has improved with guns, but he is still more at ease with the bow. His stance is not very professional, there is just something a bit off about it, but it doesn’t affect his shooting. He is good, very good with his bow, and he looks relaxed right now, comfortable in a way that he doesn’t with the guns, with most of the other tasks he is given. The bow is something that the soldier is only slightly familiar with but Barton knows how to use it and use it well and the soldier is thinking about that now, decides to speak with Rumlow about it now.

“He prefers the bow still, is more accurate with it than he is with any of the guns. That is something that may need to be considered, there could be advantages to it.”

He says this simply, quietly and Rumlow turns to him, gives a bit of a shrug.

“Maybe but he is still good with the guns as well. Your boy is improving a bit each day.”

“He is not my boy.”

The soldier says this after Rumlow uses those words, knows that it is important to say it. Barton doesn’t belong to him even though the soldier is in charge of his training right now, even though he keeps him safe, cares for him. The soldier is not allowed to keep things, won’t be allowed to keep Clint. Rumlow just gives another shrug is about to say something when the door to the range opens and both of their attention is drawn away from Barton as some others enter the room, Pierce among them. Clint hears the footsteps and he stops firing, turns to see what is going on, and he is no longer relaxed when he sees Pierce. The man simply gives a nod in Clint’s direction, speaks calmly.

“Keep firing, young man. I haven’t seen you shoot for a while, I want to see your improvement.”

There is a moment of hesitation and the soldier can feel Clint’s eyes drift over to him for just a moment before he shifts his focus back to the targets in front of him, goes back to shooting. He hits each target just like he did before but there is something just a bit different right now. Clint is not as relaxed right now, his posture just a bit stiffer in Pierce’s presence but he does as he is told right now, goes through a few arrows, switches hands after a little while.   Barton goes through a routine and when he is done, Pierce looks pleased, tells him that he is improving and that it is time for him to go to his lessons.

“You can walk him to the room and then I need to speak with you, there is something that you need to see to away from here. “

These words are for the soldier and then Pierce leaves after the soldier gives a nod. Rumlow goes with him and Clint as they walk to the room, but he stays just a bit behind them and Clint speaks quietly to the soldier now.

“You are going somewhere today? Doing something?”

The soldier gives a nod as an answer.

“Will you be back soon?”

There is something in Clint’s tone of voice, a hint of concern and the soldier thinks about his answer for only a moment before answering.

“I will be back when I can.”

It is a truthful answer and they have reached the room now. Barton looks like he wants to say something but he doesn’t, simply goes in and then the soldier leaves, goes to find Pierce, hopes that whatever mission the man has for him will not take long, that he is not being taken off of this mission.

It does not take long for the soldier and Rumlow to meet Pierce and the man has them sit down, slides a piece of paper to the soldier. It is a list of information, name and location, a picture, and the soldier recognizes it as a mission. He is going out again.

“It is termination, want the target taken care of as soon as possible. Death can be public if need be. It is near by, shouldn’t take you long.”

The soldier says yes sir, looks over all the details. The mission should be simple and the soldier wants to get it done as soon as possible. There is talk for just a little bit longer of what needs to be done, how it should be done, and right before the soldier is given his leave, sent to take care of it, Pierce says one more thing.

“Do it quickly and without any problems and you can go back to training Barton as soon as you are done. If there are problems, then we will need someone else to take over his training. As long as you perform well, then there is no reason to have the boy moved away from your care. ”

The soldier understands the underlying threat in those words but he also hears the promise in them. As long as he does as he is told, he will be able to keep his promise to Clint. The soldier wants to keep that promise so much and so he simply tells Pierce that he understands and then he goes on the mission.

It is a quick one, does not take long at all and the soldier does it well. He is pleased when it is over, pleased in a way that he has never really been with a mission’s success before. With other missions,   he would be almost pleased because it would mean no punishment when a mission went well. With this one, the soldier is pleased because success means he doesn’t have to leave Barton yet. It is a different sort of feeling and he is not sure of it, but he is relieved that he will get to go back to the boy.

He is back at the base now, goes over his debriefing, and then they lead him back to the room with the chair. A sense of nervousness settles over him now, a sense of worry. He has been told that he will go back to training but he has been brought to the chair, is near the chamber, and he wonders if they have changed their minds.

“You’re still going to remember Barton, just don’t need to remember the details of this mission. “

That is the explanation Rumlow gives him as he gestures to the chair and the soldier accepts it, has little other choice. If he fights, then they will force him into it and there will be consequences. If he accepts it, then he can go back to Clint sooner. He sits down in the chair, accepts the mouth guard, and soon enough, it starts. The pain is familiar, one of the few constants that the soldier has known, but it is brief this time, doesn’t last as long as other sessions have. Still, he is shaky for a bit, has to sit for a little while for the fuzziness to pass and Rumlow sits with him, starts to talk to him about how Clint has done the last day or so while the soldier was away. He doesn’t remember what he did while he was away but he remembers Clint, knows Clint, and he is content to hear about him, to know that he is still safe.

“ He works better for you but he did what he was told so you can see him in a bit, he is in lessons now but you can finish his training for the day.”

Rumlow says this now, has his hand on the soldier’s shoulder, fingers rubbing just a bit. There has been a little more touching lately, Rumlow brushing fingers against him, sitting close to him, and it seems to be leading to something. The man wants something from the soldier but he isn’t sure what and he doesn’t feel like it is his place to ask. If it is something that the soldier can give, he will probably let

Rumlow have it. It isn’t the soldier’s place to say no and he will not risk consequences unless it is for Barton and he doesn’t mind Rumlow so much, doesn’t mind the touching. It almost feels like something he has had before, touching and a sort of affection but he can’t remember it. He doesn’t dwell on it too much, right now he simply gives a nod at Rumlow’s words and after a little while longer of just sitting, he is told that he can see Clint now.

They met him at the range and there is a bit of relief in Clint’s eyes when he sees the soldier. There are no signs of harm on Clint, no visible bruises or cuts that he did not have before the soldier had to leave and he does not carry himself like he is hurt, and the soldier is pleased by that. They go through the afternoon routine, picking up like the soldier was not gone for over a day, and soon enough the training for the day is done and Barton is taken back to his room and the soldier stays with him, eats dinner with him. Rumlow stays for a bit but he leaves them after a little while and soon enough, it is just the two of them and Clint asks a question.

“What did you do while you were gone?”

“I completed a mission, do not know more than that.”

The soldier tells him this, does not wish to keep things from Barton and there is a strange expression on his face right now, one that the soldier is not sure how to read.

“They made you forget it, didn’t they?”

The soldier gives a nod and Clint keeps speaking after it and he is tensed up right now.

“Rumlow told me that they do that, showed me the chair. Does it hurt?”

The soldier will not lie to him.

“Yes. It hurts every time.”

Clint is looking at him now, and there is anger in his eyes and also just a hint of fear and he is asking another question now.

“Why do you stay here if they hurt you?”

It is a simple question and the soldier gives a simple answer.

“There is nowhere I can go.”

Clint is still looking at him, that strange mix of fear and anger still in his eyes and the soldier wishes for it to go away and so he moves the chair he is in, brings it closer to the bed so that he is close to Barton.

“There is no reason to talk about this. We can put in a movie till it is time for you to rest. Would you like that?”

Clint looks like he wants to say something else but he just gives a bit of a nod instead. The soldier puts the movie in and Clint scots over on his bed, has a spot open for the soldier. It is an unspoken invitation and the soldier takes it, settles himself next to Barton, lets the boy lean against him just a bit. Clint is safe here, the soldier gets to keep him for now, and that is all that really matters.

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	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy and thanks for all the support this story has received.

========

For the most part, being nice to the kid is working out well for Brock. The soldier is glad for it, has been responding just a bit more to him since he started paying attention to the kid, and it has improved his ranking just a little bit since he is making an effort to get the kid to listen to him and the kid does somewhat better with him than the others. The biggest problem Rumlow has is that since he can get along with Barton a bit better than most of the others means now that the soldier is being sent off on short missions again, he is left behind sometimes to stay with the kid. It is a bit of an annoyance, Brock would much rather be on mission with the soldier, but at least spending time with Barton is less of an irritation than it was before. The kid is still a stubborn shit but he is growing on Rumlow just a bit and he is with the kid right now, taking over his training for the morning because the soldier is on another mission.

“You are going to start with knives, once winter is back but right now, I want to see your strikes.”

He points to one of the punching bags, needs the kid to hit at it for a bit. Barton looks at it for a few seconds, doesn’t make a move to hit it till Brock makes a gesture with his hand to the bag, tells him to have at it. Barton goes to it after that, still watches Rumlow out of the corner of his eye and after a few hits, he speaks.

“When will he be back?”

The question comes and Barton has stopped hitting the bag now, is just looking at Rumlow right now. Brock doesn’t have to ask who he is, the only person the kid cares about here is the soldier. Rumlow just gives a bit of a shrug now as he answers.

“Probably tomorrow or so. Mission shouldn’t take too long. Keep going.”

The kid does, keeps hitting the bag. His strikes are getting better and Rumlow moves him off the bag after a little bit. They spar, just the two of them, and Rumlow doesn’t hold back a whole lot, just enough so that he knows he won’t hurt Barton besides a couple bruises. Pierce has told him that Barton is going to be more than just a means to control the soldier, and he is not to be harmed more than needed. The kid still has a lot to learn but he has been improving and some of his hits do connect with Brock. There is a bit of force behind his hits and sometimes Brock thinks Barton likes these sparring sessions better than the defensive ones, the ones when he can hit back, when he can let out a little aggression. The kid is doing solid hits right now, dodging all a lot of Brock’s and he manages to knock him down on the ground. Rumlow doesn’t stay down, gets up and looks at the kid for just moment.

“Good. Do that a couple more times this session and I’ll bring you something after lunch.”

It is something Brock has done a couple of times since he has started being nice to the kid, bringing him a candy bar or something when he does well in training sessions, usually brings it when the kid is finishing up lunch or dinner with the soldier. The kid has been a little suspicious of it but he seems to have a bit of fondness for chocolate so it works as a bit of an incentive for him and Brock hasn’t been told to stop it yet. This is the first time he has offered it when the soldier isn’t around to see it but Brock figures he should treat the kid decently even when winter isn’t here. It will work out pretty well for him in the long run if Barton listens to him, respects him, since Pierce obviously has plans for the kid and is looking at who can work with him. It will be best for his place in Hydra if he is one of the only ones that the kid gets along with.

Barton is looking at him right now, right after he has made the offer, and his stare is a bit intense. Rumlow doesn’t say anything yet, just waits to see what the kid is going to do, and after a moment, Barton speaks.

“You don’t have to be nice right now, the soldier isn’t here to see it.”

The words are spoken plainly and the kid has paid attention, knows why Brock is trying to treat him a bit nicer. There isn’t really any reason to deny it so he doesn’t, instead just stares at the kid as he asks a question.

“Would you rather I be an asshole to you?’

Barton sort of gives half a shrug, is still just looking at him. Brock takes a step closer to him and the kid doesn’t back away from him but he does tense up just slightly. He doesn’t make a move to touch Barton or anything, just looks at him for a long moment before speaking.

“The way I see it, you’re going to be here for a while, I’m here, we will probably work together in the future, no reason for us to not get along. You’re with us for the long haul, kid.”

There is a flash of irritation Barton’s face at the slight reminder that he is stuck here.

“So I’m just supposed to be ok with being kept here, being trained as a weapon of some sort?”

There is anger in his voice and Brock really doesn’t care much about it, just keeps his eyes on the kid in case he tries to lash out. Rumlow can still take him but it will be better if he doesn’t have to stop an attack from the kid that is not in a sparring session so he speaks again, keeps his voice calm, doesn’t tell the kid anything that isn’t a version of the truth.

“You can’t really change it and things really aren’t so bad for you here. You get three meals a day, are being taught, have a roof over your head, and the winter soldier has basically taken you as a little brother. “

The soldier is protective of the kid for sure, treats him the best way he knows how. There is affection there, Rumlow has seen it, been jealous of it before deciding that it could be used to help with his own relationship with soldier.

“I already have a brother. I would like to see him again”

Barton says this now and there is a bit of stubbornness in his gaze. Brock just shakes his head at him.

“Doesn’t matter, you’re not going anywhere. Besides, from what I heard, your brother left you before you were taken, probably doesn’t even know you have been kidnapped and you’re not going to be allowed contact with him. You’re probably better off without him anyway.”

Brock says it simply and Barton is super tense now but the kid needs to hear things like this every once in a while. He is going to have to accept everything at some point, realize that he isn’t going to be allowed to go back to where he was before and it will be better if it is sooner rather than later. Pierce has plans for the kid and it is quite clear that none of his previous life is in those plans. Rumlow is honestly surprised that the kid hasn’t been wiped yet, it would make it easier if he didn’t remember everything. All Brock can really find out about that is that Barton is young and there is worry about what the machine could do to him in the long run if it is used on him too soon. He pushes those thoughts aside from now, brings his focus back to the glaring kid right now, back to the training they need to do.

“Enough chatter, time to get back to it.”

This is all Rumlow says before he moves into attack position again, lunges at the kid. It is a fight after that, Barton a bit riled up from their talk and he pushes back quite a bit, does manage to knock Rumlow down a couple more times, gets a few good hits in. When they are done with that for the day, when the kid is off to lessons, Brock goes back to the room he uses when he is here, and looks at his ribs. The kid got a pretty good kick in on them and sure enough there is a red mark across his left side that will blossom into a bruise soon enough. Barton is improving and Brock makes a note in his head to avoid his kicks next time they spar and he does give the kid a candy bar with his dinner that night. He doesn’t stay to see if the kid eats it or not.

The next couple of days are spent working on Barton’s training and the kid asks for updates on the soldier almost everyday, asks a few other questions about him. Rumlow answers them when he can, doesn’t bullshit the kid. He has a fascination with the soldier, a bit of affection for him and Rumlow understands it, wants it to grow just a bit more because it will help in using him as a reward for the soldier if he is just as fond of him as Winter is of him. He almost thinks about telling the kid about who the soldier was once, tell him about Bucky Barnes, but he decides against it. Barton doesn’t need to know about who the soldier was, he needs to know who he is now, what he is now.

The soldier comes back after three days of being gone. It is late, the kid already in bed for the night but Rumlow had been doing a round of the base and saw him being brought in. He waits till his debriefing is over and then goes to him. He has been in a scuffle, his uniform had blood on it and Rumlow can see that his bottom lip has a cut. It will mostly likely heal by morning but Brock’s fingers itch to touch it right now, to see if the soldier will react to the pain a bit, to see his response. He doesn’t touch it right now, too many people around, instead he just watches as they get him ready for the wipe, don’t even clean him up first because the techs really want to go back to bed. It is over soon enough and Brock waits with him till he is steady enough again to go back to his room.

“The kid missed you these last few days.”

He says these words once they are the only ones there and the solider just turns and looks at him. Winter doesn’t ask about what happened these last few days, is used to having patches of time snatched away from him but he does ask a question.

“How is Clint?”

Rumlow fills him in, tells him about the kid’s training the last few days and he watches him the whole time. The soldier is just a bit different now that he has been out of the chamber for so long, just a little bit different since he has been allowed time with Barton. He is still a weapon, still hard and dangerous but there is more to him now, just little hints of humanity peeking through and Brock wonders sometimes if he is seeing little pieces of Bucky Barnes when he interacts with the kid. It is interesting and he looks forward to seeing just how human the soldier can react, to taking whatever Brock can get from him.

“Barton managed to get me down a couple times the other day, got a few good hits. This came from your boy.”

As he says this, Brock lifts up his shirt, shows off the purple mark across his left ribs. The soldier shakes his head a bit at Barton being called his boy but he stares at the bruise for a long moment and then he does something he hasn’t really before. His right hand reaches out, his flesh and blood one, fingers running over the bruise. He is touching Rumlow without any sort of spoken permission and Brock likes it, gives a nod so that he knows it is ok. His fingers settle against the bruise, warm and strong, and then he is asking a question.

“Was he punished for it?”

There is just a hint of apprehension in the soldier’s voice. Brock shakes his head, gives just a bit of a grin.

“No, it was done during sparring so he wasn’t out of line. I actually gave him a treat that night. “

There is relief in the soldier’s gaze now and he brushes his fingers across the bruise one more time before moving them away. Brock puts his shirt down now, is still looking at the soldier as he asks another question.

“Can I see him?”

“Let’s get you cleaned up first and then I will take you to his room.”

It is an easy enough request to fill and the soldier gives a nod, gets up after a moment. Brock leads him back to his room, has him change out of the bloody clothes, has him sit on the bed once he is changed. He helps him clean up and Brock runs a finger over the soldier’s split lip now, speaks to him quietly.

“There is something I want to do before I take you to him. I’m not going to hurt you, just want this one thing, and then we will go to Barton’s room, alright?”

The soldier gives a nod, doesn’t shift away from Brock and he wonders if the promise not to hurt him even really matters to the soldier. He moves his finger away from his lip now, brings his hand to rest on the back of his neck and then he is moving closer to the soldier, places his lips against his.

This is their first kiss, something Brock has been working up to, and winter doesn’t fight it. His lips are warm against Brock’s and he isn’t exactly unresponsive but he isn’t eager either and Rumlow wonders if he is even really aware of what this is, knows he doesn’t remember the kisses he may have had before. For all purposes, this is the soldier’s first kiss and there is something exciting about that, about the fact that Brock gets to be the one to give it to him. He pulls back after a moment, runs a finger over the soldier’s lip again before telling him that they can go to Barton’s room now. The soldier gives a nod, follows Brock there, and Rumlow lets him in, watches as he brings a chair over and sits down, watches the boy sleep. Brock sits down with him a bit before eventually letting the other guards know that the soldier is staying there. He goes to his own room, gets some sleep, and thinks about just what else he can give the soldier, what else he can take.

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	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still a bit of slow build but I promise things will start going faster soon, just want to establish a bit more. Thank you for all the awesome comments, they mean a lot.

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The soldier has gone on a few missions now but they have all been quick and he has been able to return to this base, return to Clint. His primary mission is still training Clint and it is one the soldier plans to continue as long as he can. Clint is improving a bit each day, the soldier watches him and each time the boy doges a hit, lands a blow, hits a target, the soldier feels a bit of warmth, a bit of pride. He is growing stronger and the soldier is pleased by it, knows that the stronger he is, the more useful he will be, the more likely he is to be able to survive and the soldier wants him to survive. He wants Clint safe and taken care of and so he trains the boy and is pleased by all of his progress.

There are still a few weaknesses, things that can be improved upon, more to teach but Clint is doing well despite the reluctance the soldier sees sometimes. He still doesn’t want to be here and the soldier is not sure why. Clint is safe here, is given food and shelter, and he is not harmed. The bruises and cuts that the boy sometimes has now have been given during training to make him stronger, aren’t done just to hurt him. Overall, Clint is being taken care of better than he had been before and the solider is sure that he will one day be alright with being here, will realize that it was best that he was taken from his old life. It looks like it will still take some time before Clint accepts it all and for now the soldier does all he can to help him adjust.

“Adjust your grip on the handle, you need to have a firm grip at all times, have to control the knife.”

The soldier says this as they work on knives some more, as he shows Clint different techniques with them. The boy does well with throwing them but needs to be bit better with attacking with them. He goes through a few things with him now, watches as Clint adjusts his grip, as his control gets better. The soldier shows him a few more strikes today, things he can do with the knives to take out an opponent quickly. He holds his own knife, shows the boy where to strike by placing it in spots that would be good to hit, shows Clint what spots he should try to protect.

“If you slice here, they will bleed quickly. It is good for termination.”

The soldier has his knife against Clint’s throat right now, against a vein but he doesn’t press done, doesn’t harm the boy. Clint is tense against him and he has taken a deep breath at the soldier’s words. He seems almost afraid right now and the soldier does not like Clint being afraid.

“It is alright, I will not harm you.”

He says it simply ,makes sure that the knife is still barely touching his skin, will not cut him. Clint is still tense but he speaks after just a moment, voice steady and it reassures the soldier.

“I know.”

The soldier smiles briefly at the simple statement before showing Clint how to get the knife away from his throat. The training goes on but that tension never seems to leave Clint the whole time he shows him various killing blows. It is soon time for his lessons and the soldier walks him to the room, leaves him there like he does each day. He will see him again in the evening and the solider looks forward to that.

There are sometimes tasks for him to attend to when Clint is in lessons but not always and today is one of those days. Instead of going around the base on rounds or being tested, the soldier spends his time away from Clint in his room, alone for most of the time. The soldier only really spends time in it when he is resting or when Clint is in lessons and there is nothing else for him to attend to. It is not that much different in layout from Clint’s room, a bathroom attached to it, one door and no windows, but it is a bit smaller than the boy’s and there are less items in it. The soldier only has the bare essentials in his room, a bed, a few sets of clothes, a chair and small table, bedding. He doesn’t need much and he has never really minded that he is not given very many unneeded items but he always likes being in Clint’s room a bit better, there is more there and he is glad that Clint is given more comforts, feels that the boy deserves that. He will go to Clint’s room later, to talk and perhaps read or watch a movie but for right now, he simply sits on the bed, waits for time to pass.

His door opens after a few hours of being left alone and it is Rumlow who enters, comes in and closes the door behind him, has something in his hands that he sits down on the table before approaching the soldier, sitting down next to him on the bed. He is close, very close to the soldier, he can feel the heat of Rumlow’s body but he says nothing about it. This is becoming very familiar, Rumlow being so close, the touches and attention that he gives the soldier and the soldier does not fight it. It is odd and he doesn’t always understands it but there is a part of him that likes being touched and Rumlow is the only one that really does this, the only one that gives him any sort of focus outside of missions and orders besides Clint and this is different than the attention he gets from the boy.

“You’re getting a bit scruffy. Want to clean up?”

Rumlow asks this as he leans a bit closer to him, runs some fingers along the soldier’s jaw, where several days’ worth of stubble is. The soldier is allowed to bathe himself but there are certain things he is not allowed to do without supervision or someone else doing them and shaving is one of those. He hasn’t had a shave since before his last mission and the soldier gives a nod now and Rumlow smiles and moves his fingers away.

“Thought you might. I brought everything for it, take your shirt off and go to the bathroom, we’ll get you cleaned up a bit.”

The soldier does as he is told and soon enough Rumlow is helping him to apply lather to his face, helps him shave. Rumlow watches the soldier’s face as he runs the blade along his jawline, as he scrapes the stubble away. He pushes the blade a little too quickly and the soldier can feel the sting of a small cut on his jaw but he doesn’t flinch at it, has felt much worse before. Rumlow wipes it, finishes, and the soldier splashes his face with water, dries it off. Rumlow stands close to him now, runs a thumb along his jaw, along the small cut that will heal quickly.

“Sorry about that.”

Rumlow gives a hint of a smile before moving his thumb away, placing his lips on the cut instead. It is quick, just a soft brush of lips against it, and the soldier doesn’t move away. Rumlow stands so very close still and he brushes his lips against the soldier’s now, wraps a hand around the back of his neck. He has been doing this every so often now, these touches and kisses, and the soldier is uncertain about them but does not stop them, doesn’t mind them all that much. It is almost nice having contact of some sort that doesn’t involve harm to himself or someone else. The soldier stands with arms to his side as Rumlow leans back just a bit after the kiss and speaks.

“When we do this, you can touch me back, if you want.”

The soldier just looks at Rumlow for a moment, not sure if he should say or do anything. Want is something the soldier is not very familiar with, isn’t something he is usually allowed. The only want he can even remember having is the want to keep Clint safe, to care for him, and even now it is the only one he is aware of. These touches and kisses from Rumlow are not exactly something the soldier wants but he doesn’t mind them and he doesn’t think Rumlow will stop them. The soldier gives a nod now and Rumlow leans back in, places his lips against the soldier’s again. The soldier is still for a moment before moving his flesh hand, placing it on Rumlow’s neck. He just rests his fingers there, doesn’t curl them around like Rumlow does but he can feel Rumlow smile a bit against his lips. This kiss is a bit longer than the last one, a bit more demanding, and the soldier lets it happen. Rumlow looks pleased when he pulls away, when he lets go of the soldier’s neck and the soldier removes his own fingers from his. Rumlow turns and gathers up the shaving supplies now, leaves the bathroom. The soldier follows him, grabs a shirt and puts it on as Rumlow says he needs to return the razor, that he will be back soon. The soldier simply sits down and waits. It doesn’t take long for Rumlow to return.

“Lessons should be over now, we can go get your boy.”

He should tell him again that Clint isn’t his but the soldier doesn’t, has grown used to Rumlow calling Clint that. Instead, the soldier gives a nod, gets up and follows him down the hall. It does not take long until Clint is beside the soldier again, the rest of the day and evening spent with him, Rumlow there for part of it. Eventually, it is just the two of them in Clint’s room and the soldier sits next to him on the bed as a film plays. Clint doesn’t really seem to be watching it, his eyes keep darting to the soldier and he is fidgeting just a bit, and he speaks after a few minutes.

“You are training me to kill people, they want me to kill people for them.”

There is pain in his voice, the soldier hears it, and Clint is not looking at him right now. The soldier wants to comfort him, wraps an arm around him, and Clint doesn’t move away from it

“Yes.”

It is one word, a simple word, a truthful word and it makes Clint tense up in the soldier’s hold but he doesn’t move away from him, turns and looks at the soldier instead. His eyes are wide, his face pale, and his voice shakes when he speaks again.

“I don’t want to kill anyone, I don’t want to be here. I want to leave.”

He doesn’t tell Clint that he can’t leave, doesn’t tell him that they would simply bring him back, instead he asks a question.

“Where could you go?”

Clint is quiet for just a moment before he gives his answer and his voice does not shake as much now.

“I would find Barney, find the base he went to. Maybe when I’m a bit older, I’d join up with him, be a soldier.”

Clint has spoken about his brother before and something always rises up in the soldier when he speaks of him, something he isn’t sure about, a feeling of annoyance at the mention of him and now is the same. He knows that Clint wants to see him again but he left Clint behind, abandoned him, and the soldier knows that Hydra won’t allow Clint to see him, that it would be better if he can let go of the idea of his brother. The soldier doesn’t say anything about his brother right now, instead focuses on another aspect of Clint’s words.

“If you became a soldier, you would still have to kill. Would still become stained. No man goes to war and comes back clean.”

The soldier knows this and he says it now, not to be cruel but because it is the truth. He knows this like it is something he has thought about before, how much war taints, how much it stains. There had been someone once he had been worried about being stained, someone important, but the soldier doesn’t remember, just knows he couldn’t keep them out of the war. There always seems to be war and only those who don’t survive leave it unstained. The soldier wants Clint to survive, to live, and so he only feels a bit of guilt that the boy will be stained. Clint is still tense next to him, speaks quietly again.

“Then I guess I would have to do something else then, hide.”

The soldier just shakes his head at these words.

“You would be found, there would be consequences, it is better for you to stay here.”

“Would they send you again?”

The question is asked and Clint’s whole focus is on the soldier, eyes searching his face for something. The soldier isn’t sure what Clint is looking for, unsure if it will be a good thing if he finds it. The soldier simply answers the question.

“Possibly.”

“Would you bring me back, even if I didn’t want to?”

That look is still on Clint’s face, that one of searching, and the soldier speaks the truth.

“Yes, I would bring you back.”

Clint’s eyes narrow now, his mouth tightens just a bit, and there is tension radiating off of him. He speaks and his voice is a bit hard.

“Because it would be your orders and you have to follow them.”

It is part of the reason the soldier would bring him back but not all and the soldier needs to tell Clint everything, needs him to understand.

“I would bring you back because you are safe here, taken care of. Out there, you are not safe, have no one to care for you. You deserve to be safe.”

The soldier means every word and Clint is staring at him still, eyes widening now and a shaky breath taken, body slumping just a bit as he speaks.

“You really do think I’m safe here, don’t you?”

The soldier simply gives a nod, keeps holding the boy close. Clint is upset and the soldier isn’t sure how to make it better and Clint is speaking again, voice barely about a whisper and his voice comes out a bit broken, like he is holding back something.

“I know you won’t hurt me, I trust you, but I know what they want me to do and I can’t do that. What happens to me when I won’t, can’t do what they want me to?”

He is shaking a bit now, Clint is shaking, and the soldier keeps him close, wants to comfort him. He says the only words that he thinks will help.

“You will be able to. You are strong and I am going to make sure you are strong enough for everything, make sure you are ready when it is time. I will keep you safe, take care of you, make certain you are not broken more than needed. It will be alright.”

He makes these promises to Clint, doesn’t make the ones he can’t keep. He doesn’t promise that Clint will keep his hands free of blood, doesn’t promise that he won’t be broken, those are promises he knows he can’t keep. He hopes that this reassures the boy, isn’t sure that it does. Clint is still shaking a bit, still upset but he doesn’t move from the soldier, instead his head lays on his shoulder, his face buried in the soldier’s shirt, and he just lays there, lets the soldier hold him. He moves his hand now, buries his fingers in Clint’s hair, strokes it softly as he reassures him.

“It will be alright. You should rest, I will stay, if you want.”

Clint doesn’t say anything but the soldier feels his head nod against him. It is simple thing to shift just a bit, move so that he can place the blanket on Clint. The film is over now but the soldier makes no move to turn it off. A guard will be by soon to see if the soldier is staying, it happens often enough and it can be turned off them. For now, he holds Clint close, can feel the shaking start to stop, knows that Clint has tired himself by being so emotional. He is calming down but the soldier wonders if it is just a calm before another storm, if Clint will still have problems with everything in the morning, if he will still be afraid. That is something the soldier will deal with later, right now he just holds Clint till his breathing evens out and doesn’t let go even when he is asleep.

Instead, the soldier shifts slightly, moves so that Clint may be more comfortable. He keeps Clint close, settles him against him, still has his fingers in his hair. The soldier does something tonight that he has not done before, something he thinks may be a comfort. He leans down and brushes his lips against Clint’s hair, just a quick soft touch. It is a kiss but different than the ones from Rumlow. Clint shifts just a little closer after it and the soldier thinks it was a comfort. The soldier meant his promises earlier, will keep his boy safe, and he holds Clint now and lets him find his rest safe in the soldier’s hold.

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	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a bit more and thank you for all the comments.

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“Don’t forget you are going to be evaluated tomorrow, make sure you get a lot of rest tonight, kid.“

It is Rumlow who says this to Clint at dinner, says it simply and Clint tries not to tense up at the reminder. He simply gives a nod but he can feel the soldier’s eyes watching him, knows that the soldier is going to talk to him about this as soon as Rumlow leaves. He has known about it all day, they told him this morning during training but he doesn’t like being reminded. Clint tries to just focus on his dinner and tries not to let his nerves overwhelm him, tries not to think about what they may have him do tomorrow as part of his evaluation. He has only been here a few months but he knows what they want him to do, what they are training him for, and he dreads when the day that they think he is ready comes, if he hasn’t managed to leave here by then. He doesn’t know if that day is tomorrow and the dread fills him, makes his stomach hurt, but he keeps his food down, eats everything and just stays quiet for right now.

Rumlow leaves after dinner is finished and it is just the soldier and Clint again, like it usually is in the evening, a guard outside in the hall but the door is shut right now. It is just him and the soldier and Clint doesn’t say anything for a little while, just sits there while the soldier looks at him. Only a few minutes pass and then the soldier speaks.

“You are worried about tomorrow.”

It is a statement, not a question, but Clint still gives a nod. The soldier places a hand on Clint’s shoulder, his flesh hand not the metal, and he speaks gently now, keeps ahold of Clint as he does so.

“You do not need to worry. It is not time for a mission yet, just a check on what you have learned so far. You are not ready for targets yet, will not be given one yet. It will be awhile before you are ready.”

The words are meant to be a reassurance, the soldier is telling him that he won’t have to kill tomorrow but Clint hears the yet, knows that it still in the plans for him. He just gives a bit of a shrug now, isn’t sure what to say so he says nothing. The soldier gives his shoulder a squeeze before speaking again.

“You have nothing to worry about. You have improved a lot, you will do well.”

There is a hint of praise in the soldier’s words right now and Clint feels a bit of warmth at the approval, likes when the soldier tells him he is doing well or improving even though he doesn’t want to be here, even though sometimes he thinks he should hate the soldier since he was the one to bring him here. He can’t hate the soldier, he cares and Clint hasn’t hat that a lot, and he appreciates his praise. There is always something sincere in the way he says them and Clint responds to that, appreciates it a bit because everything else here is not very honest at all. Clint just gives a nod to the words right now as he speaks.

“Ok, so tomorrow will be alright. Want to watch a movie till I have to sleep? You can pick.”

The soldier hesitates for just a moment before giving a nod, before moving away from Clint and picking out a movie, putting it on. Clint knows that the soldier doesn’t get to choose a lot of things, has seen enough here to know how little choice the soldier has in anything he does, and sometimes Clint wants him to be able to choose.

Clint settles down on his bed as the movie starts, the soldier right next to him. This is part of the routine now, these quiet evenings with the soldier and it is the one thing Clint will miss if he manages to get out of here, the soldier is the one thing that he will miss if he gets out of here. He wishes that the soldier would run with him but Clint knows now that he won’t, he even told Clint that he would bring him back if he ran just a few days ago when they talked about Clint wanting to leave. He thinks Clint is safe here, has promised to keep him safe, and Clint knows that he believes it. He has been broken so much that he really does think Clint is safer being a killer than being somewhere else. It is all so screwed up and Clint has no idea how exactly he has ended up in this mess.

They watch the move, the soldier keeping an arm around Clint’s soldier right now and it makes him think briefly of Barney, of how they use to huddle together and watch TV before the accident. He has no idea if he will ever see Barney again and Clint wishes that he wonders if Barney knows he is missing now, if he is looking for him. Clint hopes he is but he doesn’t dwell on the thought, just watches the movie and it ends and the soldier stays. Clint sleeps through the night and morning comes soon enough. Clint is taken to the range right away and Pierce is there, waiting, watching Clint with a sharp eye and the man always makes him a bit nervous. He has only interacted with him a few times these past months but Clint doesn’t like him, doesn’t trust him. He knows he is in charge though, has figured out there will be a lot of trouble if Clint says or does the wrong thing around him, so he is careful around him.

“Good morning, young man. Ready to show me if our investment in you is paying off?”

There is a hint of warning in his voice. Clint just gives a nod and Pierce gives a sharp smile before pointing to where Clint needs to be. It is a lot like what they made him do the first time he shot, he is given various targets, shoots with both a bow and the guns he has been taught. The morning continues and Clint is tested most of it, can feel himself being watched the whole time, and they test him over more than just shooting. They go through most of what he has learned from the soldier, go through a lot of the drills and things, and there are times when Clint wants to purposely fail but he worries about the consequences of that and so he doesn’t. Things could be worse for him if they don’t think he has any use to them.

The physical testing is done by early afternoon, a small break taken for lunch but after it is over, there is more. This time it is the school like testing again, Clint has to sit at a desk for a little while and do math and reading questions. It is boring but it is not as frustrating as it was the first time, the questions a bit easier this time. He still isn’t quite sure why he needs to know all of this if they are just going to use him to kill people but he doesn’t ask, just finishes the test. After, he is taken to the doctor on base and they take a few blood samples, gets looked over again. He finds himself back in his room again by early evening and today was basically like that day months ago when they first started this whole thing and Clint wonders if they are going do this every few months.

His evening passes like most of his evenings do expect that the soldier and Rumlow are not the only people who stop by tonight. Right as dinner is finishing, Pierce comes by. He comes and sits down across from Clint, gestures to Rumlow and the soldier.

“You two should do a round. I would like to speak to Clint for a few minutes alone, speak about the progress he has made.”

Rumlow just gives a nod and heads to the door and the soldier gets up as well but before he leaves, he touches Clint’s shoulder briefly, a reassuring pat before he heads to the door. Pierce notices it and there is a brief pleased look on his face and Clint isn’t entirely sure why. Soon enough, it is just the two of them and Pierce speaks to Clint now, asks a question.

“How do you think you did today?”

It is a simple question but Clint thinks there has to be more to it than what it seems, doesn’t trust hardly anything here.

“ Does it matter how I think I did? Is this another test of some sort?”

The words come out and maybe they shouldn’t but Clint can’t help it sometimes. He really just wants answers sometimes and hardly anyone gives him any. The soldier does and Rumlow does sometimes but almost everything from Rumlow seems to be said for a purpose and Clint can’t trust him. He can’t trust Pierce either but he can watch him right now, see if he can get a bit of truth from his reaction to Clint’s words. Pierce just leans back a little bit in his chair, stares straight at Clint, and his voice is calm when he speaks.

“Almost everything is a test of some sort, I am sure you have learned that by now, after all you are a t clever young man. As for what you think, in this it matters, you need to be able to assess yourself as well as listen to orders. So I will ask again, how do you think you did today?”

Clint just stares at him for a moment before giving a shrug and then answering.

“I did alright, improved from last time, maybe not as skilled as everyone else here yet but I’m getting there and my shooting is better than most. The reading was easier this time.”

Clint says this, doesn’t say more than he needs to and he watches Pierce the whole time. Pierce just gives a nod and then a brief smile before speaking again.

“You are right, you have improved. There is still much that you need to learn, but it looks like you are going to be a worthwhile investment. You are going to start training more with others beside the soldier, there is a task that he needs to see to that will take at least a week or more but that will be in a few days and I may send Rumlow with him, I will expect you to listen to the others as you have with them.”

Pierce pauses for just a moment and his words sink in for Clint. It is another test of sorts, Clint knows that now but he may not be watched as closely with the soldier and Rumlow gone, it might be a chance to be able to do something about his situation. For now, he just keeps his face blank and gives Pierce a nod, tells him he understands. Pierce is still watching him, waits a moment before leaning forward just a bit, and talking with Clint again.

“That will not be for a few days and I wanted to speaks with you about tomorrow. I think with your improvement and good behavior and with tomorrow being a special day anyway, you can have a break from training and your lessons, perhaps a treat of some sort. Is there something you would like, something special that can be done?”

This feels like a test again and Clint knows he isn’t going to let him leave but maybe he can get something else, something that could end up helping him out, or at least let him know a bit more. He keeps his eyes on Pierce and keeps his voice steady as he asks for something he is pretty sure he won’t be given but wants to try anyway.

“Could I see my brother or call him?”

If he could see Barney or talk to him, Clint would feel like he could have someone on his side, he could maybe let him know what is going on. A hard look settles over Pierce’s face for a moment before he shakes his head.

“Now, that is something that can’t happen. Family is important or can be but sometimes they need to be left behind. You have a new life, Clint, you are going to help shape the world and your brother isn’t going to be a part of it. You need to accept that now.”

His voice is firm but he doesn’t yell this, makes it sound like he is giving Clint advice. There is a swell of anger in Clint now but he doesn’t say anything, knows that anything he says will be dismissed anyway. Pierce gets up now, moves a bit closer and put a hand on Clint’s shoulder and his touch is not reassuring like the soldier’s is even if Pierce means it to be. He wants to shrug it off but Pierce is still staring at him and Clint knows that it would not go over well so he doesn’t.

“I know this is difficult but you have a lot of potential, I have seen it and that is why you are here. You will understand someday, you are young still, turning sixteen tomorrow after all, and it can be difficult but you just need to trust that all of this is for the best.”

Clint tenses up just a bit at some of Pierce’s words, didn’t realize just what month it was, what day tomorrow would be, just how long he has been here.

“Tomorrow’s my birthday, I didn’t know.”

Pierce gives a bit of a nod and speaks, keeps his hand on Clint’s shoulder.

“It is and you have been busy, it is easy to lose track of time. Like I said earlier, you have been good and that is to be rewarded. No training tomorrow and I will see about a cake, maybe some ice cream. You aren’t a child anymore but everyone like ice cream on their birthday, right? My daughter still has it each year and she is some years older than you.”

Pierce is still saying something about his daughter, something about cake flavors but Clint really doesn’t hear it. All he can really focus on is the fact that he is going to be spending his birthday trapped here. Pierce eventually moves his hand away from Clint’s shoulder and there is relief that he is no longer touching him. He starts to make his way to the door now and he speaks to Clint one more time before he opens it.

“Now, tomorrow will be a free day for you and there will be a few treats but don’t forget that you are expected to keep behaving, to keep improving.”

He opens the door then and leaves and Clint can hear him speaking to someone now right outside the door, can’t really make out the words. The conversation stops after a little while and after a few minutes the soldier is opening the door, coming in. He comes close to Clint and gives him a small smile before speaking, words filled with that hint of pride he gets sometimes when he talks to Clint.

“You did well today, Pierce told us, said you will have a break tomorrow. There was nothing for you to worry about. Would you like to do something tonight?”

The soldier says all this and Clint still feels a bit shaken up from realizing just how long he has been here and he simply gives a nod, points to the books on the shelf. The soldier picks one up and they spend the evening reading it and Clint tries to push away all the thoughts about everything. The evening passes much like the one before only the soldier doesn’t get to stay tonight, is told he needs to check in with Pierce about something but that he will be able to see Clint tomorrow. Clint sleeps alone, dreams and worries crashing through his mind and he wakes up later the next morning than usual, was allowed to sleep in as part of his apparent treat.

The day passes and Clint is left alone for some of it but the soldier does eat breakfast with him before going about some other duties for the day. Pierce comes by with a few things for Clint , a pair of boots and a few new books and movies. Clint isn’t sure if they are supposed to be gifts or not but when prompted, he says thank you, doesn’t want to see what will happen if he doesn’t. He stays with Clint for a few hours, eats lunch with him and asks him questions about his lessons, talks a bit about Clint being almost a man now, talks about how much potential Clint has and how much good he is going to do in this world. The soldier doesn’t come for lunch today and Clint misses him, doesn’t like being alone with Pierce, doesn’t like having the man’s full attention. There isn’t much he can do about it and so he deals with it but there is relief when the man leaves, tells Clint that he has to leave base but that he would see him again at some point and to continue his progress.

Evening comes and with it Rumlow and the soldier come. It is almost time for dinner and the soldier sits down right next to Clint and Rumlow stands close to the soldier, almost touching him and Clint has seen how he does that more often , sees the way Rumlow is with the soldier. Rumlow cares about the soldier but Clint isn’t sure it is in the right way and he doesn’t trust him even if he is a bit nicer than the others here. Right now, he just looks at him as he speaks.

“Happy birthday, kid. You want to give it to him?”

This is said to the soldier, Rumlow briefly brushes his fingers across the back of the soldier’s neck. If the soldier is uncomfortable with the gesture, he doesn’t show it, simply nods and reaches on to the side of his pants, detaches something form his belt and hands it to Clint.

“This is for you, for you to use when you are ready, when it is needed.”

Clint takes it and recognizes it as a knife in a sheath, pulls it out after a nod from the soldier. It is like some of the ones they practice with and it has a simple handle but the blade itself is a bit different. The blade has a little shape to it and there is design carve into the part of it near the handler, an arrow. Clint isn’t sure what to think of the fact that a knife has been made for him but the soldier is looking at him, looks like he is waiting for Clint to say something so Clint takes a breath and speaks.

“Thank you. It is very nice.”

The soldier gives a smile now and he looks so happy that Clint likes the knife. Clint gives him a smile back, one that is only partly faked.

“You can’t keep it here yet so I need to take it back to the armory for you and then there we can eat. There’s going to be some cake, you like chocolate right? “

Rumlow says this now, is reaching for the knife and Clint doesn’t want to give it to him but he doesn’t really have a choice. He puts it back in the sheath and hands it to Rumlow. The man leaves now and it is just Clint and the soldier. The soldier starts to ask him how his day was and Clint tells him. He doesn’t let his worry show right now, doesn’t want to make the soldier unhappy right now because he looks so pleased since giving Clint the knife and Clint doesn’t want to ruin that. Still, as he tells the soldier about his day, he can’t help but think that he needs to get out of here so he doesn’t have to spend another birthday trapped like this, he just hopes that maybe he can help the soldier once he is out of here.

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	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more and I promise that we will start skipping ahead soon just I have a couple more chapters before I can do that. There is just a lot I want you to actually see in the story rather than just have it referenced and I hope people are ok with the slow build. This is just going to be a long story and thank you to everyone who reads it and sticks through it.

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It has only been a few days since the soldier gave Clint the knife, only a few days since the boy’s birthday, and he has been rather quiet since then. Clint still speaks to the soldier, still does as he is told, still lets the soldier stay in his room with him, but there is something just a bit off, just a bit sad about his boy. The soldier is sure it will pass, just wishes it would pass before he has to leave but he does not think it will. It will be alright, he is certain of that, and he spends his last day before his mission spending time with Clint and right now it is just the two of them and the soldier always enjoys these moments the most, when he can just be with Clint with no expectation or interference and he will miss it while he is gone.

They are reading a book tonight, taking turns reading pages out loud. They sit on the bed, close together, Clint leaning a bit on the soldier. It is a nice way to pass the evening and the soldier enjoys the story, has enjoyed a lot of the books they have read. It is science fiction one tonight and sometimes, the soldier thinks that genre is his favorite though he can never really be certain. He has only really been allowed free time recently so he is not sure if he has read many books before, if he has read enough novels to have a favorite type, but he likes the science fiction when they read it. The book is finished now, the soldier shutting it after the last page and the room is quiet now, neither of them saying anything as the soldier puts the book on the table next to the bed. A few minutes of quiet pass before Clint speaks.

“You’re leaving in the morning, right? But you will stay here tonight?”

It is a request and the soldier will not deny it, doesn’t think he can deny Clint much.

“I will stay here tonight, as long as you want me to.”

His words give him a nod and soon enough the lights are turned off and Clint is lying in the soldier’s arms, his head on the soldier’s chest. He is snuggled against the soldier very tightly tonight, has one arm wrapped around the solider and the soldier only shifts slightly, puts his fingers in Clint’s hair right now, strokes it. His boy seems like he wants touch tonight, everybody does, needs it, that is what Rumlow has told him, and the soldier will not deny Clint this. He strokes Clint’s hair softly, holds him tight and when he thinks Clint is almost asleep, that is when the boy speaks, words barely above a whisper.

“I will miss you, I will miss you so damn much.”

All the sadness the soldier has been sensing in Clint these last few days are in those words and he wants to make it go away, wants to reassure him. The soldier remembers the other day so kisses his hair now, whispers his own soft words.

“I will be back as soon as I can, I will return. You need to rest, you are safe here.”

He says this and holds Clint and the boy says nothing right now. Minutes pass and after a little while, Clint is asleep. The soldier stays awake for just a bit after that before finding his own rest and the morning comes too soon.

He is allowed to have breakfast with Clint, Rumlow there as well, but it doesn’t take long for it to be time to get ready to leave. This mission is going to be longer, around a week maybe more, and this will be the longest that the soldier will be away from Clint while still the soldier is still awake. He doesn’t like it but he knows that it is needed, that he still has to do as he is told but he is going to miss Clint. They are given a few minutes alone and the soldier stands in front of Clint, a hand on his shoulder and gets ready to leave.

“I will be back soon, listen, and stay safe. It will be alright.”

His words are a reassurance and Clint just stares at him for a few moments before moving forward and wrapping his arms around the soldier. The hug is nice and the soldier returns it and they stay like that for a few moments before Clint pulls away and it is time for the soldier to leave.

“Goodbye.”

Clint says it simply and there is still that trace of sadness in it and the soldier hates hearing it but there is not much he can do about it right now. He gives one more look to Clint before turning and going where he is needed. It is time to focus on the mission and he will, wants to get it done so he can return to his boy.

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It is dark right now, the room quiet and Clint lies in his bed, is listening for noises outside in the hall. He is alone, the soldier has been gone for a few days, Rumlow along with him, and Clint has decided that now it the time to try it. He has thought about this since his birthday, has known that he needs to get out of here but that just straight running may not work out for him and he has come up with a solution, just has to hope that it will work. He lies here and waits for the sound of footsteps that mean the guards are doing their round that will take them away from his door and tries not to think about how if this works he may not see the soldier again but at least he was able to tell him good bye. That has to be enough for right now, the footsteps are moving past his door and Clint knows that he has to do this now.

 

He gets out of his bed as quietly as possibly, puts shoes on just in case he does have to run for it tonight, grabs what he needs, and he makes his way to the door. Clint opens it slowly, peers out of it just to make sure, and when he sees no one, he leaves the room. He is pretty familiar with these halls by now, doesn’t know the way out but he knows how to get to what he wants to and that has to be good enough. The soldier has taught Clint to move quickly and quietly and he uses all that now, tries not to think about how he is leaving him behind. Clint has to do this and he is where he needs to be. He gets the paperclip out of his pocket now, uses it to pick the lock and at least that is one useful thing he picked up from Buck. He enters the room, doesn’t turn on the light, and walks over to the desk and now it is time to do what he has planned.

The phone is there and Clint has seen it used before, knows how to use it even if he wasn’t shown how to . This is a risk, placing a call but he has to do something and he is watched too closely to just run for it. He has thought long and hard about who call and he still isn’t sure if it is the right person but he has to do something. He grabs the phone, sits down on the floor behind the desk , and he is shaking just a bit. If he gets caught, he doesn’t know what they will do to him, but he has to at least try, wants some say in his life.

He can see the buttons in the dark, puts the receiver to his ear, pushes nine to dial out and the buttons sound so loud. He just has to hang in a few minutes, just has to get the number, just has to get the operator to push him through. Clint pushes in the number for the operator, has the phone so very close to him and hopes that it won’t be heard. It is ringing and he is waiting and it feels so long but probably a few seconds before he hears a voice on the other end.

“Operator, how may I place your call?”

Clint almost wants to tell her everything now but he doesn’t know how she would react, would probably find it a prank which is why he decided not to call the police. He doesn’t tell her that he has been kidnapped, just takes a deep breath and asks a question.

“Can you transfer my call to an Army base?”

His voice is barely above a whisper, he can’t risk speaking too loudly, and he worries that she didn’t him but then she replies. She tells him that she would need to know what base and that he may want to wait till morning, that they may not accept his call this late.

“It is an emergency, just please can you place it if I tell you what base?”

He is almost begging right now, he needs to get this call out, has to get this call placed.

“If it is an emergency sir, you should try your local police. I can patch you through?”

The police aren’t good enough, aren’t who he needs and he is about to try to beg her again when a noise startles him, the sound of the door being pushed open and Clint knows he has failed, that he wasn’t careful enough. One of the guards is here and everything happens quickly after that.

Clint tries to keep ahold of the phone, tries to get the operator to stay on the line but the first thing the guard does is pull the cord out of the wall, stops the call. He shouts for other guards and Clint knows that he is caught now but he isn’t going down with out a fight.

Clint fights, hits, kicks, blocks, and he makes it past the first guard, makes it into the hallway. He tries to run for it after that, tries to fight his way out of there but he doesn’t make it and soon enough, they have stabbed him with a needle and all Clint can think of as the darkness starts to take him is how much gentler the soldier was when he knocked him out, how he is going to miss him.

========

There is so much to keep track of these days, Pierce is well aware of that, so many things that need to be seen to, so many investments that have to be watched closely and he cannot always handle everything personally. He lets others see to small operations, small details, but there are certain things that Pierce likes to be informed of regularly, certain projects he likes to see to as personally as he can and Clint Barton is one of those. He is given weekly reports of the boy’s progress and if there are any emergencies, Pierce is to be informed immediately and about two days ago he had received a call and now he is on his way to see to the problem himself.

There was a bit of annoyance at the news he received, a bit of irritation that Barton tried to run after all the privileges he has been given but he has been expecting it, is somewhat surprised it took the boy this long to act out. Barton has potential, as both a tool and a reward, but he is still a bit rough, needs to be polished up and Pierce will make certain that this is one of the only rebellions Barton has. He has certain arrangements made once he makes it to the base, tells them that he is to be informed when the soldier is back from mission, and then he makes his way to the boy’s room, opens the door.

It is emptier than it was the last time Pierce was here, the books and movies and things taken away, a small punishment but one that Pierce used to give his own daughter quite a bit. Barton will be able to earn them back just as she used to have to. He will also have more lessons, less time to himself, and general privileges taken away just as she did when she would not behave. The biggest difference with how he would ground Susan and how he now deals with Barton is that he would never have her restrained but it would be foolish not to do so with Barton. They are training him to be a weapon and he is not quite tamed enough yet to know that it is to his benefit to not aim at them and so the boy is strapped to the bed right now, hands cuffed as Pierce comes closer to him, shakes his head at him and sits down in a chair.

“They tell me you won’t say who you were trying to call. That is not a wise decision , Clint. You have already been caught, the punishment will be less severe if you come clean and apologize.”

Barton is glaring at him, a bit of defiance in his glance and he says nothing right now. He hasn’t said much the last few days, is busied from the force that had to be used to stop him from running, has barely touched the food he has been given, and all of his sleep has come from the sedatives that they give him each night during lights off. They are taking extra precautions right now but once Barton is on the right path again, once he has accepted his place, then they won’t be needed as much. There are lots ways to push Barton back on his path and Pierce will use whichever ones are necessary. For now, he simply shakes his head at Barton again and speaks, voice firm, the tone he used to use with Susan during her early teen years.

“You will have more chances to explain your actions, to offer your apologizes but know that the longer it takes, the more consequences you will have to face. “

Barton still says nothing and Pierce just sits with him for a while. Every so often, Pierce will ask Clint if he wants to tell him who he was trying to call but Barton doesn’t answer, just sits there, hands cuffed to the bed and it has to be uncomfortable but the boy doesn’t say anything. Dinner is brought in and Pierce watches as Barton doesn’t touch it even though his cuffs are long enough that he could. It is taken away once Pierce is finished and he sits with Clint for a bit longer. Soon enough, it is time for lights out and the boy still has said nothing and Pierce shakes his head as they give him the sedative, stays there till the boy is passed out. Once he leaves Barton’s room for the night, he is given word that the soldier has finished the mission now, will be back at base tomorrow and he knows that he should be able to get the boy to talk to tomorrow, will not even has to physically break him down too much. Barton has potential and Pierce will see it shaped, will see it used and tomorrow will help ensure that Barton starts down the right path.

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	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more and I hope you enjoy.

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The solider is back on base now, the mission is over, and all he wants is to see Clint, to know how his boy has been while he has been away. He just wants to see Clint but there will be a debriefing first, then a wipe, the soldier knows the routine by now but this time he is led to a different room than usual and he wonders if something has happened, why the chair and chamber have been moved here. It is one of the rooms with a viewing room attached and the soldier wonders if he is going to be tested today, observed but he isn’t sure why they would need the chamber for that. Pierce is here, waiting for them, he wasn’t supposed to be here for this debriefing and the soldier wonders what has happened, if something has happened to Clint. He doesn’t ask, just stands at attention at the spot he is lead to, waits to find out what has happened.

“Rumlow has already given us a debriefing over the phone before you got back, your mission went well, but there have been complications with Barton.”

The soldier hears those words and his stance changes just a bit now, shoulders tense up and his right hand curls into a fist. He is worried right now, worried about what has happened with his boy and it is a strange feeling and the soldier doesn’t know quite how to react to it. Pierce has been watching him and the soldier makes himself uncurl his fist, relax his posture just a bit. Pierce starts to speak again after just a moment.

“He is safe still, but he tried to run, tried to contact someone on the outside and now there will be consequences for him and you will not be able to train with him for a bit. He is still your mission but there are a few things that need to be seen to and you need to follow orders or there may be more consequences to him. Do you understand?”

The soldier gives a nod now and there is disappointment in him that Clint tried to run, that he tried to leave him behind. It hurts that his boy doesn’t understand yet that this is the best place for him. The soldier knows that it is, knows that this is the best way to keep Clint safe, and he wishes that Clint would realize the same. Maybe the consequences will help and the soldier will do whatever is needed to keep his boy safe, to keep Clint from having too harsh of a punishment and so he will not disobey orders today. Pierce is still looking at him and he gives a smile now, moves just a bit closer.

“Good. Everything will be taken care of shortly and just know that this is being done for Barton’s benefit, that you will get to speak to him again when he is ready, that he will be kept safe. He needs to learn and all you need to do is follow orders, won’t even have to handle his punishment yourself. Go and sit down in the chair, everything will start soon.”

It is an order and the soldier knows to follow it, goes and sits in the chair. There are techs who and one starts an iv in his arm and the soldier recognizes it, knows that it is more than just the chemicals that they use when they wipe him. It is the color of the ones that they use when they are going to put him in the chamber and the soldier tenses up a bit right now, knows that he will not be with Clint for a bit if they are planning to put him to sleep soon. He almost wants to fight right now but he remembers Pierce’s words, knows if he does that it affects Clint and so he doesn’t, just sits and waits and after a few minutes, Rumlow enters the room, comes and stands near him.

“Your boy screwed up but it is going to be alright. I’ll still be watching him and you shouldn’t have to be away for too long.”

The words are said softly to the soldier and he nods, feels a bit reassured by them. Rumlow is kind to him, kinder than the others and he will take care of Clint when the soldier can’t. He sees Rumlow glance at the viewing room now and the soldier’s eyes follow his gaze, looks towards it as well. Pierce is in there, some guards, and with them, Clint. His hands are cuffed in front of him and there is a bruise along his right cheek but he looks unharmed for the most part . He sees the soldier, looks at him, and there is sadness in his eyes and worry but he is going to be ok and the soldier wants to tell him that but he knows that he can’t, that he hasn’t been given orders to. The soldier is glad that he at least gets to see him before he goes to sleep and he just hopes that he will get to wake soon. One of the techs starts to question him about the mission and the soldier turns away from his boy’s stare now, hopes that Clint will be removed from the viewing room before the wipe but knows that he has little choice in what happens right now. He has to do as he is told and he will, he’ll do it to keep his boy safe and someday Clint will understand that.

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Clint stands in front of the window, watches and listens as the soldier answers questions about his mission in the other room and fear has settled inside of him right now. Pierce is right beside him and Clint isn’t sure what the man has planned but he knows that it probably isn’t going to be good and he has little choice but to wait and see what is going to happen. Pierce puts a hand on his shoulder right now and Clint tries to shrug it away but the man doesn’t let him, tightens his grip just a bit and Clint’s hands tighten into fists but he can’t do anything with them with them, the cuffs are too tight. Pierce speaks after just a moment.

“When the soldier brought you here, I spoke to him about you, about what he thought. I asked him if he thought you should be kept safe and he told me yes, that you deserve to be safe. The soldier knows that this is best for you, Clint, that this is the best place for you, and you should accept that as well. Do you want to give me your apologizes now, tell me who you tried to call?”

Clint says nothing. He is going to stay stubborn as long as he can. Pierce waits only a few minutes more, waits till the person in the other room finishes his questioning about the mission, and then he leans forward just a bit, presses a button on the wall but keeps his other hand still on Clint’s shoulder.

“Go ahead and do the wipe, just the mission, this last week.”

The words are stated and then Pierce lets go of the button, leans back so he is still close to Clint. One of the men in the other room tells the soldier to lean back and he is given a mouth guard now, arms are strapped down, and Clint has an idea about what is about to happen. Someone turns something on and there is the hum of machinery and then there are screams and Clint remembers the soldier telling him once that it hurt but Clint had no idea that it would be like this.

The soldier is screaming, his voice loud and full of pain, and he is shaking in the chair. He looks like he is being tortured and Clint knows that is exactly what they are doing. Clint wants to look away but as he tries to, Pierce squeezes his shoulder tightly. The soldier is being hurt, his memories are being ripped from him and Clint is being forced to watch.

“This is needed, he knows that, though I think he would have preferred you not to have seen this but I think you need to, Clint, need to understand a few things.”

Pierce says this and Clint hears him even though the soldier is still screaming. A few more moments pass and then the screaming stops, the hum of the machine stops but the soldier still shakes. Clint is shaking a bit right now too and he isn’t sure if it is in anger or fear. A few minutes pass and when the soldier stops shaking, when his eyes open again, the techs start questioning him again. He doesn’t remember the last week, that becomes clear right away and it is hard watching this, hearing it, and Clint still doesn’t know why he has to see this, what Pierce is trying to prove.

“You see how well the machine works, how simple it is to make him forget. You are very important to him, Clint, but with the right session, he could forget you. I hope that won’t be needed.”

He says this, gives Clint’s shoulder another squeeze and Clint hears the threat in the words. His throat feels tight now, fear gripping him, and he knows what Pierce wants and Clint really doesn’t want to give it to him but the soldier’s screams are still fresh in his ears. It had hurt him so badly to have just a week taken away and Clint really doesn’t want to tell Pierce but he doesn’t want the soldier to hurt, doesn’t want to be forgotten. He is frozen right now and Pierce starts to lean towards the button and Clint can’t let him give the order.

“My brother, I was trying to call my brother.”

The words come out and Clint’s voice sounds rough from not using it the last few days but Pierce stops leaning towards the button and there is a bit of relief in Clint. He can’t let the soldier be made to forget him, the soldier is the only person who really cares for him here and he can’t lose that. Pierce is looking at him and when he speaks, it is that tone he has used with Clint before, the almost gentle but firm one and Clint hates it.

“Clint, we have talked about this before. Your brother isn’t part of your life anymore, there is no reason for you to contact him. Your home is here now. Is there anything else you would like to tell me?”

There really isn’t but Clint knows what Pierce is waiting for and so he takes a deep breath and forces the words out.

“I’m sorry, sir.”

The words sound rough and it hurts to say them but losing the soldier would hurt more. Pierce gives a nod, a smile now.

“Very good, Clint. That wasn’t so difficult, now was it?”

Clint does say anything and Pierce doesn’t make him, finally take his hand off of Clint’s shoulder. He moves to the button again and that fear from before grips Clint and he thinks he has just given in for nothing.

“No more wipes today. He can go in now.”

There is relief that the soldier won’t be wiped again but Clint watches now as they unstrap his arms, as they lead him to the box that Clint sees in the corner of the room now.

“What are you doing to him now?”

The question comes out of Clint’s mouth and he takes a step forward now, closer to the window and he just wants to see the soldier, talk to him but he doesn’t think that is going to happen today. Pierce steps closer to him and speaks with that same tone he used earlier.

“I told you that the soldier training you was a privilege and privileges can be taken away. You have the potential to help shape the world, Clint, but you need to work hard, need to listen. You disobeyed, Clint, and I told you that there would be consequences and privileges being taken away are one of them. They can be earned back though and I am certain that you will work hard to earn back all your privileges.”

Pierce says all this and as he speaks, Clint watches as the soldier steps inside the box, as something is turned on. It takes only a few moments and then Clint knows the soldier is asleep again, is back in the cold. The soldier remembers him still but Clint isn’t sure when he is going to be able to see him again and he knows that he is trapped here and he hates it but he doesn’t know what to do.

He is taken back to his room shortly after that, given a meal and Pierce sits with him, talks of expectations as he watches Clint eat. He doesn’t refuse the food or water today and it tastes a little off and he isn’t sure why. The hand cuffs have been taken off now but Clint is still watched closely and he is taken to lessons after that, is told he will start training again tomorrow. Lessons last longer than usual, all the way into evening and then he is taken back to his room. He is given supper and Pierce is there with him again, watches as he eats every single bite again, drinks down the water he is given, and he leaves once the meal is finished, tells Clint that his progress will be checked and privileges given back once they are earned again and that he knows Clint will understand that all of this is for the best someday. He is allowed to shower, to clean up a bit by himself and when he gets done with that, Rumlow is in his room, just him, and he speaks to Clint.

“I know that you don’t like it here but you gotta realize that you aren’t going anywhere and your choices don’t affect just you anymore and you need to make good ones, the right ones. I’ll be by in the morning to resume your training.”

This is all Rumlow says and then he opens the door, lets one of the other guards in. It is the one who has drugged Clint the last few nights, chained him to the bed and he has the needle again but he also has a bottle of pills. He gestures to the bed and Clint doesn’t want to lay down but he knows if he fights, they will just drag him there and he is tired today, worn out from everything and so he moves to the bed, doesn’t fight when Rumlow places the first cuff on his wrist.

“You can take a pill tonight or you can have the  shot again. Your choice.”

Rumlow says this and Clint takes the pill, swallows it down with some water he is handed and when Rumlow asks him to open his mouth, he does so. His other hand is cuffed soon enough and then the lights are turned off. The pill takes longer to work than the needle but Clint can still feel himself starting to fall asleep and he doesn’t try to fight it, lets it happen and soon enough, he is pulled into darkness.

His routine goes back to what it was before the soldier’s mission, changed slightly and Clint does what he is told for the most part, wants the soldier out of the cold. He eats his meals, drinks his water and he still thinks they taste a bit different but he isn’t sure why and after awhile, he doesn’t notice it anymore. He does his lessons, does his training, and he starts to settle in a bit, still hates being here but he knows that there isn’t much he can do. He just needs to do what he is told and he will get to see the soldier again.

It takes two weeks for Clint to earn not having to sleep in the cuffs. It takes three weeks to have books back in his room and a month for the tv and movies. It takes a month and a half and Clint doesn’t have to take the sleeping pill at night anymore. It is two months and then he is given the occasional treat or candy bar with lunch and three months for lessons to be shortened slightly. It takes four months and another evaluation and the soldier is brought out of sleep and Clint feels relief that night when the soldier is allowed to stay in his room with him, when the soldier lays in bed and holds him and Clint hopes that he can keep him out of the cold for a while.

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	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments. There is a little bit of timeskip and not much Clint but I promise we will see more of him soon and there will be an appearance of another character. I hope you enjoy.

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After a while, a few years and some reminders and consequences, Barton starts behaving for the most part. He does as he is told mostly, a few small rebellions here and there but they don’t last long. He seems to be adjusting a bit more and Rumlow isn’t sure if it the drugs that have been slipped into his food or the fact that the threat of taking the soldier away is always present that leads to Barton’s good choices. Whichever it is, things are going fairly smoothly and it won’t be long until Barton is ready to go out into the field. He could possibly go out now but Pierce wants to wait, wants to make certain Barton is fully trained and tamed before sending him out. The next few months will show how much progress Barton has made since the soldier will be gone for them, a mission that will take him away from Barton for the longest time that didn’t require him to sleep. That will happen tomorrow and for now, Brock makes the most of the time he has left with the soldier before he leaves.

“That felt good, didn’t it?”

Brock says this, runs his fingers through the soldier’s hair as he does so. The soldier gives a little nod but doesn’t say anything and Brock doesn’t mind. They are on the soldier’s bed, both undressed, and there is proof of what just happened on both of their skins, marks and come. They will need to clean up soon and the bruises won’t last on the soldier but they will on Brock for a bit, will be a reminder and he likes that, likes knowing that he gets to touch the soldier like this, gets to be touched in return. He will have a bit of soreness tomorrow, maybe the day after, and he likes that, too. They can only do this sometimes, that has been made clear to Rumlow, and it will be awhile before he gets this again and he had wanted to feel it, had pushed the soldier to take him hard and he had. It should be enough to keep his want at bay for a little while and he can always find someone else to scratch certain itches but Winter is the only one he really likes to take him and he will be gone for a bit so Brock had to get his fill today. He is almost tempted to try for one more but they do need to get cleaned up and it is almost time to pick the kid up from lessons so he tells the solider it is time to clean up and so they do, clean up in the bathroom and then get dressed in the soldier’s room.

So much has changed since Barton was first brought here and one of the ways Rumlow can really see the changes is in the soldier’s room. It is still pretty bare but there are a few more things in it now, just a few items that look like personal touches. There are small little trinkets, just a few and a few books. The books are worn out, old sci-fi novels and most of the trinkets are either cheap things that came from cracker jack boxes or homemade but they are more than the soldier has ever been allowed to keep before.  They are all gifts from Barton, given to the solider by the boy and Rumlow has seen the way his eyes light up when Barton hands him something. He has been allowed to keep them and it is just one sign that things have improved for him since the boy, his boy, was brought here and Brock finds the whole thing fascinating, now understands why Pierce thought it best to encourage the fondness the soldier felt for Clint when he first brought him here. All they have to do now to get the soldier to complete a mission to the best of his ability is to tell him that it is to keep Clint safe, to make the world a better place for his boy, and he does it without question, without any hesitance. He still has gone to sleep a few times but those have been more to prove a point to Barton than anything else and the wipes after missions keeps him from remembering anything that would make him question Hydra being safe for Clint and so the whole thing has worked out well so far. Threatening to take the soldier away from Barton has done wonders as well and it is just a sign that Pierce knows what he is doing, a sign why the man is in charge. He will more than likely be here tomorrow, will want to check up on Barton but for now it is just Brock and the soldier walking down the hall to get Barton from his lessons.

“You will look after him, while I am gone?”

The words are said, are asked, and Rumlow simply turns to the soldier at them. It is a request and the soldier doesn’t usually make them but Brock knows why he is asking now. He is worried about his boy, about going away for so long, and it is strange to see the soldier worry about anything other than missions but he has been allowed to change a bit these last few years, has been allowed to care for Barton, be a little more human and he is. It is kind of nice, seeing little glimpses of what the soldier was maybe like before and Brock simply gives a nod right now.

“I always do.”

The words are simple, the truth, and the soldier gives Rumlow a small smile at them, tells him thank you as they get closer to the room Barton is in today. After that, Brock doesn’t get any more alone time with the soldier for the night , has to share him with Clint. He is used to it by now and the kid has grown on him a bit since he is not as stubborn as he used to be and they both care for the soldier more than others do here. Barton is going to be very useful someday and Rumlow meant what he told the soldier early, will keep an eye on Barton when the soldier isn’t here, has done it before.  For now, he spends a few hours with winter and the kid, go through their afternoon routine and then eats dinner. He leaves them alone after that, knows that the soldier won’t leave his boy till he has to and he takes the last guard shift of the night, wants to be there when it is time for the soldier to leave.

Brock isn’t surprised when he goes to get the soldier for his debriefing with Pierce to find him laying in Barton’s bed, the kid snuggled up next to him, head on the soldier’s chest, fast asleep. Winter is awake, is just holding Clint close, right hand resting on the boy’s neck, fingers on his pulse and there is purple around his wrist now, some silver dangling off of the bracelet that the soldier was not wearing earlier. The soldier meets Brock’s eyes as he comes closer, as Brock asks a question.

“Is that an arrow charm on that?”

The soldier gives a nod and Rumlow looks a bit closer at the bracelet now. It is a simple thing, mostly purple cord with a single red one braided in it that he hadn’t noticed before and in addition to the little silver arrow charm dangling from it there is also a small star. It is alright looking, nothing fancy, homemade but the soldier glances at it and there is a fond expression on his face.

“He asked if he could make it for me, if I could take it with me and I can. It is so I have something to look at and can think of him.”

The soldier says this and the whole thing is a bit corny, a bit ridiculous but the soldier seems so pleased by it that Rumlow doesn’t say anything and he won’t say anything about it to Clint either though it is a little odd. If Barton was a normal nineteen year old, he wouldn’t be giving friendship bracelets to one of the most feared assassins in the last thirty years but it isn’t like Clint is a normal nineteen year old. The kid is stuck here learning how to kill and spy a million different ways, reading and watching movies, and making random crafts because he gets bored and he listens well enough now that they can let him play with scissors every once in a while. Every once in awhile, Brock feels a tiny bit bad for the kid, that he doesn’t really get any sort of real normal but then he thinks about how much better these last years have been for the soldier and he doesn’t really pity the kid all that much. After all, it wasn’t like the kid was going to have normal anyway hanging out in the damn circus and so he is probably better off here. For now, he pushes thoughts aside of what Barton’s life might have been and tells the soldier it is time to get up, that he needs to tell Clint good-bye.

“Alright.”

The soldier says it simply and then he is waking up his boy. Brock leaves the room, lets them have a few moments alone but he can hear a few whispers of their conversation, can hear the soldier tell Clint that he will be safe while he is gone, hears Clint promise the soldier that he will be good, that he won’t have to face consequences when the soldier is back. It doesn’t take long till the good-bye is done and Barton is getting ready for early lessons while the soldier walks with Rumlow to where Pierce is waiting. The briefing doesn’t take long and soon enough , the soldier is suiting up, that bracelet still around his wrist. Brock watches him as he leaves and then it is time for Brock to go about his duties today. It is going to be quite a while before the soldier is back and Rumlow will wait for him to return, in the meanwhile, he will watch Clint when he can, will keep his word to the soldier.

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The soldier is far away from his boy right now, has been gone a couple of months already and he will be gone for a few more, and he misses Clint. This is the longest he has been away from Clint with out being asleep and it is difficult. He doesn’t like the cold, the chamber, but he also doesn’t like being awake and not able to take care of Clint. He knows his boy is safe, has his promise that he will be good and he has no reason to doubt it, Clint hasn’t tried to run in a long time and the soldier knows his boy doesn’t want to leave him but it doesn’t make the absence any easier. He has to deal with it though, complete the mission so he can see his boy again and at least he has a reminder of his boy with him, a reminder that he has something waiting for him.

He has the bracelet that Clint gave him before he left and he keeps it close to him, doesn’t really let many here see it. When he was doing the testing, running the girls here through sessions to see which have the most potential, he kept in a pocket, close to him but hidden. Even now that he has started training, he only takes it out at night, puts it on his wrist for when he rests and hides it again in the morning. It is a ritual of sorts, a routine, and it goes unnoticed for quite a while but that changes when he starts spending more time with the girl, the young one with green eyes and red hair. Her name is Natalia and she is younger than his boy by years but has been training almost as long and the red room sees great potential in her and he is to help shape it for a few months. They share a chamber right now, bedding on opposite sides of the room, but she has noticed the bracelet, noticed his routine, and she asks about it tonight.

“You look at that every night. Why?”

There is curiosity in her voice and she has probably wondered about it for a while but tonight is the first time she has asked about it, the first time she has asked a question that did not have to do with her training. She moves just a little closer now, eyes flickering between the bracelet and his face, and she reminds him a little bit of Clint right now, the way he asks question. He answers her, doesn’t see the harm in it.

“It is a reminder of another mission. ”

“ Did you take it from a target?”

“I did not take it, it was given to me.”

That is important to him, the fact that it is a gift, that Clint wanted him to have it. He has not been allowed much but he has been allowed Clint and that is enough. She tilts her head a bit at this, still looks at the bracelet, at the little arrow that hangs there.

“Who gave it to you? A handler?”

She moves just a bit closer and this is the most that she has spoken to him in one setting since her training began a week and a half ago.   The question is simple and he can understand why she is asking if it was his handler that gave it to him. Anything the girls here have comes from their handlers, their lives controlled much in the way his is, much like how his boy’s is. He goes ahead and answers her question now but he does not give her Clint’s name.

“Not a handler, a mission, someone I will return to. He is important and the bracelet is a reminder of him. ”

She reaches forward now, brushes a finger against the arrow charm and he allows it. He does not think she will harm it. She pulls her finger away from it after just a second and then asks another question.

“Will I meet him?”

“I do not know. You will have more training after I am through and he is very far from here. This is something we do not need to talk about further. ”

It is the truth, he has no idea if this girl will ever meet his boy. Hydra and the red room are allies but they do not work together often and more than likely once his mission here is through, he will forget this girl, will have all the memories of this time wiped from him and she may not remember him either. He is shaping her right now but he will not be allowed to keep her, not like how he gets to keep his boy, and so he will not make any promises to her, will not tell her more about Clint than he already has. She is still looking at him and she gives a little nod, says nothing more right now but she hasn’t moved to her bedding yet.

“There is much to do tomorrow, you need to rest now.”

He says this simply, points to her bedding and she moves to it now and settles down. The soldier moves now to his own bedding, turns off the lights and settles down for rest. The room is quiet now and these are the moments he misses Clint the most. He misses having his boy next to him, misses holding him as he sleeps, misses the sound of his breathing as he sleeps. He can hear the girls breathing right now but it isn’t the same and he misses his boy. His metal fingers trace over the arrow charm now and he tells himself that he just has to finish this mission and then he will be able to see his boy again, will hope that Clint has not changed too much while he was gone. He falls asleep after a while and he dreams of Clint, of returning to his boy, and it helps.

 

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	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a long one but I really didn't want to break it up and I hope people are still enjoying and the soldier will be back very soon, I promise. Thank you for all the comments.

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When Clint wakes up, he is alone and the room is dark and quiet. He has gotten somewhat used to this the last few months, to be alone more, but he still wishes that his soldier was here instead of on mission. It gets lonely when he isn’t here and Clint hates it but there isn’t much he can do about it. He has learned through the years that when he doesn’t do as he is supposed to there are consequences and so he behaves himself. Clint doesn’t want the soldier taken away and he knows that there is nowhere else for him to go now and he has stopped trying to run. When he does as he is told, things aren’t so bad. He gets up now, has a little time before breakfast and he will be expected to be ready for the day when it gets here so he turns on the light and goes about his routine.

He is cleaned and dressed by the time breakfast is here and he eats alone this morning. The soldier isn’t here, Pierce isn’t on base, and Rumlow must have some other duty to take care of this morning and so Clint is by himself, guards outside his door but they don’t come in. He is used to it by now, most people don’t speak to him unless they have to. It doesn’t take long for him to finish breakfast and then he is taken to range like he is most mornings. He starts his drills, is watched by some of the others and after awhile, Rumlow shows up.

“ You weren’t at breakfast today. Running a bit behind?”

Clint says this as Rumlow moves closer to him and he looks at him but he still takes the shot he was lining up seconds ago. The arrow flies and it hits its target like most of Clint’s shots do. Rumlow just gives a shrug of his shoulders as he answers Clint’s question.

“Had some clean up duty today. I do have a job other than you bugging me. Keep going.”

Clint just gives a nod, goes back to shooting. He doesn’t ask about the clean up duty, figures it is probably something he really doesn’t want to know about. There is a lot that goes on here and not all of it Clint knows about and he has stopped wondering about most of it by now. If it concerns him, he will find out when it is time and sometimes there are consequences if he asks too many questions so he has learned to keep his mouth shut sometimes. He has learned a lot since coming here. He has learned how to fight, how to defend himself, how to shoot with a gun. He has learned how to dodge hits and return with his own. He has learned about languages and history, politics and science. He has learned that the world needs to change and that he is going to be a part of that.   He has learned that there are consequences when he does something he isn’t supposed to and privileges when he is good. Clint has learned a lot and he knows that soon enough, he is going to be expected to put those lessons to the test and he isn’t quite sure if he is ready but there is still time. The soldier has promised Clint will be ready and he trusts him. For now, he goes through the rest of his range routine with the bow before switching to the various guns and tries not to think about when he will be given his first mission.

His range time passes quickly enough and then it is time for the next portions of his training for the morning. He goes through his routine, spars and practices with various weapons. Today is a day to work with knives and he uses his favorite, the one the soldier gave him on his first birthday here. It has been taken care of through the years and Clint gets to use it often but he still doesn’t get to keep it with him. He wished that he could and when training is done and Rumlow takes him to the armory to put everything up, he hesitates for a few moments, doesn’t put the knife away right away and Rumlow moves closer to him.

“You know the rules, kid. It gets put away each time, you can’t take it to your room.”

He hasn’t reached for the knife yet but Clint knows if he waits much longer that he will. Clint isn’t allowed to take the knife with him and Rumlow will stop him from doing so. The one time Clint tried to sneak it out to his room he had been punished, more privileges taken away and the soldier put asleep for two months that time and he won’t risk anything lengthening this time he has to spend with out the soldier so he puts the knife where it belongs, places it down gently. His bow and any guns he has used are put away as well and soon it is time for lessons.

It doesn’t take long and his day is over, he has been taken to his room and dinner is given to him. At least he isn’t alone right now , Rumlow is here with him and even if it isn’t who Clint wants it to be, even if it isn’t the soldier, at least he isn’t alone right now. Rumlow being here isn’t the same as the soldier but Clint has grown more used to him through the years, doesn’t trust him like he trusts the soldier but he gets along with him alright, doesn’t mind him as much as he used to.

“Next week, base is going to be a bit empty, Christmas and all, but you know by now that you are expected not to act up.”

Rumlow says this now and Clint just gives a nod. Christmas is always a bit different around here, a few less guards here and Clint usually doesn’t have lessons most of the time for a few days unless he has been misbehaving. Last year, he even had a tree in his room, a gift from Pierce, and he and the soldier made decorations for it. There are a few more treats around Christmas and Pierce always shows up during that time, not on the day but a few days before and checks in on Clint. There is one thing that Clint wonders about for this year and he asks now.

“Will he be back for it?”

He doesn’t say a name but Rumlow knows exactly who Clint is talking about and he shakes his head as he answers and Clint feels disappointed but he had been expecting it.

“No, Winter will be gone a bit longer.”

Clint just gives a nod, eats a few more bites before speaking again.

“ I think I want to know his name, his real name, the one he had before, not the one you call him. You know it, don’t you?”

Clint has thought about the soldier’s name many times through the years, has wondered what it is, but he has never found out and he doesn’t know if Rumlow will tell him now. Rumlow just gives a nod and then shakes his head a bit.

“I know it but he isn’t that man anymore, hasn’t been since before either of us were born . If you want a name for him, something to call him, ask Pierce. He’s pleased with how you are doing, will probably ask you if there is something you want soon.”

Clint just gives a bit of a shrug now, goes back to his dinner. He could ask Pierce, the man does usually offer to give Clint something special at certain times, Christmas and birthdays but Clint already has something in mind to ask for, something he has asked for before and never gotten. He has decided to alter the request a little bit and maybe this time he will get it, he just has to wait and see and he says nothing about it to Rumlow.

The meal passes soon enough and then Rumlow is gone and Clint is alone again. He reads, spends his evening by himself until it is lights out and then he goes to bed. The next few days pass, Clint’s routine stay the same and the base starts to get a little empty, people leaving for holidays and some staying behind. Pierce shows up two days before Christmas and he is waiting in Clint’s room when Clint finishes with training for the morning, has lunch with him . It is a normal visit, Pierce asking him various questions about his training or lessons and speaking about his progress. Clint answers the questions, keeps his tone respectful as he has been taught and lunch is soon finished but Clint is not taken out of the room yet, not taken back to lessons.

“You have been doing very well, you will be ready for missions soon. I know that it has been hard for you without the soldier here but you have kept up your training, did as you have been told, it is the holidays, and I have decided that you should have something special this year. “

Pierce says this and then he goes to the door, gestures for someone to come in. One of the guards does and he has a tray with him, on it some water and some pills and Clint knows those pills though he doesn’t understand why they are here. The tray is set down and Pierce gestures towards it after a moment and Clint doesn’t make a move towards them yet, doesn’t know what it going on. Pierce speaks after just a moment of Clint not doing anything.

“This isn’t a punishment, Clint, just a precaution. You are going somewhere today and it will be better if you are asleep for it. We can get the needle if you would prefer that.”

Pierce is talking about him leaving the base and Clint hasn't  left here since he came here. There is excitement at the thought of going somewhere else but also a little bit of fear but for right now he shakes his head, grabs the glass of water.

“No needle.”

He says it simply, takes a drink of water and then grabs the pills. Clint doesn’t like the sleeping pills but it is better than the needle, takes a little longer to work but he doesn’t have to feel the sting and he doesn’t feel as groggy from them when he wakes up. He swallows them down as Pierce tells him he has made the right choice. They will take a while to kick in and Clint swallows down the rest of the water now, still a bit nervous, a bit excited, and above all, a bit curios.

“You should lay down, don’t want you falling once those kick in.”

Pierce comes forward with his words, has placed a hand on Clint’s shoulder and gestures for him to get up and go to the bed. Clint does so, lays down. He still has on his boots from training but Pierce hasn’t told him to take them off so he doesn’t worry about it. Pierce moves away for a few minutes, goes to the door again, and when he comes back, he has a coat. He hands it to Clint now.

“Go ahead and put that on. They should kick in soon and it is cold out, don’t wanting you getting sick.”

Clint does as he is told and the coat is warm. He leans back down on the bed, looks at Pierce and asks a question now.

“Where am I going, sir?”

“You will find out soon. This is a privilege, Clint, something that I believe you have earned but you will still be expected to behave or there will be consequences. I have to see to a few other things now but soon enough, you will find out what is going on.”

That is all Pierce says and then he leaves the room. Clint just lays there and he can feel the drugs start to kick in, is growing tired, and he lets his eyes shut, hopes that when he wakes up, everything is alright.

Clint’s eyes open after awhile and he knows that he has probably been asleep several hours. He feels a bit groggy but not too bad and he sits up as he starts to wake up a bit more. He is in a bed, coat, boots, and socks have been taken off of him and a comforter pulled up around him and he pushes it off of him now. This isn’t his bed, isn’t his room, and Clint has to remind himself that Pierce told him that he was going somewhere and to not worry about the unfamiliar surroundings. He looks around the room as he moves to the edge of the bed.

It is a nice room, walls painted a deep green and there is a bookshelf in the corner stacked with books, a few pictures on the wall, drawings of trees and animals. It is a bit like his room on base but no tv in it and the bed is bigger than his and a bit softer and there is a window on one of the walls, a big one with a window seat, curtains closed. There are two doors, one on the wall across from the bed and another several feet away on a different wall. It feels like someone’s room but not one they stay in all the time and Clint really isn’t sure what he is doing here or if he should leave the room but it has been so long since he has had a window that he wants to look out at it. He gets up now, walks over to it and the carpet is soft against his feet, different than the cold floor of his room. He is at the window now and he doesn’t know if he is supposed to touch anything here but it has been so long since he has been able to see outside and he thinks it might be worth consequences. His hand shakes just a bit as it grabs a hold of the curtain and then he is pulling it back, looking out of the large window for the first time in years.

It is starting to get dark and it is snowing right now, blankets of white on the ground and flakes dancing in the air. It is a field of white for the most part, a large yard or something but Clint can see trees a little bit away, snow clinging to their branches and it has been so long since he has been able to be out in the snow. It is beautiful and Clint doesn’t look away even as he hears the door open, as he hears footsteps coming towards him.

“It is a nice view isn’t it? Susan used to spend a lot of time sitting here when she was younger. Sometimes deer come by and she would draw them, some of the pictures are still here.”

It is Pierce’s voice and the man is right next to Clint now, has placed a hand on Clint’s shoulder with his words and Clint turns and glances at him for just a moment before looking out of the window again and asking a question.

“Is this your house, sir?”

“Not my main residence but I do own it. It is my cabin, have spent a lot of holidays here. Susan is not able to make it this year, you and I are both alone for the holidays, and so we will spend it together. This is your room while you are here. Any questions right now?”

Pierce says all this and Clint isn’t quite sure what to make of it but he is off base, doesn’t have training for a few days, and he is watching snow fall on the ground. Pierce’s hand is still on his shoulder and Clint knows he is waiting for him to say something and so he asks the first question that comes to mind right now.

“Will I be able to go outside?”

Pierce gives him a smile right now, squeezes his shoulder gently before moving his hand away.

“Tomorrow I will take you out, it is too late today. Right now, we will go to the kitchen and start a meal and I will show you around. This will be your home for the next few days and I want you to enjoy it, Clint, but remember that there are still expectations for you to meet and there will be consequences if they are not met.”

Clint is quiet for just a moment, looks out at the snow again, and then tells Pierce yes sir and follows him out of the room. The evening passes after that and it is different from how most of Clint’s evenings go. He helps make the food and that is different but he kind of enjoys it and he doesn’t spend the evening locked up in his room. Pierce shows him around after dinner, explains that there are guards here but that they will be left alone for the most part, and that Clint has a bit of range here but can not leave the house unless Pierce is with him. Clint has been expecting that and it is a small price to pay for the chance to finally go outside in years.

There is a tv here, in a living room that also has a fire place and evening is spent watching a Christmas movie as they put up a tree. It is a bit like last year but the soldier isn’t here and though Clint is excited about going outside tomorrow, he still would rather spend Christmas with the soldier than with Pierce but he knows he doesn’t really get a choice in who he spends his Christmas with and at least he isn’t spending it alone. Clint goes to his room after a while and the door is locked behind him but there aren’t guards outside of it and that is a nice change. He keeps the curtains open and he stares out at the trees for a while on the window seat before moving to the bed and going to sleep.

The next day, Pierce keeps his promise and Clint is taken outside, allowed to explore the area by the house for a couple of hours. The air is cold, the wind is sharp, and the snow is coming down heavy but Clint loves it. He has always loved the snow and it has been so long since he has been outside. He builds a snowman and the last time he had built one had been with Barney . There is that sharp pang of hurt that he gets whenever he thinks about his brother but he pushes it aside and focuses on finding sticks for the arms. Pierce makes him come inside after a while, tells him he can go back out tomorrow and makes him sit in front of the fire for a while so he doesn’t catch cold. It is soon enough evening and they are in the kitchen again, dinner already eaten but Pierce wants to make cookies, says something about it being a tradition.

“We are making molasses cookies aren’t we?”

Clint asks and Pierce gives a little nod. Clint loves molasses cookies and he hasn’t had them in such a long time.

“One of your favorites ?”

Pierce asks and Clint gives a nod, talks as he starts measuring stuff out like Pierce told him to earlier.

“One of our neighbors used to give them to us, Barney used to always let me have an extra one of his because I liked them so much.”

It is an old memory, one he has thought about in a while and he can see Pierce’s eyes narrow just a bit before he tells Clint to put everything in the bowl and start mixing it. Clint does so and doesn’t say anything else about the cookies, about Barney. Pierce doesn’t seem to really like Clint talking about his brother, about his past, has told Clint several times that it doesn’t matter but Clint can’t help but think about his brother sometimes, misses him and he thinks about the request he is going to make, wonders if he should make it now or not. He will wait till Pierce asks; will probably have a better chance of it being granted then. For now he just focuses on the cookies . When they are finished, Clint eats about five of them before he goes to his room for rest. The curtains are still wide open and he only has another day or so here and he thinks he is going to miss that window.

The next day is Christmas and Clint is given a few things, a couple more books, new boots, and things for his various crafts he does. He tells Pierce thank you like he knows to and he gets to spend some more time outside, tries to get his fill of it since from what Pierce has said, he will be going back to base tomorrow and he doesn’t know when he will be allowed to go outside again. The day passes and soon they are seated for dinner, eating their meal mostly in silence for a while before Pierce speaks.

“Now, you have done well these last few months and I reward good behavior. Is there something special you would like? Think it through carefully, Clint, and if it is something appropriate , I will see about it.”

Clint knows that this is a test of sorts, so many things are, and he does think about, eats a few more bites. He has thought about this for a while, knows that he should probably ask for something else but the small chance that he might get it this time is enough to make him decide to ask for it.

“I don’t want to call or see him, I know that isn’t needed, but I would like to know about my brother, about how he is doing, if he is ok.”

It is a simple request, he just wants to know that Barney is alright but Pierce shakes his head right now and Clint feels disappointment settle over him once again.

“Choose something else.”

He says it simply and Clint knows that there is no use in arguing about this.

“I would like to know the soldier’s name then or have a name to call him. He deserves a name.”

Clint says this now, means it. Pierce thinks about it for a moment and Clint thinks that it will be denied as well but then he speaks.

“That I will think about. Now, finish your dinner.”

Clint just gives a nod and does so. They have cookies and eggnog after and soon enough Clint is back in the room, back at the window. It really is pretty, the trees and the snow, and Clint wishes the soldier was here, that he could see it as well but he isn’t here. Clint goes to sleep after a while and he hopes once he is back at base, it won’t be that much longer till the soldier is back.

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Clint is upstairs right now, asleep in Susan’s old room and Pierce thinks about him as he has a night cap, thinks about the requests that he made and what will need to happen tomorrow. He has changed through the years, takes to orders much better than he used to, and he is going to be of great use and Pierce can admit that he has a bit of fondness for the boy. Susan is his only child, he has never had a son and things have become strained with his daughter a bit now that she is grown, but Barton has been here through the years and Pierce has watched him grow, has helped shape him. Pierce has given him a home, a purpose but the boy still asks about the brother who left him long ago and it sends a bit of annoyance through Pierce, has helped cement the decision he has been thinking about for a while, the one he has been preparing for.    He makes a few calls before he goes to bed and everything is ready for tomorrow, for what needs to happen.

Pierce eats breakfast with Clint the next morning, lets the boy go outside for a little bit. Clint enjoys the snow and Pierce watches him for a bit before calling him inside, telling him it is time to get ready to go. He offers him the pills and Barton takes them, swallows them down. He is mostly obedient now, hasn’t tried to run for a long time but Pierce is not going to take any chance with him and that is why the pills are needed for this. It doesn’t take long before Clint is asleep on the couch Pierce had him lay down on and he is soon moved, put in the vehicle and they are headed back to base.

Pierce wastes no time once they are there, has Barton taken directly to the machine and not his room. The techs he had called the night before are all there and they get things ready as Clint still sleeps, as he is placed in the chair and strapped down. If it would work, Pierce would have them do it now as he slept but from the tests they have ran on other subjects, it does not work as well when they are asleep, causes damage and he does not want the boy damaged.

“His time here should remain intact, it is just what came before that needs to be taken away. He should be waking up soon, the drip needs to be started and the mouth guard put in.   I want to be able to start once he is awake.”

Pierce gives his orders and watches as they are carried out. It takes a few more minutes but then Clint is waking up and there is panic on his face as he realizes that he is strapped down and he tries to spit the mouth guard out but it has a strap and he can’t. Pierce knows that he is frightened and he takes a moment now to come forward, to place a hand on his shoulder and to try to reassure him a bit.

“This is needed, Clint, and you won’t forget the soldier, won’t forget anything important. This will help you.”

Pierce says this and then he moves away and the machine is lowered now, part of Clint’s face is covered and it starts. There are screams soon enough and Pierce is used to them, has heard the soldier’s over the year and their other test subjects and Clint’s are really no different though he has a higher dose of pain medication in his drip than the soldier is given. No reason for this to be more painful than it has to be.

It takes a while, a lot is being taken away today but soon enough, the machine stops and Clint is breathing heavily, skin pale , red marks around his left eye from the machine, and he slumps down a bit after a few moments, body worn from what happened. The machine can be rough and Barton does not have the benefit of the soldier’s serum yet to help his body recover from the effects it places on his body and he has passed out now. He will hurt for a little while but they can give him something for the pain, but he will probably have a mark around his eye for a few weeks, especially if they have to repeat the session. For now, Pierce has them unstrap him, has him taken to his room and laid down.

It takes a while but Clint wakes up again and Pierce has been waiting for him to do so. The boy looks a bit confused as he sits up but that is to be expected and Pierce needs to know if another session is needed and so he starts the question.

“ I need you to answer a few questions now. Do you know your name? Do you know my name?”

“My name is Clint Barton and you are Alexander Pierce, sir.”

He says this and it sound steady. Pierce continues with the rest of the questions, asks him about various things and the results are good. He remembers the base, the soldier, Pierce, everything he needs to, but his time before here he can’t really recall. He will still need to be watched the next few days, will have to have a few more doses of drugs to help reinforce the wipe but it seems to have worked and Pierce is pleased. Right before he leaves, he asks Clint one more thing.

“I told you that you could have something special, do you remember what you asked for Clint?”

Clint is quiet for just a moment before he speaks.

“ I asked for a name for the soldier.”

Pierce gives a smile, a nod.

“That is right and I have decided that you can have one. You may call him James if you like.”

The soldier’s real name but neither he nor Clint know that and Pierce does not believe it will hurt anything to allow the boy to call him that. Clint gives him a thank you sir before he leaves and Pierce shuts the door behind him, will check up on the boy tomorrow.

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	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more and we will get into more plot the next chapter, just wanted a tiny break from some of the angst. Hope you enjoy.

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The mission is finally over, the soldier is back at base, he is giving his debriefing and soon he will get to see his boy. It has been months since he left, seven months, two weeks and four days and he has missed Clint the whole time. Only a little while longer and he will see him again, will get to see how he is, if anything has happened to him in the soldier’s absence but for now he focuses on debriefing, on answering the questions.

“They had you focus your training on one student this time. Tell us about her.”

The agent giving the debriefing says this and the soldier does. He tells them about Natalia as they write it down, notes to look over and give to Pierce later, and he thinks about the little redheaded girl as he does so. She learned so much under him and there were times when she would remind him a bit of his boy and it made the ache of missing him both better and worse at the same time. She has a lot of the same drive as his boy, would get the same glint in her eye when she accomplished something like Clint does, that same look of loneliness at times, and he had enjoyed training her even if it had been different than training Clint. She was hard in ways that his boy is not yet and the red room does not allow the same amount of softness that Clint has been allowed, the same sort of affection that the soldier gets from his boy, and he was not given a chance to say good bye to her, she was simply put back in with the other girls once the training was over. He will forget her soon but he will be allowed to keep Clint and that is all that matters. The debriefing is over now, they have gotten all the answers that they want, and Rumlow is here now, leads the soldier to another part of the base, to the room with the chair. It is just the two of them right now, the techs not here yet, and Rumlow is close to him, has the soldier near one of the walls and the kiss is not unexpected and the soldier allows it to happen.

“I missed you, missed this.”

Rumlow says this and the soldier isn’t sure if he is supposed to say it back or not so he gives a kiss instead. It seems like the right response, Rumlow grins at him and takes another kiss. They stand like that for a few moments, Rumlow holding onto the soldier, touching him, before he pulls back a bit.

“Will have time for that later. They will be here soon, should probably move towards the chair. “

Rumlow says this simply and the soldier starts to follow him, asks the question that has been on his mind since he has come back to the base.

“How is Clint?”

It is a question that the soldier has asked before and Rumlow tenses up just slightly at it, pauses for a moment. This is something he has never really done before and a sense of dread fills the soldier now, a sense of worry but Rumlow answers before the soldier can ask the question again.

“He is good, has missed you, will be glad that you’re back. A few adjustments were made while you were gone but he’s still your boy.”

Rumlows says those last words and there is something about them, something about the way that he says them that makes the soldier think that something has happened while he was gone. He is near the chair now and as he looks at it, he tenses up, something like anger and hurt griping him a bit. It has been adjusted, the straps and the head piece, adjusted for someone smaller than him. Rumlow has moved a bit closer to him now but he doesn’t move to touch the soldier, just speaks softly after a moment’s pause.

“He won’t talk about his brother anymore.”

It is such a simple statement and it leaves no doubt in the soldier’s mind about what has been done to his boy. The tension hasn’t left him yet and both of his hands curl up into fists at his side and he asks a simple question.

“Was he scared?”

He doesn’t like the idea of his boy being scared but he can’t see any way that he wasn’t. It hurts knowing that this was done to Clint and he wasn’t here to take care of him after, to reassure him and he needs to know how it was for him.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t here when they did it. Pierce decided it was needed.”

Rumlow says this and the soldier understands that it was orders but it doesn’t change what has been done. Clint has been made to forget, memories stripped away and the soldier knows what that is like and it is needed but he had hoped it wouldn’t be needed for Clint. He can feel Rumlow’s eyes on him right now and the man speaks again after just a moment’s pause.

“I have seen him since it happened. He is alright, has a bit of a bruise right now since it was done just a couple weeks ago, but he is ok, remembers you, is all that different. You will see him soon, will see for yourself. We need to get ready now.”

Rumlow says this and the soldier makes himself relax, makes his fists uncurl but the slight feeling of unease is still there. He had not wanted Clint to go through that, knew that it would probably have to happen, that it would be needed, but some part of him had hoped that it would not and that hope has been dashed. He tries to push the feeling aside as he watches Rumlow readjust the straps, readjust the machine and he manages it for the most part. He tells himself that Clint’s life was rough before this, that there was a lot of pain and perhaps it is better that his boy has forgotten it now. His boy is safe here and the soldier tells himself that that is all that matters, that any pain and fear Clint has gone through was needed and that he is back to take care of him now. It is enough to make most of the unease go away and then it is time for the session, for the wipe and he hopes that he will remember what has been done to Clint after so that he does not have to go through this unease again.

It hurt, it always hurts, but the wipe is over now and everything is bit confusing. The soldier sits in the chair and answers questions that he has no answers to, is asked about a girl that he doesn’t think he has met, asked about a mission he doesn’t remember . The soldier is taken back to his room for a bit after that, needs time for the confusion and aftereffects to go away. Rumlow stays with him, touches him, and it is familiar though it feels like they haven’t done this in a while, Rumlow telling him how much he has missed this. That is over soon enough as well and then the soldier is cleaning up, getting dressed again, Rumlow right beside him.

“Your boy should be done with lessons soon, you can see that he is alright, that nothing has changed all that much.”

He says this and the soldier gives a nod, is ready to see Clint. There is a bit of a feeling of unease, a feeling of worry, but the soldier is unsure why and he tries to think about what he has been told since coming back to base. It feels like there is something that has happened, something that he was told that is causing the feeling but his memories are still a bit jumbled up. It happens sometimes, something that isn’t quite wiped but was near enough to what was that it takes a little while for it to become clear again. His memories of being back on the base are a bit jumbled and he knows that something has happened, that he found out something, but he can’t quite remember what. He could ask but he doesn’t, simply follows Rumlow as the man leads him to Clint’s room, as he opens the door and leads the soldier in.

“He should be here soon, I have to do a round so I won’t be here for dinner. His face still looks a bit rough but he is healing, it was needed, and he remembers you. I’ll see you in the morning probably.”

Rumlow says this, squeezes the back of the soldier’s neck quickly, and leaves the room now before the soldier can say anything. The feeling of worry is still there and he knows that something has happened now, that Clint has gone through something that has left a mark and the soldier has a strong suspicion of what it was. He had been in the chair just a few short hours ago, can still feel faint traces of the pain it causes and he hates the idea that his boy may have gone through that while he was gone. He should have been here to help him, to comfort him, but he wasn’t and the soldier isn’t sure how to feel about that, can’t remember why he was even gone and he looks around now, tries to think of something else so that he can district himself as he waits for his boy . He looks around the room and he can see the little differences in it, a new blanket, more books on the shelves, some items around the room that he doesn’t remember being there before, and he wonders just how much time has passed, how long he was gone. It couldn’t have been too long, Rumwlow has not changed much, but it still was probably months and he really hopes that everything that has possibly happened has not changed Clint too much. He waits and soon enough, he can hear footsteps approaching, the door opening, and he turns to it just as a voice speaks.

“I have missed you so damn much.”

His boy is coming towards him and there is a bruise on his face, on his left check and forehead, around his left eye and the soldier knows what has been done to him and it makes the soldier tense up just a bit. The mark is an ugly things, a fading purple and red, but the smile Clint is giving him as he gets closer to him is beautiful. He looks happy right now, eyes bright and face full of relief that the soldier is here, and that eases a bit of the tension in the soldier. His boy is safe and glad to see him and though something has been taken from him, the most important thing is that he is safe.

“You are alright?”

The soldier says this as Clint reaches him, moves his flesh hand to the bruise on his face, gently touches it. Clint’s skin is warm under his fingers and the soldier has missed him even though he has no idea how long they have been separated, just knows that he has been waiting to see him again. He runs his finger over the bruise and Clint leans into the touch just a bit, gives another smile.

“I’m ok, missed you, but I’m alright. You were gone awhile.”

The soldier gives a nod now, doesn’t say anything for a long moment, just stares at his boy. He has not changed too much since the soldier was gone, hasn’t aged that much and the soldier is grateful for it, doesn’t want to miss too much of his boy’s life. The only sign of what his boy has gone through while the soldier was away is the fading bruise on his face and the soldier knows that he cannot change what has happened, can only focus on caring for his boy now. Clint’s past is gone for him now, just like the soldier’s is, but he is safe and the soldier will care for him.

“I missed you.”

He says it simply and Clint looks at him now, tilts his head just a bit.

“You remember being gone?”

He asks and the soldier shakes his head, moves his hand away from Clint’s face now and settles it on his shoulder. He doesn’t want to move away from Clint now that he is here.

“I do not remember the mission but I know that I missed you. “

It is a simple truth and Clint gives a nod at it, brings a hand to the soldier’s wrist, wraps fingers around the bracelet that is there. There is another small smile at the feel of it and the soldier likes when Clint smiles.

“You still have it.”

He sounds so pleased by that and the soldier just gives a nod, tries to think of something to say when the door is opened again, dinner being brought in. They move to the table then but they sit close together, neither wanting to be far away right now. They talk as they eat, mostly Clint telling the soldier about what has happened since he was gone, filling him in on his life. He is making progress , will be sent out soon, and the soldier is glad that he is here for that, that his boy will not have to go through his first mission alone.

“I asked for something, something for you.”

Clint says this now and there is something almost shy in his voice. The soldier waits, wonders what his boy asked for, and Clint speaks again, pausing only to take a bite and swallow.

“I wanted something I could call you, wanted you to have a name. You deserve a name and Pierce gave me one I can call you, if you want. Your name is James, if you like it, if you want it to be.”

James, his boy wants to call him James, got permission for it and the soldier thinks about it for a moment, says it softly, tries it out. It sounds alright, almost familiar, but he has been a weapon for so long that having a name seems strange. A weapon doesn’t need a name but he wants to be more than a weapon for Clint. He can be James for his boy, will try to be more than just the soldier for him and so he gives a nod now.

“You can call me that.”

It gives him another smile from Clint and then they are finishing their food, the plates being taken away. Clint turns to him now, points towards the tv now.

“You want to pick a movie to watch, James?”

He uses the name and it sounds a little strange but the soldier is certain that they both will grow used to it. He gives a nod, goes and picks out a movie. It starts and they settle down on the bed, Clint laying with his head on the soldier’s shoulder. They lay there, watch the movie and the soldier brushes a kiss against the healing bruise after a moment. It is a gentle gesture, one he has done a few times during the years and Clint shifts a bit closer to him at it. He holds Clint close to him, reassure himself that he is safe and alright and after a moment, Clint looks up at him, asks a question.

“You are staying tonight, right? It is easier to sleep when you are here.”

Clint says this and the soldier tells him yes. It gets him another smile and Clint leans up a bit, brushes his lips against the soldier’s cheek, close to his mouth. It is the first time his boy has done that and the soldier gives him a smile now, did not mind the gesture. Clint settles back down next to him and the soldier relaxes just a bit, is glad to be back with his boy. They stay like that the rest of the night, right next to each other, and the soldier is content.

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	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So short chapter and I hope to get something besides this story updated soon but I wanted to post this part like this so that the next chapter was super long. Hope you still enjoy.

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Brock isn’t surprised when he is called into to see Pierce, is informed that he is going to be given a briefing about Barton’s first mission, that they will be sent out in a few days. The soldier has already been back for a couple months and Clint was evaluated just a week ago, passed everything with flying colors and it really has only been a matter of time before he was deemed mission ready. Brock sometimes thinks that Pierce has only been waiting until after the kid was wiped, wanted to make sure he didn’t remember anything other than this before sending him out, didn’t want to risk the kid trying to run. Brock still isn’t entirely sure that the wipe was needed, sure the kid wanted to know about his brother still but he hasn’t tried to run for a long time and Brock is pretty sure he wouldn’t leave the soldier now, but that hadn’t been his call to make. Clint seems alright and it isn’t like the kid’s past was anything great and so it doesn’t brother Brock too much that he can’t remember any of it. There are more important things to focus on than something that can’t be changed now and he makes his way to his meeting with Pierce, hopes it doesn’t last too long so that he can get some time with the soldier before Clint finishes lessons for the day.

Pierce is already seated when Rumlow enters the office, some files opened on his desk, and he gestures for Brock to take the seat across from him. He does so, gives Pierce a bit of a nod before speaking.

“You wanted to go over a few things with me, sir?”

It is a simple question and Pierce starts going over a few things right away. It is just a brief outline of the mission, the location and the goal. It is a kill mission and Brock hadn’t been expecting anything different. The only thing that he is a bit surprised about is how easy the setup is going to be, all they are really going to have to do is get into place and then take out the target and make sure there are no witnesses left, everything will be in place before then. The location is an old warehouse and there will be a meeting taking place there in a few days and there is a primary target but no one is to make it out. It will be three of them, Brock, Barton, and Winter, with a team near by if needed but Brock is pretty sure they won’t be needed. It is a simple mission and Brock thinks that the point of it is really to make sure the kid is willing to pull a trigger. Brock is in charge, gets to make the calls and it really should be a piece of cake, just has to make sure the kid takes the shots he needs to. It should be simple and there are just a few more details that he needs to know before they go over the briefing with the soldier and Barton tomorrow.

“Can I see the file on the primary target?”

He asks and Pierce gives a nod, hands over a folder. He flips it open and starts browsing it, not really looking at the name yet, just giving a brief glance over the folder and the professional stats listed. The target is a young FBI agent, former army, and he shouldn’t be much of a problem and Brock isn’t entirely sure why he is a target, doesn’t seem particularly threatening.

“Barton and the soldier will be shown copies tomorrow but some details will be left out, there is no reason for them to know too much about this particular target. If they ask for a name, give the cover he is currently using.“

Pierce is saying this as Rumlow looks over the more personal stats, name and family and he sees right away why Pierce doesn’t want Clint knowing the name of the target. Charles Bernard Barton is a an FBI agent with no family listed expect for a younger brother who is deemed dead but Charles insists is missing. As Brock looks at the files a little more closely, there are notes about Charles investigating his brother’s disappearance on his off time and Brock knows now exactly why he is being targeted.

Brock puts the files down now, something settling over him that almost feels like guilt. In two days, he is going to take Clint out on his first mission, in two days he is going to watch the kid shoot the only family he has left even if he isn’t aware of it, and something about it just doesn’t seem right. He would shoot his own blood if he had to, Brock knows this about himself, but he also knows that it is his choice to do so, that he would be aware of what he was doing. Clint will have no idea and something about that just doesn’t seem right. He knows when to question calls and now might be a good time.

“Are you sure that this mission should be given this high of a priority, sir?”

He keeps his tone respectfully, knows that goes a long way with Pierce. He has known the man for years, hell Pierce was the one to see his potential when he was just starting out, and Brock trusts his judgment most of the time but he thinks the man doesn’t quite see clearly when it comes to the kid. Pierce likes Barton, dotes on him in some ways, and Brock thinks at times that Pierce almost sees Barton like he does his kid, treats him similarly. Brock wants to know what he is thinking right now, why he wants to put the kid through this.

“Clint will be doing missions soon, will be out and about a bit more and there cannot be any loose ends from his past to hold him back. This needs to be taken care of now.”

Pierce’s voice is sure and it isn’t really the death of the brother Brock is questioning, it is the means that it is going to happen. He voices this now.

“If it needs to be done, it will be done, just not sure the kid has to be involved. It could be a risk.”

It could be a risk, the wipes work but there is still always the possibility of something resurfacing. It has happened before with the soldier, not for a long time and has always been easily fixed and Barton doesn’t have any serum running through him but there is still the slightest chance that seeing his brother could set something off. Pierce just keeps looking Brock straight in the eyes and there is no doubt in them as he speaks after a moment’s pause.

“It could be a risk but it is one worth taking. Clint needs to be tested, needs to take his first shot for us, and this will be the best chance to make sure his past has no hold on him anymore. This is Clint’s home now, he doesn’t need his brother anymore.”

Pierce says this with such certainty and Brock thinks maybe he has an idea of why Pierce wants this to happen now. Pierce has never liked the attachment the kid seemed to have for his brother, had always discouraged it, and there is a bit of possession with how Pierce has handled the kid. He doesn’t want any sort of completion for Barton’s loyalty that he can’t control. Before Brock can say anything more, Pierce speaks again after just a few seconds’ pause.

“If you have a problem with giving the order, then I will make arrangements for someone else to be in command for this mission.”

It is a threat and Brock hears it for what it is and knows that he can’t question the call anymore. Pierce has his mind set on this, on Barton being on this mission and there is nothing that Brock can say that will change it. If he pushes anymore, Pierce is going to take him off the mission, possibly start considering him less and less, and Brock has worked too hard to get where he is to let it be taken away now. Brock pushes aside his misgivings and speaks .

“I’ll give the order, sir, you don’t have to worry about that. I do what needs to be done, always have.”

He makes sure he meets Pierce’s eyes, makes certain his voice is steady, doesn’t want there to be any doubt that he will give the order. It gets him a nod from Pierce after a moment, the man reaching across the desk to clasp Brock’s shoulder for just a moment as he speaks again.

“I know that you do. See that it doesn’t change. I’m trusting you with this, trusting that you will make sure that Clint’s first mission goes smoothly, don’t let me down, Brock.”

Pierce lets go of his shoulder now and Brock just gives a small nod. He asks more about the mission now, about the parameters of it and just what Pierce is expecting. Barton’s brother is the main target but no witnesses are to be left and bodies are to be taken care of. He wants Clint to take the first shoot, wants proof of the death brought back, specifically one of Clint’s arrows with blood on it. It takes only a few more minutes of talking and Rumlow knows all the details that he needs to, is sure that he can get this done, but the feeling of unease is still there a bit, the feeling of discomfort at this particular mission. He pushes it aside, focuses on Pierce as the man finishes up their meeting.

“The official briefing will be tomorrow afternoon and then the next morning you will leave. It should not take too long, everything is set up for the most part. I expect it to go well. Now, you can go, have some time with the soldier. I will be having dinner with Clint tonight, the soldier can visit him after.”

It is a dismissal and Brock gets up now, leaves the room. He doesn’t have anything else right now and so he starts to make his way to the soldier’s room. He thinks about the mission as he does so, about the parameters that Pierce has set, what he expects. There is a bit of leeway in the instructions, just a bit, but it is enough that it eases a bit of the uneasy feeling that has been in his stomach since he read the name of the target. Brock going to do what needs to be done, will make sure it all works out well, and the feeling is almost gone by the time he gets to the soldier’s room.   The mission will go well, Brock will make sure of it, but for now, he opens Winter’s door and gets ready to spend some more time with him, plans to enjoy it.

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	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I expect some yelling and this is really long chapter but I have had this in my head since I started this story even though it has changed a lot . Hope you still enjoy and that you don't quit the story.

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Tomorrow is Clint’s first mission and his mind keeps drifting to it, to what he is supposed to do tomorrow, about the details he knows about it, and he tries to focus on something else, watches as James works on the bracelet. It is something they started just a few days ago, James wanting to learn how to do it instead of just watching Clint make them so they have started with a few simple ones. It is simple, teaching James this, but Clint is still a bit distracted and there is something that he wants to talk about.

“They didn’t give us the name of the target.   The man we are going to kill tomorrow, they didn’t tell us his name. Do they ever tell you their names?”

It has been bothering Clint since the briefing, the fact that he was given a description, shown a picture briefly but not given a name. It seems odd to Clint for them not to give a name but maybe that is standard.

“Sometimes, but most of the time it doesn’t matter. I usually don’t remember the names after anyways.”

He is talking about the chair, about memories being wiped and Clint knows what that is like for him, has seen it done once before. He had tried to run, tried to call someone though he can’t remember who, and that had been one of the consequences, watching the memories being burned out of the soldier. He hadn’t been James then yet, Clint still didn’t have a name for him then, but it had still hurt to see that happen to him and Clint has not been forced to see that since.

“I don’t know if I will be allowed to remember the mission tomorrow or not. Pierce told me he hasn’t decided yet.”

Clint says this now, has been thinking about that as well, been thinking about it since his talk with Pierce earlier at dinner and it is just one more worry. He knows the chair has been used before, doesn’t quite remember it, but he doesn’t remember anything from before being brought here, doesn’t remember if he had a family or a home before this. There are dreams sometimes, little blurs of things but nothing he has ever really kept once he wakes up. It brothers him sometimes and there are times when he wished he knew what his life was like before this but it isn’t anything he can change. He has a purpose here, is going to help change the world, and James is here. Clint doesn’t know where else he could go, what else he could do, this is all he really knows now, and that is part of why he is nervous about the mission, about possibly failing.

“If you have to be wiped tomorrow, I will be with you, if you want, if it is allowed.”

James says this now, is looking straight at Clint. The offer is meant to be a comfort, Clint knows this, but he also knows that the soldier doesn’t want Clint at his wipes, knows how much it hurts to watch that. He won’t to do that to James, won’t make him watch that happen to him, won’t put him through that.

“I don’t want you there, don’t want you to watch that. Please don’t be there unless you have to.”

There is always the possibility that he will have to watch, Clint knows this, but if there is a choice, he doesn’t want the soldier there. James is quiet for just a moment before he gives a nod.

“Alright, I won’t watch if there is a choice. What do I do with this now?”

He asks, gestures to the bracelet he is working on. It is almost finished and Clint tells him how to tie it off now. He does it and soon enough there is finished bracelet in James’s hands. Clint pushes away his worries about the mission for now, gives James a smile as he looks over it.

“It is nice, I like the colors.”

There is a smile being returned now and Clint likes James’s smile, knows that he is one of the only ones to get to see it. For almost everyone else here, James has to be the soldier but for Clint he gets to be James, is always a bit more than a weapon and Clint likes these moments, likes having this. ‘

“It is yours, if you want it.”

James says this, holds the bracelet out to Clint and he takes it without hesitation.

“Thank you.”

He says it simply and puts the bracelet around his wrist. James tells him that he is welcome and then they switch to talking about the book that they have been reading. It isn’t long after they read their chapter for the night that it is time for bed. James stays without Clint having to ask and soon enough they are both in the bed, James’s arms wrapped around him and Clint’s head on his shoulder. This is comfortable and they lay in the dark together and after a few minutes, James speaks.

“You shouldn’t be nervous for tomorrow, you will do well and I will be there. It will be alright.”

After these words are said, James brushes a small kiss against Clint’s forehead, a sweet gesture that always makes something in Clint’s stomach flutter just a bit. He doesn’t remember any other kisses that may have come from someone other than the soldier, doesn’t remember if there was anyone else that would let him lay his on their shoulder, but James does, holds him close and gives him affection and Clint adores him for it. He doesn’t say anything, just leans up a bit and presses a kiss against James’s cheek. Sometimes when Clint does this, he wants to brush the kiss against James’s mouth, wants to know what his lips would feel like against his but he is unsure about it. He doesn’t do it tonight, just settles his head back down on James’s shoulder and closes his eyes. It takes a little while but sleep does find him.

Clint dreams, dreams of bruises and hurts, of crashes and shouts. He dreams of blood, of it being wiped off of his face and being told to hid next time, of being in a cramped closet, someone close to him holding him so he isn’t scared. They are all fragments, little broken pieces of something, and by morning, he can’t remember any of them, wakes to James’s arms around him and knows that there is a mission to do, that that is what he needs to focus on.

The nervousness is back now, the sense of anticipation and Clint does his best to keep a lid on it. The first few hours of the day are spent getting ready, eating breakfast, getting dressed and then Clint is taken to get his equipment. There are four of them, Clint, the soldier, Rumlow and Pierce and Clint is told to pick out what he will need, to choose what he thinks will be best for this mission. It is a test, Clint knows that much, and he thinks about each thing as he picks them out, hopes that he is choosing the correct items.

“Why did you choose that bow instead of this one?”

Rumlow asks once Clint has selected everything and it is a question he has been expecting. He gives his reason, says that for this mission this bow will work better at the distance he should be from the target, that it will be easier to use in the space he will be in. It is a good answer and Rumlow just gives a nod, asks about more of Clint’s equipment. Each piece is discussed, his bow, his arrows, the small guns he has as well, and Clint gives answers to each question and none of his reasoning is questioned.

“You picked out a knife. There shouldn’t be any close range combat today so why bring something you won’t need?”

Rumlow asks now and Clint wonders briefly why Rumlow is asking something that he already knows the answer to. He just goes ahead and answers the question.

“There isn’t supposed to be any close combat but things could go wrong and I should be prepared for that. This will work better in hand to hand than my arrows and bullets would and having a knife isn’t a disadvantage. It isn’t a disadvantage to have extra weapons that you may not use if you can carry them without hindering yourself.”

“Good answer, kid, nice to know you listen sometimes.”

Rumlow gives a bit of grin with those words, reaches forward and pats Clint on the shoulder quickly. There was a hint of praise in his voice and Clint just gives a shrug.

“Why that knife?”

It is Pierce who asks and Clint can feel all eyes on him right now. They all saw which knife he took, the one with the arrow design, the first thing the soldier ever gave him. He took it for that, because it was a gift, because it is his favorite, because he has wanted to have it with him since he got it but none of those will be good reasons for Pierce. Clint thinks for only a moment before answering.

“I have had it a long time, practiced with it the most. I trust it, trust myself with it.”

Clint glances over at James with his words and he doesn’t smile, not like he does when it is just him and Clint but there is a brief tug of lips and a soft look in his eyes for just a moment and it is nice, makes some of the nervousness in him eases just a bit. Pierce seems satisfied with that answer and they move on now, leave that room and head elsewhere.

Pierce walks with Clint down the hallways, a few feet from Rumlow and James and he goes over expectations with him. It has all been covered before , what Clint is to do, how he is supposed to listen to Rumlow, and Clint gives answers when questions are asked, says yes sir when he is supposed to. He thinks about asking for the name of the target but he doesn’t, isn’t sure Pierce would tell him anyway. They are soon close to a vehicle, getting ready to load, and Pierce stands close to him, puts a hand on Clint’s shoulder, looks him straight in the eye, and speaks again.

“You have come a long way and today is a big step for your future. This mission is important, I need to know that you can do what you have to. Don’t let me down, son.”

Those last words are a warning and Clint knows that there will be consequences if he does so he says the only thing that he can.

“I won’t, sir.”

Pierce gives him a smile now, a squeeze on the shoulder and Clint just waits for him to move his hand away. He does after just a moment.

“Good. I will see you after.”

Pierce says this and then heads over to Rumlow. James comes and stands next to Clint now and he is quiet but just his presence is comforting. He is different right now, more the soldier than he is when it is just the two of them and Clint wonders if it will end up being like that for him as well, if he will be a different person on missions than he is when he isn’t on one. It is something he will think about later, for now he focus on the mission on what he is going to do.

It is just the three of them, Clint, the soldier and Rumlow, with Rumlow leading and they go where they need to. The ride is quiet for the most part, some talk here and there but Clint spends most of the time looking out of the window, watching the scenery. He hasn’t had many chances to see outside and the last time he did was at Christmas and the season has changed since then. It is no longer winter, there is no snow blanketing the ground any more, instead there are signs of early spring, some green everywhere and something in Clint has missed seeing this even though he can’t remember really being outside the base much before. It is beautiful and when they get out of the vehicle and start to walk to the warehouse that they will set the trap up at, Clint stops for just a moment, enjoys the feel of the sun on his skin and takes a deep breath of outside air before following the others.

It doesn’t take long to check the perimeter, to make sure everything is ready, and there will still be a few hours before they come, before the actual mission starts and they go over everything one more time. Clint has a spot picked out, will be hidden in the rafters while Rumlow and the soldier are hidden on the ground floor. Clint is to allow the meeting to get started, for them to get settled, and once a little time has passed, he is to shoot. The first shot needs to be with one of his arrows, they need to bring one back, and it is to be towards the main target, Rumlow saying something that strikes Clint as a little odd.

“Your first shot doesn’t have to be a kill, you can just wound him and then move on to other targets.”

“I can do it, can make a head shot.”

Clint says this, doesn’t want his ability to be doubted even if he is still a bit nervous about killing, and Rumlow just gives a bit of a nod now.

“I’m not saying that you can’t, just saying you don’t have to, kid. You need to shoot him, take a shot but I’m just telling you if it doesn’t feel right to take the head shot, don’t, take another one. If he is just wounded at first, it may cause a bit more panic and distraction, might work to our advantage . I’m letting you make the call, take which shot you think will be best. ”

Rumlow says all this and Clint just gives a yes sir now. They talk for just a few more minutes and then it is time to get into place. Clint gets ready to go up to the rafters and the soldier stops him for just a moment, wraps his flesh fingers around Clint’s wrist, the one that has the bracelet he just gave Clint last night. The touch is warm, the grip gentle and not bruising and he looks Clint in the eyes as he speaks.

“It will go well but if it doesn’t, I will do my best to keep you safe.”

It is a promise and Clint smiles at it.

“I know. Thanks and try to be safe as well.”

He doesn’t want anything happening to him and James gives a nod now, softly presses his thumb against Clint’s pulse points and then lets go, goes and joins Rumlow as Clint goes up into the rafters.

Once he is settled, all they can do is wait. There is not much noise, a little talk through their comms but not much and he is starting to get nervous again. This is hard, waiting, knowing what he is to do but he can’t do it yet, hoping that everything will go to plan, and Clint isn’t sure he likes it but he knows that it is needed, that he has to be patient. They wait for quite a while but people do show up, the warehouse starts to fill and Clint watches his target, has his eyes follow him around the room.

He is easy to track, the only one here with red hair, and Clint watches him. There is something familiar about him, the way he moves, the way he looks, and it makes something tighten in Clint’s stomach. It is like he knows him but he doesn’t at the same time. He is like a ghost of something, makes Clint think of both hurts and comforts and it is all making him a little uneasy but he keeps the man in his sight, has a head shot all lined up.

It is almost time, Clint knows this, knows he needs to take the shot soon. Everyone is in place, the meeting has started and Clint is in a good position, can take the shoot and the man would be dead in moments. He has the head shot lined up but he gets another glance at the man’s face, at his eyes, a dark blue green, kind of like a darker version of Clint’s own eyes and it doesn’t feel right. He relines the shot, changes it away from an instant kill to a wound. He takes a breath now, pulls back and fires.

The shot hits it target, right in the right shoulder as Clint planned and it is like Rumlow said it would be, panic, people shouting and trying to figure out what is going on as the man looks at the arrow in his shoulder with shock and Clint gets another arrow out. His next shot is a head shot but not at the main target but another man, one near by, his body hitting the floor quickly. He loosens another one, a wound to someone else and this is not as difficult as Clint thought it would be. After another shot, Rumlow and the soldier move from their places, start firing as well and when Clint glances back to the main target, the man is on the ground, a bullet wound in his throat and Clint knows he is going to bleed out soon enough. His stomach tightens again and Clint looks away from him, doesn’t want to watch him die, instead he focuses on providing cover, on making sure the mission works out.

========

There are bodies on the floor, the smell of blood in the air, and it is something that the soldier is used to. This time at least none of the blood is his own and Rumlow is likewise unharmed as they move around the warehouse but all of his thoughts are on Clint. He knows that he hadn’t been hit by anything, they had spoken on the comms just a moment ago, but he is still anxious to see his boy, to have confirmation that he is alright with his own eyes. The soldier is near the body of the main target, is looking down at it now, is seeing that there is something near the body, a piece of paper maybe or a photo when he hears footsteps coming. He looks towards them and Clint is there, alive and unharmed if a little pale, and relief feels him and he gives a nod as Clint moves closer.

“What do we do now?”

Clint asks and Rumlow comes forward, moves so that he is in front of the main target’s body, is blocking Clint’s view of it. It seems like a purposeful move and the soldier is unsure why Rumlow did it, why he doesn’t want Clint seeing this body.

“We need to move the bodies but we will take care of that. I want you to do a perimeter check, shouldn’t be any trouble but if there is, let me know and take care of it. You did a good job, we’ll be done soon.”

Rumlow says this and Clint just gives a nod, goes to do what he was told. The soldier bends down now, knows that one of the first things that needs to be done is to take anything that can be used to identify the bodies right away. He reaches for the piece of paper near the main target now and he looks at the body as he does so. The man is laying on his back, one of Rumlow’s bullets in his throat and Clint’s arrow in his shoulder and the soldier is still not quite sure why Rumlow hit him as soon as they moved from cover, while he told Clint it didn’t have to be a kill shot. He pushes the thought out of his mind as his fingers close around the paper now, as he turns it over to look at it. What he sees makes him tense up and Rumlow notices, comes and stands close to him.

“The kid doesn’t need to know, doesn’t remember him anyway. This had to be done, he was causing trouble and the kid needed to prove himself and he did today. He doesn’t need to know all the details.”

Rumlow says this abut the soldier doesn’t look up from the picture. There is some blood on it and it is old and crumpled just a bit, shoved in the man’s pocket many times, but the faces in it are familiar. The soldier held a picture close to this one years ago, put it in a bag because it seemed like something Clint would take with him, and he knows who the target was now, why Clint was never told his name. Clint doesn’t remember his brother but he knows his own last name and he would have asked questions. Something is settling over the soldier, some feeling that is uncomfortable and his fingers tighten around the picture. He feels like he has hurt his boy now without even knowing it and he isn’t sure what to do about it. A hand settles against his shoulder now, another hand on the picture and he looks at Rumlow now.

“Your boy is going to be fine, don’t say anything and he will never know. I took the kill, his hands are clean of this one.   We did what we had to and Clint is better off with us anyway, better off with you. You won’t remember this soon enough but you just need to not say anything till then, not say anything to the kid, alright?”

The soldier swallows, takes a few deep breaths, knows he doesn’t like to keep things from his boy but he also knows he wants to keep Clint safe. His boy doesn’t remember his brother but when he did, he never would have wanted this to happen. The soldier can keep this secret for a while to keep his boy from possible hurt so he gives a nod now.

“Alright.”

Rumlow gives his shoulder a pat and then moves away, starts on their task, takes the arrow out of Barton, puts it in a bag to give to Pierce later. The soldier tucks the photo back into Barton’s pocket, tries not to think as he moves the body. It takes a while to get everything done, there is just three of them after all and Rumlow has Clint away from the bodies but it is not too difficult though the uncomfortable feeling stay with the solider the whole time, stays with him as they get to the vehicle, as they load up and get ready to go to base.

Clint sits next to him and he is still a bit pale, is quiet and the soldier knows that he is processing everything that he did today. Rumlow may have been the one to kill Barney Barton but Clint still killed today, stained his hands for the first time, and his boy had always been nervous about it, weary of it. The soldier pushes aside his own discomfort now, leans close to Clint, and takes Clint’s hand. He laces their fingers together and Clint relaxes just a bit. They are not back to base yet so he can’t be James for his boy right now but he can give him this, give him silent comfort and touch.

“You did good today and it will get easier. We just have the debriefing and a few other things but soon enough, your first mission will be done and you didn’t get shot or anything so good job.”

Rumlow says this to Clint form where the front seat, gives them a glance before turning his attention back to the road. Clint gives a nod, looks out at the window for a few moments before turning his attention away from it and asking a question.

“Did you get shot on your first mission?”

Rumlow gives a chuckle at the question, tells Clint yes and starts to tell him about his first mission. The rest of the ride is spent with Rumlow telling stories of past missions and Clint sitting next to the soldier, holding his hand close, leaning against him. He seems a little less shaken by the time they are at base and the soldier is relived even if he still has those feeling of guilt about what he is keeping from him, though there is still discomfort at knowing just what his boy lost today even if he himself isn’t aware of it.

The next few hours are standard for after missions and the feeling of discomfort remains but he ignores it, there is a debriefing with Pierce then he is taken to the machine. The soldier is almost glad to see it, is almost glad that he won’t remember exactly what happened today, that he won’t have to keep this secret from his boy much longer. It hurts, it always hurts, but soon enough it is done and the events of the mission are a blur. He knows that they went on one, that Clint did well, that Pierce was pleased but the details are fuzzy and there is relief with this though he doesn’t know why. He is still in the room with the chair when they start adjusting it, changing the straps on it and he knows that it is going to be used again.

“Pierce wants them to just blur the details of the mission for him, it won’t take long and shouldn’t hurt too bad. If you want, you can stay with him.”

Rumlow says this and the soldier remembers his promise to Clint last night, his boy doesn’t want him to watch so he won’t. He shakes his head and that is all that needs to be done. He is taken to his room for a while then, Rumlow going with him and this has started to become as much of his after mission ritual as the chair is, these moments with Rumlow these touches. It feels good but he prefers the light kisses Clint brushes against his cheek to the rough ones Rumlow places on his lips but he doesn’t say this, just lets Rumlow take what he needs and then they clean up, go and have dinner with his boy and Pierce.

There is a red mark on Clint’s face, a mark from the machine but it is just a faint one but James keeps looking at it and once they are left alone, he rubs gentle fingers across it and ask Clint how he feels.

“I’m alright, head hurts a tiny bit but not that bad. I remember taking the shots, remember the blood, know that I did what I was supposed to but a lot of it is a blur. I don’t remember any of their faces.”

Clint says this and his voice is not shaking but it is soft. James just runs a finger over the mark one more time and reassures his boy.

“You don’t need to remember their faces, it is alright. It will get easier and you did well.”

He says it but he still can’t help but feel that his boy lost something today but he can’t remember what. It must not be too important, Clint is here and he is safe and he doesn’t seem to mind when James holds him a little tighter that night when they go to sleep and that is enough for the soldier.

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pleas don't hate me and if you want to know some other ideas I had for this chapter, just ask and I will talk about it.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just a bit of warning this part and the next part will have some Rumlow/Winter stuff, physical stuff, and I thought i would give you a heads up since not everyone enjoys it. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope to have the next one out soon since I originally planned to have this chapter have a James section as well but everything got so long that i am moving it to the next part. Comments would be lovely and sorry this part is so long.

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It has been a few months since the kid’s first mission and things are going well for the most part. Pierce didn’t question who took the kill shot, Barton has done well on the other missions he has gone on, and Brock is moving up the ranks again. He is off base more now, the kid doesn’t need to be trained as much now, has been doing more SHIELD official business, but Brock still gets to come here often, stills goes on missions with Winter and Barton, and still gets his alone time with the soldier. Right now is one of those times and Brock doesn’t have a mission for the next few days and he is going to take advantage of it, get all that he can from the soldier.

“You can hold them tighter, I won’t break.”

He says this and it is all the encouragement Winter needs to tighten his hold on Rumlow’s wrists, the cold metal pinning both of his wrists with ease. This is what Brock craves sometimes, what Winter can give him that no one else can, what he wants from Winter that he doesn’t want from anyone else, being pinned, being almost hurt by this. There will be marks when they are done, bruises all over Brock, he is going to feel it for a while and that is what he wants. Winter won’t be busied after, there isn’t much reason to mark him up now that he knows what Rumlow wants, now that he has been taught just what Brock needs, and this is what he wants, what Winter can give him. He wants his strength, his aggression, and right now, with his wrists pinned with the metal hand, his other hand gripping Brock’s hip, Winter’s mouth at his throat, it is perfect.

“Just like that, whatever you want, I can take it.”

The flesh hand presses down just a bit more on his hip now and Winter thrusts a little more quickly, scraps teeth along Brock’s throat. He is so much more responsive now, not nearly as hesitant as he used to be, and Brock thinks the soldier needs this just like he does. Winter’s mouth has left his throat now and Brock takes advantage, crushes their mouths together. He is getting so close, so damn close, but he wants Winter to come too, likes knowing that he can make him come, so he lifts his hips up just a bit more, meets his thrusts.

“It feels good, doesn’t it? You make this feels so good, I know it feels good for you, too.”

He says this in-between kisses, in-between the soldier’s thrusts and Winter just gives a little nod at it. The hand holding his wrists tightens just a bit more now but the other moves from his hip, wraps around his cock. Winter is close, Brock can tell by how his thrusts are speeding up a bit more , the way his hand is moving along Brock’s cock and he works just a little harder to get him there. It doesn’t take too much longer and Winter is coming, Brock can feel it, and that does just as much for him as the hand wrapped around him and it doesn’t take long till he is coming as well.

Winter lets go of his wrists now, slumps forward just a bit, still inside of him, and Brock likes this, likes the feel of Winter’s body on top of his. He moves a hand forward now, feels a bit of an ache around his wrists, knows that there may be a bruise there later, and he runs fingers through the soldier’s hair for a few moments. They lay like that for just a bit and then it is time to get up, to clean up and they do. There are red marks all over Brock, just as he thought there would be and they are going to bruise but he will be able to keep most of them hidden, just the ones on his throat and his wrists will be noticed but no one will say anything more than likely.   He likes having them, likes having the feeling of the bruises to remind him of what they did, and he gives Winter a smile as they both dress now.

“You know, if there is anything you want to try when we do this, just let me know. This is for you too, not just me. Alright?”

He says this now, means it. Winter gives him what he needs and he will give him what he needs if he asks. Winter looks at him for just a moment before nodding.

“Alright.”

It is a simple word, an agreement and Brock just gives his own nod at it, finishes dressing. Soon enough, they are both dressed and it is time to leave the room, the soldier having an appointment for the arm to be looked at and Brock walks him there, watches for a little bit but there really isn’t anything for him to do there and he leaves after a few minutes, will come by late to see when Winter can leave. He does a round of the base but soon enough he makes his way to one of the training rooms and finds Clint already there, the kid hitting one of the bags.

“You practicing or just bored?”

He asks as he comes closer to Clint, thinks he already knows the answer. The hits had been pretty random, seemed more about getting the bag to move than practicing technique and Clint shrugs as he looks over at Rumlow.

“Done with lessons for the day, don’t want to be in my room, already shot today, would spar with someone but the soldier is busy. This seemed better than nothing.”

The kid does sound bored and Brock can’t really blame him. Barton is isolated for the most part, doesn’t have much to do when he isn’t training or at lessons, the only times he really leaves the base is for missions and when Pierce takes him out but as far as Brock knows that has only really happened twice so far. Pierce took Barton somewhere for this last Christmas and then also a couple months back after his first mission, took him away for a couple days, said something about it being a treat and maybe it was but that still doesn’t change the fact that Clint doesn’t really have all that much freedom and too much time on his hands now that his lessons and training have been reduced a bit. Brock can’t take him off base without permission but maybe he can help the kid be a little less bore d right now.

“I’m not the soldier but I can spar with you, if you’re up to it and ready to get kicked around.”

Clint tilts his head a bit as he speaks now, challenge in his voice .

“I’m up for it but I’m not the one who is going to get kicked around.”

Brock just shakes his head and goes to the sparring mats near by, Clint following him after just a few moments. They both stretch for a few minutes, warm up like they usually do. He’s a bit sore from before but should still be able to spar with the kid for a while and he starts the first attack.

This is something that they have done a lot through the years and Barton has improved a lot from his early days. He is fast and skilled and Brock enjoys sparring with the kid. He is more of a challenge than a lot of the others and he proves it quickly enough, manages to grab ahold of one of Brock’s arms in the first few minutes, twists it. His fingers end up resting near Brock’s wrist, on the beginnings of the bruise from earlier and it is a bit tender there. Brock winces just a bit before getting out of the kid’s hold and he notices.

“Your wrist is bruised. It wasn’t this morning, was it?”

Clint asks as he resettles him, as he makes a move towards Brock again.

“It wasn’t but it isn’t a big deal.”

He says this, dodges the kid’s next move. Clint is looking him over carefully now, a bit of curiosity in his eyes and Brock really hopes that he isn’t going to have to talk about certain things with him. A few minutes pass, some more hits are traded, and Brock manages to knock Clint down. Clint gets up quickly, counters it, and says something else as he does so.

“There are marks on your neck, those are fresh too. Did you spar with the soldier earlier?”

Barton asks this now and Brock shakes his head. He isn’t going to drop the subject, Brock knows the kid well enough by now to know it, and he isn’t looking forward to this conversation. He is thinking about just how to approach this when Clint manages to get a good hit in, knocks him off his feet. He stares up at the kid now as he looks down at him, makes no move to help him up or press the attack, just asks another question.

“They did come from him, didn’t they? You usually spend time with him when I’m at lessons. What were you doing?”

Brock sits up now, has to think about what to say, and the kid is just watching him right now. This shouldn’t be so difficult but it isn’t really something he has had to talk about with the kid before. He knows that Clint isn’t really a kid anymore, close to drinking age already but Brock still thinks of him as one most of the time and right now isn’t any different.

“Look, Winter and I were spending some alone time, some private time. We do that sometimes, have been doing it for a while. You know about that sort of thing, right? What people do together sometimes, when they have the time, when they want to?”

He isn’t sure what else to really say, doesn’t really want to get into too many details, but he really doesn’t know just what Clint knows about sex, if he was taught anything about it, doesn’t know everything the kid has learned. Hell, Brock knows that the kid is most certainly not having sex, hasn’t even been kissed on the mouth as far as he knows, spends most of his time with the soldier and though they sleep in the same bed, nothing like that has happened.   Brock learned about sex from friends, from school, and from doing it and Barton doesn’t have those experiences. Even if he was told about sex in his lessons, it is possible that sex with two men wasn’t covered, it wasn’t in Brock’s school and he really wishes he didn’t have to talk about this right now, didn’t have to explain what he does with the soldier to him. Clint is still just staring at him but he speaks after a moment.

“If you are talking about sex, I know what that is.”

Brock feels a bit of relief when the kid says this, hopes that means he won’t have to explain too much.

“So they teach you about it in lessons? Told you about different kinds and stuff?”

“Yes, said I might see stuff like that on missions, need to know about it. Pierce has talked about it with me as well.”

Barton says this and Brock is glad he didn’t have to be there for any of that. No doubt Pierce’s talk with Barton about the birds and the bees was awkward as fuck, Pierce having a strange sort of fatherly thing going on with Clint that Brock doesn’t quite understand. The kid seems to tolerate it and so Brock doesn’t really pay much attention to it besides finding it a bit odd and awkward at times. Barton speaks again and it pulls Brock away from his thoughts about Pierce.

“Is that what you were doing, having sex? You don’t have to have bruises from sex, don’t have to be hurt during it. Is he bruised up too or are they already healed up?”

There is something just a bit harsh about Barton’s voice, just a bit accusing and Brock knows that he needs to pick his next words carefully, needs to make the kid understand what is going on, understand that Brock isn’t hurting the soldier with this.

“He is fine, isn’t bruised, isn’t hurt. And you’re right, you don’t have to have bruises from it but sometimes you do, sometimes you want that, need that.What Winter and I do, it is about that, about need and we have been doing it for a while and it works.”

“Is this something he needs or just something you need?”

Clint asks now , is almost glaring him a bit and Brock gets up now, moves a bit closer to Clint. Clint doesn’t move away, just keeps looking at him, eyes almost glaring, and Brock speaks calmly after just a moment.

“ He needs affection sometimes, needs a chance to be something other than the soldier, other than a weapon. I give him that, you give him that, it is just in different ways. “

What Brock says is the truth and the kid doesn’t really say anything right now. It is probably a lot to take in, finding out about this, and Brock still really doesn’t like talking about it but Clint was probably going to find out about it at some point and this is probably but than him walking in on it or something. A few moments pass and Brock hopes that this is the end of the conversation but then the kid asks one more thing.

“What you do with him, it doesn’t hurt?”

There is a bit of concern in his voice and Brock is reminded just how damned much the kid cares about the soldier. Brock gets it, he really does, cares for the soldier deeply as well and he reaches forward now, puts a hand on Clint’s shoulder. He tenses up at the touch but doesn’t move away and Brock makes sure he is looking at him when he speaks.

“It doesn’t hurt either of us. These marks, they feel good to me, I want them there and he gives them to me. He is alright, you will see him when he is done with his tests. This isn’t a big deal, just something people do. Ok?”

The kid is quiet again for just a moment but then gives a nod. He still doesn’t look happy right now but Brock will take it and he asks a question now.

“You want to keep sparring or do something else?”

“I think I’m going to my room for a bit.”

That is all the kid says and then he moves away from Brock’s hand, shrugs the touch off now. Brock lets him go, doesn’t have to accompany him since he is allowed to roam around the base a bit more freely now. Barton is probably going to be in a mood about this for a bit but it should smooth out eventually. Brock decides that the one thing he needs to do right now is make sure that the soldier knows that Clint knows about what they do before the kid asks him questions about it, doesn’t want Winter caught off guard about it. He goes and the tests are finished up now, the soldier free to go and Brock walks with him on his way to see the kid. This is the only time that he can talk to the soldier about this and so he does.

“He saw these today, asked about them, how I got them. ”

He says this as he gestures to the bruises on his wrists and on his throat. Winter looks at him now, has tensed up just a bit and asks a question.

“Did you tell him how you got them?”

Brock isn’t going to lie about this and he does want Winter prepared in case the kid says anything.

“Yes, I told him, told him what we do, told him that it feels good and isn’t hurting anyone. I didn’t see the point in lying to him about it but he does seem a bit worried about it, worried that you get hurt during it. I told him that you don’t, that you are fine but he might still ask you about it. Just wanted to give you a heads up about it.”

Winter is looking at him still, has stopped walking now and Brock does so as well. There is a beat of silence and then Winter is speaking again.

“If he asks about it, what do I say?”

He is standing so still, almost at attention, like he is waiting for Brock to give an order and it reminds Brock of how he used to be all the time. He has changed over the years, became a little more human at times because he is let out more, allowed to interact more, but he still takes orders, is still a weapon at times than a man and Brock likes both sides of him. He reaches forward now, puts a hand on the soldier’s neck, rests a thumb on his throat and gives an answer.

“Tell him the truth, that what we do feels good and sometimes we need it. I think he will understand that. Don’t worry too much about it, alright?”

There is a moment of quiet and Brock rubs his thumb along his throat and he can feel him take a breath. He nods after just a moment.

“Alright.”

“Good, let’s go see your boy then.”

Brock gives him a smile, strokes his throat one more time before moving his hand away, and he takes a step away from him, starts to move again and the soldier follows him.   They get to Barton’s room shortly after that and the kid looks over the soldier once they are there but he doesn’t say anything. Clint is sort of quiet most of the time the three of them are together, keeps glancing over when Brock is close to the soldier, stares the few times Brock touches Winter. Brock isn’t doing anything that unusual, isn’t touching him more or standing closer than normal but the kid’s gaze feels more imposing tonight. It makes everything feel a bit off and Brock finds himself leaving a bit earlier than planned. Brock just hopes that the kid knowing just what is between him and the soldier doesn’t change things too much. Everything is going well and he would like it to stay that way.

========

It is just them now, Clint and James, and it is quiet right now, Clint not sure what to say. His mind is still on what he has learned today, about the bruises on Rumlow, on what he and the soldier do together and he hasn’t been able to think of much else since learning about it. He watched them tonight, watched how close Rumlow would stand to James, the little touches that happened and they are things he has noticed before but there is a new context to them now, knowing just why the soldier is comfortable with Rumlow, what they have done together. Every time he saw Rumlow brush against James, each time he stood right next to him, Clint had felt a mix of emotions run through him, anger, upset, worry, and he is still trying to process them, knows he needs to talk to James about this but he doesn’t know how.

“You have been quiet, didn’t eat much. Are you feeling well?”

James says this now, briefly puts a hand on Clint’s forehead and Clint just his head a bit. James is looking at him now, a bit of worry in his eyes and Clint tries to reassure him.

“I’m ok, I’m not sick, not hurt, just in an off mood. You want to try to finish the ornaments we started last night?”

It is a distraction, they both know it, but James just nods and they get started on them again. It is simple, working on the crafts but Clint still feels off, still keeps looking James over. He is fine, no marks on him like there were on Rumow, and it is good that James isn’t hurt but Clint’s mind keeps flickering to the bruises on Rumlow’s wrist, can’t help but look at James’s metal hand. That is what caused the marks, those fingers wrapped around Rumlow’s wrists and Clint isn’t sure how it is enjoyable for either of them. James can feel his eyes and he looks at Clint now.

“Rumlow told me you asked about his bruises, that he told you where they came from, who they came from. Is that the reason you are off? Does it upset you?”

There is worry on James’s face again and Clint hates seeing it there. He takes a moment’s pause to just think before he answers.

“I just didn’t know that you guys do that and I was surprised he was so marked up, that he didn’t mind that. “

The bruises aren’t a major injury but Clint doesn’t understand why Rumlow would want them, why he would want James to give them to him, and it is hard to understand why James does. He is always so gentle when it is just him and Clint, always careful when they spar to not hurt Clint more than needed, that it is strange to think of him as bruising someone on purpose when it isn’t an enemy, isn’t a target. Clint has seen how different James is when he is with Clint, when he is James and not the soldier, and now he is starting to realize that there may be more to him than just the weapon Clint sees on missions, more than just his James. He might be someone different with Rumlow and Clint isn’t sure how to feel about that.

“He likes the bruises, seems to need them sometimes. “

James says this now, gives a little shrug. Clint remembers Rumlow saying it was a need and Clint thinks he was right that it is more Rumlow’s need than James’s but that doesn’t mean James gets nothing from it and Clint needs to know more.

“What you guys do, you’re ok with it, right? It doesn’t hurt you?”

He asked Rumlow earlier, got an answer but he needs to hear it from James. Nothing is said for a few moments, James just looking at Clint, head tilted like he is trying to decide what to say and Clint waits.

“It doesn’t hurt. I don’t mind it and it feels good. I like touching, being touched. “

James says this now, is still looking at Clint and there are very few things that he says he likes. Clint knows he doesn’t get much contact, much touch, just from him and from Rumlow and maybe this is what Rumlow was talking about earlier. Clint still thinks it is more about what Rumlow needs then what James needs but if James doesn’t mind it, maybe it isn’t so bad though Clint still isn’t sure if he is ok with it but there probably isn’t a lot he can do about it. For now, Clint leans forward just a bit, puts his hand on James’s shoulder and gives a squeeze.

“As long as it doesn’t hurt you. You want to hold this for me as I glue it?”

There is a nod now and Clint moves his hand away from James now, starts to glue the ornament together. It is something to pass the time, making these, and if Clint gets to decorate a tree again for Christmas, he wants some more things to put on it. He hopes he will get to spend the holiday with James but he doesn’t know yet if he will. For right now, Clint just focuses on this distraction, focuses on his time with James.

“I would like you to stay tonight, only if you want to.”

He says this when it gets close to lights off. It isn’t anything he hasn’t asked for before but Clint wants James to stay here if he wants, not because Clint wants it. James gives a nod now.

“ I want to.”

Simple words and Clint believes them. They settle into bed soon after that and it isn’t that much different than the many times before but Clint is more aware of everything tonight. James holds him close, Clint’s head settled against his chest tonight, can feel his heartbeat and Clint has always felt safe like this, settled against James and he wonders if it makes James feel safe too.  A kiss is brushed against his forehead again and Clint wonders briefly if James does that with Rumlow as well before pushing it out of his head. He doesn’t want to think about that anymore, instead focuses on how warm James is next to him, how steady his heartbeat is, and how his lips felt against his forehead just now. He brushes his own lips against James’s cheek and then settles down again, finds rest soon after that.

A few days pass and Rumlow leaves the base for a bit but Clint still finds himself thinking about the bruises, about what Rumlow and the soldier do together, about sex. Clint has never had sex, has only touched himself a handful of times but now he is thinking about it a bit more. He knows what it is, has been told about, lessons that were facts about what it is, what people do and certain preferences. It wasn’t the only time he had heard about sex and it is the other talk that Clint thinks about a bit more often.

Pierce had sat him down one day, told him that he was getting older and that he would start wanting certain things, that he might have certain needs and that it would be alright to pursue those but he would need to be careful. Pierce told Clint that he would need to be careful of who he chooses to do things with, that not everyone can be trusted, and that when Clint decides to do that, he should choose someone he trusts, that it should be someone he knows won’t hurt him. There had been more than that, talk about diseases and people taking liberties that they shouldn’t but the part about someone he trusts is what really stuck with Clint and as days go by, as he thinks about it more and more, he realizes that the one person he would trust with that is the one person he trusts with everything. James is the one he trusts above all others and if Clint is going to have that, he wants it with James.

Clint thinks about it more as the days go by, watches James just a bit closer, and the want doesn’t go away. James is kind to him, always has been, and now Clint is noticing more about him, noticing how nice his small touches feel, how he smells, how he looks. Clint has felt attraction before, there have been a few people who have been at the base he has found good looking but none of them had stayed very long. There had been a tech that had been here for two months who had shiny long red hair, blue eyes, soft hands, and she smelled like apples. She had been nice, not saying much but she was never rough with the injections and she always gave Clint a smile before he would leave the room. He never got a chance to find out her name. There was a man around Rumlow’s age that was here for an afternoon, Agent Reed, that had cropped dark hair and dark eyes and his hands had been rough. He was there for some tests and Clint had shoved him down on the mats like he did everyone else and he had smirked a bit when Clint had done so and it had sent a little heat through him. There had been others as well, people who have come and gone that Clint had found beautiful, that he wanted for a brief moment but all of those feelings pale in comparison to what he is feeling for James now.

James is beautiful, power and grace, kind and safe and Clint adores him, wants him but he doesn’t know if James wants him the same way. He could ask but he feels like it is too big of a risk, that it could change things too much and so he just pretends that nothing has changed while a lot actually has. It reaches a point where Clint can’t pretend anymore, reaches the point where the uneasy feeling he gets when he knows James and Rumlow are spending time together grows too big to ignore, and he knows he has to do something, has to ask and hopes it doesn’t change too much.

“What you and Rumlow do, the sex, you just do it with him, right?”

Clint asks when it is just the two of them, a movie playing that Clint has only been half watching but seemed to have James’s full attention till now. He turns his head away from the screen now, from the image of flying monkeys and looks at Clint and gives a nod.

“Yes, I only do that with Rumlow.”

There is curiosity in his eyes like he isn’t quite sure why Clint is asking about this now and Clint just takes a breath and asks another question before he loses his nerve.

“Have you ever done that with anyone besides him?”

“Not that I remember. “

James says this and it cause a pang of hurt to run through Clint, this reminder that so much of James’s life is lost to him just like Clint’s life before this is lost to him. He feels like it is worse for James sometimes and he moves a hand to James’s flesh one now, wraps fingers around it in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. James returns the squeeze Clint gives his hand and a moment of quiet settles over them again, James turning his attention back to the movie for a few moments until Clint asks another question.

“Do you ever want , I mean do you think you could want that with someone one else, not just Rumlow?”

The words are out of his mouth and once again, James is starting out him, confusion on his face.

“I don’t know. Why are you asking?”

Clint can feel his cheeks heating up just a bit now and he has to look away from James for just a moment. He should just tell him that it is nothing, go back to watching the movie and forget this whole thing but he doesn’t. Instead, some truth tumbles out of his mouth in a rush.

“I have been thinking about it, sex, what it is like. Pierce has talked to me about it before, said it was ok to want it but that it should be with someone I trust and I want that, want it to be with someone I care for and that’s you. I can’t think of anyone else that I would want that with but you. I mean, I want it if you want it, if you don’t then don’t worry about it.”

He still isn’t looking at James and he moves his hand away from him now, thinks about getting up and moving to the bathroom for a bit, just pretending that he didn’t say anything just now. It is quiet right now, just the sound of the movie playing and Clint thinks that hiding will be for the best and starts to get up. He is stopped by James’s hand grabbing his wrist loosely and speaking.

“Look at me, Clint. Please.”

It is said softly and the please is what gets Clint to look at him. He doesn’t look angry or upset, just a bit confused, unsure, and he speaks again once Clint is looking at him.

“You said everything so quickly that I am not entirely sure what you are asking. What do you want to know, what is it you were trying to ask for?”

Clint takes a deep breath now, can still feel the heat in his cheeks but this is something he wants, something he needs to ask and so he does.

“I just wanted to know if you could ever want that with me? If you would do that with me.”

James is quiet , his fingers around Clint’s wrist tightening just a bit, and Clint decides that he needs to explain more.

“I have never had it but I have been thinking about it, about having it but I want it with someone I trust, someone I care for, I want it with you but only if you want it as well. ”

“You want me like that?”

James says this now and his voice is full of confusion, of unceartinty and it makes something in Clint ache just a bit. He gives a nod, moves a bit closer to him.

“Yes I do. You don’t have to decide right now, you can think about it, take as much time as you want. I just wanted you to know.”

A few moments of quiet pass now, James just looking at Clint and Clint doesn’t look away. He means it, will wait for James to decide and if he decides he doesn’t want Clint like that, then Clint will not bring it up again.   
“I will think about it, will need time to think about it.”

James says this now and there is a bit of relief that he will at least consider it. Clint just gives a nod now and James moves his fingers away from Clint’s wrist, lets go and moves back into his spot on the bed, leaves room for Clint. He hesitates for just a moment before sitting back down, leaning against the pillows. Without saying anything, James wraps his arm around Clint’s shoulders and the gesture is a comfort right now more than it is normally, a sign that maybe things will be ok even if James doesn’t want Clint like Clint wants him. Clint settles next to him and just watches the movie for awhile when a thought occurs to him, something he can ask for now.

“I know you need time to think about what I asked for, but would it be alright if I kiss you tonight?”

He asks now and James tilts his head at him, looking at him once again with a bit of confusion.

“That is not something you have to ask for. You have done it before and I have kissed you before, it is nice, doesn’t need to be asked for.”

Clint agrees that the little brushes against forehead and cheek are nice but that isn’t what he meant and his face is heating up a bit again as he explains what he is asking for.

“ I mean a kiss on the mouth. We haven’t done that before and I want to try, if you are alright with it, if you want to.”

His face feels so warm right now but he hasn’t looked away from James yet so Clint thinks he is doing better than before. James just looks at him for a long moment before giving a small smile and then a nod.

“You can kiss me, we can try that.”

It is permission and Clint gives a nod of his own before moving, twisting and leaning just a bit, closing his eyes and placing his lips against James’s . They are warm, just a little chapped, but Clint likes how they feel against his own. It isn’t much of a kiss, just a brief press of lips but right before he moves away, James’s hand rests on the back of Clint’s neck, fingers brushing over the skin there and the touch makes Clint’s stomach flutter.  He pulls away now and James is looking at him still, a soft happy look on his face and Clint likes it.

“Was that alright? “

He asks, needs to make sure that it was ok. James gives him a smile and it makes that fluttery feeling intensify just a bit.

“It was. I liked it. Did you?”

James says this and Clint gives a nod.

“I did. It felt good.”

He says this and James gives him another small smile.

“Good. We should finish the movie now.”

Clint just leans back against James, warm and safe, lips still warm from the kiss and this is enough for now.

========


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support and I hope people enjoy this chapter.

========

Clint is asleep next to him right now, it is warm and safe feeling right now, but James does not sleep yet, can’t sleep yet. His mind is still dwelling on earlier, on the questions Clint asked him, on what his boy wants, and the kiss that was brushed against James’s lips. It is a lot to take in, a lot to think about and he does so now, holds Clint close to him and just thinks about it.

The kiss had been nice, a soft press of lips against his, gentle and sweet just like the kisses Clint brushes against his cheek and it makes James want more of that, more of the softness that only Clint gives him. His boy has grown through the years, became strong and deadly and sure but he is still soft and sweet in some ways and James adores him for that, finds him beautiful. His boy is beautiful and kind and James is not certain he should touch him in that way.

What James knows of sex, what he remembers, he knows from his time with Rumlow. It does feel good, the touching , the release, but it is usually rough, harsh, bruising. That is how Rumlow likes it, likes when James pins him down, hands tight around him, grip harsh and unyielding, likes when James sinks teeth into his skin. It is almost like sparring, like fighting, except Rumlow takes it all and James doesn’t mind it, enjoys it a bit, but he can’t imagine doing that to Clint. He isn’t sure if his boy wants that or if he just wants the touching, the sex, and James needs to think about it, needs to decide if he can do this with Clint without hurting him. For now, he just listens to Clint’s steady breathing, closes his eyes and finds his own rest.

A few days pass and James keeps thinking about it, about what Clint wants and how it will be if he gives it to him. He hasn’t made a decision yet and Clint doesn’t pressure, doesn’t ask about it, but he has asked for more kisses and James aggress to them . A part of him waits for the kisses to turn harsher, a bit more demanding, a bit more like Rumlow’s but they don’t. They become less hesitant, less brief, but they are still gentle and sweet, still Clint and it makes James think that if they were to do more, that it could be like that, could be something softer than he is used to but he isn’t sure he can trust himself with it. He needs to know that he can do it without the roughness, without the bruising, and there is only one way he can think to find out if he can.

“When we do this, we can do it without the roughness, without the bruises and it would still feel good, right?”

He asks now, sitting next to Rumlow on the bed and it is just the two of them, Clint at lessons and James knows now is the time to ask about this, ask now before the touching starts. He can ask Rumlow things sometimes, more than he can with others but is isn’t the same as it is with Clint but he asks this now because he needs to know and Rumlow is the one who has shown him what he knows so far about this.

“Yea, it can be done without the bruising, soft and sweet like, just isn’t really my thing but I have done it like that before. Is that something you want to try ?”

Rumlow asks now, is staring at the soldier with a look of curiosity. He hasn’t told him about what Clint wants, what his boy has asked for and he doesn’t right now either, just gives a nod after a moment.

“Yes, I want to see what that feels like.”

It still feels odd at times to say I want, to express that, and he only does it sometimes. He is still a weapon, he knows that well, but there are times when he gets to be more than that, mostly when he is with Clint. With Rumlow, he isn’t James but he doesn’t always have to be the soldier and so he can say this now. Rumlow is still looking at him but he speaks after just a moment.

“Ok, we can go soft today, might be a nice change of pace. Let me know is there is anything else you want, alright?”

Rumlow leans forward now, puts a hand on the back of his neck, just rests his fingers there. It is a firm grip but not as tight as it usually is and the soldier gives a nod now. Rumlow gives just a small smile before brushing lips against his. It is softer than usual, the fingers on his neck not tightening and he returns it. He just thinks of his kisses with Clint, keeps the pressure light, only opens his mouth a little bit. It feels different with Rumlow than it does with Clint, not quite as right as it does with Clint. Still, he needs to know that he can do this, that he can be gentle before he does this with Clint , before he decides that he can do this with Clint and so he continues with the soft kisses that don’t seem quite right.

After a few minutes, clothes are taken off. Rumlow helps the soldier take his off, places small kisses on his skin as it is bared and the soldier does the same with him. He doesn’t drag teeth like he usually does, doesn’t leave red marks on Rumlow’s skin and it is different, still doesn’t feel right but he needs to try. They touch each other for a little while, Rumlow trailing hands across the soldier’s skin in a more gentle way than usual and he repeats the movements, the touches.

When it is time to get Rumlow ready for him, he uses his flesh hand, goes more slowly than he has in a while and he doesn’t grip Rumlow’s hip with the metal, instead has it resting gently on his throat, on the pulse there. It is different, not pinning him down, easing the fingers in and out, and it still feels odd but he thinks it may feel better if it was Clint. He thinks about that as he eases himself into Rumlow, thinks about how Clint would look under him. His boy would be beautiful, he is sure of it and he closes his eyes and imagines it. He leans forward as he starts to thrust, going slow and soft, places gentle kisses along Rumlow’s jaw and thinks about doing this to Clint, what his skin would feel like under his lips. It would be warm and soft, James knows that much and he wonders about the noises Clint would make, imagines little sighs instead of the low moans he gets now. It would be nice, would feel even better than it does now.

“I forgot how it feels to go slow, kind of nice. This working for you?”

Rumlow says this now and his voice brings James out of his thoughts, makes him open his eyes now and focus on what is happening and not his dreams of what might be. Rumlow is underneath him and the soldier focuses on that, brushes another kiss along his jaw and gives an answer.

“Yes, I like it.”

It is the truth, he does like it even if it feels a little odd.

“Alright then, do what you need, make it good.”

Rumlow says this, brushes a kiss against the soldier’s lips right after. The soldier just gives a nod and keeps doing what he is doing. His hands don’t pin Rumlow down right now, instead they hold on gently to his arms and he keeps the grip loose. There shouldn’t be bruises today and it feels the soldier with relief, to know that he can touch like this without marking, without causing flares of pain. He focuses on that, on making it feel good without the hurt.

He keeps his touches light. When he moves a hand to Rumlow’s hip, he curls fingers around it but doesn’t press hard. When he trails kisses down Rumlow’s throat, he doesn’t bite down, doesn’t drag teeth. When he wraps a hand around Rumlow’s cock, he strokes it gently and slowly, works his hand up and down in a less harsh way than he is used to.

“So close, so good, keep it up.”

Rumlow says this now, is meeting his thrusts and if it was like usual, the soldier would pin him down now, bite his throat but he stops himself from doing so. He needs to keep this like it is, keep it soft and sweet, and he does so. He speeds up everything just a bit but he doesn’t make it rough, keeps everything gentle and light as he can. It works and he can feel Rumlow’s release on his hand soon enough, feels his own claiming him. It is good, still odd, but he thinks that it is something he can do again.

He looks over Rumlow now and there are a few marks of red but nothing like usual, nothing that will purple and look angry after a while. Relief fills him now as he realizes that he has done it, that he has touched someone in that way without leaving them a bit battered, a bit worn. He should be able to do this with Clint without bruising him, without leaving him broken and there is relief in that thought. He wants to give this to Clint, he knows that now, wants to experience this with him but now he needs to wait for the right time and he pushes thoughts of Clint away from him as he moves out of Rumlow , as he brushes one more kiss against his throat.

“That was good, going to miss the bruises a bit but we have a mission tomorrow so can’t be banged up too much anyway. You got what you needed?”

Rumlow asks now, is stretching out a bit on the bed, a satisfied look on his face and the soldier gives a nod now. He did get what he needed, saw that he can do this without hurting, and now he just needs to decide when to tell Clint, how to go about this. It is still a little overwhelming that his boy wants him, wants this with him, but it is hard to deny Clint anything and James wants it too.

“Good, should probably get cleaned up now.”

It goes back to their regular routine now, the cleaning up and getting ready to go somewhere else. If Rumlow wonders why the soldier wanted it soft, he doesn’t ask and the soldier says nothing about it as they leave the room. He knows that he is almost always watched, that Clint is as well, that what they have talked about, what they may do will be discovered at some point, but till it is, he will not speak about it to others. It is between him and Clint and James will keep that way till he can’t.

The rest of the day passes by, Clint is picked up from lessons, there is debriefing about the mission for tomorrow. Soon enough a meal is ate and then it is just him and Clint alone in the room. James thinks about what he has done today, what Clint has asked, and he is close to a decision now but there is something he needs to know, something he needs to ask but he waits for the right moment, a quiet moment. They are on the bed together right now, Clint close to him and the book they were reading done for the night, put on the small table by the bed, and Clint lays his head on James’s shoulder, snuggles close to him. It is a quiet moment and James thinks it is the best time to ask and so he does.

“If I was to do that with you, touch you like that, would you want me to bruise you like I do him? ”

It is what he is worried about, that his boy wants exactly what Rumlow takes from him, wants the hurts and pains along with the touches and James is not certain he can give him that. It is hard to deny Clint but he also can’t stand the thought of hurting him and he thinks he can deny him this if it means Clint stays unharmed.

Clint shifts just a bit, is looking up at him and James can feel the weight of his gaze but he doesn’t look away. He needs his boy to be truthful now, to not hide anything. They will do with it, whatever the answer is and moments pass and James waits. It is not that long but it feels long, seconds stretching out but Clint answers soon enough.

“No, I don’t think I want the bruises, at least not yet. I don’t want the bruises unless you need them, just want the touching, to feel what that is like. I want you but I don’t need you to be rough with me, unless you need it. “

He hears no lie in Clint’s voice and it feels him with relief, with warmth, with hope. If Clint doesn’t want the bruises, doesn’t want the hurt, then it can be something sweet, something gentle and James thinks he needs that. He brushes a kiss against Clint’s forehead now, lets his lips rest against the warm skin for just a moment and then he speaks.

“I don’t need the roughness, don’t want that for you. I want to give that to you, want that with you, if you still want it.”

Those last words come out and James hadn’t meant to say them, not yet, but he won’t take them back. They are the truth and Clint is staring at him now, eyes wide but after a moment there is a small smile on his face and James thinks it is beautiful.

“I still want it. Can I kiss you?”

James gives a smile of his own and then a nod. Warm lips brush against his and it is nice, feels right. Clint pulls back after a moment and asks a question.

“Are we going to do it tonight?”

There is a bit of a blush on Clint’s face as he asks, a bit of redness along his cheeks and the solider brushes another quick kiss along his lips before giving an answer.

“Not tonight, later. There is a mission tomorrow.”

“Later then.”

Clint says this now, puts his head back on James’s shoulder. James just wraps an arm around him, holds him close. It feels like a big decision, what has been decided and James hopes that it is the right one to make, is still unsure about making choices after so many years of not being able to. Clint is letting him chose this, isn’t demanding or ordering or taking, and James thinks about how precious that is as he holds him, as soon enough it is time to find their rest. There will be a mission soon but after James will be able to touch his boy and he thinks it will be nice, will feel good and he hope he can make it good for Clint as well.

========

It has been about two weeks since James told Clint that he wants to do that with him but they haven’t had a chance yet and Clint is ready for it. There hasn’t been a right time yet, a mission having to be seen to, being off base for a few days, Rumlow being around, but tonight should work out. There is nothing going on, Clint having a lot of free time tonight, the soldier not having a mission or anything to see to, and Rumlow left the base earlier today. Tonight should work out well for this and Clint is ready for it but he is just a bit nervous and he does all that he can to keep himself calm as it gets closer to evening.

He wants this, Clint knows that he does, but there is still a little worry about it, what it will be like. James doesn’t want to bruise Clint, doesn’t want to hurt him, and there is reassurance in that but the worry is still there. Clint might not like it, James might not like it, something could go wrong, something could change between them and that is what Clint worries about the most. He doesn’t know what he would do if something happened to change how James cares for him and he doesn’t think this will but he worries about it. He tries to push the feelings aside as the day goes by, as they eat their evening meal and he does though it still lingers in the back of his mind.

“If you are nervous about it, we can wait longer.”

James says this once the plates are gone, once they know that no one will be by for a while. He is standing close to Clint, waiting for his answer and he reaches forward now, puts his flesh hand on Clint’s neck. His touch is warm and solid and it makes Clint feel better. James cares for him and Clint trusts him, this shouldn’t hurt what is between them so he shakes his head just a bit now.

“No, we don’t have to wait. I want it. We can do it now, if you still want to.”

There is just a moment’s pause and Clint worries as the moment stretches that James will tell him that he doesn’t want this anymore, that he will be denied but he is given a quick nod and a small smile and relief washes over him.

“I do. Can I kiss you now?”

James asks and Clint gives a nod. This is something that they have done a bit now but when James leans forward and places lips on his, Clint gets that fluttery feeling again just like he did the first time. The fluttering feeling is nice and Clint returns the kiss, can feel James’s fingers against his neck, his metal arm resting against his back. Clint brings a hand to the back of James’s head, threads fingers in his hair and keeps kissing him. They stand like that for a while, wrapped up in each other and kissing till James pulls back just a bit, looks at Clint.

“We should move to the bed.”

He says it simply and Clint gives a nod. They move there, Clint laying down and James settles near him and it is a simple thing to start the kissing again. It is nice, soft kisses deepening into something more, James running hands over him and Clint returning it. They still have their clothes on and James’s hand is on Clint’s stomach chest right now, he can feel the warmth of his hand through the t-shirt but he wants more, wants to feel James’s skin against his own. He stops the kissing for a moment now.

“I think maybe we should start taking off clothes.”

He can feel his skin heat up just a bit as he says this but James only gives a small nod, moves his hands to the edge of Clint’s shirt, holds the bottom of it and asks a question now.

“Can I?”

Clint just gives a nod and then James pulls the shirt off. His skin feels just a bit cooler now, a bit more exposed without the cloth covering it and he can feel James’s gaze on his skin, on him. He moves a hand now, brushes it against Clint’s bare chest, the touch soft and careful.

“This does not hurt much, right?”

He asks as his fingers brush against a cut on his chest up high, near his collar bone and left shoulder. It is scabbed over now, is just a small scrap really from the mission but James had been worried about it. He had cleaned it for Clint when it was all over, when they had been resting at the safe house before making the way back to the base and Clint has been healing from it since.

“It isn’t too bad, a bit tender still but touching is ok, just don’t press down hard.”

James gives a small nod at Clint’s words and moves his hands away before placing his lips there instead, a small brief press that makes Clint feel warmer. James’s lips move away from that spot, move across his collar bone and he asks a question against Clint’s skin.

“This ok?”

“Yes, I like it.”

Clint breathes this out and he feels a smile against his skin now. There are more kisses placed against Clint’s skin and it is nice but he wants to be able to do the same to James. He puts his hands on James’s shoulder, grips the material there as he speaks.

“Can I?”

James gives a nod and moves a bit so that Clint can pull the shirt off. He has seen James shirtless before but this time seems different and Clint’s eyes wander over his chest, settle on the scars near the metal shoulder. The skin there is raised in little lines, tiny scars fanning out from the metal till it turns smooth like most of James’s skin, and Clint puts a hand above it just, not quite touching and he meets James’s eyes. James gives a small nod at Clint’s look, answering the question that Clint was about to ask and Clint touches the scars now, runs fingertips over them.

“Do they ever hurt?”

He asks, keeps running fingers over them softly as James gives an answer.

“Sometimes but not right now.”

After James says this, Clint leans forward and places lips against the scars, kiss them just like James had done with his cut. James lets out a sound at the contact, something a little bit like a gasp but not one in pain, it is softer than that, sounds nice and Clint likes it. He keeps kissing there, moving his hands down now, rest them against James’s hips where his pants are. He looks at James again and there is a little nod and Clint unfastens the pants now. James moves and takes them and his underwear off and he is bare now and Clint feels his face heat up just a bit as he looks at him. James is beautiful, muscled and strong, and Clint still can’t quite believe that he wants to do this with him, that he is alright with Clint seeing him like this. His own hand reaches for his pants now, gets ready to undo them when James stops him.

“I want to. Is that ok?”

Clint gives a nod and James undoes his pants for him, slides them and his underwear down, and Clint lifts his legs just a bit as the pants come off. He is nude now, all of him exposed and James looks at him and Clint’s skin heats up a bit more and he has to be red all over now. There is something in James’s eyes right now, a soft look of wonder, of fondness and it makes Clint’s breath catch, makes his stomach flutter.

“We should start slow but I need to know if you have anything to prep with.”

James says this now and Clint knows exactly what he is talking about and he reaches into a drawer in the little table by the bed. There is lube there, some Clint took from one of the med offices and he puts it there now, makes sure James sees it and then he settles back on the bedding. They go back to kissing then, kissing and touching, and the first time James’s fingers brush against Clint’s cock, it jumps just a bit, a tingling feeling all over.

“That feels good.”

He says it and James just gives a small smile and keeps touching him. Clint does the same , touches and kisses James and when his fingers touch James’s cock, he gets another little noise and he loves it, loves how James responds to him. Clint had been worried about it, that James wouldn’t enjoy this, that Clint’s touch wouldn’t be enough but that doesn’t seem to be the case and it fills Clint with relief and he continues exploring this with James, finding out which touches he likes, discovering what James likes but he wants more.

“I think I’m ready, want you inside me soon.”

The words come out sure and he makes sure that he looks straight into James’s eyes when he says them but he can feel himself blush just a bit but James just gives a nod.

“If that is what you want. You need to be ready first. Can I do it?”’

James says this now and Clint takes a breath and nods his head yes. James gives him a smile and helps him settle against the pillows, on his back, legs spread and then he reaches for the lube, opens it. He puts some on his fingers and then moves to Clint, to his hole and puts a small amount there as well. It is wet and a bit cold but not too bad, just different. James is so close to him now, sitting right near Clint’s legs and Clint is waiting, hopes that this feels good like everything else.

“It may feel a bit uncomfortable at first. Tell me if you need to stop.”

Clint gives a nod at James’s words and then James moves a finger there, slowly pushes it in. It does feel a bit uncomfortable, burns just a bit and he takes a hissing breath at it but gives a nod for James to continue. James does, pushes in a bit more, lets Clint get adjusted just a bit Clint hasn’t really done this yet, hasn’t put his own fingers there though he has thought about it, and it feels different but he trusts James, trusts him not to hurt him and trusts him to make it feel good.

He starts moving his finger just a bit now, in and out, pushing it just a bit deeper each time, running his metal hand along Clint’s shoulder and brushing kisses across his lips every so often. It is feeling a bit better now, less uncomfortable and Clint can relax just a bit. His finger seems to curve just a little bit now, rubs along a bundle of nerves inside Clint and it makes a heat settle in his stomach, makes him pant out some words.

“That feels good.”

James gives a small smile, keeps doing what he is doing, and speaks some words against Clint’s skin.

“Good. Can I add a second?”

Clint gives a little nod and tries not to tense up as James moves his finger away and then pushes two in. There is that burn again but Clint knows how it feels this time and it is easier to breathe through it, to take it and let James do what he needs to so that Clint can be ready. It still feels a bit odd but it feels better as James keeps going, starts to feel nice as James finds that spot again and Clint starts to rock into it just a bit. He needs more than James’s fingers now.

“I want you, please.”

James brushes another kiss against his lips now, moves his fingers away and it feels weird not having something there now. Clint watches as James puts more lube into his flesh hand, wraps it around his cock and makes it slick. He moves just a bit closer now, settles between Clint’s legs, almost completely on top of him, lines up but doesn’t push in yet.

“Are you sure?”

He asks now and Clint leans up and brushes a kiss against James’s mouth and then speaks.

“I’m sure. I want this, if you do.”

“I do. Let me know if you need to stop, if it hurts.”

James says this and Clint gives a nod, leans back into the pillows. James pushes in just a bit not and it burns again, is thicker than his fingers but Clint still wants this, still wants James and so he breathes through the discomfort, wraps fingers around James’s arms. It is reassuring to feel both the warmth of his skin and the hardness of the metal under his fingers and Clint looks up at him now, gives a small smile.

“I’m ok. Keep going.”

He says this and James leans down and kisses him as he pushes in a bit more. It starts to feel like his fingers did, starts to feel better than they did, as he starts to thrust, rocks into Clint slowly. It feels good and Clint can’t help but make noises, little sighs and whimpers and James smiles at them, makes his own noises when Clint meets his thrusts, when Clint brushes lips along James’s throat. They keep like this for a while but Clint can feel something building up in him, can feel James’s thrusts increase just a bit and he knows they both have to be close.

“It feels good, so good. You feel so good, Clint, perfect. Is this good for you?”

James asks now as he keeps thrusting, as his flesh fingers wrap around Clint’s cock and the touch feels right, warm and better than the few times Clint has touched himself like that and he speaks as he breathes heavily.

“It is. You feel good, too. I need this, need you.”

There is more that Clint could say, more that he wants to say but James’s lips are on his now and he focuses on that, focuses on how this feels, on what is building up in him. It is becoming too much, feels too good and Clint can feel himself coming, the feeling coming in a rush, leaves him shaking. James comes soon after that, Clint can feel it, and it is good, perfect, nothing being said but James lays on top of him, still in him, and after a few moments, he brushes a kiss against Clint’s forehead, asks a question.

“Are you alright?”

There is concern in his voice and it makes that fluttery feeling return and Clint just gives a nod.

“I’m alright. You?”

He asks, needs to make sure James is alright as well and he gets a nod after his question. Clint gives another kiss now and he feels good, knows he will feel sore soon enough but right now he feels good. James is here, close to him, safe and warm, and that is all that really matters to Clint. James returns his kiss and then pulls out slowly, looks over Clint, checks him for bruises and hurts. Clint doesn’t mind, lets James checks and he feels content right now, content with James, with what they just shared.

“We should clean up. Do you need help up?”

James says this now and Clint just gives a little nod, takes James’s hand when it is offered. They leave the bed then, go to Clint’s bath room and wash up. James helps Clint, rubs a wash cloth over him gently, helps him rinse off and Clint tries to return the favor but he is still a bit shaky so it doesn’t quite work out as smoothly as James’s help did but he still tells Clint thank you, brushes a kiss against his wet hair. They go back to the bed, check the sheets and put on their clothes and then James puts a movie on before laying down next to Clint, tucking him up against his chest and Clint can feel James’s heartbeat, strong and steady, and everything feels right and he needs to say something, needs to tell James something.

“Thank you for this, for giving me this, what I need like always.”

He looks up at James now as he says it and James is looking down at him, his eyes soft and his smile warm and he places another kiss against Clint’s hair.

“Thank you for caring for me.”

They are simple words and James means them, Clint knows that he does and he just gives a nod at them and closes his eyes after a moment. He falls asleep like that, the soldier holding him and when he wakes in the morning, James is still there and everything still feels right.

Clint is a bit sore the next day but it isn’t so bad and there isn’t anything he has to tend to that makes the soreness hard to deal with.   They don’t do that again the next night but James does hold him close and they exchange kisses, a few touches and it is nice in its own way. Clint wants it again but he knows that they have time and so he doesn’t ask for it again yet. This is something for him and James and he doesn’t really think about what others may think about till two days after they do it, when after lunch he is told that Pierce needs to see him alone and he is taken to the man’s office, sat down across from him at his desk, Pierce looking at him with a guarded expression.

“Is there a mission you wanted to talk about with me, sir?”

Clint asks, usually waits to speak till Pierce does but the man is just looking at him right now and it makes Clint feel just a little bit uncomfortable. He shakes his head and when he does speak after a few moments, what he wants to talk about is something Clint is unsure he wants to talk about with Pierce and there is worry that there will be consequences now, consequences for what he and James have done.

“I want to talk to you about the soldier, Clint, about what you have done with him and what it means, if things need to change now.”

Clint just takes a deep breath and gives a nod, hopes that things can work out and that he and James don’t lose what they have now.

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	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a little more.

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The first time Pierce saw Clint Barton was years ago, back when the boy was still in the circus, had taken Susan because she wanted to go and he can still remember getting his first glance at Barton. The show had started, a boy clad in purple coming into the center and started his routine, started shooting. It was a performance, difficult shots being made to woo the crowd but Pierce saw the skill in them, the potential. Pierce had been thinking about weapons, about how useful the soldier has been for Hydra, and when he saw the amazing Hawkeye, he saw the potential for a weapon that would be just as useful as the soldier, a weapon that would be his own creation and not those that came before. He had Barton taken because he knew he could be a powerful weapon, could be useful for Hydra, and he is, but somewhere along the way something has changed and Clint is much more than a weapon to Pierce now, much more than just a tool to be used.

Pierce has come to care for him over the years, sees him as family even if they don’t share blood. He has taken care of Clint through the years, fed and clothed him, taught him, has made him more than he could have been if he would have been left where he was. Clint has a bright future ahead of him, that Pierce is certain of, and it is future that Pierce has done his best to ensure. He had his past wiped from him so that he would not look back, had his brother terminated to ensure the same, has had his interactions with others limited and watched, spoke with him about needs and trust and now he will have to have another discussion about it , about Clint’s choices and what they mean. This is something he has been preparing for, ever since he became aware of the changing nature of the relationship between Clint and the soldier and Clint sits in front of him now, asks if there is a mission. Pierce simply shakes his head, speaks after just a moment.

“I want to talk to you about the soldier, Clint, about what you have done with him and what it means, if things need to change now.”

Clint’s shoulders tense up just a bit now but he takes a breath, gives a nod but doesn’t say anything. There is a moment of quiet, Pierce watching Clint, deciding just what to say. There are many ways to approach this, many ways to handle this and he isn’t quite sure which is the right call quite yet, needs a bit more information but before he can decide which question to ask first, Clint speak.

“You said it would be alright if I did that with someone, sir, that it was natural to want that. ”

He notices that Clint doesn’t ask how Pierce knows, he has accepted long ago that Pierce finds out almost everything, that he is being monitored and Pierce just watches him for a moment now. He did tell Clint that it would be natural to want touch, to want sex, but he didn’t think he would get it from the soldier. They have always been close, always affectionate with each other but Pierce had assumed for a long time it was platonic, nothing romantic or sexual about it till he was informed that the kisses on the check and forehead had moved to mouths, and then a couple days ago he was informed that it had moved to more than that and now Pierce needs to step in and handle it .

“It is natural to want touch, to have urges, but I want to know why you picked the soldier.”

He says this now, wants Clint to tell him his reasoning. The soldier is not who Pierce would have picked for him and Pierce needs to decide if it is something that can continue or if it needs to be stopped now. He looks at Clint right now, stares directly into his eyes and waits. It only takes a moment before Clint speaks again.

“You told me that I should pick someone I trust and I trust him, trust him with everything. ”

Clint doesn’t look away from Pierce’s eyes with these words, stares straight at him, and his voice doesn’t shake, there is no doubt in him. He trusts the soldier, Pierce has always known this, arranged things in a way so that he would but he never thought that it would lead to this, to this sort of relationship between them.

“I know that you trust him but the soldier is different than others, you know that. He is a weapon, a dangerous one. He may not be the right one for something like this, for this sort of relationship.”

Pierce says this now, means it. The soldier is different, a weapon, though he acts more like a person around Clint from what Pierce has seen, little glimpses of how Bucky Barnes used to be perhaps. The time with Clint, the time the soldier gets to be more than the soldier, hasn’t really harmed anything, in fact it has made him easier to control and it helps keep Clint in line as well but Pierce is uncertain of letting this more physical relationship stay.

“I’m safe with him, this isn’t hurting anyone. He wouldn’t hurt me, not unless he had to, not unless there were orders or a reason.”

Clint says all this and his voice is just as certain as it was earlier. Clint believes that the soldier would never hurt him and Pierce thinks for the most part he is right. The soldier has been allowed to care for Clint and he would not harm him on purpose, might fight against orders if he was told to hurt him.

“Is that the only reason you decided to do this with him, because he is safe?”

Pierce asks now, leans forward just a bit, watches Clint closely. There is a hint of red on his cheeks now and he moves his eyes away from Pierce for just a moment before looking at him again and speaking.

“No, it wasn’t just because he is safe. He cares for me, I care for him, and I find him attractive.”

There is a definite blush now across Clint’s cheeks and Pierce isn’t sure how to feel about this. He knows subjectively that many found James Barnes handsome and becoming the soldier did not diminish his looks any and he knows that some men find others attractive like that , he just isn’t sure if Clint is that way or if he is also attracted to women. He asks another question now, needs just a little more information.

“Is he the only one you have found attractive?”

“No, sir.”

“So there have been others you have found attractive? Only men?”

Clint looks at him for a moment and then answers.

“There were others, not just men. There was a tech here for a couple of months, a little older than me, red hair. She was nice and I liked her smile but she didn’t stay, hardly anyone stays. ”

He says this and he sounds a bit lonely. Pierce knows the tech he is speaking of, she had been smart and good at her job but started asking a few too many questions. She had been asking about Clint in particular, asked about his family, how he had ended up here, and when Pierce found out, he had her removed, taken care of. It was needed but he can understand Clint’s frustration at having so few people around him, so few constants, the soldier has been around him from the beginning, one of the few including Pierce himself and Rumlow, and so it makes sense that he would turn to the soldier. Pierce stands up now, walks around the desk till he is standing by Clint , places a hand on his shoulder.

“I know it can be lonely sometimes for you here but you are doing great things, Clint and sometimes that requires loneliness, sacrifice. You understand that, right?”

Pierce says this now, can feel Clint shoulder tense up under his grip but he gives a nod after just a moment.

“I understand, sir, but what we did, it didn’t hurt anything and we didn’t disobey any orders, just gave each other what we need. Please don’t take him away, please let me have this.”

The words are spoken now, Clint staring right into his eyes, and he doesn’t ask for things often. Pierce doesn’t let go of his shoulder, just thinks for a long moment before asking another question.

“Are you aware that there is already an arrangement between the soldier and Rumlow?”

He knows that Clint knows about it, has watched the tape of Clint talking about it with the soldier but he brings it up now to see what he is going to say about it. It is something Pierce has allowed, hasn’t seen the harm in it, and it is a good way to keep Rumlow motivated. Rumlow’s tastes are something Pierce doesn’t quite understand, the bruising and the pain, but it is something the younger man seems to enjoy and it is probably better that he gets it here from the soldier than somewhere else.

“I know about it, it hasn’t interfered with much and so I don’t see why if James and I continue with what we are doing why it would interfere with anything either. “

There is a bit of stubbornness in his voice, Pierce can hear it, and he simply shakes his head just a bit.

“This is something you want, a physical relationship with the soldier, even though you know the soldier already has this with someone else?”

“Yes, I want this.”

It is a simple answer to Pierce’s question and Clint is staring at him with a mix of stubbornness but also hope and pleading in his eyes. Pierce simply gives his shoulder a squeeze right now before letting go of it, looks Clint in the eyes and speaks.

“It is something I will think about, will let you know if it can continue tonight. You should do some range time now and I will see you at dinner.”

“Yes, sir.”

Clint gets up now, starts to head to the door and Pierce says one more thing before he opens it.

“Just remember that if it is decided that a physical relationship with the soldier is not in your best interest that there will be consequences if you try to pursue one.”

It is a small threat, a reminder, and Clint simply gives a yes sir to it before he leaves.

Pierce takes a few minutes to think right now, walks around his office a bit, looks at the arrow he has hanging on his wall. It is a reminder of Clint’s first mission, the proof that he asked for, and it is reminder of how far he has come from the stubborn child he was when he first came here. He stares at it for a little while, thinks about all that Clint had to say, about his loneliness, about the soldier being safe. Perhaps it would not do much harm to allow Clint to have this, to let him use the soldier to take care of his needs until someone more suitable can be found. Still, he needs to be certain before he proceeds with this and so he has the soldier brought to his office.

“I know what you have done with Clint, it needs to be dealt with.”

This is the first thing that Pierce says once the soldier is in the room and he tenses up at it but gives a nod after just a moment.

“I will take the consequences, the punishments. Clint does not need to.”

It is the reaction that Pierce had expected and he simply looks at the soldier for a moment before speaking.

“Now, there is no need for punishments, not right now. I discussed this with Clint earlier and he said that you did not disobey any orders and he is correct. He wants this new aspect of your relationship to continue and that is why you are here, I want to talk to you about this, about the conditions that will need to be met.”

The soldier’s shoulders relax just a bit now but he still stands on alert, at attention, like he always does when he is around Pierce. There is no reason to ask him if it is something the soldier wants, his needs are secondary to those of Clint’s. Pierce simply gestures for him to sit now, takes a seat as well and then he speaks again.

“Now, you have an arrangement of sorts with Rumlow and that can continue as well but this relationship with Clint needs to be a bit different. I do not want you touching him like that, the bruising and the biting, the pain. Understand?”

There is no reason for Clint to be exposed to something like that and the soldier gives a yes sir. Pierce lays out all the guidelines the soldier needs to follow over the next minutes, will come up with more if needed. The soldier gives a yes sir to each order and Pierce has no doubt that each one will be followed. When it comes to Clint, the soldier does as he is told so that no harm comes to him. He dismisses the soldier after awhile, tells him to do a round and then he goes to see Clint.

Clint is in his room, a book in hand that he puts down as soon as Pierce enters.   He gets up out of his chair as well, stands straight and gives Pierce a nod in a greeting as he comes closer. His hands are by his sides and Pierce can see his fingers curl and uncurl, a little bit of a nervous habit that the boy has never quite got rid of. Pierce sits down now, gestures for Clint to do the same and he does so, still watching Pierce. There is a moment of quiet and Clint looks like he wants to say something but isn’t sure what and Pierce decides to speak, to stop his worrying.

“I have made a decision about your relationship with the soldier. I have already discussed it with him, laid down some guidelines and I will go over those with you as well. It can continue but it needs to not interfere with your missions, your purpose. Understand, Clint?”

“Yes, sir. Thank you.”

Clint says this and there is a small grateful smile and Pierce knows that this was the right call. He will need to have a discussion with Rumlow as well, let him know of the slight change in situation but for now he focuses on talking with Clint about this, makes certain that he knows there will be consequences if he allows it to interfere with what he is supposed to do. It is just one more thing that can be taken away if needed, one more way to ensure that both Clint and the soldier stay on the correct path.

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	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has taken so long for an update, been really busy and just got engaged so didn't write as quickly as I would like. Chapter might be a bit slow but I promise some more plot stuff will be happening soon I just needed to establish a few things. Hope you enjoy and thank you for all the support.

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There is blood on Clint’s skin, he can feel it dripping down his back through his shirt, warm and sticky and he knows it is bright red though he can’t see it. It hurts, the pain sharp, and he can hear something hit him, snap of leather as  metal connects to skin and he wants it to stop, wants the pain to stop, the noise to stop. There are words being shouted, he can hear the noise of them but can’t understand what is being said. Everything is a blur right now, the pain taking over and he wants to fight back wants to make it stop, but he knows that he can’t. 

There is the snap of leather again and Clint waits for the blow, for the bite of the metal but it doesn’t come. He hears it hit but it doesn’t hit him, has been blocked and there is another shout now, words he can make out. 

“Run, go now.”

He can’t run, can’t leave the other person here, needs to stop what is happening.  He can’t, he is frozen to the spot, can’t see anything but red, but blood and he hears the snap of leather, knows it won’t stop till they are both bloody and broken. There are still shouts and noises of pains but something else cuts through it, another voice, calm and soft and everything else starts to fade now.

“It is alright, you are safe, Clint. “

Clint hears the words as he opens his eyes, as he realizes that it was a dream. He is in his room, James right beside in bed, holding him, and Clint takes comfort in this. He is safe, James will keep him safe and so he just takes a few deep breaths and then turns to James, asks a question.

“I wasn’t safe before you brought me here, was I?”

It is a dangerous question in some ways, one that Clint has to be careful with asking. Pierce doesn’t like when Clint asks about his past, says there is a reason that it has been forgotten, that Clint doesn’t need it, but he is curious about his past sometimes, about the flashes he gets in his dreams.  He thinks James knows a little bit about it but they both know that he can’t tell Clint much but he does give a simple nod  now.

“You are safe now, that is what matters.”

James says it, words steady and sure, and then he brushes a kiss against Clint’s forehead. The gesture is so familiar now, the touch so familiar,  and Clint relaxes at it, pushes the thoughts of the dream away. He is safe now, James is here, and that is all that matters.

They are quiet for a few moments, James just holding him, and there is still a little time before they are supposed to be up. The soldier has a mission today, one that will take a little while, and it is not one that Clint will be on and he is going to miss him fiercely, even if it isn’t as long as some others. 

“Can I have a kiss?”

He asks softly now and James gives him a smile and a nod before leaning closer. His lips are warm against Clint’s own and this is one of Clint’s favorite things. He likes the kisses that James gives him, the touches, and it is worth following all the rules so that they can both have this, so they can have each other like this.  It is still a bit new, only been a couple of months since they started this, but it is going well, hasn’t changed things too much and it is a comfort. They kiss and touch for a little while, enjoy each other until it is time to get ready for the day.

They clean up, breakfast is eaten, and soon enough they are walking down the hallway, Rumlow with them. There are fresh bruises on him, around his wrists, and Clint knows where they come from now. James never marks him like that, never hurts him, and Clint is grateful for it though he wonders sometimes what that would feel like but he doesn’t think he needs it.  He pushes that thought aside and focuses on his last few minutes with James right now.

The trip down the hallway is different today, they go by James’s room instead of straight to the area with the vehicles.  Clint hasn’t been to James’s room that often, most of their time spent in his own but today, James opens the door and gestures for Clint to come in. Rumlow stays where he is, near the door and Clint follows James in, closes the door behind him.

“I won’t be back in time so I have something for you now. “

This is said as James goes and grabs something off of his bed. Clint moves just a bit closer to James now, takes the small package out of his hands. His birthday is just two days away and James always has something for him at that time. Clint has tried finding out James’s birthday, has wanted to return the favor, but no one will tell him a date, no one will tell him anything of the soldier’s life before he was a weapon and so Clint has settled for getting him little things when he can. Right now, he accepts the little package that James hands him, unties the string around it and opens the small box.

There are two arrow heads, shiny and perfect, easy to reuse, and a new bracelet, one that Clint can tell James has made. The one currently around Clint’s wrist is worn down a bit, some of the string fraying just a bit but Clint didn’t want to take it off till there was a replacement. He smiles at it now, smiles at James.

“Thank you. I love them.”

Clint says this as he leans forward, gives James another kiss, soft and sweet.  James helps him untie the other bracelet, helps him put on the new one. Clint puts the old one in his pocket, won’t throw it away just like James has never thrown away any of the bracelets Clint has made him.  They stand close together for just a few moments, hold each other, and it is nice but it is broken with a knock at the door, Rumlow letting them know that they need to leave the room.

They start back on their way and it only takes Clint a few seconds to realize that they are not on the way to the garage, instead Rumlow is leading them down the other hallway, to the room with the machine. 

“They need you in there first. We’ll see you when you’re back, alright?”

Rumlow says this to James now, claps a hand on his shoulder for a moment.  James just simply gives a nod before turning to Clint.

“Stay safe.”

It is simple, just like the touch of James’s hand to the back of Clint’s neck. Clint wishes right now that he could kiss him again, hold him, but that would be against the rules so he just gives a nod, tells James that he will. James goes into the room then and Clint knows what is going to happen there but he doesn’t know why it is being done now before the mission and not after.

It is something he thinks about as he and Rumlow walk to the range, thinks about it as he practices. He knows what the machine does, has been in it some as well, not as often as James but it is after missions, not before.  When there is a break, he asks Rumlow about it now, trusts him enough to give him a bit of answer.

“Why was the chair used before he was sent out, what were they wiping?”

“It wasn’t so much a wipe today, more like blocking a few things and putting other stuff in there. “

Rumlow says this now, looks at Clint, and he must see just a bit of confusion on his face because he says a little bit more.

“Sometimes, he gets loaned out to others, and so they use the chair first, block a few things so he can’t tell anything about here, put a few things in to help with the cover.  It has been done before, once he is back they will reset him, he will be just like how he was when he left.”

Rumlow says the word reset and all Clint can think of is that you reset clocks and things, not people. It is a reminder that most here don’t consider James a person, he is a weapon for Hydra, just like Clint is. A thought runs through Clint right now, something that makes him feel cold.

“Will that be done to me?”

He knows he can’t do anything if they decide that it needs to happen, just like he can’t keep the wipes from happening for either himself or James but the idea is just a bit frightening, having something put into his head instead of just being taken out. Rumlow just shrugs now.

“Don’t know, kid. Depends on if it is needed. You have lessons soon, finish your shots.”

It is Rumlow’s  way of telling Clint the conversation is over and Clint does as he is told, finishes up the shots. It is soon time for lessons and Clint goes to them. There aren’t as many as there used to be but there are still some, things he needs to know, how to resist questioning, how to escape bonds, languages, things like that.  It isn’t so bad and then he is back in his rooms, left alone for most of the night, Rumlow only stopping by briefly during dinner and then leaving again.  

When Clint lays down that night, it is hard for him to fall asleep, the bed feels empty and he can’t help but think about what Rumlow talked about with him today, about memories being blocked for the soldier, others being put in . It is possible right now that James doesn’t remember him, that James isn’t thinking of him like Clint is thinking about him, that he isn’t even James or the soldier right now and the thought hurts. He tries to push it aside, tells himself it is only temporary and he is able to find his rest after a while.

The week and a half James is gone feels longer, even with the slight distraction that Clint’s birthday brings and a trip off the base, Pierce taking Clint to the house in the woods again as a treat. The trip was nice, Clint enjoys the house, enjoys the woods, he just wishes it was something he could share with James. He had asked Pierce about it this last trip, asked if it would be possible for James to come with him sometime and the man had told Clint that  he would think about it but it wasn’t something that the soldier needed, that he wouldn’t appreciate it the same way Clint does.  It was the end of the discussion as far as Pierce was concerned and Clint didn’t bring it up the rest of the time he was there.

There was a little talk about Clint’s future during that trip, about how he was getting older and some of his  responsibilities might change soon, that Clint would be expected to do missions without the soldier, perhaps even do missions completely on his own.  It makes Clint a bit nervous to do that, to not have the soldier with him, but he will deal with it when it comes.  For now, he just waits for the soldier to return.

Clint doesn’t see him when he first returns, doesn’t see him come to the base and that is not unusual but Clint is almost glad of it this time, doesn’t think he can handle it if James is still in  this mission mode and doesn’t recognize him. By the time Clint returns to his room for dinner, James is there and it is James, not the soldier who greets Clint with a soft smile and asks how his  birthday was. Clint spends his time talking to him, holding him, and it is nice having him back, knowing that at least here with Clint, he can be something besides a weapon, that they can both be more than just what Hydra needs them to be.

========

One of Brock’s favorite things to do after missions is to get a drink.  He can still remember the bar he went to after his first mission, the small little dive that had dirt floors and cracks in the walls, can remember how uncomfortable the booth had been and some of that was because he had taken a shot, a graze against his right shoulder but some of it was just the booth.  He had a cheap beer and a cheap shot of whiskey which he is pretty sure now was half water but at the time had tasted great. It became one of his favorite ways to unwind after a mission, before he had to be back at base and he used to take the soldier out with him.  He had checked before he had done it, made sure that he wouldn’t get in too much trouble for it, and it was allowed as long as the soldier was kept in his sight and Brock had always enjoyed it. They haven’t done it for quite a while, things being different with Barton being around, but tonight there is finally a chance to do it again and Brock has been looking forward to it even if they do have the kid with them.

It is Clint’s first time being in a bar and Brock can tell it is different for him. He is just like Winter in that he doesn’t get to go out in public all that often but he handles it just a bit differently, seems a bit more excited about it while Winter just always seems closed off, on guard.  The place is a dump, a place that doesn’t check for ids, and the three of them won’t be noticed so much. Clint looks at everything, a bit of curiosity in his eyes as Brock leads them to a corner table  and Winter is close to the kid the whole time, sits down next to him.  Brock sits in the chair next to him and it isn’t too bad right now.

“Finally old enough to drink now, first time having booze. You ready for it, kid?”

Brock asks now, can remember his first drink, sneaking some of his dad’s whiskey when he was twelve and throwing it up later.  He doesn’t know if the kid ever did anything like that before they took him and even if he did, it isn’t like he remembers it now so for all intents and purposes, this will be one of his first drinks. Brock had thought about sneaking him something before but he didn’t want to get in trouble with Pierce. The man had made it very clear that Barton wasn’t  to have alcohol until he was legal to and Brock always found that a little odd.  It was perfectly acceptable to have the kid sent on mission to kill his brother at nine-teen and start sleeping with a trained assassin at twenty but he couldn’t drink till now. His thoughts are drawn away from that as the kid speaks.

“I already drank alcohol. Pierce let me have wine with dinner on my birthday. “

Brock snorts just a bit at this, of course it was wine, probably something pretentious and costly.

“That’s barely a drink, just fermented grape juice. I’ll get us something better. Wait here.”

Brock says this and gets up now, heads to get them drinks. He isn’t worried about them trying to leave and the other members of the team for this op are near by just in case.  It isn’t too hard to get the bartender’s attention and Brock orders a few beers and some whiskey. They won’t have too many tonight, they have to be careful with how much alcohol the soldier gets, it might interfere with some of the drugs he gets with the wipes and it is the same for Clint even if he doesn’t get them as often but this should be all right. He is given everything on  a tray and makes his way back and as he gets closer to the table, he can see them talking, Winter and Clint, close together and it makes him stop for just a moment.

They sit very close, shoulders brushing and the look on Winter’s face when he looks at Clint is soft and fond. It is a look that Brock is seeing more and more on his face lately, always directed at the kid, and it makes something tighten in him just a bit. Things have shifted just a bit since he started sleeping with Clint as well, Winter seems happier and Brock doesn’t mind it except he knows it isn’t because of the time he spends with Brock. 

He doesn’t exactly blame the kid for it happening , it makes sense why Clint would want the soldier like that, it isn’t like he has all that many options and he has always cared for the soldier.  He doesn’t exactly blame Winter either, he has always took care of the kid and Barton has grown into a bit of a looker, it makes sense that he would give Clint that.  He doesn’t blame either of them but it doesn’t change the fact that he now has to share something he didn’t before, even if it isn’t exactly the same  between Clint and the soldier as it is between Brock and Winter, doesn’t change the fact that he has been given a few more rules about his conduct and had to have an awkward talk with Pierce that would could have only been worse if he was the one sleeping with the kid.  Things are the way they are though and Brock just pushes down the tight feeling and makes himself go to the table, tries to focuses on the small nod and slight smile Winter gives him as he approaches, tries not to think about how it isn’t as bright as it is when he smile at Clint.

“Alright, whiskey first. Don’t sip it, just swallow it down.”

Brock takes his own shot after he says this, makes sure Clint is watching him. The burn is pleasant and Brock is used to it enough that he doesn’t grimace.  Winter takes his shot as well and Clint grabs his glass, brings it to his face but pauses first, nose wrinkling up just a bit.

“I don’t like the smell.”

There is something in his voice, like he is trying to figure out just why he doesn’t like it, and Brock just shrugs, makes a note to himself that he might get the kid something else if they do this again.

“Well, don’t sniff it, drink it.”

Clint just gives a nod and then brings it to his lips, swallows it all in one go. His face immediately twists into a grimace and he starts coughing just a bit and Brock can’t help but chuckle just a bit.  The chuckle dies when Winter pats Clint on his back, hand lingering just a little bit. He takes a swing of his beer now, looks away for a moment before speaking, tries to push down the feeling of jealousy.

“The burn will go away after a bit, you can sip the beer if you want, no reason to chug.”

Clint gives another nod and Winter has moved his hand off of his back now and that relaxes Brock just a bit.

The rest of the night goes without incident, the kid only having the shot and two beers but his face is red when they leave and Winter walks next to him, keeps him steady. The feeling is back but Brock ignores it the best he can, jealousy isn’t going to do him much good and it isn’t like they are going to do anything back at the safe house, that being one of the rules, no sex on missions. Still, all three of the are in the same room and Winter shares a bed with Clint, something they have done before but this time Brock can’t help but look over and see Clint laying in the soldier’s arms and feeling a shot of envy run through him just a bit. He doesn’t get that, doesn’t get to spend nights in the soldier’s arms, and though Brock isn’t sure he wants that exactly he still doesn’t like that he doesn’t even get the option of it. He makes himself turn in the other direction, stare at the wall instead of them and falls asleep after a while.

Some days pass and soon enough Brock is called back to the base for a mission but this time the soldier won’t be there but Barton will be.  Pierce wants him to start going on missions without the soldier and Brock gets why he is the one put in charge of it and he can put aside his feelings of jealousy to work with the kid.  He does like Clint for the most part and the kid is very good at what he does and the mission goes smoothly but it doesn’t change the tight feeling he gets when he sees Clint with the soldier, the fact that he can’t help but think he could have more with the soldier if the kid wasn’t around.

He starts to avoid Clint a bit more when he can, doesn’t avoid Winter, needs his time with Winter, but he doesn’t share as many meals with them, has others run the kid through his sessions when he is at base and the soldier isn’t.  He doesn’t completely avoid the kid, he isn’t that cruel, knows he is one of the only ones to really talk to the kid and so he does still hang out with him a bit but not as much as before. It seems like the easiest way to keep the jealousy in check and when Pierce wants Barton to do another mission without the soldier, Brock suggest he has someone else run it, make sure the kid gets more experience with other agents.  Pierce agrees and there is relief that he  has put more distance between himself and the kid for now, that he doesn’t have to deal with his jealousy right now, hopes he isn’t making a mistake putting  Barton’s safety in someone else’s hands. 

 

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	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kind of small chapter but I promise there is a purpose to it. Hope you enjoy it.

========

Clint has been on many missions by now but this one feels different. The soldier isn’t here with him and neither is Rumlow and that makes Clint feel a bit unsettled, a bit unsure.  He is working with another team, one that isn’t familiar with him and he isn’t sure about it. Hardly anyone has talked to him much during the trip, only the agent with soft brown eyes and curly dark hair had said hello and asked his name. She hasn’t been at the base much before and Clint had told her his name. She had given him a small smile before saying that he could call her Agent Miller and she had asked him a little bit about some of his other missions and he had told her just a little bit, asked about her missions.  The conversation hadn’t lasted long but it had been nice for the most part. Other than that, nothing has really been said to him and it is almost time to go in, the agent in charge laying out the plan but it isn’t the best option and Clint knows he needs to say something.

“We shouldn’t go in like that, we need to take out the back up first. “

If they take out the back up first, it will be easier and less dangerous but the agent in charge shakes his head.

“You don’t come up with the plans.  I tell you where to shoot and you shoot. Got it?”

His tone of voice irks Clint just a bit and he is looking at Clint like he is not much at all and it is getting to Clint just a bit but he knows he isn’t supposed to say anything. He is supposed to follow orders and so he simply gives a yes sir and gets ready for the mission but he doesn’t feel right about it. He really wishes James was here or even Rumlow, they listen to him but he pushes the thoughts aside and focuses on the mission.

He manages to take the shot but things go wrong soon after that.  The back up arrives way too soon, heavier than was expected and there are soon shots being fired. Everything is a mess after that, things blurring together and Clint doesn’t even see the shots that hit him, just feels them tear through him. Blood is rushing out, hot and sticky and it is dripping down his arm, all the way down to his wrist, to where the bracelet from James is.  He wants to wipe it off of it but he knows they need to get out of there first and he focus on that.

They make it back to the vehicle and a few others took injuries but his are the worse and he is told to lay down in the back.  He doesn’t feel good, it is the first time he has been shot and it hurts  and his vision is starting to darken a bit. Some one is holding cloth to his wounds, pressing down but he can barely feel it now and he wishes James was here.

“We are going back to base, just try to stay awake. Tell me more about the soldier, you said you did a lot of missions with him.”

It is Miller, she is the one pressing down and she is asking about the soldier, his soldier, James. He tells her about him, about how he trains him, about his smile and he holds his wrist up so she can see the bracelet. It is dark with blood now and Clint isn’t sure it will come clean. 

“I will try to clean it for you, just stay awake, ok?”

He tries to say ok but the word doesn’t really come out and everything is going dark. He tries to stay awake but he is drifting away and he just hopes when he wakes up, James will be there.

========

James has watched Clint sleep before, watched him rest that first night he took him, has watched him sleep since then but this time is different, doesn’t make James feel like it usually does.  He can’t hold Clint right now, can’t touch him, and the room isn’t quiet. There is the noise of machines, monitors beeping, people talking near by, but Clint isn’t reacting to it. He lays in the bed, unconscious and too still, too pale, and it makes something inside James ache because he doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know if this can be fixed and he wants Clint to be alright, needs Clint to be alright.

He is not alone in the room, there are doctors and Rumlow is here, has stayed with the soldier since Clint was brought to base.  They weren’t going to let James in the room at first but Rumlow insisted on it and they have been here since, James in a chair next to the bed and Rumlow beside him. Not much is said, the soldier doesn’t know what to say and Rumlow is quiet right now.

Others come in and out of the room,  an agent the soldier doesn’t know who tells him Clint told her about him, that she tried to stop the bleeding the best she could. Rumlow speaks to her briefly, asks about the mission, about what happened. James hears it but doesn’t pay much attention right now, all his focus on Clint She had left after a little while, returned after a bit and put something on the small table by Clint and it takes James a moment to see  it is Clint’s bracelet, wet and scrubbed and just a bit darker than the soldier remembers it being.  It had been covered with blood, he figures that out after a while, and it had to have been Clint’s blood and James picks it up after a moment, just holds it.

“We can toss it, make the kid a new one when everything is better.”

Rumlow says this, reaches for the bracelet as he does but James does not let it be taken away, puts in it his pocket instead.  Rumlow just gives a nod, turns back to looking at Clint.

Pierce is there soon enough, the man looking worried and upset and the soldier wonders if he is going to be given a mission.  If he is, the soldier isn’t sure he can do it, doesn’t think he can leave his boy right now, but Pierce says nothing to him, instead asking one of the doctors a question.

“What is his condition?”

He is asking about Clint and the soldier listens as the doctor tells him. Clint’s condition isn’t good right now, they have done what they could so far but it hasn’t worked like it should.

“You use the serum?”

Pierce asks now and the doctor gives a nod before speaking again.

“It isn’t working, isn’t stable.  It isn’t as pure as any of the others that were made. He needs another transfusion of blood but we aren’t sure that will help either. “

There is another look of worry that passes over Pierce’s face for just a moment before he looks over at James for just a second before turning back to the doctor.

“Give him  his. They have the same type, give him his.”

Pierce gestures over to James now and the doctor just gives a nod after a moment. There is soon bustle again, the soldier being instructed to hold still, a needle being inserted. Soon enough there is an iv in his boy again,  the soldier’s own blood being given to him and James hopes it will be enough. They can bleed him dry if it means that Clint will be alright.

Time passes as the blood is given and Pierce stays in the room, speaks to Rumlow about what the other man knows, what has been found out about the mission. There is still the sound of the machines, the beep of them and James focuses on that, that the machines are working.  His boy is alive and everything is being done to keep him that way. It takes a little while but soon enough there is another noise that fills the room, a gasping noise and James looks at Clint now and his boy is waking up.

Everything is a rush then, the doctors swarming, the tube being removed from Clint’s throat, the iv being checked but James stays right where he is, right next to Clint.  His eyes are opened and they search the room and settle on James quickly and there is relief when one of Clint’s hands move, reaches out for James’s own.  He lets Clint grabs his flesh and blood hand and the grip is weak but steady and his skin is warm.

He holds Clint’s hand as everything gets steadied, as they look him over. He is still weak and he closes his eyes again after awhile and the iv is taken out  but he is alive and healing, James hears the doctors say that and the ache he has felt since seeing Clint in this bed is easing just a bit.  

“Take him to his room. He can return after a while.”

Pierces says this to Rumlow now and James doesn’t want to leave but he knows that there will be consequences if he doesn’t, so he squeezes Clint’s hand quickly and gets up, lets Rumlow lead him back to his room.  He feels worn down right now, relief that Clint is alive warring with the anger he can feel at the fact that Clint was even in the situation to begin with.

“He wasn’t kept safe. They didn’t keep him safe.”

It is the first thing he says once they are inside the room, once Rumlow shuts the door.  His hands curl up into fists right now,  body tensed up and he feels wrung out and tight all at once. Rumlow is just staring at him right now, takes a step closer but he doesn’t touch the soldier, not right now.

“I know. I should have gone on the mission.  Your boy is going to be alright. “

The words are steady and James knows Clint is going to be alright but the anger is still  there, fresh and hot and he doesn’t know what to do with it. Rumlow is still watching him, takes another step closer, reaches a hand out now, curls fingers around the soldier’s right shoulder.

“You’re angry. I can see it, angry cause he got hurt. You need to lash out, hurt someone. I can take it.”

The fingers tighten just a bit, grip almost too tight now and Rumlow is even closer to him, in the soldier’s space.

“I can take it.”

With this Rumlow presses forward, crushes his mouth to the soldier’s. This is familiar, the roughness and the soldier takes it right now, returns it.  The anger is still there and he isn’t gentle right, nothing like how he is with Clint, and he isn’t gentle with Rumlow anyway but this time is a bit different. He wants Rumlow to hurt right now, not because that is what the man encourages but because Clint was hurt and he needs someone to hurt for that.

He moves out of Rumlow’s grip, grabs the man’s arm roughly, fingers digging in. It would be so easy to just twist right now, so easy to break an arm, separate a shoulder but if too much harm is given there will be consequences so he settles for dragging Rumlow to the bed, throwing him down on it.  There will be bruises later, the soldier is sure of it, and right now he doesn’t care.  He  hits him,  a few slaps here and there,  rough hits and Rumlow takes each of them, lets the soldier take out his anger but he kisses the soldier when he can, takes touches.

Clothes are taken off after a while and they do what they usually do, the soldier pinning Rumlow down, thrusting in and out roughly, biting. Today he bites hard enough there is blood, the salt of it on the soldier’s tongue and he knows it had to hurt but Rumlow barely cries out at it.  It is rough and angry and it should help but it doesn’t, isn’t what the soldier needs but he finishes,  lays down next to Rumlow and the anger is subdued a bit but the ache is still there.

He gets up after a moment, goes and gets a wet cloth, settles down next to Rumlow, starts to clean him.  This isn’t something they do but  James does it with Clint, needs the routine of it, needs to remind himself that he is more than just anger.  Rumlow just watches him, lets him clean him up, and after a moment he speaks.

“You do that with him, don’t you? Clean up your boy, be soft with him?”

It is a question and the soldier just  gives a soft yes.

“You need it, don’t you? The softness?”

The soldier thinks about it for just a moment and then James answers.

“Yes.”

“I don’t think I can give that to you. He does though, doesn’t he?”

There is something in Rumlow’s voice right now, something the soldier isn’t sure of, some kind of uncertainty and the soldier simple gives a nod. He does need the softens that Clint gives him, the gentleness and he almost lost it today.  The room is quiet and Rumlow gets  up now, grabs the soldier’s hand and starts to lead him to the bathroom now . He speaks as he does so.

“Your boy is going to be alright, you’re going to get what you need. I’ll make sure of it.”

It sounds like a promise and the soldier says nothing to it,  just lets Rumlow help him clean up and hopes he will be able to see Clint soon.

========


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been so long, life has been crazy. Hopefully people are still reading and I hope it won't take as long for the next chapter.

Over the years, Pierce has been in his fair share of hospital rooms, has been the one in the bed and the one beside the bed.  He can remember being in the room when Susan was born, remembers visiting Nick in a similar room when he lost his eye, and once again he finds himself in a hospital like room for someone else. Clint is in the bed just a few feet away, still a bit pale but healthier looking than earlier and right now Pierce just waits for him to wake again, goes over the events that led up to this.

He has gone over all the mission reports while he has waited for Clint to wake up again, found out some of the background of how the mission went. It should have been simple but from the sound of it, certain precautions were not taken, some advice ignored and Clint paid the price for it. Pierce almost lost his legacy and he will make sure  that consequences are dealt out but first he wants to talk to Clint, get his perspective and he will not have to wait much longer, Clint is waking up, looking around the room and Pierce speaks.

“It is just the two of us right now, the soldier is in his room, getting some rest. How do you feel, Clint?”

There are other questions that need to be asked but this is the first one he asks, first one he needs an answer to.

“There is some pain and I’m tired. The mission could have gone smoother, sir, but I did get the shot.”

Clint says this last part almost like it is more important than the fact that he is injured. He has been taught to put the mission above all else  and Pierce appreciates his dedication. Right now, he simply sit forward just a bit more and puts a hand on Clint’s shoulder as he speaks.

“We can discuss the mission later. Do you think you can eat in a bit?”  


He gets a nod and Pierce calls someone over, has them go to get some food. The next few minutes are spent in relative quiet, the doctor coming and looking over Clint one more time.  His vitals are steady and improving and it appears that the serum is working, that he will make a full recovery and may be more durable now. It is good news and Pierce listens as the doctor goes over what limits Clint needs the next few days.  When the doctor is done, they are alone again.

“I trust you will follow all the rules laid out for you the next few days, will limit your activity, will let us know if anything seems off due to what you were given. Gun shot wounds can take a lot out of a person.”

Pierce puts both authority and concern in his voice with these words and Clint’s eyes fill with just a little curiosity.

“Do you know from experience then?”

He asks and Pierce gives him a small smile then answers.

“Not my own but I have seen many people go through the recovery process, some with more interesting wounds than you have.  One of my close friends lost his eye to a shot.”

“Really? Does he have an eye patch?”

There is still that curiosity in Clint’s eyes with this question and Pierce gives a nod.

“He does. It limits his vision but he is still a good shot. Maybe sometime you will meet him.”  


Pierce has thought about this before, having Nick meet Clint, perhaps placing Clint in SHIELD.   Nick is smart, resourceful, and Pierce has always been a bit disappointed he hasn’t figured out a way to bring him into the fold and he could teach Clint a lot.  He needs someone to get close to him in SHIELD, hasn’t managed it yet but he thinks perhaps Clint could work in that capacity, has no doubt Nick would see the same potential in Clint that he himself does. It will take a little time to get everything set up, certain precautions will need to be taken, the effects of the serum need to be monitored, and he still isn’t quite sure it is where he wants Clint at but it is something that he is giving serious consideration to.  He will think about it a bit more later but right now the food has arrived and he eats dinner with Clint. Soon enough they are both done with their food and the plates are taken away and now it is time to go over the mission.

“I have already read over the others’ reports but I need to know more. I want you to tell me what happened, Clint, I want you to tell me how things went wrong with this mission.”

It is an order and Clint obeys it, gives his report of what happened. His report confirms a lot of what Pierce had already known, Clint had disagreed with the plan but went along with it and it turns out his concerns had been right.

“Why didn’t you push more for the plan to be changed?”

He asks now and Clint gives a simple answer.

“I was given orders and I’m supposed to follow them.”

That was one of the first things Clint was taught here, to follow orders given to him and at the time it seemed like the most important thing to teach him. That was back when Pierce was planning for Clint to be a weapon and a way to keep the soldier in line but things have changed since then. Clint has the potential to be more than just a weapon like the soldier is and Pierce has already had his lessons changed slightly to reflect that but it looks like he needs to stress to Clint right now that he doesn’t always have to blindly follow orders.

“You are right about that but you also knew that the call was not the right one, that the plan could have been better.  You can argue with an order if you know it isn’t the right call, if you know that it isn’t what should be done.  You need to trust your own judgment, make your own calls when needed. Do what you think will work out for the greatest good. “

He says all this and he knows that Clint is listening, phases it as an order of sorts and also as advice. The boy is quiet for just a moment before he asks a question.

“How do I know if I’m making the right call?”

“Trust what you have been taught, trust your instincts. Do you think you can do that?”

He gets a yes sir and a nod and he knows that Clint understands for the most part.

“Good. Now, you may be leading missions at some point, if you feel up to it right now I want to go over with you the strengths and weaknesses of the team you just went out with.  Feel up to it, son?”

He gets another nod and then the next hour or so is spent discussing the team with Clint. It is both a way of looking at Clint’s assessment skills and finding out who else on the team may deserve the consequences for what happened. By the time they are done, Pierce has an idea of Clint’s observation level of those around him and a list of names that will need to be seen to soon.  He leaves Clint after that, will check in on him in the morning but for now he goes to the room that is ready for him and starts planning for Clint’s future a bit more now that he is out of danger.

========

It has been a few weeks now since James had to see his boy so still in the bed and there does not seem to any ill effects from what happened to Clint, from the serum and blood given. In fact, Clint is a bit stronger, faster, and he seems to be healing a bit quicker. His boy is a bit more like him and James is glad for it if it means Clint will not be harmed as easily. James protects him when he can but he isn’t always with him and he wasn’t protected enough last time but James does not think that will happen again.   The agent in charge of the mission was punished severely and some others faced consequences as well. A clear warning was given that Clint’s safety is to be a priority and James is glad of it, hopes that the other agents keep the warning in mind. Right now, he isn’t worried about it because Clint does not have a mission, is here with James training and his safety is assured right now.

“Your aim is really something else, kid. Heard you may start helping a few others with their shooting, think you can handle it?”

It is Rumlow who says this now, who has been watching as he and Clint shoot. For a while before Clint’s injury, the man didn’t seem to spend as much time with them on the range, seemed to have been avoiding Clint just a bit but that seems to be over now. He has started eating lunch with them again, showing up around Clint a bit more often and James is not entirely sure why but it isn’t causing any harm. Rumlow looks after Clint in his own way, looks at for him when James can’t, and he is thankful for that. 

“I think so, just haven’t  taught anybody before but I know how to shoot, shouldn’t be hard so show someone how.”

Clint says this and Rumlow gives him a nod, discusses it with him for a bit till it is time for Clint to go to lessons.  They walk him there and then James spends some time with just Rumlow, is more Winter than James for him. Winter is a bit harsher than James because that is what Rumlow wants, likes the bruises and the bleeding and it is easier to give it to him now.  He can be harsh for Rumlow because he gets to be gentle with Clint. Soon enough his time with Rumlow is done for the day and Clint is done with lessons. Dinner is eaten and then it is just Clint and James, the way James prefers it.

There are kisses and touches like there are a lot of nights since they first started this and it is something James appreciates a lot. He likes giving this to his boy, likes being what Clint needs, and he enjoys every moment of it.  This is more than enough for him, giving Clint just what he wants and needs, but tonight Clint asks something that makes him think.

“Is there anything you want, any way you want me to touch you? This isn’t just for me.”

His boy says this and it makes James pause just a bit. He hasn’t really thought about how he wants Clint to touch him, has been content with the touches Clint gives him. This has been for Clint and James has been alright with that but if his boy wants this to be for him as well then he will take it, he just isn’t sure what he wants yet. For now, he just gives Clint a nod and another kiss.

“If there is something I want to try, I will let you know.”

Clint gives him a smile and another kiss.

James thinks about as the days pass, thinks about what he might want, how he might want to be touched. Want is less new for him than it used to be but it is still strange wanting things and he isn’t sure if there is anything he wants with this besides what he already has.  His experience is limited for the most part, just what he does with Rumlow and what he does with Clint, if there has been anything else, anyone else he can’t recall it and it is very different with the two of them, the only thing that is really the same is that he is the one that does the penetration. There had been a few times with Rumlow where the other had been on top but that was mostly to show him what Rumlow wanted and he has never done it with Clint.  

It would be different with Clint,  James is certain of that, would be softer than those times with Rumlow. Clint is gentle in a way Rumlow can’t be and that gentleness is something James treasures. He never pushes for what he wants, asks, and he always gives James just what he needs.  James thinks maybe it would be nice to have that with Clint, to try that, and so one night when they are in the room he asks in between kisses.

“I want to try you inside of me, would that be alright?”

Clint looks at him for a moment before giving a little nod.

“If that is what you want, we can do it. Just let me know if something doesn’t feel right or hurts. I don’t want to hurt you.”

James isn’t sure if Clint could ever hurt him but he still gives him a nod. They shed their clothes and then James is laid on the bed, Clint getting ready to prep him.  He puts lube on his fingers like James has seen him do before on the few times he has prepped himself instead of James doing it for him, and then he is putting one into James, does it slowly.

“Does that feel ok?”

Clint asks and there is just a little shake in his voice. His boy is nervous, wants this to be good for him, and James finds it sweet. 

“It feels different but it doesn’t hurt, keep going.”

There is no lie in his voice and Clint follows his words, lets his finger go in a little bit deeper. He starts to bring it in and out, going just a bit deeper each time and James can feel when he curves it just a bit, when he hits a certain spot. It feels good, almost a tingling inside of him and he lets out a little noise at it. It brings a smile to Clint’s face, James’s sound and that makes everything just a bit better.

“I can take more, when you are ready.”

He murmurs this now, knows that he can take more but he will wait till Clint is ready to give it to him.  Clint leans forward just a bit more, places a kiss on his lips, before pulling his finger out. There are two that enter this time and it takes a moment to adjust but it isn’t anything James can’t handle. Clint is gentle just like James knew he would be, gives him kisses and asks how it feels. It is good but soon he needs something more.

“I’m ready for you, when you are.”

He looks into Clint’s eyes as he says it and Clint gives a smile and pulls his fingers out. He puts a bit of lube on himself now and lines up. He doesn’t push in right away, takes a breath first and then releases it, asks a question.

“You sure?”

James just leans forward, gives a kiss and then a nod. It is enough to soothe Clint, to reassure him that this is what James wants and then he moves forward just a bit, pushes in. It is different than his fingers, thicker and warmer and it takes a moment longer to adjust but it feels pleasant. When Clint rocks forward just a bit, it feels even better.  He settles his hands on Clint’s hips and helps him set a pace.

“It feels really good, does it feel good for you? I want it to feel good for you.”

Clint murmurs this as he rocks into James, as he places kisses along his throat.  It does feel good and he tells Clint that now.

“Yes, very good.”

Clint smiles and wraps a hand around his cock now and that makes it feel even better.  They sometimes just use hands and Clint knows how to use his, knows the rhythm James likes by now and he starts it now.  It feels amazing, Clint’s hand on him, Clint inside of him, and the best part is that it feels good for Clint too. James can tell by the way his breathing is picking up, by the way the pace is changing.   He can feel when Clint comes, feels it inside, and it is that and the glide of Clint’s fingers that send him over the edge.  They don’t move for a little while, both catching their breathes just a bit, and then Clint pulls out, gives him another kiss.

“We should clean up.”

Clint says this and James gives a nod, gets up. It is a bit different in the bathroom this time, Clint gets the wash cloth first, looks to James.

“Can I?”

He asks and James just gives a nod. His boy cleans up like James usually does for him and it is nice being on the receiving end. When Clint is done cleaning him, James does the same for him, can’t give this up. It doesn’t take too long and they check the bedding, make sure it is clean, and then they lay down, Clint snuggled up against him. His boy is here and safe and James falls asleep feeling content.

========


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been so long, got really busy with wedding stuff and also had to figure out a few plot details. Hope you still enjoy and comments are awesome.

Things have changed just a bit since Clint was hit on that mission a couple months ago. The first thing that has changed is Clint himself, what he was given to help him heal has made him more like James and it is taking a bit of time to get used to.  The second has been some of his lessons are just a bit different. He has always had language lessons but those have increased now and he is learning more about various countries histories and  customs. He is learning more about people, about how to give orders instead of take them, and he is learning about organizations.  It feels like he is being expected to lead missions soon and he isn’t quite sure how he feels about that. He has been taught so long to follow orders he isn’t sure about giving them but maybe it will become easier after a while just like following orders became. The third thing that has changed is training.  He is training a bit more with others and some of the training he is leading. He is helping to teach people to shoot better, go over their weakness and strengths with them, it has only been a couple of weeks and most of the agents are ones he hasn’t met before their training sessions but today a familiar face walks into the range.

“Good to see you again. I was told you are going to help me with my shooting.”

It is Agent Miller who is here today and she gives Clint a smile as she approaches. He has only seen her once since that mission, when she came by while he was still recovering, and it is nice to see her again. Both times he has seen her she has been kind to him, hasn’t treated him any differently than he has seen her treat anyone else.  Most people treat him differently than the other agents and she doesn’t.

“I’m going to try. Let’s see what you can do first.”

Clint knows it is important to see her skill level first, remembers James doing the same with him years ago.  James is a good teacher and Clint wishes that he was here with him, helping him with this, but they have the solider doing other things right now.  Clint just watches Miller shoot for a little bit, looks at her stance, how she holds her gun, sees what she is doing right and what needs to change. He stops her after a while and gives a little advice.

“Change your grip a bit, put your fingers like this.”

He shows her how to place her fingers and she does so, no arguments. They do this for the next hour or so, Miller shooting and Clint giving her little advice.  She asks questions but she doesn’t really argue with or doubt anything he has her do, mostly just wants to know the why of it.  He explains the best that he can and her shots are becoming a bit better.

“You know your stuff when it comes to this, don’t you, Barton?”

She says this with a bit of grin after a while and  Clint gives an answer though he doesn’t think she is really asking a question.

“ I do, trained for years, taught by the best when it comes to guns.”

“So I have heard. Should I take a few more shots?”

She asks and Clint gives a nod. The rest of the training goes quickly and soon enough it is time for him to go to lessons, then dinner, and then it is another night with James and then rest.

There are more sessions with Miller  after that and Clint enjoys working with her.  She is nice to him, asks sometimes why he has her do certain things but there is never any disdain or disrespect in her voice like some of the others have.  After about her fourth session, she tells him that he can call her by her first name if he would like, Amelia  or Amy, and though he thinks he is going to keep calling her Miller he likes that she said it was alright to use her first name. It is nice having a friend of sorts and he looks forward to their sessions, has one with her in a few minutes and he is finishing up his shots with his bow when he hears her approach.

“You’re really good with that thing. Did the soldier teach you that as well?”

She asks and he turns to look at her as he answers, puts the bow down.

“No, I don’t remember who taught me, I knew before I came here.”

It is the truth but she is looking at him just a bit strangely.

“What do you mean you don’t remember who taught you? Were you really young or something?”

“Don’t know how old I was when I learned, younger than fifth teen but don’t remember my exact age.”

He can remember his sixteenth birthday here, remembers not wanting to be here for it but not really remembering why or any birthdays before that. 

“It isn’t strange, not remembering who taught you that?”

She asks and he just gives a shrug.

“It is just how it is. We should get started.”

She drops the subject for now but she still looks just a little bit troubled during the rest of their session. Clint tries not to worry about it, she is still working hard at the lesson and it might seem weird to her that he doesn’t remember some things.  Pierce has told him before that not everyone will understand the wipes, why they are needed, and that Clint shouldn’t worry about what they think.  Pierce says the wipes are for his protection in a lot of ways and Clint still doesn’t really like them but he knows not to fight them too much and he doesn’t get them too often anyway. He pushes thoughts about the wipes away and focuses on the lesson with Miller and soon enough it is time for him to go to his own lessons and then he gets his time with James.

His weeks have a pattern soon enough, more training with others, Miller included,  though he still trains with James and Rumlow as well. Rumlow has started being around more again, not avoiding Clint like he seemed to for a little while and Clint isn’t sure what has changed but he doesn’t worry about it too much.  Right now, he is sparring with him and he manages to get a really good hit in, catching  Rumlow right along the jaw. There is a loud noise, flesh hitting flesh and Rumlow stumbles back a bit, hand moving to his jaw. He moves a bit and there is a pop and Clint isn’t sure if he should keep up the fight.

“Real conditions, kid, take advantage if you can.”

Rumlow says this and it is all Clint needs to hear and he does take advantage, charges forward. He gets Rumlow to the ground, pins him there, and grins at him just a bit.

“You’re down.”

He says it simply and Rumlow is just staring at him,  a look passing over his face that Clint can’t quite read and doesn’t get time to ask about as Rumlow flips Clint off of him. They spar for a bit more after that and when it is over and Clint has to go to lessons, there is already a bruise forming along  Rumlow’s jaw.

“Sorry about that.”

He says it and Rumlow just shakes his head a bit.

“Nothing to be sorry about. Good hit, I can take it, nothing to worry about, ok?”

Rumlow puts his hand on Clint’s shoulder with those words, gives it a little squeeze and Clint gives a nod.  Rumlow  takes a step closer to him for just a moment before letting go of his shoulder and giving him a bit of smile.

“See you at dinner, Clint.”

Rumlow doesn’t use his name all that often but Clint just gives a nod and goes to lessons. Rumlow is at dinner that night just like he said he would be and he tells James about how well Clint did during the sparring. It is a decent enough evening and soon enough, James and Clint are left alone together.

“There is talk you may lead a mission soon. I will be on it, if  I’m allowed to be, if you want me to be. “

James really hasn’t said much about Clint maybe leading a mission but it is nice to hear him say this, to offer his support.  Clint gives him a smile and a kiss now.

“I want you there, isn’t anyone I trust more to have my back.”

Clint means every word and James just gives him a bright smile. The rest of the night is spent just talking and then rest and Clint feels content right beside James.  The next morning comes and with it a lesson with Miller and she is a bit later than usual.

“Sorry, got caught up in traffic before I could make it here. Do you have to travel far to get here?”

She asks and he is just a tiny bit confused by what she is asking.

“To this range?”

She shakes her head just a bit at him.

“No, to the base.”

“I don’t have to travel to this base, I stay here unless there is a mission or an outing. My room is a few halls away.”

She looks at him for  a moment before she says something.

“So you live here, I didn’t know that this was your permanent  place, figured you were like a lot of the rest of us and had an apartment or something near by.”

Clint just gives a little shrug, tells her that they should get started. He knows  that most of the others live off base for the most part, have rooms here if they need them but he and James are the only ones that really stay here always but it has never really occurred to him that not every one would know that. He doesn’t really dwell on it too much  and the training goes well.

Clint enjoys his sessions so much more with Miller than with anyone else, even if sometimes she asks him questions he doesn’t know how to answer, like when she asked him about his family. He had told that he didn’t have any and she had looked a bit sad but understanding.

“I know how that is, my mom’s been gone for a quite a while now and I never had any siblings, never spent much time with my extended family. Dad’s still around but he has talked to me for quite a while.”

She had said this and her voice had sounded so sad that Clint had to ask his own question that day.

“Why hasn’t he talked to you for a while?”

“I told him something he wasn’t ready to hear, something he can’t accept and I wouldn’t tell him it wasn’t true. Not much can be done about it, can you help me adjust my stance again?”

It is a change of subject but Clint doesn’t say anything about it, just helps her like she asks. It is her choice how much he gets to know about her and he is doesn’t push to know too much, is just glad that she is willing to answer the questions he does ask and that she treats him like an equal. It is nice.

One day after a session with Miller Clint is called in to a meeting with Pierce and given  a mission brief, told it is time for him to lead on. They go over what the mission entails and Pierce asks his opinion on things and Clint answers honestly.  

“You will need a team, anyone in mind?”

Clint has been waiting for this and he knows the first person he is going to request.

“I would like the soldier to go with me, he will have my back no matter what.”

Pierce looks at him for just a moment before giving a nod.

“Very well but you need more than just the soldier for this.”

Clint thinks about it for only a few moments then he gives another name.

“Rumlow, if he is available.  We have worked together well on our missions before.”

He doesn’t trust Rumlow like he trusts the soldier, has had his uneasiness with the man before, but he listens to Clint and Clint can’t say that about everyone.

“You have but it was different, Rumlow was the agent in charge, this time you will be. Do you think it may cause friction if he has to take orders from you instead of giving them?”

Pierces says this,  posture relaxed, eyes on Clint’s face, a look that Clint has seen many times over the years.  This is a test of sorts, Pierce is asking the question for a specific reason and Clint isn’t sure why but he thinks about the answer for a little bit before speaking honestly.

“It might but he has listened to me on past missions and I don’t know why that would change now. We have worked together enough that I know he is a good agent, knows what he is doing and I think he can follow my lead as long I don’t give him a reason not to. “

It is the best way Clint can think to put it. It might be different Clint being in charge of the mission instead of Rumlow but they have an understanding of each other and Rumlow does take Clint’s thoughts into consideration and Clint will do the same for him. 

“Alright, I will talk to him about it soon. You may need one more, I need another name.”

Clint thinks about all the names he knows, all the agents that he has worked with or trained with these last weeks. It only takes a few moments before he has a name and he says it now.

“Miller.”

Pierce looks at him with just a bit of  raised brow before going through the files on his desk for just a moment, starts looking over one.  Clint is pretty sure it is the file on Miller and Pierce’s next words confirm it.

“I’m surprised that you would pick someone from that mission and she hasn’t been with us that long. There are others with more experience.”

Pierce says this and Clint knows he is going to have to give justification for his pick.

“She didn’t mess up on that mission, handled herself well. I have been training with her and she is improving a lot, this mission should be pretty straightforward and it would be a good test for her. Besides I know you think she has potential, you would not have put her in my training rotation if you did not.“

There is just a hint of a smile on Pierce’s face and Clint knows that he has said what the man wanted him to.

“I do believe that Agent Miller has potential and it appears that you do as well. I will have her assigned to this mission.  Now, let’s go over a few more things.”

They go over lots of things, the details of the mission, what it is supposed to accomplish,  the risks of it and Clint feels a bit overwhelmed at times but he tries to keep calm, tries not to let it show and he asks questions when he needs to.  He knows that Pierce expects a lot out of him and Clint doesn’t want to fail.  It takes a little while but soon the meeting is over and he is allowed to go back to his room and James is already waiting for  him and that helps Clint relax just a bit.

“Do you have an assignment?”

He asks after Clint sits down and Clint gives him a nod.

“I do, a mission in a few days. I’m in charge, got to pick my team. You’re on it, if you still want to be.”

“Yes,  I want to be there.”

There is certainty in James’s words and Clint smiles at them.

“Good, I want you there. I’m nervous about it.”

He can tell this to James, doesn’t have to pretend to be confident right now and he tells James just a bit more about his worries.

“I’m making the decisions for this one and I don’t know if I should. It is scary knowing  I could make a bad call and I won’t be the only one to get hurt. Pierce says I should get used to people following my lead but I don’t know if I can, if anyone should follow me.”

He means it, isn’t sure he is right for leadership, so used to following orders and not making them. James moves close to him now, wraps an arm around him and holds him tight for a moment before speaking.

“It is alright if you are scared, you have been scared before, but you have already done so much and you can do this.  And will always follow your lead, you’re worth following.”

The words are a comfort and James is always good at comforting Clint, at helping him and that is what he does the rest of the night, helps soothe Clint’s worries.  Clint still isn’t sure how it will go but helps knowing that James will be there, will watch out for him.

========


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit more and I promise stuff will start moving a bit faster, just wanted to show some of Clint's first mission as leader and build up a few more things. Hope you enjoy.

========

“You think the mission will go smoothly?”

The question comes from Rumlow, the man asking the soldier now as they clean up.  James thinks of his answer for just a moment before he gives it.

“It should. Clint knows what he is doing and I will follow his orders.”

The soldier has done many missions over the years, followed many orders given by many commanders, but this one will be just a bit different. This mission James will follow Clint’s orders and it feels right for his boy to be in command. James trusts Clint with all that he has and it is a different sort of feeling than what he has had for those that have led him before. The others that he has taken orders from he did so because he had to, because there would have been consequences otherwise, but with Clint he wants to be there, wants to be beside his boy.  Rumlow speaks now and it draws the soldier’s attention back to him.

“Your boy does know what he is doing, we trained him well, he is one of the few I’ll follow the lead of. Not worried about him at all, just haven’t worked with Miller yet.”

Miller is someone the soldier has not worked with yet though he has seen her, has heard about her. Clint has been training her  and has spoken of her a few times, talked about her progress and he seems to have a positive impression of her. That is enough for James to give her a chance, to trust her for this mission.

“Clint chose her, I trust him to choose someone that won’t be a hindrance.”

James says this and Rumlow just gives a small nod after a moment even though he still doesn’t quite look convinced. It is something to worry about tomorrow, they are all cleaned up and it is time for a briefing and they head to where they are needed.  Pierce and Clint are already there and just a few moments after they arrive, Miller shows up. She sits down at the table and the briefing starts.

It is pretty standard as far as briefings go, Pierce giving them the mission, Clint filling them in on how he wants to do it.  James has been in many meetings with Pierce and an agent in charge of a mission but this one is a bit different, Pierce letting Clint speak a bit more than he has allowed others to, watching Clint closely as he leads the meeting a bit, as he goes over his plans, asks them some question. When the briefing is over, Pierce has a look of satisfaction on his face that makes James thinks that this may have been some sort of test but that Clint passed.

“Alright, you know our time table, you can head out in about twelve hours.  Dinner should be ready soon enough, Miller you are free to join us if  you like.”

Pierce says this and it is the first time that the soldier has heard him invite someone to the dinners he shares with Clint, most of the time he isn’t even allowed there and he knows that tonight is one of the occasions as Pierce says something else as they all start to get up.

“Rumlow,  take the soldier to get his arm looked over before you two have your meal.”

It is an order and Rumlow just gives a nod and James starts to follow him, only pausing when Clint steps beside him, has a hand on his shoulder.

“Come by when you are done, please.”

Clint says this and it is more of request than an order and James smiles and gives a small nod, wants to brush a kiss against Clint’s cheek but he knows that it is not the time for that.  He follows Rumlow out of the room now and Rumlow breaks the silence when they are a bit further down the hall.

“What do you think about Miller? “

He asks now and James thinks for a moment before replying.

“She seems like she will do well, Clint gets along with her and Pierce seems to approve of her.”

“She should do ok,  you’re right about that. Just wanted your thoughts on her. Let’s get that arm looked at.”

Soon enough his arm is looked at, a simple check to make sure everything is working ok, and then they go to the soldier’s room, have  a quick dinner and then they head to Clint’s room. It is not surprising to see Pierce still there but it is a little strange to see Miller there as well, sitting next to Clint, smiling at something he said. Clint sees James as soon as he enters and the smile he gives him is enough for James to not dwell on someone he is not used to being here.

“Everything ok with the arm?”

Clint asks now and he  gives a nod, moves towards his boy. Miller gets up out of her chair, offers it to him and James takes it.  

“I should go find my room, get some rest. Is there anything else, sir?”

Her last question is to Pierce  who answers.

“Nothing more for tonight, Rumlow can show you to your room. I should go as well, will check in before you head out.”

Peirce gets up now, gives a nod to Clint and leaves the room. Soon enough , Rumlow and Miller both leave, Miller telling Clint something about it being nice talking to him and Rumlow saying that he will do his part in the morning and they are alone.

“How was dinner? Pierce talk to you about things again?”

James asks this as he leans just a bit closer, puts a hand on Clint’s shoulder. Clint relaxes a bit at the touch, leans into it and give just a little shrug as he answers the question.

“A little bit but he seemed more interested in Miller and I talking, asked us some questions so we would. It wasn’t bad, I like talking to Miller, just different. Your arm is really ok though?”

“ It is , they just wanted to make sure the upgrades were still working well. Do you want to read or something now or get some rest?”

He asks and Clint thinks about it for only a moment.

“Rest, tomorrow is my big day after all. Stay with me?”

It is sweet how his boy almost always asks and James gives the same answer that he usually does.

“Yes, always.”

The answer gets him a bright smile and a kiss and then they get ready for bed. James holds his boy as they sleep and soon enough it is time to wake and leave.

Clint is nervous, the soldier can tell, but he is holding himself together well, keeps calm even when Pierce pulls him aside and speaks to him.  When they leave the base, there is still some tension about him but there is also determination and the soldier is certain that the mission will go well.

It is different having Clint in charge, different but not bad. He has never treated the soldier as just a weapon and even right now as the soldier is a weapon for him to yield, he still treats him as more than that, treats him as an equal in some ways.  Clint has always treated him that way and it warms something inside of him to have it even now.

The mission runs smoothly for the most part, Clint trusting everyone to do their part, and they all do.  The soldier had a little bit of concern about Rumlow having trouble following Clint’s orders but it eases through out the mission. Rumlow listens to Clint and the soldier thinks it helps that Clint listens to him as well, asks his opinion  and a bit of advice. Miller just follows along, seems to trust Clint, and it is enough for the soldier to respect her.

The mission finishes up and soon enough they are at a safe house, will rest there before heading back to base .  Rumlow is cleaning up, Miller is warming up something to eat, and James is left alone with his boy  who has just finished up his check in with the base.  He puts away the communicator now and leans back on the bed a bit, lean on James and it is easy to wrap an arm around him, to hold him.

“You did well today, you always do well.”

James says this now and  Clint smiles a bit at his words.

“I try to.  I’m glad you’re here with me.”

That makes James smile and he pulls Clint just a bit closer to him, brushes a kiss against his forehead. This is something he doesn’t normally do on missions but they are alone right now and he wants to give his boy a little affection. Clint shifts just a bit and gives James a kiss of his own, on the lips, wraps arms around  him, hands settling on the back of his neck. It feels good and James loses himself in the kiss for just a moment before he hears footsteps coming and they move apart just as Miller arrives in the doorway. She looks at them, sees how close they are sitting and there is a look of curiosity that passes over her face for just a moment before she speaks.

“I got some food ready if you want some. “

It is a simple invitation and they both get up, follow Miller to where the table is. Rumlow joins them shortly and they eat a small meal, some conversation scattered throughout, and then things are put away.  They spend only a few hours there in all and soon enough they are headed back to base and the soldier is looking forward to future missions where he follows Clint’s orders instead of someone else’s.

========

Barton’s fourth mission as commander is over now, they are back at base, and all things considered, it went pretty well but Brock is pretty sure Clint isn’t seeing it that way. One of the agents on their team got injured, a sprained wrist and a few broken ribs, nothing too major but it is apparent that Barton is taking it as a bit of a personal failure. He did his debriefing and everything then went straight to Coup’s room and is only leaving now. Brock has been waiting outside, figures he needs to talk  or at least needs someone around and the solider is not available right now, Pierce did the debriefing over phone, and he can’t think of anyone else who might try to comfort him about this.  Maybe Miller but she isn’t here, wasn’t on this mission though she has been on the rest, so Brock will handle it. He stops Barton before he can make it more than a few steps down the hall.

“I hope you’re going to your room to clean up and then eat. You need it.”

He says this and he hopes that Barton will take it as an order but he doesn’t, shakes his head.

“I’m going to the gym, need to hit something.”

Brock doesn’t stop him, simply follows him as he makes his way to the gym. He is tired and wants nothing more to clean up and lay down himself but he doesn’t think Clint should be left alone right now so he offers to hold the bag for him as he starts hitting it. Clint takes him up on the offer and Brock lets him go a for a little bit before he talks.

“Did you get an earful during your debriefing?”

He is pretty sure Barton didn’t get chewed out, the mission went well, the injuries pretty minor and the target was taken care of.  Barton shakes his head a bit.

“I didn’t, no talk of punishment or anything but someone got hurt and I made the calls so it is my fault. ”

He hits the bag pretty hard this time and Brock moves out of the way so he doesn’t get hit with it and just looks at Clint for a moment before he speaks.

“Look, people get hurt, it happens. Coup is a tough son of a bitch, believe me, he’ll be fine.”

It is meant to be a reassurance but he doesn’t think it does much good as Clint is still tensed up.

“But it could have been worse and next time it might be and I don’t want people to be hurt because of me.”

The words are said and there is probably a bit of irony in them considering Clint  has been killing people since he was nineteen but Brock gets what he means. There is a difference between a target and your team and Barton cares. For as much as so many of the others here want to see both him and the soldier as just weapons, Brock knows that there is more to them than that and Clint is showing it right now.  Brock is going to do his best to soothe him a bit.

“You’re right, it could have been worse and sometime it probably will be but that isn’t always something you can control, Clint.  You have to make the best calls you can but things will still go wrong and you’re going to feel crappy about it, feel crappy about things going wrong on missions you’re on and even sometimes for missions you’re not on.”

A particular mission flashes in Brock’s mind when he says those last words, a mission that lead to Clint being pale in a bed and he still feels guilt about it sometimes but he pushes the thought of the mission away, pushes away the way he has started to see Barton different since then away and focuses on this now.

“You’ll figure out how to deal with it and I’m going to tell you right now that you’re doing a decent job of calling shots, I wouldn’t put up with you if you weren’t. Now, take a few more hits if you need to and then I’m taking your ass to your room so you can rest even if I have to drag you there, Clint.”

This gets Clint to loosen up just a bit, gives a little nod and starts hitting the bag again. When Brock stills it and points to the door, Clint doesn’t protests, starts walking to it and as they both make their way down the hall, he speaks after a few minutes.

“You know you have been calling me that more lately, calling me Clint.”

Brock lets out a little huff, shakes his head just a bit, as he speaks.

“Well, it is your name. What else am I supposed to call you?”

Clint rolls his eyes a bit right now.

“I know it is my name, it is just you used to not use it all that often, used to call me kid all the time but now you have stopped. Why?”

Clint is observant, always has been, and Brock just gives a bit of a shrug now, a simple answer to the question that Clint should accept without many problems.

“You’re not a kid anymore, haven’t been for a while. I can start calling you that again if you miss it.”

Clint shakes his head a bit.

“No, Clint is fine, just was wondering about it is all.”

With that they are almost to his room and the conversation about names is dropped. The truth is Brock has stopped calling him kid so much because he doesn’t really see Barton like that anymore, has started seeing him just a bit different ever since they almost lost him. He had been seeing him as a sort of competition, forgetting a bit the fact that he actually likes Clint and seeing him almost dead snapped him out of it.  He also came to another realization that day and that was that Clint gives the soldier something he just can’t, a softness that Brock just doesn’t think he can.  Brock gives Winter an outlet for his anger and tension and that has worked out great for both of them. He draws his thoughts away from his time with Winter as they get enter Barton’s room, Clint going to the bathroom to clean up and Brock finds someone and tells them to bring some food for the three of them, Winter should be around soon.

He sits down in a chair as Clint cleans up, looks around the room a bit, picks up the book that is on the table after a moment. There is a book mark in and he is careful not to let it get lost as he looks at it, just giving himself something to do, and after a while the bath room door opens  and he can hear footsteps coming closer.

“We are reading that right now. Have you read it before?”

Clint says this and he moves his eyes away from the book, looks up at Clint and he is fresh from the shower, clean clothes on and hair still wet and Brock is distracted for just a moment looking at him before answering.

“Haven’t read it but saw the movie when I was a kid. Those damn flying monkeys were terrible but not as bad as the wheelies in the sequel.”

He says this and Clint cocks his head a bit in curiosity .

“Wheelies?”

“Kind of like robots, they might be in the books, don’t know but I wouldn’t watch the movie, not very good.”

He says this just as the door open and Winter enters with someone bringing a tray of food.  The subject of Wizard of Oz is dropped then, Clint asking Winter if everything went well with his look over.  The next half hour or so is spent eating with a little conversation scattered throughout and after a bit Brock gets up and leaves, isn’t surprised when Winter stays there. When he is back in his own room, showered and laying on the bed, he thinks about them a bit, about Barton and Winter.

It is something he has thought about before, just what they are like with each other, and it used to in  jealousy  but now it is a bit different. He thinks about it more with a bit curiosity, with an almost want. He knows how the soldier is with him, has an idea of how he is with Clint, but Clint is almost a mystery. Brock is pretty sure he takes all the gentleness that the soldier wants to give him but he also thinks that maybe Clint could take and give a tiny bit of harshness as well.  There had been a moment a while ago now when he first realized that he could be attracted to Clint, when he pinned him to the mats with a grin on his face and  Brock is still trying to figure out exactly what to do about it, he pushes it aside and tries to get some rest.

The next couple weeks pass and he has a few more missions, one Clint leads again, a couple he leads, and Miller is put on them. Brock isn’t still quite sure what to think of her, Clint seems to like her well enough and she is doing her job but he still isn’t quite sure about her. She seems just a bit guarded and he says this as much when Pierce asks his opinion of her after one of the missions.

“She works hard but I don’t know much about her personally, haven’t really heard much about her around base, she apparently keeps things professional mostly. “

He says this and Pierce gives a little nod before asking another question.

“So no talk of her having any romantic entanglements or anything like that?”

It is a bit of an odd question but Brock still gives an answer.

“As far as I know she isn’t involved with anyone, shouldn’t really affect anything if she was unless it compromises her somehow.”

The answer seems to please Pierce and he asks a few more questions about her performances on the missions before asking something that gives Brock a possible hint as to why he was inquiring about her personal life.

“From what I have seen, she and Clint get along well, seem to mesh well. Anything you have noticed in their interactions?”

He asks and Brock can’t believe that it is possible that Pierce possibly wants to play matchmaker of sorts. He shouldn’t really be surprised, Pierce has a very personal interest in Clint, treats him as a son of sorts and Brock has been sure for a while that Pierce is grooming him as a leader but this is still not something he really wants to deal with.  For now, he answers the question.

“They work well together, trust each other and are professional.  Is there anything else you need to know about this last mission?”

He asks this, steers the conversation back to the mission and soon enough the briefing is done. He has to leave base after that so he doesn’t really get much time to spend with Winter or Clint and he tries not to think about Pierce’s plans too much. He doesn’t think that there is really anything there between Miller and Barton but he will keep an eye on her just in case, doesn’t want anything costing the soldier what he needs.

 

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	31. Chapter 31

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Pierce has made sure that a close eye has been kept on Clint the last few months, a close eye to make sure he is taking to his new duties well and a close eye to make sure that there have been no negative effects from the serum and blood given. So far, everything has been going well. Clint has taken to leadership fairly well and he is a bit stronger and quicker with the serum and his healing rate has improved and there doesn’t seem to be any negative effects with his mental state. They had used a different version of the formula than the one Stark made in addition to the soldier’s blood and it appears that this is working out for the best.  He hasn’t suffered any of the violent outbursts and mental instability that the operatives in Russia suffered from that have rendered them useless, frozen and abandoned for the most part.  Clint is shaping up nicely and Pierce has started thinking about his future more lately and he is thinking about his plans for Clint as he finishes looking over some paperwork at the base.

He will need to have Clint in SHIELD, he is certain of that, wants him close to Fury and he is working out just how to accomplish that.  Clint is off the books right now, a missing person case from years ago and they may have to give him a new identity. It wouldn’t be too difficult, they could make him a background, have him at the top of his classes, give him army experience, it could all be enough to get him placed into SHIELD without anyone questioning it too much but that may not be enough to get Nick interested in him.  There have been recruits before that were exceptional, top marks all around, and Fury never gave them much more than a second glance. Pierce has thought about connecting Clint to him somehow, perhaps even as an illegitimate   son that he has just discovered and then perhaps Fury would keep him close as a favor to him but that may not work and he isn’t sure that he should have a scandal right now in his career.  Perhaps the best way to get Clint involved with SHIELD is not to hide who he is but to change just a few things, frame his disappearance on another origination, leaves crumbs for Fury to follow and then recruitment could happen. For all of his cynicism, Nick believes in second chances and perhaps that would be the best way to get him to take Clint under his wing, if Nick thought he was saving Barton from something.  Pierce will need to start laying the ground work for that, make sure that safe guards are put in place to protect Clint,  but for now he needs to finish up here and he is almost done when someone comes into the office.

“Sir, there has been requests for more samples of the soldier’s blood, fresh ones, and they have heard the formula has recently been used and would like samples of that blood as well.”

They are wanting Clint’s blood, that is what the tech is getting at and Pierce asks a question now.

“Which base is it?”

“Strucker’s.”

The answer comes and Pierce isn’t entirely surprised.  Stucker has been working on trying to make other assets, other super soldiers and the man has not had much luck. Pierce does not particularly like the man but he does good work for the most part and it should not hurt anything to let him have some samples. Pierce gives a little nod now.

“Alright, send him some of the samples we have. I am finishing up here, will be gone for the next few days and so will Barton, no disturbances unless vital. Is that understood?”

The tech gives him a nod and leaves.  It does not take long till everything is finished and then it is time to leave the base. It is no longer needed to drug and knock out Clint for the journey and the ride is pleasant for the most part, conversation a bit but quiet the rest. They haven’t had a break for a while and it is a bit overdue and Pierce is looking forward to the peace of the cabin.

They get there and a few hours are spent settling in and then they are in the kitchen, making a meal. This is their tradition of sorts, cooking is something Pierce has always enjoyed and Susan never quite took to it, never really enjoyed it like he does but Clint does, asks questions about the recipes, likes making his own food. It doesn’t take too long and they are settled down and eating what they made, conversation being held as well.  Pierce decides after a little while to bring up the topic of Clint’s future, of one particular aspect of it.

“Have you given any thoughts to what you might want in a future partner?”

He asks and Clint looks at him for just a moment before answering.

“I think it would depend on what mission I would be partnering with them for.”

He isn’t really surprised that Clint is talking of missions, thinks of partners in terms like that but it isn’t exactly what he wants to talk to Clint about, decides to clarify a little bit more.

“Not the type of partner I was referring to. Thinking of a partner of a more personal nature, a companion. “

Clint gives a little shrug now.

“Haven’t thought about that much, I have James.”

“You do have the soldier but you both have duties to attend to and you may not always be able to spend as much time with him in that way as you would like and so it may not hurt if you find someone else that you would like in that role as well. There are some things that the soldier can’t give you, Clint.”

Pierce already has  someone in mind for Clint but he isn’t going to force anything yet.  Miller is a little older than Clint but only by about three years and they are both so young that there is time for them to get closer to one another. She handled herself well on that disaster of a mission, inquired about Clint’s well being after, and she over all seems like she may be a good option for Clint, bright and driven, already a member of their cause, and from what Clint has said and what Pierce has seen, they get along well. She may not be aware of everything yet, Clint hasn’t really had a wipe since he started working with her and he is due one to keep his past forgotten but Pierce is sure she can understand why certain things are needed such as the wipes after she is exposed to them.  He is trying to make sure they have time together, that a relationship can develop naturally between them and he wants Clint to start thinking about what he wants.

“I can’t think of anything that James can’t give me.”

Clint says this and it draws Pierce’s thought away from what he thinks about his possible relationship with Miller to Clint now.

“You may not think there is anything he can’t give you but believe me there is. What about children, a family?”

Clint looks a bit confused right now and Pierce can hear it in his voice as well.

“I haven’t thought about having kids, weapons don’t really have family. “

He calls himself a weapon so matter of fact and Pierce supposes it is the truth a bit, that was the original purpose that Clint was to have after all, but things are different now and Pierce needs him to understand that.

“You’re more than a weapon, Clint, more than a tool and you’re allowed a bit of a normal. You don’t have to settle down right now, you’re still young but I want you to think about the fact that you can have more than just what the soldier can give you, alright?”

Clint hesitates for just a moment before giving a nod.

“Alright, I’ll think about it. Would I have to give up James?”

The question comes and Pierce thinks about it for a moment before he answers.

“You can have the soldier as long as you want him.  Now, finish your dinner.”

He says this and Clint gives a little relieved smile before going back to eating. Pierce has thought about Clint’s relationship with the soldier and there is no sense ending it when it works so well as motivation for them and as long as Clint wants it, it can continue. For now, he pushes thoughts of the soldier away and focuses on finishing up dinner with Clint, focuses on Clint’s future.

========

Clint’s break at the cabin didn’t last that long, only a few days but it had still been nice to have a little bit of a break from his duties. He is on another mission, one that will take a few days, but Clint doesn’t mind too much.  It shouldn’t be too difficult and they are in the early stages of it right now, he and Miller observes the targets from a bit away, Rumlow and James seeing to other things right now.  They are far enough  away that they can speak if they want but they have been quiet mostly but Miller breaks the silence now.

“You and the soldier are close, aren’t you?”

The question comes and Clint goes ahead and answers it though he thinks she already knows the answer.

“Yes, he trained me, we work well together.”

“I know he trained you but there is more between you two than that, isn’t there? Something physical.”

She says this and Clint can’t help the slight blush that creeps onto his cheeks when he figures out what she is referring to. She keeps talking now, just a hint of apology in her voice.

“It is ok if you don’t want to talk about it, that first mission I saw how close you guys were to each other at the safe house, heard things around base and I was just curious about it. I’m not judging you for it, would be a little silly to judge you for being with a guy even if it isn’t something I wouldn’t do, just wanted to make sure that I was reading everything right and that it is something you want.”

She is almost rambling a bit and Clint thinks he gets the gist of it so he just gives her a small smile now.

“It’s alright, you can ask me things, I don’t mind.”

He really doesn’t mind, it might be nice to have someone to talk to about stuff like this besides Pierce and Rumlow.  He is still keeping an eye on their target’s movements and nothing has changed yet.  Miller just gives a small nod and then speaks again.

“Ok, I don’t have too many questions, was just wondering if what I heard was true and that the two of you had a thing going. So you like guys then, just guys?”

The question comes and Clint kind of gives a bit of a shrug.

“I don’t think it is just men I find attractive, find women attractive too.”

He says this and it is the truth. He does find both men and women attractive just hasn’t acted on any of it except for with James and Miller gives a little nod the.

“Bisexual then but people know about you and him and nothing has really been done to you about it, right? ”

She asks and he gives a little nod.

“As long as we follow the rules, there are no consequences.”

There is a hint of relief in her face and Clint isn’t quite sure why but she asks another question before he can think about it too much.

“And Rumlow, he has a thing with the soldier too ?”

“Yes.”

He says it simply and she looks at him briefly and arches a brow.

“That seems a bit complicated, both of you having something with him.”

“It is but it works.”

It does work, they get different things from their time with James and he gets different things from each of them.

“I’ll take your word for it.  So as long as no rules are broken, it doesn’t matter who you do things with, I mean the upper management doesn’t care too much?”

Clint gives a little shrug at her question now, gives the best answer he can.

“I don’t think they care as long as it doesn’t interfere with missions. I haven’t gotten in trouble but I have only done things with James.”  
 She arches a bit of a brow at him.

“Only with the soldier, only one guy?”

He gives a nod and she lets out a little chuckle now.

“We have kissed the same amount of guys then, though I think you enjoyed it a lot more than I did.”

He looks at her now and he thinks he understands why she has been asking these questions but he decides to ask.

“You aren’t attracted to men then? Are you attracted to women?“

She hesitates for just a moment before giving a nod.

“ Never been into guy but do like women, even had someone very special last year but it didn’t last. It isn’t something I like to spread around, especially around base, some people don’t understand but I’m ok with you knowing. Might still keep it on the down low but it is good to know that the brass may not care about it. Don’t know how other people will be though.”

“I won’t tell, I promise.”

She gives a little smile before speaking again.

“I believe you, not even going to make you pinky promise it.”

“Pinky promise? What’s that?”

He asks now, hasn’t really heard of it before and Miller looks at him with a look of light shock.

“Are you really telling me you have never pinky promised before? What kind of school did you go to?”

“Didn’t go to school that I know of, was taught on base.”

She looks a  little troubled when he says this but then she sort of shakes it off.

“Well, I guess we are pinky promising then, so you can have the experience. Here, hold out your pinky like this.”

She shows him and he does, puts his hand out like she has hers. She takes her pinky and hooks it around his and it feels a little silly.

“Now, shake.”

He does shake his hand and then she moves her pinky away from his.

“Now, if we were in second grade that would be seriously binding but now you can say you have pinky promised.”

“Ok.”

He says this simply and they go back to the quiet but it isn’t uncomfortable. Miller trusts him and he trusts her and it is good to have a friend. A few moments pass and then the target makes the move they have been waiting for and they both focus on the mission.

The mission wraps up and Clint is relieved that no one has suffered any major injuries and he is glad to be headed back to base.  It isn’t too long of a trip and he sits by James the whole way back, leans into him just a bit and nobody says anything about it, though Miller does gives him a little smile.  They make it back to base and the briefing is over and James is called away for a bit and Clint knows he has gone to the machine.  He hates it still even if he knows it is necessary and he isn’t exactly happy when he is called to it as well.

“Just going to blur things a bit, you know the drill. It won’t be so bad.”

Pierce says this and Clint gives a nod even though he feels a bit more upset about it this time than he has in a while. He may not remember his talk with Miller but maybe that won’t be so too bad because he will still keep his promise to her even if he won’t remember it.  He sits down in the chair, lets them strap him in and then there is the familiar pain as it works and his head hurts after but he is able to go to his room and rest.

It is a few hours after the mission he has returned from that he can’t quite remember when there is a knock at his door. He is alone right now, James is having something done with his arm and Rumlow went to his own room for a while and he isn’t sure who to expect when he opens the door but he is glad to see Miller there.

“Hey, I’m still a bit wound up. You want to try to help me with the bow for a bit?”

Usually he would love to work with his bow but he is still worn out from the chair so he shakes his head.

“Too worn out for it tonight but tomorrow morning we can. I promise.”

She gives him a bit of a grin and holds out her hand,  all her fingers curled into a fist except for her pinky which is up.

“Pinky promise then?”

She asks and he looks at her with a bit of confusion.

“Pinky promise, what’s that?”

She looks shocked just a bit, puts her hand down and Clint realizes just what is going on now.

“It is something you showed me on the mission, isn’t it, and I don’t remember it now. I had to have a wipe but if you show me tomorrow during training, I shouldn’t have to forgot it.”

There is a flash of something that crosses her face for just a moment that looks a bit like upset or hurt before her face smoothed out and then she speaks.

“You get wiped a lot then?”

She asks and he just gives a shrug.

“Sometimes, when it is needed, haven’t had one in a while so it is taking a little longer to feel less worn out after. Don’t feel like shooting but we can play cards if you want.”

She gives a nod and comes into the room, sits down and they play cards. It is enjoyable enough though Miller seems a bit quiet right now and keeps giving little worried glances over at Clint and she asks a question after a while.

“You’re ok with the wipes, with having to forget things? It doesn’t hurt you?”

She asks and he thinks about his answer for just a moment.

“They hurt but they are needed. I have a duty and the wipes help me to perform better. ”

That is what Pierce has told him before and Clint has accepted it for the most part even if he still hates the chair. She looks like she wants to say something right now but before she can say it, the door opens and James walks in and most of Clint’s attention turns to him.

“Hey, we were playing cards, you can play in the next game if you want.”

He says this as James walks closer and gives him a smile, sits down beside him and tells him maybe. Miller just watches them for a moment before putting her own cards down.

“You can have my cards if you want, I think I’m going to try to get some rest, leave you two alone. I’ll see you in the morning, Clint.”

He gives her a nod as she gets up now and she does one more troubled little glance at him before she leaves. She’s upset about something but Clint isn’t sure what, he will try to figure it out tomorrow. For now, he pushes thoughts about what has upset Miller away and focuses on his time with James.

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	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more and I hope people enjoy.

Missions done under Clint’s command are the soldier’s favorite and he is on one right now.  It is a simple mission for the most part and they are split up and for once he is not with Clint or Rumlow, instead he is with Miller who has been on most of the missions.  James likes her for the most part because Clint does but he thinks maybe something is bothering her a bit but he isn’t sure what. He doesn’t ask her about it, doesn’t really think it is his place but she ends up asking him a question as they do their round.

“You almost always get wiped after most missions, don’t you? And also I heard sometimes before?”  


She asks and he gives a little nod and she asks another question.

“Why do they wipe you before the missions? Isn’t it a little counterproductive to make you forgot things before you go on a mission?”

She asks this with a  little bit of unease but also curiosity in  her voice and he answers her honestly. He isn’t sure if this is something she is supposed to know but he doesn’t think it will hurt anything if she knows. Clint trusts her  and so James will as well.

“The wipes before the missions aren’t always to  make me forgot,  recently other memories are put in, other things blocked. I’m someone else for a bit but sometimes I can remember it once I am the soldier again.”

This is something that has just started happening recently, his last mission he did not do with Clint was set up that way. The briefing afterwards had been seeing how much he remembered being the other person as it was making sure the mission was completed and Pierce had sat in for the whole briefing, seemed very interested in the details. It was different, having a name, an identity that is more than a weapon but it was strange not knowing about Clint and he was relieved when his real self came back though he knows it may have to happen again. Miller is staring at him now, something unsure and upset in her eyes and he wonders if he has said something wrong.

“And you’re ok with this, ok with them doing this? It is something you chose, something Clint chose?”

The words come out in a rush and he thinks for just a moment on how to answer. The truth is that he is pretty sure he didn’t chose this, knows that Clint didn’t, but it is how it is, is how it has to be and he is trying to think of the best way to phase this.

“It is needed, we are needed and it helps us do what is needed.  Clint wasn’t safe before but he is safe now. That is what matters.”

That is the most important thing, that Clint is safe, that he is cared for and Hydra does that.  Miller is looking at him now, like she  is figuring something out and she asks another question with a bit of caution.

“You would do anything for him, wouldn’t you? Anything to keep him safe.”

All he can do is nod. It is the truth, he would do anything for Clint  and sometimes he thinks he would even go against orders if it was for Clint but he never says this to anyone.  Miller just looks at him for a long moment before giving a tiny tight smile.

“That’s good. I think he would do anything for you too.”

Those words make the soldier smile just a bit and then Miller keeps speaking.

“I know you trust Clint above everybody else but you trust Rumlow too, right? I mean he seems to care for both of you, looks out for you from what I can see, and you trust him to do that?”

It is a strange question, one he hasn’t really thought about too much but he gives an answer now.

“Yes, I trust him, have no reason not to.”

Rumlow has looked after Clint when the soldier couldn’t, has always treated the soldier with a sort of kindness very few others have and if there is someone he can put his trust in other than Clint, it would be Rumlow.  

“Why are you asking about all of this?”

He asks her now and she tenses up for just a moment before kind of shrugging.

“Just a little bit curious, working with you guys a lot, want to know what is going on.”

He has a feeling that isn’t the only reason but he doesn’t press right now, just finishes his round with her.  The mission lasts a few days and no one says anything about him and Clint sharing a bed and he lets himself hold his boy close just like he would if they were at home.  It makes the mission less hard, less harsh, and it passes quickly enough and he doesn’t really think much about Miller’s questions, figures if she has more she will ask or learn that they don’t need to be asked  .

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Something has been bothering Miller the last several  weeks, over a month almost two now but Clint still hasn’t quite figured out what it is and she really hasn’t told him anything to let him know what it is.  He has been taught to read people, look for signs of lies and things like that but it hasn’t done him that much good with her. If it is something too important, Clint is sure she will go to the higher ups about it and so he tries not to worry about it. There are other things to focus on and right now Clint focuses on spending time with James who just got back from a mission that lasted several days.

“They made you be someone else again, didn’t they?”

He asks this when they are left alone in his room, is pretty sure that is what happened this time just like it happened several weeks ago. They took him to the machine before and that doesn’t happen unless they are blocking something or putting something in and James gives a brief nod.

“Yes. It was the same person from before,  a former soldier, discharged from a war, working free lance security sometimes. His name was Jack Bishop and it didn’t seem strange while I was him but it feels weird now. “

Clint leans a little closer to  James with his words, puts a hand on his shoulder and James gives him a little smile.

“It wasn’t bad being him but I like being James for you better.”

He says it so simply and honestly and Clint smiles and gives him a kiss now.

“I like you being James too. You’re my favorite.”

Clint means it, James is his favorite person, has always been there for him and sometimes he can’t imagine what all of this would be like if he didn’t have him here.

“You’re my favorite mission, my most important mission.”

James says this in response to Clint’s words, places another quick kiss against Clint’s lips. The words would maybe sound a bit strange to others but Clint understands them, knows that the soldier had a mission to get him once, had a mission to train Clint, and it is part of why he cares about Clint so much but Clint knows it isn’t the only reason.  James cares for him, has been one of Clint’s constants and  Clint can share anything with him and he needs to share a fear with him now.

“I worry sometimes when they do that to you, it is weird thinking that you’re someone else who doesn’t know me and I worry that they are going to do that to me. I know it might be needed but I don’t want to forget you, don’t want to lose you.”

There have been a few conversations with Pierce over the last few weeks that have made Clint wonder about if they would start using the machine like that on him instead of just the wipes, conversations about how Clint might have a big mission soon that might require certain precautions for his safety and it worries him a bit.  There have been many changes over the last few months and he is still adjusting to it all and he worries about having to adjust to more and losing what he has now.  James moves closer to Clint now, wraps arms around him and the contact helps anchor Clint a bit, helps eases his worries just as James’s words do as well.

“It is just a mask, just something put over everything else and it is needed sometimes. You would never be left like that, I don’t think either of us would be, we are of too much use now.  You’re safe here, you know that. Nothing is done that isn’t needed.”

The words sound honest and Clint believes them, knows that they are the truth but sometimes he wonders if things that have been done really needed to be done. He knows not to doubt that they are doing great things but sometimes he wishes things were just a bit different, that he and James didn’t have to go through the wipes, that they both could be allowed their past but he doesn’t know if that will ever happen.  For now, he just lets himself be reassured by James’s words .

“I know. You keep me safe, you have always done your best to keep me safe.”

James grins when Clint says this, one of his warm pleased grins and Clint can’t help but return it and then place his lips on it.  There isn’t as much talking then, at least not talking about fears of the future, instead it is talk about what touches they want tonight, about how it feels.  They are soon on the bed, both bare, and Clint enjoys this so much, enjoys touching James like this, being touched in return. This is Clint’s only experience with sex but sometimes he thinks that he may never need much more than this. It is so good that he isn’t sure if it can get much better than this, then the feel of James inside of him,  his lips against Clint’s throat and soon enough they are both done and they just lay there a bit before cleaning up and finding rest in each other’s arms.

A few days pass and another mission comes and Clint finds himself with Miller on a roof, watching the target. This feels vaguely familiar and he has a feeling they have done this at least once before on a mission, probably one that he had to have blurred since he can’t quite remember details right now.  It is quiet and he turns and looks at her for a moment before asking a simple question.

“You have been kind of off lately, everything alright?”

She looks over at him, gives a bit of a shrug.

“Still trying to figure out if it is ok or not.”

She says this simply and he replies just as simply.

“ Anything you want to talk about? I’ll listen.”

“I know you will. “

She says it quietly but doesn’t say anything else and Clint thinks that she has dropped the subject entirely and so he just goes back to watching the target. When she speaks again, it is so soft it would be easy to ignore but he doesn’t, just listens to her.

“I thought I was in the right place, thought I was doing the right thing, but now I’m not so sure.  Did you chose to be here, Clint?”

She asks and he thinks about the answer for just a moment, wonders if this is some sort of test but when he looks at her, her face is open and honest and he thinks she just wants to know.

“I don’t remember much from before this but I know I didn’t come here willingly. It can’t be changed now and I’m safe here, helping the world. “  
He says this, has to believe it is true.  Miller just looks at him for a long moment before asking another question.

“If you were given a chance to leave, would you?”

“I don’t know, don’t know where I could go, wouldn’t want to leave James behind, and I’m making a difference here.”

“If you had somewhere to go, if James went with you, would you?”

He thinks about this for a little while, wonders about it.  He would be leaving others behind, Rumlow but he thinks maybe that Rumlow would follow them, would be leaving Pierce behind who has been somewhat kind to Clint in his own way, would maybe be leaving Miller herself but she is talking like she is thinking of leaving herself.  He would be leaving his purpose behind, may not have a chance to help the world anymore but he would get to choose what he does, wouldn’t have to be a weapon anymore, wouldn’t have to be wiped and James wouldn’t have to be wiped, could be treated as a person and Clint wants that for James.  Still, he isn’t sure if leaving would be the best thing so he gives the only answer he can.

“Maybe.  Why are you asking?”

She just gives another little shrug as she answers.

“Just curious. Like I said, starting to wonder if I’m doing the right thing or not. We probably shouldn’t talk about this with many people, ok?”

She says this and he just gives a little nod and they are quiet the rest of the time and Clint tries not to think too much about why she was asking, tries not to think about the possibility of leaving. He is here and he needs to make the best of it, they need to make the best of it.

========

Brock has been trying to spend a bit more time with Winter and Clint when he can, when it is possible. He has a lot going on, between Hydra and SHIELD duties but it is important to be around them, knows that he is one of the only ones to really treat both of them like people instead of just tools. Clint is treated a bit better than Winter, everyone by now knowing of  Pierce’s fondness and plans for him,  but most still treat him with a bit of detachment and Winter is still treated like a weapon most of the time.  Miller seems to treat them both well enough and Brock appreciates that about her even if he still isn’t quite sure what to think of her. She has been asking a few more questions lately, been watching everything with a cautious eye and she approaches him now as they are on  a mission, asks him something.

“Hey, do you think we could meet off base sometime, meet at my place? Want to talk about something not mission related, something a little more personal.”

It is an odd request and if it was coming from someone else he would almost think she was wanting to hook up or something but he doesn’t think that is  what this is.  He just gives a brief nod right now, curiosity a little peaked.

“Sure, we can do that, give me the details after this.”

She just gives her own nod and they both return to their tasks. The mission finishes up quickly enough after that and they all end up going out, just like Brock has done with Clint and Winter many times before. Miller plays darts with Clint, loses graciously and goes off to buy the next round after that. Brock watches her at the bar for a little bit, she is having a conversation with some girl there, smiling and laughing and when the girl leaves Brock decides to satisfy his curiosity about one thing.

“So you and Clint get along fairly well, some people are wondering about it, about the nature of your relationship.”

She shakes her head a bit at this.

“Just friends, he isn’t exactly my type. I just want what is best for him, sure you do too.”

She says this simply and it makes him think that whatever she wants to talk about later has something to do with Clint, maybe with the soldier as well since the two are a package deal in a lot of ways. For now he just gives a little shrug.

“I do and right now he probably wants that beer you promised him.”

Miller just gives a little smile and takes two of the mugs, Brock taking the other two and they head back to  Clint and Winter.

Soon enough they have gone back to base, gone over the mission , Brock spent a little time with Winter and Clint before heading off. Right now, he is at his place, is scheduled to go over to Miller’s in a few and he is getting ready for it. He isn’t sure what she wants to talk about but the fact that she feels she can’t do it at base makes him a little suspicious of it and he gets the tiny recorder pin he has, sets it up on his shirt. It isn’t noticeable and he usually like to have proof of certain conversations, likes being able to go over what people said and it makes him feel a little more at ease going over to her place.

He goes over there, knocks on the door and she opens it up after just a little bit, gives him a small slightly nervous smile before inviting him in. She is in casual clothes, hair pulled up, and she looks a little young, only a few years older than Barton and Brock is struck by how new she still is to everything, to the way they do things.

“You want something to  drink?”

She asks and he shakes his head.

“Nah, I’m good. You said you wanted to talk to me about something, so let’s talk. What can’t you say at base?”

He asks and she tenses up just a bit before she speaks.

“You just go straight to the point, don’t you?”

She asks and he just gives a shrug.

“Seems like the easiest way to do it. What do you want to talk about?’

She looks at him for a moment before steeling herself a bit and then she starts.

“I wanted to talk to you about Clint and the soldier, about getting them out of there.”

She says this and Brock can feel himself stiffen just a bit, is slightly surprised that this is what she wanted to see him about. She keeps speaking, words coming out in a tumble.

“The way they are treated, I don’t think it is right and I don’t see it stopping  anytime soon.  I know you care about them, I can see it plainly and they trust you, I know that they do. I think maybe if anyone could help me get them out of there, it could be you.”

“You realize how dangerous that could be, for you, for me, for them.”

He says this now, tries to keep himself as calm as possible. What Miller is talking about is treason, there is no other way to phase it and if they got caught,  the punishment would be horrible.

“I know but can you tell me you like watching them get wiped? I haven’t seen it but I have heard the screams the last time the soldier was wiped, it has to hurt and they think it is needed, that it is ok.  You and I signed on for this, they didn’t,  from what has been said I know that they didn’t. They deserve a chance to be away from it.”

Her voice is honest and stubborn and Brock isn’t sure what to say, takes a breath for a moment before asking a question.

“Do you even have a plan?”

He asks and he can see her falter just a bit now as she speaks.

“Not too much of one, not yet, I wanted to talk to you first. I can’t get them out alone, I know that, and I know that you care for them. “

She says this and Brock doesn’t try to deny it.

“I do. Are you sure this is the right course of action?”

She gives a short nod and Brock really has no damn clue as to what to do right now. A few moments pass and Brock just looks at her before finally deciding what to say.

“Look, this is something I need to think about, something you should think about more,  give me a day or so, can you do that?”

She looks unsure but she nods after a moment and he breathes just a little sight of relief.

“Ok, so I will think about this, will get ahold of you when I can, don’t do anything rash yet, ok?”

She gives another nod and he tries a little smile but he is sure it doesn’t look right .

“I’ll give you my number and I’ll get yours. I just don’t think we can wait too long. Do you think SHIELD might be an option?”

She asks and he just gives a little shrug.

“Not sure yet, like I said I need to think about this more. Anybody else know about this yet?”

He asks, needs to know and she shakes her head.

“Just you and me, haven’t really even approached Clint or the soldier about it yet though I did ask Clint once if he would leave if he had the choice.”

“What did he say?”

Brock asks now, needs to know.

“He said maybe, didn’t sound that sure about leaving but I think part of it is he hasn’t really considered it an option before.”

“Ok, you can’t force him to leave, you know that right?”

He asks now and she hesitates for just a moment before giving a nod.

“ I know but he deserves to at least have the chance to make his own choice, they both do.”

She sounds so sure and Brock doesn’t know what else to do but give another nod.

“Ok, I should go but don’t let anyone else know about this, write down your number, I’ll get ahold of you soon. I promise you that I will take care of them.”

She looks relieved by his words, does as he asks and he writes his own number for her, hand not shaking which he is slightly surprised by. He leaves her and his mind is a mess the rest of the night. 

Brock doesn’t sleep, can’t sleep right now. His mind just keeps going over everything, listens to the recording over and over again.   He thinks about what he believes in, thinks about Winter, thinks about Clint, knows he needs to do the right thing for all of them. He thinks about Miller, about how sure she sounded that they need to get away from Hydra. He thinks about it all through the night and as morning dawns, he reaches for his phone and he is sure in his bones that he is making the right call.

========


	33. Chapter 33

This is not how Pierce pictured  his morning starting when he went to bed last night but here he is awake much earlier than he planned on and waiting for Rumlow to show up.  He called just a little while ago, said it was urgent to speak with him in private and he told him to go ahead and come over. Rumlow is not someone who demands private audiences with him without a damn good reason and so he knows that something must be going on that requires his attention but he still wishes it could be handled at a more reasonable time.  Can’t be changed now and there is a knock at his door and he goes to open it. Rumlow is there and Pierce invites him in, leads him to his small kitchen.

“You said that this was important for me to hear, it better be considering how early it is, so what is it you want to talk about it?”

He says this as he sits down at the table, gestures for Rumlow to do the same which he does. The other man looks a little ragged right now, exhaustion clinging to him a bit and Pierce is pretty sure that whatever has happened has kept him from sleeping.  Rumlow just sits there and gathers himself for just a moment before taking a tape player and putting it on the table.

“Before I play this for you, before I explain what is going on, I need you to know that the soldier and Clint know nothing about this, that they aren’t involved and shouldn’t be punished for this. I’m coming to you now before this becomes a problem and I just want you to understand that they shouldn’t be punished for any of this.”

There is just a little bit of pleading in Rumlow’s tone, not too much because the man doesn’t beg, but Pierce can hear it there and he knows that whatever Rumlow wants to tell him, it has something to do with Clint and the soldier.  Rumlow has shown concern for both of them in the past, has a strange sense of fondness towards the soldier which Pierce doesn’t really mind even if he finds the way Rumlow expresses that fondness a bit odd. He can feel his shoulders tense up just a bit now and he forces himself to relax and give Rumlow a nod to continue with whatever it is he has to say.

“Miller contacted me, wanted to talk. I wasn’t sure about what so I recorded our conversation and hear it is.”

He pushes play on the tape recorder now and the next few minutes are just spent listening and Pierce can feels his anger start to rise as he hears just what was said. Miller is someone he had high hopes for, had thought she would perhaps be a good personal fit for Clint and she wants to take Clint away from Hydra, away from him.  She also speaks of taking the soldier and that is an insult as well but not as much as talk of taking Clint away is.  Something will have to be done about this and he turns the tape off after the conversation is over, looks at Brock for a long moment.

“I had hopes for her but it appears that she does not understand the importance of what we are doing, why some unsavory measures have to be taken. What do you think of all of this?”

It is a test of sorts, he is sure Rumlow is loyal, he would not have brought this forward if he wasn’t but he needs to know if Miller has shaken him just a bit, if he has had any doubts placed in him. It takes a moment before Brock answers, just a brief one and Pierce watches him closely as he answers.

“The wipes are hard to watch, I’m not going to say they aren’t, but they don’t have to be done nearly as often and I know the process is getting better. Hydra needs them, the soldier and Barton and I don’t think Miller understands that Hydra saved them both.”

Pierce tilts his head and gives a little nod, a sign to Rumlow to explain those last words a bit more.

“If it wasn’t for Hydra, the soldier would have died when Barnes fell off that train. He was found and given a new life, saved from death and Barton has given him more purpose now, something to fight for. I don’t know exactly what would have happened to Clint but I know that he is better off here. He is going to be a leader, help usher in the future and he has a home here. Miller doesn’t understand that.”

Rumlow says all this and Pierce can’t see any lie in his words, any lie in his face. He knows that Rumlow knows how to lie, how to do it well and make it seem like the truth, after all Hydra taught him that but Pierce doubts he would use those skills against them. Rumlow is loyal and ambitious and Pierce has no reason to doubt him so he gives a small nod now.

“You’re right, she doesn’t understand and she will have to be taken care of, I haven’t decided the method yet.  Since you brought this to my attention, I will offer the choice to be involved with the clean up if you like or you can sit it out. It is your choice.”

He offers Rumlow the choice and the other man thinks about it for a few moments before giving Pierce an answer and it isn’t quite the one that Pierce expects.

“I’m going to sit it out, that way if Clint asks me about what happened to her when she stops showing up, I won’t have to lie too much. I don’t think he should know about this, about what she planned, don’t want him to feel guilty about it or anything like that.”

Rumlow says this and Pierce actually agrees with it even if it is for slightly different reasoning. He doesn’t want Clint to know about this, about Miller wanting him to leave because he doesn’t want Clint to doubt his place at all. He has spent years shaping Clint, years helping him reach his true potential, years making Clint realize that this is where he belongs and he is not going to let anything change that now.

“He won’t know about it, nobody who doesn’t need to know will know about it.  It will be taken care of, very soon, and I suggest now that you go and get some rest. Leave the tape here.”

He says this now and Rumlow gives a short sharp nod and gets up from his seat and Pierce does as well, stops Rumlow for just a moment by placing a hand on his shoulder.

“You made the right call, telling me about this.  You are one of Hydra’s best, Brock.”

He uses the man’s first name right now, gives a reassuring squeeze to his shoulder and then lets go.

“Thank you, sir. I’ll head out now.”

With those words, Rumlow leaves and Pierce goes about thinking about the situation, deciding what  to do. He makes himself some breakfast as he considers his options.

The first thing that comes to mind is to simply have her killed, it is the route he has gone to quite a bit in the past and it is the quickest and the simplest. He thinks about this as he sits down to his breakfast and dismisses it.  Something else should be done and he thinks about wiping her, using the machine. It has been used on others before, not as many times as it has been used on Clint and the soldier but still has been used when secrets need to be kept. If he wanted to, he could simply have the idea Miller has that Clint isn’t safe with Hydra erased and replaced with something else, could still perhaps use her in the role he thought she would be a good fit for but he dismisses that one as well. She doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t deserve Clint if she is going to try to take him from his place. He finishes up his breakfast and goes to his office, looks over a few things and that is when he comes across the solution.

There is a coded message in some of his things, one from Strucker that he received the other day saying something about needing more volunteers for some of his experiments and that would be a good solution. He can have her wiped of all of her interactions since being transferred to the base with Clint and have her moved to Strucker’s base,  have him use her as he sees fit. It would get her out of the way  and away from Clint while still making use of her.  It is the best option and he starts making the arrangements for it, knows that they will be carried out quickly enough.

He has a few specifications when he makes his orders, wants her taken to one of the other locations that have a chair, doesn’t want Clint possibly finding out it is being used.  He also makes certain that it is known not to give her any of the pain meds in her drip when it is done, doesn’t want it lessoned for her at all. Pierce knows that all of this will be carried out  soon and he just goes about his plans for the day, gets the confirmation that she has been seized right around dinner and he decides that he should visit Clint in the morning.

Pierce does visit Clint the next day, shows up right before lunch, has lunch with just Clint as is his custom when he is visiting.  Their conversation starts out light, Clint telling Pierce about the books he is reading, Pierce asking about his lessons and then he decides it is time  to talk to Clint a little bit about his future, about some of the measures that have to be taken to ensure that future, about his past a little bit.

“Do you remember trying to leave when you were first brought here, Clint?”

He asks now and Clint gives a little nod.

“I didn’t want to be here, was trying to get ahold of someone but I can’t remember who.”

He is talking about his brother now even if he can’t remember having a brother and Pierce speaks a little bit more now.

“It was someone you cared for but they didn’t deserve your care, Clint, left you before we found you.”

He says this simply and Clint just looks at him for a moment before asking a question.

“James has told me before that I wasn’t being cared for before here and sometimes I dream of blood and bruises.  I was hurt before I came here, wasn’t I? Hurt for no purpose?”

He asks and Pierce knows that Clint has long ago learned that when he is hurt here, it is for a reason, to make him better. What was done to him before, the beatings he was given by his birth father, there was no purpose to those, no reason for them to happen and Pierce would have had the man killed if he hadn’t already been dead when Clint came here.  He pushes that thought away as he places his hand on Clint’s shoulder, gives it a gentle squeeze as he answers the question and moves his hand away.

“Yes, you were mistreated and abused but that has changed since then. This is your home now, will always be your home, you know that right?”

There is a moment of hesitation and then Clint gives a nod but Pierce decides to push just a little bit to see what Clint is thinking.

“Is there something bothering you, something being done here that worries you? Tell me.”

He says the last words like an order and Clint knows to listen to orders so he does speak.

“I know they are needed but I don’t like the wipes and I’m worried about when the memories are placed in James, worried about the same being done to me and losing myself. They don’t happen as often, but I don’t like them and I really wish I didn’t have to have them done but I know that they are a part of my life, can’t change it.”

There is a bit of hurt in his voice, a little bit of worry and Pierce understands that worry. The wipes have been necessary for both him and the soldier and if they put false memories in either of them it is a matter of protection more than anything and he reassures Clint of that now, lets him know that the wipes may not always be needed.

“They are a part of your life for now, may not always have to be. If we put you in deep cover, we may use the chair for your protection but you will always be able to come back to yourself, we can talk about what to put in there, what safe guards to have in place. Eventually, you are going to be in charge of more than just small missions, will be in charge of your own fate and that of others as well, in charge of a lot of Hydra’s operations.”

Clint’s eyes widen just a bit when he says this, a little bit of shock in his eyes and perhaps he has not made his intentions of what Clint’s future place in Hydra is going to be as clear as he thought he had. It is time to clarify this.

“You’re more than a weapon for Hydra, Clint, meant to be a leader. You’re my legacy, are going to be my right hand when the time comes and eventually take over my place when it is needed. This is something you need to adjust to , need to understand. You’re going to decide what is right for you, right for others and if you decide the wipes are no longer needed, then they won’t be done.”

He means this and has thought about a future where Clint isn’t wiped anymore and he thinks it is entirely doable. The wipes have been able to be spaced out more and Clint has been taught to be loyal and Pierce really doesn’t want him to have to go through the pain all of his life if it isn’t needed. Clint is quiet now, eyes still a little wide and unsure but he speaks after a moment, question curious and just a little hopeful.

“When that time comes, can I decide to stop James from being wiped as well, keep him out of the cold forever?”

The soldier has not been in the cold as often as he used to be but it still sometimes happens and Pierce knows that Clint doesn’t like it, doesn’t like the soldier being wiped any more than he likes being wiped himself.  He has thought about this as well and the soldier remembering has been a concern in the past but Pierce isn’t sure if it should be as much of a worry now. He has been with Hydra for decades now, any one he knew when he was Barnes is either dead or aged to the point where they don’t pose a problem, and the soldier is loyal to Clint to an astonishing degree and Pierce thinks perhaps that may be stronger than any memory that may surface so he gives Clint a simple nod.

“Yes, if you believe that is the right call when the time comes. That will be a while though and I need you to trust that the wipes and things are needed for now, alright?”

He looks at Clint now with expectation and Clint doesn’t disappoint,  gives a sharp little nod of agreement and Pierce smiles, changes the subject back to Clint’s lessons for a few more minutes before leaving.  He feels reassured that Clint understands his place and he is going to make sure nothing keeps him from it.

========

It hasn’t been that long since Brock told Pierce about Miller, a little over a week, and all he really knows is that it was taken care of but he doesn’t know how and he tries not to think about it too much. Still, sometimes he wonders if maybe he should have tried to convince her to stick with Hydra, to tell her about how things could be worse for all of them, but he isn’t sure he could have convinced her and there was no way they could have gotten away anyway. Hydra is everywhere, there is nowhere they wouldn’t be found and Brock does believe in the cause, believes what he told Pierce about Hydra saving them  so he made the right call but he still feels a little guilt that it probably cost Miller her life but better her than Winter’s or Clint’s. He mostly succeeds at pushing the thought of Miller away till Clint brings her up one day.

“There is a mission soon, I asked for Miller again and Pierce said she transferred, has decided not to work with me anymore. I think I did something wrong, something to upset her, have you heard anything?”

Clint asks now as they spar together  in the gym,  Winter off doing checks on the arm, and Brock can feel a small amount of guilt but he pushes it down, answers the question.

“Haven’t heard anything but I don’t think you did anything wrong, just sometimes people realize that they aren’t cut out for something, not your fault if she decided that this wasn’t her place.”

Clint just gives a little nod but there is still a bit of hurt in his face.

“Just wish she stayed around, liked having a friend.”

He says this and Brock does his best to soothe him.

“Hey, sometimes people leave but you’re not alone. Winter is always going to be there for you and I got your back as well, don’t doubt that, ok?”

Brock says this and means it, he does have Clint’s back. He knows Pierce’s plans for him, knows that someday Clint may be in charge, and Brock plans on helping him when he is, will be there right beside him and Winter.  Things will be good then, Clint won’t have to be wiped anymore, the soldier won’t either and won’t be frozen and they will shape the world, the three of them working together and Brock is going to make sure it happens and he can put up with the bit of guilt he feels because it means everything is still on track.  Right now, he focuses on the way Clint nods and gives a little smile.

“Ok, I got your back too. “

Clint says this honestly and Brock gives a little smile at it and  they go right  back to sparring. When they are finished,  they go to get Winter and Brock walks just a little closer to  Clint, is gauging his reaction to Brock being in his space a bit more and Clint doesn’t really move away and he takes it  as a good sign. Maybe he can start planning a few more things, seeing if Clint might be interested in what he can offer, maybe the three of them can have something more and Brock knows that this is where all three of them are supposed to be, pushes his doubts aside and focuses on the three of them staying where they should be.  


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting to get into some more plot stuff, some of this will be a bit weird but hopefully it will make sense. Comments are awesome.

Over the years, James has seen many people stop coming to the base and the reasons have always varied.  There are those who have moved up the ranks, those who have decided to transfer else where, those who were lost, and those who were forced out and he doesn’t always notice their absences right away, probably has forgot many of them but he does notice when Miller stops showing up. She was someone he was growing to trust and he knows that Clint trusted her and now she is no longer here. Clint tells him that he was told by Rumlow that  she transferred and James just gave a nod, didn’t say anything but he wonders about it sometimes.  There have been transfers before that weren’t really transfers, people messing up and having to be seen to  and he wonders if maybe something like that happened this time but he dismisses it for the most part. Rumlow would have no reason to lie if she did something that caused her to be terminated and there have not really been any rumor or anything so James says nothing, dismisses the thought and there is soon much more to focus on that and the thought of Miller leaves him.  Right now, he is in a meeting with Pierce and he focuses on that, focuses on being the soldier cause that is who he needs to be .

“Now,  I have been rereading the results of how your missions with the false memories have gone, it seems that  there are no negative side effects and you have been able to recall  what happened once you were pulled out of it. Is there anything else that needs to be said about the processes? “

 The soldier thinks about it for a just a moment before giving a no, sir. He has already told them everything, hasn’t even tried to hide anything, gave them any detail they may find useful.  He doesn’t do this because of fear of punishment  like he used to when he followed orders, instead he gave everything freely because he knows that they are going to use the process on Clint soon, to protect him, and James doesn’t want anything to hurt his boy any more than it has to.

“Good. I know that you are aware that the procedure is going to be used on Clint soon,  I need to start laying the  ground work so that he can be where he is needed and when he is there, you may not see him as often.  I trust that you understand that you are still to do your duty even when he is not here.”

“Yes, sir.”

He says this now, knows that he has to do his duty to Hydra even when Clint is not around though he likes taking orders from Clint better than anyone else.  Peirce goes on to talk about a few more things and it sounds like it will be a little while before Clint will have to be away for a bit and James is thankful for it. Soon enough he is dimsised and Clint has a meeting with Pierce now and it will be a few hours at least and the soldier finds himself in Rumlow’s room now.

There are worse ways to pass the time even if he doesn’t enjoy this like he does his time with Clint, doesn’t quite enjoy leaving the cuts and bruises that Rumlow favors in the same way Rumlow does but it is a way to pass the time and it is contact with someone. The soldier was denied that for years before Clint came, denied touch, denied anything that made him feel like something more than a weapon . This doesn’t quite make him feel human like Clint does but it makes him feel like more than just a tool and Rumlow seems to need it so Winter doesn’t really mind.

“I’m going to feel this for a few days, going to feel you on my skin. “

Rumlow says this as they are cleaning up and he isn’t really sure what to say so he doesn’t say anything, just bushes a quick kiss against Rumlow’s lips and finishes cleaning up.

“You know in another year or so Clint will have to be gone for weeks at a time possibly, right?”

Rumlow asks and he gives a nod.

“Yes, Pierce talked to me about it a bit. “

“I just wanted you to know that  I’m going to be there,  it is SHIELD that Pierce wants him placed in, and I will be there looking after him.”

There is a little relief that Clint won’t be alone and he clasps Rumlow on the shoulder now.

“Thank you.”

Rumlow just gives a nod and then they leave the room, ended up going to Clint’s room for dinner. His boy is waiting for them and it is like how so many of their dinners go and Rumlow leaves after a while and Clint starts telling James about his meeting with Pierce.

“We have started coming up with a cover for me,  some background and apparently I’m going to be an orphan from a circus. It seems a little silly maybe but it does feel like it fits a bit and Pierce said something about keeping things close to reality so I asked him if I came from the circus then and he told me yes.  Did you see me there, see me perform?”

He asks and there is a sort of excited curiosity in his voice and James answers.

“I did, you had a shooting show,  the crowd loved you.”

 Clint’s grin brightens now at the complement.

“It is weird to think that I was a performer once, I kind of wish I could remember that, but if everything else we talked about today that is going to be put into my head is close to what happened before I came here  then maybe it is good that I don’t remember before.”

He says  this simply and James just gives a little nod, moves a bit closer to him as they talk a bit more about his meeting with Pierce and he thinks as they do so.  It sounds like from what Clint is saying about the details of his cover that a lot of Clint’s background is being used for it and James wonders about the purpose of that, wonders if any of his own covers with the fake memories may have had basis in reality. It is possible but he dismisses it  for now. It doesn’t matter who he was before, he is the soldier now, is James, has a purpose, has Clint and that is enough.  Clint says something now that draws his attention back to now.

“I tried to see if I would be allowed to remember you when I’m like that but Pierce said it would be too much of a risk, that I can’t really remember anything specific from here but I might be able to remember that I had someone that cared for me, even if I can’t remember that it is you, and he said I can still have my knife and my bracelets, so I’ll still have you. I just  thought you should know that.”

There is something so reassuring about Clint’s words and James smiles at them, leans forward  and gives him a kiss.

“You’ll always have me, no matter what.”

It is a promise he has made before, one that he always intends to keep and Clint gives him a smile and a kiss. They spend their evening together and James treasures it like he always does.

The next couple of weeks s pass easily, just training, small missions and then there is word that there is a mission that Clint will be doing by himself, one that will use the cover that has been decided for him.  It will be the first time that they will implant memories into his boy and James can tell that Clint is a little nervous about it and he does his best to soothe him in the hours before.

“They have made sure it is safe, would not do it to you unless it was safe.”

The words are meant as a reassurance but Clint frowns at them just a bit.

“They did it to you several  times before now, are you saying it wasn’t safe then? ”

There is anger in his voice and James wants to tell him it doesn’t matter if it was safe when it was done to him, Clint is worth more than him, but he does not think that will be the right thing to say. Clint is angry and James knows that he needs to be calm when he goes to the machine, that Clint needs to not be angry at Pierce or any of the techs, that there would be consequences if he lashes out so he does his best to calm him down.

“It was safe, I’m fine and you’ll be fine too.  It is just something that is needed sometimes.”

He says this, gets closer to Clint and warps arms around him. He can feel his boy relax now just a bit, gives a small smile.

“Ok, you’re right, it will alright. Just a little nervous and I think I might miss you, even if I’m not completely aware of it at the time.  At least it is only a few days this first time.”

“Only a few days and you’ll be back and I’ll be waiting for you. Do you want me in the room with you when they do it?”

He asks now, Clint has never wanted him to watch the wipes but he wants to make sure that Clint knows he will be there if Clint wants him to be. Clint shakes his head now.

“No I think it will be ok. I have an hour before I have to go there, let’s read something.”

They do read for the next hour, settle on the bed, close together and it is a nice way to pass the time.  Soon enough, Rumlow shows up and it is time for Clint to go the chair.  Pierce is waiting for them outside the door, tells Clint he can take a minute and walks into the room, leaving the three of them there.

“It’s just another mission, just done a little differently. You’ll be fine.”

Rumlow says this and Clint gives a little nod before turning to James.

“I’ll see you when it is over, when I’m me again.”

“I’ll be here for you, always.”

Clint smiles at his words, grabs his flesh hand and gives it a squeeze before walking into the room, closing the door behind him.  Rumlow puts a hand on his shoulder now, draws his attention to him now, speaks calmly.

“He’ll be back in a few days, will still be him. Let’s go spar.”

James gives a nod, follows Rumlow to one of the training rooms and hopes that Clint comes back soon.

========

The roof is cold and a little bit damp but it is the best spot Clint has found and at least it doesn’t smell too badly up here.  He has had a few jobs before where the stink was awful, bad enough that he wasn’t sure if it was worth the money he was being paid, but a job is a job and he has to survive somehow, has to keep himself fed and able to get away when needed.  Sometimes he thinks nobody is chasing him anymore, after all he remembers there being a fire when he left,  but he knows not to take chances so he takes jobs that he doesn’t always like so that he has the means to fund himself and sometimes he wishes he could do it some other way but it isn’t like he has that many skills and he doesn’t have anyone he can depend on so this is what he has to do.

The target isn’t in view yet and Clint wishes he would just hurry up and get in place.  He doesn’t exactly have plans for the evening but the roof is really cold and he would like to get out of here soon.  He shifts a bit now, sees the bracelet on his wrist and he thinks about it for just a moment. He has had it for a long time, since he escaped the place that he has nightmares about but can’t really remember and he has kept it. Something about it makes him feel cared about but he can’t remember who gave it to him and he is pretty sure that he didn’t have it when he was at the circus and it couldn’t be from before that either.  It is a mystery he hasn’t quite figured out but at least it gives him a bit of reassurance that he had someone once.

There is movement now,  the target finding coming into view and Clint takes the shot.  It is a quick death, quicker than the guy probably deserves from what Clint knows about him, an arrow through the eye socket.  It is done now and he moves quickly off the roof, the man’s guards will be coming into the room soon enough and he needs to not be anywhere around.  He has to leave the arrow behind but that is ok, it will be proof to his employers that the job was done by him.  Right now his main focus is getting away and he does.

He is back at the safe house he is currently using, alone and safe and he can unwind just a bit. The job wasn’t exactly fun but as long as his payment comes in a few days, he’ll be able to eat and keep a roof over his head for a little while.  The safehouse isn’t the best space, a little drab and gloomy quite honestly, but it is Clint’s and sometimes that is enough has to be enough. He has a bed here, real pillows and everything, running water and a fridge that works and he got food to put in it before starting this job.  Things could be a lot worse and he starts making a meal for himself now, finds it a little relaxing to cook.

He chops up his veggies right now, gets them cooking and starts in on his meat.  This is easy and familiar and he still isn’t quite sure where he picked up the habit of cooking but it is a skill that he uses often. Clint doesn’t really remember cooking with anyone before,  not with his parents, not with the circus, not in any of his foster homes  that came between the two. He supposes that learning to cook could have come in the time he doesn’t really remember but it seems like a weird thing to be taught if he was just going to be a weapon. He is pretty sure that it what he was supposed to be but those plans didn’t end up happening as he managed to get out of where ever there was as it was burning down, got to a small town nearby and started on the path he is on now.  It isn’t great but he doesn’t know what else to do, doesn’t think he can just play at normal and he tries not to think about the past right now as he cooks up his dinner.

Soon it is ready and he sits down and eats. It isn’t that bad but he is a bit lonely, sometimes wishes he had somewhere to go.  Sometimes he thinks about looking for his brother but Barney made it clear long ago that he doesn’t give a damn about Clint so he doesn’t look for him.  If Barney cared about him at all, he wouldn’t have left him at the circus with Trickshot so long ago, would have stayed and stopped him being taken but he didn’t and Clint hates him a bit for it.  He doesn’t want to be around Barney but he still wishes he had someone and his eyes drift to his bracelet again.

It is a simple thing, just woven together cord with a few charms in it,  and it has lasted a long time, a few years now.  Clint had it on his wrist when he left the base, has kept it since, and he likes to run his fingers over the charms, sliver stars and silver arrows. He thinks that they are supposed to mean something and he feels like the arrow represents him but he doesn’t know who the star is supposed to be. Maybe he’ll figure it out sometime, right now he just finishes his food and then makes sure all his weapons are put away, taking special care of one of his knives, the one with the arrow design, one he can’t remember being given but has had for quite a while. It is beautiful and he takes good care of it, treasures it even if he isn’t sure why it is so important to him. He puts it away now, careful with it as he always is and then he gets ready for rest.  

His sleep is filled with little flickers of things but not anything he can recall when he wakes up and it annoys him just a bit.  It makes him feel a bit like a half person, the fact that he has years that he can’t really recall, like he isn’t quite real and he doesn’t know what to do about it.  It would be a bad idea to try to seek out that part of his past, something in his gut tells him that, and so he doesn’t go looking though he still wonders sometimes if there was something important during that time.  He pushes the thoughts of his dreams away as he gets up now, starts to go about his day.

It is normal for the most part, he makes breakfast, eats, reads a bit and after a while he decides to go get coffee from somewhere. He heads to a little shop, orders something a little sweet and he can feel someone watching him as he sits down to wait for it. It is a familiar feeling and he looks around just a bit, keeps his gaze steady and even so people don’t realize what he is doing and he can see someone near by, a man a little older than him with dark hair who isn’t looking at him now but Clint is pretty sure he was just a little while ago.  There is something in the way he is sitting, his posture causal and relaxed but Clint is pretty sure that it is an act and he wonders if he is seeking Clint out for something. He hopes it isn’t an attack, doesn’t want to deal with any sort of fight today and his coffee is called now and he gets up and gets it just as the guy gets up as well, goes to where the napkins and sugar are and Clint sees him put something down by the napkins and he gives Clint a look as he leaves and Clint has a feeling that the little slip of paper is meant for him. He goes and picks it up discreetly, leaves the shop and looks at it as he walks down the street. It is an address and a time and he has had notes like this left for him before. This is a job offer, the time is set for later today and he might as well go to it but first he goes to his safehouse, won’t go without being armed.

He gets himself ready for it, finds the address easily and gets there a bit early. It is not a public place this time,  a little warehouse that looks abandoned and that makes him a little nervous but he should be able to get out of here is he needs to. He walks into the middle of the warehouse now and waits and it doesn’t take long till there are footsteps and the man from before comes in.

“So I guess you want to hire me for a job, I’m sure you know my rates, just to let you know I will require double if you want it done tonight or tomorrow. “

Clint goes ahead and lays it out and the man just looks at him for a moment before speaking.

“Bezopasnyy, son.” 

The words do something to Clint, something he can’t quite explain and darkness claims his vision now and he drops.  

Clint isn’t sure how long he was out but it feels like waking up from a dream when he opens his eyes, his head is a little groggy but  he’s himself again  and he is back at the base now, Rumlow and Pierce in the room but James is not and he looks for him. 

“He had to have the arm looked at, will be in here soon. How’s your head?” 

Rumlow asks now and Clint knows he was the one in the warehouse, can remember clearly seeing him, remembers the coffee shop and the last few days and it is a bit odd.

 “Ok for the most part, a little groggy like I just woke up but I guess I did, didn’t I?”

 He says this now and it is still odd and he wonders if it is going to be like this every time, this weird sort of grogginess that is clearing up a bit now.

“You did wake up in a way. Now, you can take a few moments to collect yourself but we will need a briefing, need to see if there is anything that needs to be improved upon but take your time. “

 Pierce says this now, is looking at Clint with just a little bit of concern and Clint does as he asks, takes a few moments to just breathe and adjust and then he starts his briefing.  It is strange the clarity he has of the last few days, remembering the fake details put in his head, well at least some of them being fake since Pierce told him he was once in the circus,  remembering the general worry and confusion he felt as not himself. It felt like him in a lot of ways though, his name was the same,  a lot of his preferences were the same, but it wasn’t him at the same time and is just so damn weird to think about.  He is wrapping everything up when James comes into the room and Clint smiles  at him for just  a moment, is so glad that he is here and Clint remembers him. He missed him, even not remembering him he missed him and it is good that he is here.  

“Alright, I think we got everything we needed to know, might change a few things for next time but it sounds like a good base to start with. I have to see to a few things but I will be back for dinner. Take it easy if you need to.” 

Pierces says this as he gets up and briefly puts a hand on his shoulder and Clint gives a nod, knows it is and order even if it wasn’t really phrased like one.  Pierce leaves the room and it is just the three of them now.  

“Glad to know your head doesn’t feel too scrambled, we missed you around here. I have to do a round but I’ll be back soon.” 

Rumlow says this now, gives both Clint and James a nod as he leaves and James comes closer when it is just the two of them now, settles down on the bed with Clint and draws him in, places a kiss on his forehead and Clint savors the touch. 

“I’m glad you’re back. I missed you.”

 James says this simply and Clint knows it was only a few days but he is glad he is back too, brushes a kiss against James’s cheek.  

“I missed you too.”

 James gives him smile and holds him close and Clint is just happy to be home for now.   

========

It has been quite a while since the first time they sent Clint out with the memories placed in his head, over a year now and things are going well.  A trail has been laid out and picked up successfully and soon they will be able to arrange for Clint to be caught by SHIELD and Pierce has no doubts that Nick will decide to recruit instead of execute and Clint will be where he is needed . Right now, he is attending a meeting with Fury and he is listening to the list of current top concerns and targets when Nick says something that catches Pierce’s attention.

“There’s been a lead on the arrow hits, may have found out some back ground.”

Fury says this now and he has talked about the arrow hits before, has mentioned it to Pierce a few times over the last few months and it is how he knows that the trail is working. 

“Last time we chatted about that, you said leading suspects were failed Olympian archers, that still the case?”

Nick shakes his head, just a bit of amusement playing on his face now as he speaks.

“Not anymore. Pretty sure we found out who it is and he never went to the Olympics, was in fact a circus act as a teen.  Clint Barton is the name we have found, orphaned at a young age, put in the system, ran away to the circus where he learned to shoot a bow and arrow, ran from the circus at age 15.  There aren’t any traces of him after that for a while, no traces till a few years ago when he started being a killer for hirer. Terrific shot and has managed to stay a step ahead of anyone chasing him.”

“Sounds like you’re impressed by him.”

He says this causally, like he is just making an observation but inside he is thrilled.  Fury gives a  little half nod and keeps talking.

“I am. He is making a bit of a name for himself and for good reason but it looks like he is running from something possibly but it appears a lot of his past is gone. Both of his mentors from the circus are dead, they ran in pretty shady circles, and his brother is dead as well.  Beginning FBI, undercover and it appears that his cover was blown, body was found in a river. Could be coincidences but I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll get a chance to find out but I do know that we need to catch him soon, he could be a real threat.”

There is still that tone of admiration in his voice and Pierce knows that Fury is on the hook now. Just have to plan things a bit more and Clint will be placed in SHIELD.

“Let me know how that goes. Anything else going on?”

He asks now and they talk about other things for a bit, finish up the meeting and Pierce is pleased by it all. Everything is working out how he would like and soon he is back home, is going over some more messages and paper woke when a request from Strucker annoys him just a bit. The man is still working on his serum, hasn’t quite cracked it yet and he wants access to Clint himself instead of just samples of his blood.  He isn’t sure if he can trust Strucker having access to Clint but he knows that it may  cause some strife if he doesn’t allow him a chance to see him in the field and so he will have to think of a way to give Strucker access to watch Clint while keeping Clint safe. He’ll think of something and for now he just focuses on what is going right and how Clint will be in the right spot soon.

========


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So long chapter and I expect some yelling but I want everyone to remember the story is far from over and to look at the tags.

Brock hasn’t been able to see Winter or Clint for a servalweeks now,  a long mission for SHIELD keeping him from the base,  but he is finally making it back, though he won’t be able to go on mission with them or anything too physical for a while.  Injuries are a part of the job and unfortunately this one is going to leave him sidelined for a bit, at least a few weeks and he really hates having to wear a cast but at least it isn’t the whole arm. This gives him a bit of down time so at least there is that.  The injury  is noticed as soon as he enters Clint’s room.

“What happened to your hand? “

It is Clint who asks and Winter just looks at his cast right now, a little bit of curiosity in his eyes. Brock just his head a bit as he sits down at the small table with them.

“You know you could at least say hi before questioning me.”  
There is a hint of teasing in his voice and Clint rolls his eyes at Brock now and Brock smiles at it just a bit.

“Hi, what happened to your hand?”

“Hi back and I broke it on my last mission, they don’t always run as smoothly with my SHIELD team as they do when it is the three of us.”

It is the truth, though his SHIELD team is pretty good, most of them handpicked as candidates for Hydra after all, he is always going to think things run smoother when it is the three of them. They make hell of a team and Brock is going to make sure they stay that way, even if things are changing soon.  For now, he just goes over how he broke his hands, answers their questions till Clint asks something that doesn’t have anything to do with his hand.

“That is where I’m supposed to go soon, will I work with you there too?”

Clint asks now and Brock gives a nod as he answers.

“Yep, it will be different there of course, you’ll  be the other you and you’ll won’t be able to co-lead or lead missions at first but you’ll get there quick. It’ll be different but not bad, just different. “

Everything is falling into place for Clint to be recruited into SHIELD, placed into Strike where Brock will be able to keep an eye on him and that will be good. He’ll have his fake background in place in his head but when there are opportunities, Brock will be able to pull him out of it, have him be just him. Last Brock heard, once Clint has been there long enough, when Fury trusts him enough, they may not have to keep the memories in his head, he can just do the standard double agent thing but that will be awhile. Pierce isn’t going to risk Barton’s cover being blown and it is bit safer for him this way, especially since he is still going to have  holes in his background a bit. Brock still isn’t sure if that is the right call but Pierce seems to think that Fury will be alright with the missing years if Clint is useful enough , may see it as an advantage.  Time will tell .

“I know it needs to happen, I just wish I didn’t have to give up so much  for it.”

Clint says this now, is leaning into James a just a bit and they all know what Clint is referring to.  He will not be able to be back here for a while when he is first recruited , too much of a risk and so he will not be able to see Winter as often as he is used to, will not be able to be back here for months. Winter wraps fingers around Clint’s now, reassures him and Brock used to get jealous of the tenderness he shows to him but now he doesn’t mind at all, knows that he doesn’t need this and can’t give it to Winter while Clint can. He is pretty sure the three of them are going to fit together somehow and he just has to be patient for a bit.

“It is needed and it won’t be for too long, as soon as you are able, you’ll come back and I’ll be waiting for you.”

Winter leans forward with those words and brushes a quick kiss against Clint’s forehead. Clint gives a little nod now and Brock comes a bit closer to them, places a hand on Clint’s shoulder and neither of them move it away or seemed bothered by Brock being here in their moment and he takes that as a good sign.

“It will work out and I’ll have your back there, don’t worry.”

He says this and gets one of Clint’s nods now as well before there is a knock at the door, one of the other agents here saying something about it being time for lessons and Clint rolls his eyes as he gets up to go to them.

“Hey, look on the bright side, probably only six or so more months of lessons entirely by yourself and then you’ll get to take classes with a bunch of new recruits. Something to look forward to.”

Brock says this with a bit of a grin and Clint just shakes his head and mumbles something about if you say so as he leaves the room.  Now it is just the two of them and Brock looks over at Winter now, can see his shoulders are tensed up a little bit and Clint is probably not the only one a little worried about the separation coming soon. He does his best to ease it a little bit, puts a hand on the back of Winter’s neck now, makes sure they are looking eachother in the eyes as he speaks.

“He won’t be alone there, I’ll watch out for him just like always.”

“Thank you.”

Winter says it simply but it means a lot and Brock just gives a bit of a grin now.

“No problem, let’s get out of here for a bit, we can come back when he is  done.”

Winter gives a nod and they go to Brock’s room now, can’t get up to everything that he would like to, the cast is a bit of a hindrance, but it is enough, soothes some of the itch under Brock’s skin and there are a few fresh cuts that provide a pleasant ache.  He may not be able to see Winter as often after a while and Brock may have to find another way to soothe the itch that comes and he thinks Clint may be able to help with it, just has to wait a little longer and play his cards right.  For now, he just cleans up with Winter and makes plans to get as much time as he can with him over the next few weeks.

========

Observations have long been a part of Clint’s life here, he can remember having them when he first came here and there have been several through out the years.  He is apparently going to have one this afternoon , was warned about it a few days ago, and it really isn’t  anything out of the ordinary but Pierce had seemed just a bit irritated at it and Clint doesn’t ask him why though he does ask Brock when the other man shows up for breakfast.

“Pierce and Strucker don’t always see eye to eye but they are both pretty high up the ranks so they have to deal with it. He hasn’t really wanted Strucker around here but the other man has pushed the issue, needs to see you in action apparently, wants to speak to you a bit.”

Brock says all of this and that last part has caught Clint’s attention.

“I don’t think I have ever had to talk to one of them  visiting before. Do I have to?”

It is not that Clint is against speaking with  people, that has been a part of his life here as well, answering question after question after missions or  before, getting quizzed and such, but he has never really had to talk to  one of the people visiting, one of the ones that just come to watch him.  If words are spoken, they are usually to Pierce or one of the others, never to Clint. In fact they just sort of watch him like he is more of weapon being fired than a person. It is the same way people tend to look at James and Clint hates  it and isn’t sure if speaking to one them will be any better. Brock just sort of shrugs a bit.

“I think Strucker is insisting on it, also insisting on you running a mission with some mercs he works with in the next few days so you may not be able to get out of it but I also don’t think Pierce is going to force you to talk with him too long. “

Brock says this now and it is a bit reassuring but Clint still isn’t sure of having to deal with him.

“Have either of you met him before?”

He asks and gets a nod from both Rumlow and James.

“A couple of times, he’s got a stick up his ass and wears a damn monocle of all things. More pretension than anything else.”

Brock says this and James lets out a huff of agreement at it and Clint really doesn’t think he wants to talk to this guy but he may not have much choice.

“He won’t be able to do anything towards you even if you don’t answer many of his question, Pierce would not allow it, I will not allow it. You’re safe here.”

James says this and Clint is struck by his choice of words, the  I will not allow it. Usually, he does not speak like that, knows he is to follows orders to a T and the fact that he would possibly go against them if something happens to Clint fills Clint with the warmth he has come to associate with James throughout the years.  

“He’s right, just answer yes or no if you can. He’s stuck up but even he has to know you’re off limits from being messed with too much. We can go to the range and warm up before he gets here if you want, you guys can shoot and I’ll watch.”

Brock says this now and Clint just gives a nod, would like to do that for a bit before he has to be watched. Shooting is still one of his favorite things and he loves doing it with James. They make it to the range and get everything ready.

“Want to call our own shots or each other’s?”

James asks now and it is game of sorts that they have done over the years, a way to vary the training. They tell each other a shot and the other has to do it exactly. Rumlow plays it with them sometimes as well, the only one who can sometimes keep up with them but he won’t be able to today so Cling thinks of something else.

“Let’s have Brock do it, he might as well make himself useful if he is going to stand here.”

He says this now, smirks just a bit at Brock who  smirks back just a bit.

“I’ll do it. And for that you are going to have to switch up your weapon a few times.”

Clint doesn’t mind really, can shoot just as well with a gun, and they get started after just a few minutes. Rumlow calls each shot for them, starting with Clint and then James. He keeps it varied and fast paced, calling each shot right after the other and it is fun but soon enough there are footsteps and they are not alone in the range anymore and Clint hears someone speak as they put their weapons down.

“You said he was impressive but I still didn’t expect him to match the asset shot for shot. Very well done.”

Those words are still spoken to Pierce, the man who said them looking at Clint but not really addressing him and something about that brothers Clint though he should be used to it by now. The man speaks with an accent, is tall enough with close cut hair, almost bald really, and a monocle on his left eye and so this must be Strucker. All Clint can think is that Brock was right and this guy is stuck up.

“Clint has always had remarkable skills and the dedication  to improve them.”

Pierce says this now and there is that familiar hint of pride in his voice that he gets sometimes. Clint doesn’t mind it that much,  knows the pride means he won’t have punishments and that Pierce is happy with his performance.  

“You call him Clint? Does he not have a code to be addressed by?”

Strucker asks now  and there is something in his voice, a little bit of surprise mixed with disdain and Clint doesn’t quite know what to make of it. Before he can say anything,  Brock does.

“Clint is his name, we only call him Hawkeye on missions, we aren’t on mission right now, are we?”

Those last words are to Clint who answers.

“We are not, just a demonstration.  Is it time, sir?”

He asks Pierce, ignores Strucker just as the man has been ignoring him.  Pierce gives a small smile with a hint of approval in it as he speaks.

“It is, show us some more shots.”

With that, the demonstration begins and continues the next few hours. He shoots, spars, does many of the things he has been trained to do, and Strucker watches the whole time, only really speaking to Pierce and occasionally Rumlow, never addressing James or Clint directly and it irks Clint just a bit but he doesn’t  say anything. Soon enough, it is over and Clint has to get his blood drawn now and Strucker is still watching.

“I would like to speak to him in a few minutes, alone in the next room.

Strucker says this now and Clint notices a flash of irritation cross Pierce’s features.

“It can only be for a few minutes, I need to debrief him about the mission you would like him on in the next two days, otherwise he will not be prepared for it.”

There is a bit of unspoken threat in Pierce’s words that they all hear and Strucker just gives a sharp irritated nod as he speaks.

“Very well, I will not keep him more than five.”

With those words, Strukcer leaves the room and Pierce turns to Clint now.

“He’ll push if you do not speak to him but it is your choice how much you speak to him. He does not have authority over you here, Clint.”

The words are an order of sorts and Clint nods at them, doesn’t want to spend too much time speaking with Strucker if he can help it. James gives Clint’s hand a squeeze now and he remembers his words from earlier, gives James a quick nod and then he goes to the room where Strucker sits waiting and the man looks up as Clint enters the room.

“Hawkeye, I have been wanting to meet you for a while now, have heard much about you.”

He says this, has the same expression on his face as earlier, like Clint is an interesting thing but not really a person.

“It is Clint  or Barton right now.”

He says this, doesn’t add a sir like he might for others. There is a very brief flash of irritation on Strucker’s face and then he is gesturing Clint to sit down across from him.

“Very well Barton, let us begin.  You have been stationed here since you first started your training right before you turned sixteen correct? “

He asks and Clint just gives a simple yes. The rest of their conversation goes like that for the next few minutes, Strucker asking questions and Clint giving basic answers. It is mostly about Clint’s training, about the formula in his body, and about  his memories, both real and those of the other him. It is still strange at times being able to remember being him but not, of knowing when he is like that he doesn’t remember any of this but when he is himself, he remembers all of it. It isn’t too bad but he isn’t looking forward to being like that for possibly months at time soon though he knows he will have to deal with it. It is needed so he won’t fight against it. Right now, his mind focuses on Strucker’s words , on what he will be doing  in a few days time.

“It is a pity that I can not be on the frontlines of this mission, Pierce is not allowing, but the men that you are working with have worked for me several times now and will report back to me.  It is also a pity that it will be your mask and not how you are now but I can still expect results can’t I?”

Clint doesn’t even answer out loud, just nods his head. Strucker looks annoyed again but before he can say anything, the door is being opened and Pierce is there to take Clint to his briefing.  They leave quickly and Clint is glad to not have to deal with Strucker anymore.  The briefing isn’t too long, Pierce simply explaining the mission, the perimeters of it, and talking about how Clint will have to go to the chair before it.

“The memories have been holding steady, there is little risk to you and Fury is following your trail closely now, should find you soon enough and I want you ready to take his offer. Besides, I feel it will be better when you are dealing with Strucker’s paid men. They aren’t part of us, they do not need to know who you really are.”  
 

Pierce says all this and Clint gives a brief nod.

“Yes, sir. How much longer do you think it will be till I’m placed in SHIELD? Rumlow said something about six months.”

He wants to know how much time he has left with James before he has to leave for a while.  Pierce answers the question.

“May be that long, may be a shorter time. Whenever Fury finds you, he’ll make you an offer and you’ll know to take it. I know you’ll miss the soldier but this will be good for you, Clint, you’ll learn a lot there and soon enough you’ll be able to start having a bit more authority in general. This is needed.”

“I know, I’ll do my duty.”

He says this simply and Pierce gives a nod, goes over a few more things and then it is time for dinner and soon enough he is left alone with James and Clint still enjoys this time the best.

“I’m going to miss you, always miss you  when I have to leave. I don’t want to do this mission  for Strucker, don’t like him, don’t like the way he looks  at me, looks at you.”

He says this now, his head on James’s shoulder as they watch a movie and James brushes a kiss against his forehead.

“Strucker sees us as weapons, nothing more, don’t worry about him, you’re more than a weapon.”

James says this, means it as a comfort and it is but Clint needs to say something.

“You’re more than a weapon, too.”

He says this, means every word, and James gives him a smile, brushes another kiss against his forehead.

“You know, after I’m more settled into SHIELD, once I have proven myself a bit more, Pierce says I will have more authority, will be able to make decisions about what happens to us.  It may take a while, years, but things are going to be better, I’m going to make sure of it.”

He means it, knows things could be worse now but he is going to make them better for both of them. Clint is still a little unsure about being in charge of things but if it means they won’t have to be wiped, if it means that others here would have to treat James more like a person, than Clint will gladly accept the responsibilities if it makes everything better.

James just looks at him for a moment now, just stares with such fondness and warmth, stares at Clint like he believes and trusts in everything Clint is saying, and then he places kiss on Clint’s lips, whispers words against them.

“You have already made things so much better for me.”

It is said with absolute sincerity and Clint smiles at it,  gives his own kiss now. They don’t really pay attention to the movie any more, get a little distracted by each other. It starts as soft kisses like it usually does, deepens into a bit more, and it is good, so good. Clint soon enough finds himself bare, James striped as well and he tells him just what he wants.

“I want you inside of me, if you want.”

Clint says this now, gets another kiss as an answer and then James is getting him ready, slicking up fingers and his cock. Sometimes Clint likes to lay on the bed for this, James’s weight pinning him down into it, being surrounded by him but tonight he doesn’t quite want that, has James lay down instead and James doesn’t mind. Clint is on top tonight, eases himself onto James, can feel him entering him.   It is different like this, Clint has to control the temp a bit more, can’t just let James guide through it, andthat is what he is wanting right now. James lets Clint move, has fingers on his hips pressing down but not too tightly and he gives kisses as Clint moves , kisses on his lips, cheeks, along his  jawline.  Clint likes those kisses, likes the gentle soft ones and likes the occasional rough ones as well.

“I like making you feel good.”

James says this against Clint’s jaw and then his flesh hand wraps around Clint’s cock, starts stroking. It feels good, riding James like this, his hand on his cock, his metal fingers digging into  Clint’s hip, and Clint grabs James’s shoulder, keeps going. It is soon enough all just a little too much and he can feel himself come, feel James come as well, and he lets himself collapse just a bit, face settling against the crook of James’s neck. The lay like that for a few moments before separating, cleaning up and laying back down, Clint snuggling up close to James, head on his shoulder. They just lay there, quiet and content and Clint needs these moments just as much as he needs the sex, needs the simple comfort of just lying James’s arms.  He is happiest here, beside his soldier.  

“I love you, I just want you to know that.”

He says this now, breathes it against James’s skin. It is the first time he has used those words but it has been true for a long time and he wants James to hear it, keeps the words soft so that they can’t be picked up by the cameras. The words should just be for James.  Arms wrap around him, a kiss placed against his hair, and then words breathed out softly, quiet and just for Clint like Clint’s words were just for James.

“I love you too.”

There is a flood of warmth at those words and Clint shifts just so he can look at James, give him a smile and then brush a soft kiss against his lips. James just smiles back at him and Clint settles back down, just lets James hold him right now. He’ll leave soon, have memories put in his head, be himself but not really, do that mission for Strucker but he’ll be back. Clint will come back and James will be waiting and that is all that really matters as Clint lets himself drift off to sleep in James’s arms.

========

It has been a couple of days since Clint left for his mission, a couple of days since James placed a kiss against his forehead as they said good bye and he is ready for Clint to return. He knows that soon they will have to stay apart for a while but he will make the most of what ever time they have before that when he comes back. It should be soon and James wait, goes through his routines, is doing a round with Rumlow now.

“Has there been word about Clint’s mission yet?”

He asks now, hasn’t heard anything, it hasn’t been that long but it doesn’t sit right with James that there is no word about the mission’s progress. Rumlow just shakes his head a bit.

“Not yet, the mercs Strucker likes to use apparently don’t feel the need to send updates. Wish I was cleared, could have been near by,found out something. Don’t worry, our boy knows what he is doing, he’ll be back soon. “

James hears the word and there is something that makes him pause for just a moment before he gives a nod, continues walking with Rumlow. He had said our boy, not your boy and James has never heard him say that before. It makes something in his stomach clench just a bit and he isn’t sure why and the feeling passes after a moment.  Maybe it was a slip of the tongue, the word sliding out, so James does not say anything about it and Rumlow doesn’t call Clint that the rest of the day. The day passes quickly enough, James sleeps but misses the warmth of Clint besides him and the next day, Pierce shows up and as soon as James sees him,  something doesn’t feel right and James just hopes that Clint isn’t in danger.

“Strucker’s mercs should be checking in today, I want to know as soon as they do.  Just found out SHIELD is a  bit closer to his trail than originally thought  and I need to know if he gets picked up today, let me know if anything is said about that. You two, come with me, we should have a briefing. ”

Those words are spoken to James and Rumlow while the ones before were spoken to people near by. They had been informed of Pierce coming and had been at the entrance when he arrived and now they follow him into a room, start going over what will happen if Clint has in fact been offered a place in SHIELD. James tries to focus on it but there is a sense of dread building up him, a feeling that something isn’t right that he just can’t shake. After a couple of hours, there is news and the feeling of dread intensifies.

“Sir, there were complications  with the mission, the team is coming back here, will be here in a few minutes.”

These words are said to Pierce and he gets up at them, starts to walk out of the room and gestures for James and Rumlow to follow him. They do, go to one of the entrances and it doesn’t take long for a vehicle to pull in and James needs Clint to be on it, can feel his heart sink when the door opens and Clint does not step out.

“Where is Barton?”

Pierce demands it now and there are words being spoken now, something about there being a trap, the ware house that Clint was at having an explosion.

“Most of us were in positions to get out, he wasn’t.  We had to leave, one man lost is better than all. “  
This is said and Pierce strikes the man hard, rage boiling in his eyes and James feels cold washing all over him.   One man lost and Clint isn’t here and James can feel his world breaking.

========


End file.
